Only... I felt BETRAYED by him!

sadly enough I know that.

What brings me back?...eerrmm a paper. And a need ...or a need and a paper.

One sees,when one walks in to a bar or a hotel...perhaps...a sign that says.. Alcohol can tear your family apart I wanna see right up there next to that sign another that states...inBIG BOLD letters.... SO DOES ADULTERY .

Max

Take care

ohh and yeah..before anyone gets too cross again. I do not like the term affair.Thats why when I can I use the term ADULTERY.


Affair is just a pretty, flossed up word, that fails to reflect the pain and misery associated with the WS the BS and the OP.


Max

Doesn't matter what you call it....we all know what it means.

Some do and some don't.

None of us on these boards, are born with the skills to deal with it. We live ,we learn or we don't...the choice is always ours.

Stay strong and embrace.


Max

OOPS> POSTED AS NCWALKER. Sorry

<small>[ June 29, 2004, 10:29 AM: Message edited by: ncwalker ]</small>

Hi all. I have to try to stay away from the computer today and get something done! My kids might also tear the house down around me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

onlywords,

Wow. I know what you mean about the betrayal. Silly really. His W is the real betrayed one.I understand. I am happy it snapped you out of it. I am not seeming to come out as quickly. I am frustrated about that.

believer,

I live in North Carolina. Also, I am going to try to do something my husband would find nice today. For myself, I will think about it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Thank you for the encouragement.

Pepperband,

I am still thinking about your words on feelings and letting them pass through you. How I am failing at that! Both ways! Not happy about feelings with H. Want all the feelings back from long ago. Not happy about the other junk either. It will really take some practice, but I have not forgotten what you said.

BV,

You still are very inspirational. I don't feel like sharing today. You are so good at getting it to come out right. I am afraid of saying something wrong and quite possibly offending. Just want the pain to go.

I have joined a Bible study (this could be the thing that is for me) at my church. Believe it or not it is about dance. I have been a classical dancer all my life. I have always wanted to do it for the Lord. We practice for an hour then do the study based on the book "The Heart of an Artist." I am so excited! I need to get with Christians more, and dance is my passion. The group will perform at my church. It is neat how God brings encouragement.

I don't think sometimes that I am as strong as you all are. I have to get there. I can't stay here. It is not any way to live.

BV,

I love your idea about planting your "forgiveness." It gives me ideas on what I need to bury before the Lord.

Blessings to all,

Pam

PS. Believer, how is the geek in training doing? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Oops. Double post.

<small>[ June 29, 2004, 10:41 AM: Message edited by: runawaypot ]</small>

Hello everyone,

I think I'm ready to move on...say goodbye to this site. I feel like I'm going round in circles here and getting nowhere fast. My hubby wants to go through a couple of books he bought...Harley's and the one called Torn Asunder. I didn't want to, so he convinced me to come here. I guess it helped....ironically, I would have to give the most thanks to...

MadMaxx and Pepperband.

Mad, I think there is a method to your "madness" though I must say, you are a mystery to me, yet intriguing nonetheless!

Pepper had a different approach...."gentle nudging" I would call it.

Some people respond best to the "tough love" and others to the gentle nudging. I guess I respond to both!

So I wish you all the best, but I gotta go.

RAP....the offer still stands if you want to e-mail. You have a gentleness about you that comes through in your posts....I should have guessed you are an artist! You have a lot of questions....that's ok...actually, it's necessary. I don't know ANYTHING anymore. But what I want is to figure this out with my husband. I think eventually we will find our way, together, a path made just for the two of us. What is right for us may be wrong for you and your marriage.
Too many voices on this site just confuse me.

Thanks to everyone for the support.

Julie

<small>[ July 28, 2004, 05:34 AM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

onlywords -

Torn Asunder is a great book. I especially like the chapter on "The Message of the Affair". I know you are leaving, but if you ever get a chance, can you list some of the messages?

I would, but my husband has the book and I can't seem to get it back.

Thanks, and good luck with your recovery.

Hi all. Congrats onlywords on your decision. I don't mean it poorly. It is nice to hear how you two are determined to move on "together." Sounds like you are finding what will work for you.

I may still email ya, you sound like such a neat gal. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


I did some real LBing to my H today. We are supposed to go to Florida to his dad's house. It is a very long story, but I really did not want to go. H was gone almost a year in March. Just wanted to stay for a couple days at home and get things(painting, house repairs) done that are bugging me. Wanted to be alone. Wanted the kids to have a blast, but without me. It is a very selfish desire. The plan was to fly oneway down on Priceline in a couple of days. Just really craved to be alone. ALL VERY SELFISH> I see this now. I hurt him badly.

Now I am going. But not until I already hurt him. I just got off the phone with my wonderful Christian friend of 14 years. We prayed and she corrected. Always good for that. I prayed for H. Now I have to walk it out.

I wish I could tell what my real struggles with feelings are for H. I don't know if I should really do that, or just mend it. In the end, it doesn't matter. I know. I am tired of him hurting. I don't want to be the source of that anymore. I know I am rambling. I guess I have not come to the point I need to.

I said before that I am a slow learner, but I will get it. I will get to where I need to be in M, but I am being bull-headed. It hurts so badly. You all say to make a choice. Love is a choice. If I could say what I want, you might understand. It wouldn't change that love is a choice, but it would explain the struggle being so intense.

It all comes down to growing up. Somewhere along the way, I don't think I grew up. I don't think I have taken responsibility for being an adult and loving unselfishly.

I am laughing because I cannot believe I am saying this to people I have never met. People who have definitely shown love, but still Idon't know.

I know I will get slammed for this, and I deserve to. I will come back and post more, but I cannot stay. I cannot stay until I can do this with all my heart. I am scared it is not in me to love my H the way he needs. We used to have it. Many years ago. I haven't felt it in so long. Why? He is so wonderful. I did not set out to do this. Really.

I hope you are not all too mad at me. I can imagine you "mature" MBers just shaking your heads. I truly understand. I WANT to make right choices. I feel so opposite of what I ever did before. Not neutral. Opposite. That is the nicest way I know how to say it.

Now that it is out there, I will hear what you say. Love is a choice. I have got to make that choice. I thought I had. H is all I have ever loved. Why am I being so difficult?

I am sorry to offend. Please know I am just expressing. My H is definitely better than I am. He is worth making that choice. Why is it such a struggle with this feelings issue? Also, I do not want OM in that way. It has little to do with him, except the feelings he stirred like BV talked about.

Now that I have completely "dumped" all my thoughts, I have to say I am sorry. I have definitely used this board to just spout out my thoughts. Thank you for just overlooking this if it is too offensive!

Now that I look totally looney, I will say "Goodbye." I will come back when I know my commitment is for sure and not so wishy-washy.

Blessings,
Pam

Hmmm. I hope you will not stay gone. You have been making progress and it does take time. Hope you will hang in here.

RAP: I just wanted to respond to your last post. Onlywords is leaving the board because it is so hard to keep up with so many threads. It is confusing having so many different people, so many stories, the abbreviations, etc. that it is hard to keep it all straight. Then you get a couple of people that like to snipe and that bothers her. Now different people see things differently, that is a fact of life. But for her to continue to work on our Marriage, she feels that she needs to spend less time on the forum. The fact I've been off work the last two weeks has helped and she had got help from the board. The board was a huge factor in helping us communicate. For that I am thankful, though we still have a lot to work through.

When I go back to work next week, she may lurk here, but doesn't plan to post. She did have a few questions that didn't get answered and wondered why. The only thing I could figure is that either those that read the posts didn't have what they felt was an acceptable answer. That happens.

RAP: I have a fun question for you. Please do not take offense. I have a quote from you below and I noticed at least one place where NCW said something similar:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Now I am going. But not until I already hurt him. I just got off the phone with my wonderful Christian friend of 14 years. We prayed and she corrected. Always good for that. I prayed for H. Now I have to walk it out. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You said that you have to "walk it out." Is this a southern colloquialism? Up north we say something like "working things out." Just curious <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I will tell you one more thing. If you are getting more than you are losing from this board, then stay. If you feel that it is hurting your recovery more than helping, then it may be best to give the board a break. That is ok. But do not give up on the marriage builder principles. If you have HNHN/SAA from Harley, then continue to read them, to process what you went through. If you have Torn Assunder by Dave Carder, use that. It is also a good book to process the A. Above all, continue to communicate with NCWalker and keep God in your lives. That above all things will help you get through these troubling times.

Good luck and God Bless!!
RH

Wow. I think that this thread started out to be a safe place. But turned out to be not so safe. That is a huge loss.

I have been on MB for 10 months and I see WS's leaving one by one. That is so sad, because they need the support just like the rest of us do.

I'm staying, I need all the help I can get.

RAP, please don't leave, this is a place where you can air out some of your feelings. I think you are fogged and it would help you very much to write down what's going through your mind as opposed to keeping it all inside.

Please don't leave!!!

I'm staying, I need all the help I can get.

RAP, please don't leave, this is a place where you can air out some of your feelings. I think you are fogged and it would help you very much to write down what's going through your mind as opposed to keeping it all inside.

Please don't leave!!!

BTW, gentle 2x4 here - you need to go and be with your husband on this trip, or he needs to stay home with you. Until trust is re-established you need to do what you can to help put his mind at ease.

chackler - Hi. Glad you are still here. I did write to the moderators and asked them to have a forum for WS's.

So far I haven't heard anything back. But I can tell you that WS's don't last long here. There used to be some men - but they are gone. Now you women have this thread. I really hope that it will continue. It is very important.

Runawaypot.


Have you ever heard of the story of a man who stood at a mountain pass?…2 passageways before him…he stood there...not knowing what track to take.. anxious lost and scared…often he would set off down one track…but fearing he had made a mistake he returned to the mountain pass…this happened time and time again…then before he knew it…night had fallen and he froze to death before ever making his decision of which path would be right for him.

I see you at that pass...have a little faith within yourself RAP.


Max

RH and onlywords,

Thanks for your responses. I truly am happy for how it seems you are united to do this thing together. Thanks for all your support to us. Especially NCW.

Oh, the "walking it out" is a southern saying. More of a saying that sounds "super spiritual" here in the South. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

madmax,

I think you got it. I hope I can get it. I'm angry, confused, sad. It has to do with so much more than just the A. I appreciate your post. Have heard it before, but have never needed to apply it so desperately.

chackler,

You are a gem. I can tell. I wish I could just fastforward to where you are. I am scared. I feel very wimpy:( right now. Thank you.

believer,
Thank you too. I could post what I need if I had to. I just don't have the courage right now. I don't like what is going on inside. I am a Christian and none of this fits. I have never been here before. I think I have been waiting to have this "fog" or whatever leave. I was giving it a few days. Now that I can't seem to have it all gone on my timetable, I can't seem to take it well. Silly really.

I am just very ashamed that I am struggling with all this junk when I know who needs my love the most. None of this makes any sense. I want it to be over yesterday!

I want to come back when I can be positive. At least not so here and there.

Get back to your regularly scheduled programming okay? Enough about me already! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Blessings,
Pam

RAP, I know I sound really strong and I'm pretty handy with the 2x4s and I don't know if this will make you feel better or worse but H and I are STILL struggling with all this but we are well on the way to recovery. I look forward to him coming home. Things will always be different now but boy, have we learned a lot and I think we've got a better marriage now than we had.

A ended in June last year and D-day was October last year. Last contact EVER was in January this year. And H knows about that contact and I would tell him if contact, either accidental or on purpose (by OM), was ever made again. In fact, at that meeting OM said to me with a smirk "I'm sorry I ruined your life." H was FURIOUS on my behalf which was very sweet and says a lot about how much H loves me.

They say it takes 2 years to recover and I believe it.

That's why the name you picked for this post is absolutely perfect. Moving forward is the only way to go and the only way I intend to go.

Jenny

<small>[ June 29, 2004, 11:34 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>