Lisa103,

Joint scream of disgust, "AAAAAAHHHHHH!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Blech.

Again, special congrats on getting that new job and away from the past. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Pam

<small>[ July 28, 2004, 01:45 AM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

BV and RAP...would you two please read my most recent post to my thread about new job and tell me what you think? Thanks so much.

Ladies,
Once again good ol" JL has beaten me to the punch (both figuratively and literally) LOL

He said...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I thought I might interject a thought about telling the OM's W. It seems to be more the norm that the BS tells the other BS. I suspect it can be more easily done and accepted. Further, if you encourage your H to do this, it is often interpretted as YOU really letting go of this by burning a bridge.

It is something you might want to discuss with your spouse. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">JL is right. All of you should approach your Hs and let them know that you are willing to have them tell the OM's W. This will tremendously help them re-establish trust in you. It will also have the added benefit of showing them that you are no longer concerned about the OM's well being. IOW, you're no longer trying to protect him. It'll also show that you've brought an unselfish attitude back to the marriage.

For those of you still struggling with the NC concept. Telling the OM's W is an additional insurance policy that NC won't be breached by him (or you). Believe me the OM's W will be watching him like the proverbial hawk.

Telling OM's W will help you , your H, your M, the OM's W and quite possibly their M, as well (not that you should care about that). The only person it harms is the OM and that's only in the short run (unless he is a multiple A predator)

So what's it going to be.........?

cwmac

Hi ladies, sounds like you are all making progress. Just like quitting smoking or heroin. One day at a time.

I want proof that JL is not a woman. He is too insightful to be a man. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

My H told the OM's wife by phone. I wrote quite a long post on it back in April when it happened.

It was the best thing he could have done. I was really wavering and I knew there was a very good chance OM would contact me again either "by accident" or by e-mail or I would contact him "by accident". I would never have e-mailed or called him but there are lots of opportunities to meet by accident as he lives in the same suburb as us.

It shut the door. It really did.

Jenny

<small>[ July 28, 2004, 01:46 AM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

Hello ladies - Anyone here this weekend? I'm recruiting new members.

New memebers for what?

Hi. New members for your thread. Did you ever get a name for it?

You know, I don't think we ever did come up with a name. RAP I think had OW IT HURTS but I can't remember what it means.

I'm doing great today thank goodness. It's been a tough week but I am discovering little triggers that set me off and I am trying to fight them little by little.

I have a question for you all. My A took place at work, the entire time. We would either e-mail each other back and forth or we would meet for lunch. I am thinking of changing jobs. Every day I go into work it's a reminder of what happened. I'm wondering if a new job would be helpful, kind of like a fresh start?

Thoughts, opinions, 2x4's????

I'm trying to get Bosstenor to post here. She is having a hard time right now, since OM is in the same neighborhood, and her kids are friend with his.

I think a new job would be just the right thing. It is scarey to quit and look for a new one. I got a new job 2 years ago, after more than 10 years with the same job. I was really hesitant, but now I'm so glad, cuz I love it.

Start looking around, and see what is available. It is so important to love your job.

believer,

Hi. I have been following your thread and want you to know I am sorry. Your posts are always so supportive. You are a strong lady. It may not mean much coming from me, but please don't put yourself back in a situation where you are taken advantage of. I'm sure you have come too far!

Thank you soooooo much for all your posts!

By the way, the OWITHURTS came from the twisted mind of my H. I wasn't going to post it, but he said, "Oh, c'mon. It's funny."

It stands for:

Other Woman's Idea Trust, Husband's Unselfishly Remaining True & Supportive

LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I told him we might need to rethink b/c we have to leave it open to all of us out there, even some who might be recovering on their own.

Anyway, any suggestions?

chackler,

Good to hear from you. Hope all is well. It has been rough here (you can see on onlywords LB deposits thread). A little emabarrassing. Might need 2x4s. No, Iknow I will constantly need them. Ask my H about my hard head. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

But really,

sounds like you are hanging in there. chackler,
it sounds like a great idea to get a new job. If it is something you can really afford to change, I would go for it. The less triggers the better. For me, the guilt is sometimes overwhelming. Since you are done with the A, why face it every day if you don't have to? Just my humble thougts.

Pam

I like that name! "Seeing his car is knocking me down" sounds so depressing". Although I know it is fairly close to how you do feel. But I think the other name is much more optimistic sounding.

believer,

I could really sympathize with being in the same neighborhood as OM. Not only does he come by my house every day to get to his, his kids will likely be in the same classes as mine next year. My H and I are already trying to work out the field trip thing. My xOM tends to go on some field trips b/c he works at night. That seems to mean I will have to avoid my own children's field trips? It just doesn't seem right. Maybe my H can go. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Pam

Let's start a new thread with a new title. I am tired of the "seeing his car is knocking me down" too. Somebody make up something upbeat!

Pam

<small>[ July 28, 2004, 01:48 AM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

Yep, Kas, we know how bad you were. We've all been there. One night I said to H it would be better if I just ended it all after all the pain I'd caused and because I was so hurt myself. He was very upset and I felt selfish and miserable for upsetting him like that. But, I don't feel like that any more. Life is too good and too precious.

I feel much better today. I had a good talk with H and part of what's bugging me is that I'm going a bit stir crazy at home. I don't have little children any more and I find being at home boring and unfulfilling. I know I'll be better when I start work again.

Pam, you can keep this thread going but just change the title of it by editing the title. I must say I'd be glad to see the title go. LOL

Jenny

<small>[ June 26, 2004, 01:32 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>

BV,

I am sorry for your struggles concerning church. I would say go to a new church, but that is probably not what any of you want to do. You do need to go and feel God's love. I don't know what to say. You were no worse than any of us here!!! Did you hear me? You were no worse than any of us here.

I know it was done with a clergyman an inside the church. But it all boils down to the same thing. Please forgive yourself. Someone told me recently that it is almost like telling God it doesn't matter what HE says when we decide to not accept His forgiveness. I know you already know this. You are a mature Christian. You just need those around you who love you to tell you it is okay to accept His forgiveness and MOVE ON <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I say this to also help myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I understand the weekend thing too. It's strange. I keep wondering why I am so melancholy today. Silly really. I spent most of my time with OM when saw him on Saturdays. Mostly in the gym. Most of the time it was not physical. Yeah, that happened too. But I laughed. I played. It was fun. I am home so much with the kids. He was fun. I miss that today.

I know I can have that same thing back with my H. I used to have it. We were really silly. It is going to take a WHILE to get that back. So in the meantime, I feel like I am mourning today. Silly. I miss his friendship now. Just needed to admit it. I liked him more as a friend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Really, I did. The PA was very intense, but I would have gladly stopped it with friendship(EA maybe?) Please don't think I am okaying anything. Just admitting a hard time today.

Pam

KiwiJ,

I have kids at home and you can still get stir crazy. I don't think it's a good idea to be alone with your thougts too long. Probably just for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Anyway, I hope you find a job you can truly enjoy. It will probably be exciting to just start looking and figure out what you want to do.

Also, I am ready to rename thread. Any suggestions? Would like input. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Funny, can't make a simple decision like naming a thread. Says a lot right now!

Pam