I know exactly what you mean. I get it that men love sex. But why can't they also be affectionate without it leading to sex? I used to absolutely hate it when I would be doing dishes, and WH would grab my a%%. He thought of it as affectionate - to me it was gross.

I talked to OW's husband today. He comes by quite a bit and we have become good friends. He is very nice looking and has a great personality. I really admire him, because he is raising his daughter alone now.

That is what I just don't get. OW has left her home and her daughter for my WH who is 16 years older than her.

She thinks she is getting a real prize. While he is fun to be around (if you are not married to him), he is so different from her husband. So beats me.

I do think that they love each other, but at what cost? I guess it does not matter to them.

RAP,

I know we have not communicated a lot but I am on the web site a lot and I am fairly familier with your story.

All I can say is don't panic. I have read your H's words and I know he loves you. I don't think he is a vengeful person and is simply at the end of is rope. He seems like he is really trying hard to make this work.

Try showing some affection even if it's small - not necessarily sex but some had holding or cuddling. Believe me, the more you do, the more you'll get used to it.

You two seem to really love each other. I would hat to see it end.

Good Luck

Boss

RaP

How you feeling??? Are you okay??? I'm sorry for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

RAP -

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. Maybe he is just saying that but he doesn't really mean it???

I don't know what to tell you except that I am praying for you and your family.

RAP,

I know we have not communicated a lot but I am on the web site a lot and I am fairly familier with your story.

All I can say is don't panic. I have read your H's words and I know he loves you. I don't think he is a vengeful person and is simply at the end of is rope. He seems like he is really trying hard to make this work.

Try showing some affection even if it's small - not necessarily sex but some hand holding or cuddling. Believe me, the more you do, the more you'll get used to it.

You two seem to really love each other. I would hat to see it end.

Good Luck

Boss

I am afraid he means it.

My mom just called all upset. He called her and pretty much yelled at her that her daughter has been f***ing another man. She was all upset.

He told her I had better be out of the house when he gets home.

He is very scary when he is angry.

I really can't blame him.

I have totally blown it. I was going down there(had not bought ticket yet) Wednesday to join them.

I want to make this work. I am messing it up royally.

I don't think I should go now.

He said he would drown me if I came.

I have really messed this up.

Pam

RAP - Don't despair. He is angry. He does love you. I hope he won't tell the kids. To me, he seems like he gets angry, but gets over it. He is hurting, but I truly believe that he will stand by you. So hang in there.

RAP,

give him some time to vent. He is obviously really angry. I believe it will blow over.

I'll be here if you need to talk.

Boss

RAP - is there a place where you can go if he is this angry?

Runawaypot: I feel for you.

You said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I have no idea what to do now. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A few messages back someone asked "Why did you stay and where do you see yourself in your marriage a year from now?" (Or something like that.) Well, what has changed? Do you still want to be married to this guy? If so, it's time to stand up and fight for your marriage (AND I don't mean fight in the argument sense). It's time to stop wallowing for this other guy. It's time to read up on the plans of this site (not just the message forum). It's time to formulate a plan, to set some goals, to look at the problem (in your M) and formulate a response. IT'S TIME TO TAKE BACK YOUR MARRIAGE, WITH YOUR PARTNER!!!!!!!

Wake up girl, it's not over. What's that, that Bill Murray said in the movie "STRIPES"? It's not over, until I say it is? Well, don't give up now. Pray to God, ask for his forgiveness, ask for his help in guiding you home, ask that his will be done.

We'll be praying for both you and nc. Good luck and DON'T EVER GIVE UP.

RH

Rap,

Has something else happened to make him explode??

You are safe right now though, correct???

Did your mom know before tonight?

Will he post?

So many questions I have for you.

I'm guessing he is feeling insecure because you aren't together right now, so maybe if you did go, if he isn't going to hurt you, then he will feel better having you there.

I'm going to pray for you.
Ky

RAP,

I agee with Recovering H. What do you want? It's time to decide and make a commitment. I don't think your H can wait any more.

Make a decision, stick to it, and tell him. He'll thank you for it.

Boss

Oh, and put away that booze bottle. That clouds your thinking and further depresses you.

You'll make us so proud when you can proclaim your marriage recovered. But don't think that far ahead. One day at a time AND get started on those plans. Do it today!

RH

I agree with Rh as well. Save your M. Love your H enough to fight for this. Show him it is worth saving.

XOX
KY

Now I sound like an informercial. I didn't mean to.

RAP: We care about you and want to see you and NC work it out.

RAP -
I think he has been reading your posts and is extremely hurt and angry. Are you okay? I really like your husband, and realize he is very hurt right now. But saying that he will drown you is a little over the line.

He seems so nice, smart, and logical, but I, like you am afraid of anger - or let's just call this rage.

Hope you will be okay tonight.

Dear RAP,

Are you still there? I did drop off to sleep shortly after my last post and have just logged on now.

I am so sad that H did that. Does he let things boil up in him and then he has to find a situation to 'let it out on'?

I know he is in pain but I feel sad that he picked that time to do it, and went ahead and called your mum and MC and then threatend to tell the kids.

He keeps saying he loves you,so I don't understand why he would do thisin this way.

RAP, please don't mind me asking you, but have you had phys contact (or full) with OM while you have been on your own?

If so, had you told H and that is why is has gone this way?

Am just trying to put together the pieces from yesterday and last night.

He will obviously suspected something when you wanted to be on your own. (My H does too, when I want to be on my own)

Please please get in touch asap dear RAP,

I am so worried and concerned about you. I have to go out in half an hour, so I won't be able to check the pc till later, and I really want to know you are ok?

Thanks believer and onlywords for your replies and encouragment.

I will reply, its just that I am so worried about RAP at the moment.

Kas <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

RAP,

I'm worried about you, too...everyone feels extremely helpless right now. I would say this is your call to action. Maybe the "moment of truth"...it has to come sooner or later.

If you want things to work, then you have to find a way to SHOW him so he believes it.

Don't know what else to say...praying for you!

Julie

Dear RAP.

I know that thre are things to work out on both sides.

I understand he is angry. I have just read his post.

Please don't be hurt by me saying this, but his post has actually put some sense in me. I know I haven't got to face his anger up front, but the things he said are really making me think.

I know my OM has moved on and doesn't care any more for me..

Yet still I want to see him and have contact.

I would still yet tie myself up to an Emotional bond, yet it hurts more to know he isn't bothered and wont contact me anyway.

My inner turmoil in wanting someone who doesn't want me is destroying me.

I have to end it now in my heart RAP. I have to pray and today 'let go in my heart'

You have an OM who is still willing to see you and be intimate with you. Your H can see whatOM is doing to you inside and it is tearing himapart.

Your H's channel seems to be in anger

My H's channel is in 'quietness' mostly (waiting for me to come through it I guess)

Sometimes you may wish for a bit more of how my H is responding in this, and sometimes I wish for a bit of how your H is responding in this.

Our marriages, Husbands and children are ones who love and need us RAP. I am trying to make myself see this. We can still be 'us' in this. We can still have our own ministry and be individuals.

If we let go of what we think is making us happy now, and take a step of faith (even though feelings are not there) and turn back to God and our H, we will find peace.

We both need peace RAP.
We both need to give up our drinking
We both need to make a new start with God
We both need to give up OM in our hearts
We both need to give up contact

My advice. If you can move away with H do it. If he is willing and it would work out for you job wise do it.

Nothing can make you unhapier than the misery we are both in now in not letting go in our hearts and thoughts and lives of OM.

Love you all loads,

Will post again later as I have to go out.

Get out of your house, and go somewhere else for a couple of days. Don't stay there. You know you will see OM and each time will be harder to give him up. Walk out now if possible and take your bags till you can meet up with H on Wed....

Kas <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

RAP,

You said in a post yesterday that you knew you had to tell OM's wife. You said you didn't want to hurt her.

I know why you don't want to tell her.

You are afraid he will choose her over you and you are afraid you could not handle that.

The truth is, he has already chosen his wife.

He does not want her to know because he is afraid he will lose her. He does not want her to know because then he will actually HAVE to make a choice and he does not want to.

How about let's cut him in half so you can BOTH have him. In effect, that is what you are doing. Let him GO!

Remember, you are not "just" the wayward spouse....YOU ARE ALSO THE OTHER WOMAN!

If you can't do this for yourself or your husband, do it for the woman you are making a fool out of. Try to look at what you are doing from HER perspective. You have not had to face that because SHE DOES NOT KNOW!

Nc said you are a STRONG woman. You would have to be to keep carrying on like this. It takes a lot of energy to keep doing what you know is wrong, what you know is not working. No wonder you have none left to work on your marriage.

You are LOVED!

Julie