RH,

By the way, I wanted to thank you for your posts.

You, like believer, are a BS. It must take a lot of effort to have patience or understanding with a WS.

If H knew how things have gone since Saturday, he would know that my pain is probably now comparable to his. I will never know his pain, but you can rest assured I am getting my fair share for my actions.

thanks for being there for NCW,
Pam

Rap, We don't want you to go... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

If you must, come back when you feel you are ready. This is a bad place to be, but we all care for you better with us, than alone. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Be strong, you can do the NC thing, mind over matter. You can do this!!!!

KY

Dear RAP,

Hello again. It is now 11.30pm here and all gone to bed except me tapping on computer again.

Actually I just wanted to see you were before I really logged off for the night.

Why did I tell my husband about it? Why did I come here and post about it on Saturday? Why did I not lie?

You did the right thing RAP. I too was thinking of all kinds of things re OM Saturday and how to contact him on his own. I confessed my chasing around the town (as JL pointed out) and told you guys here. We need to do this RAP.

If we keep secrets from this thread, we will all end up drifting away. It is the truth that will help us get through it.

I will confess to you now I have chance to be on here. I feel I have let you guys down.

You see, you know how I am struggling with NC? Well I haven't made direct contact, but I did send OM's sister who lives abroad (am quite friends with) my NEW mobile number, explaining tht my last phone had broken and hadn't been in touch with her brother (OM) and if he wanted to say bye to me before he moved away he could contact me on my new number.

She acknowledged my email today, so she may pass on my number to OM now. (I expect 4x4 now).I don't think he will contact me though.

Guess I just thought a goodbye and seeing if I am ok would have been nice (especially as he doesn't seem to be having any after effects).

I nearly chose to keep this to myself for fear of letting you all down when you have helped me so much. I confessed too, because you had the honesty too and I felt I should too.

There. Now we are both in a dilema and choice time again...

We both know we have to chose our Husbands. They may not be responding in the way we would chose, but they love and want us. NC wants you too RAP.

Please know we care for you.

Post soon.

I am praying for you now.

Kas <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dear mystryf,

Just wanted to post you a reply and say welcome to this thread!

You said somethingwhich really spoke to me and made me think;;;

while I'm still hurting and still feeling the pain over what I did and he never showed any remorse. But then I remind myself of what I almost gave up. I believe God was with me and guiding me but mainly teaching me a valuable lesson. My oldest son and I were having dinner the other night and I really looked at him and thought, "You are such a handsome young man and I love you and our family so much. How could I have done this to you and almost broken our family and caused you so much pain?" It still tears at my heart.

Ican relate to that feeling. I used to kiss my darling kids goodbuy in the morning then plan how orwhen I could see OM. It makes me feel gutted inside.

I loved my kids and would never have left for OM. I cared for him deeply though and am having trouble(lots) in getting over it.

Please keep posting here. Sorry I was late with the reply. I only had chance for a couple times on the pc tonight, and I wanted to make sure RAP was still there.

Thank you again for posting and sharing your story.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

BV, I read some where that we would all like a tropical vacation with our OP to say a "good" good bye. Isn't that so true.

That is how I felt. Just a good - good bye would be nice. I really don't believe there is any such thing.

I believe saying good bye one last time, is just a way to keep hanging on. It is hard to think that for the rest of our lives NC with the OP needs to be for the better of our M and ourselves.

It is scary, and lonely, and it hurts the heart, but it must be done. We can all do this. Holding hands, we can all do this.

Thanks for your honest post, BUT KNOCK IT OFF!!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Don't give him the ball, then when contact is made you can say, he called me, don't do it, oh wait you all ready did. Change your #.

Take care BV, and good night.
KY

Originally posted by runawaypot:

>I saw OM on Saturday.
>I was physical with OM again, but not in our bedroom.
>I want my marriage to work.
Pam

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ... WoW such ~disconnect~ ...... there is no thread of reality woven between your thoughts, desires, logic, feelings, action, values.... etc.

Truely, If Mr. Pep had done this to me during our recovery, I have to say, I would divorce him.

Too risky to be married to someone who is so disconnected .... it would totally undo me.

Sorry .... truth is one of my weaknesses.

I think you need a psychiatrist. Your thinking is not reality based at this time.

Perhaps you should forgo marriage counseling at this time and see a mental health specialist.

This is in no way meant to be insulting. I truely think you are in dire need of greater help than this board can offer. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Pep

Pepperband,

I was truthful. A little too late, but I was truthful.

Please explain more of what you say. I feel completely lost.

Please don't be offended.

If I had wanted to lie, I wouldn't be here.

It may make no sense, but I do desire help.

Pam

Ladies -

Yikes, what a stressful few days. I wish I could bring you all here to California, and we could just hang out on the beach for awhile.

JL - Glad you are back. Sorry you find our talk about wanting just affection a DJ. I know tons of women that feel the same way. We do like SF, but would sometimes enjoy JUST affection.

BV - Hang in there, you are doing fine.

RAP - Sweetie - I know you feel like this is a big mess that will never end. But please keep on keeping on. You are "addicted", there is no way around it. You will start to get healed, when there is NC.

I like your husband, but the anger has got to go. I am like you, and cannot stand it. You see that he downplays it, and says it is not that bad, even while you are saying it is.

Have you gotten anything done around the house that you wanted to get done?

Runawaypot: JustLearning is correct. It was your choices that got you to this stage in your life.

You are not a bad person, a s!ut or a wh0re, you're just a person who made bad choices. You're human. And you know what, God forgives. You need to now forgive yourself, ask God to forgive you. You need to CHOOSE to work on yourself AND your marriage. (I'm not talking about working out, I'm talking about reading books, the articles of this website, stuff like that to improve who you are.)

Now at this time, you don't know if NC will have you back. You have hurt him bad. Understand that. Also, remember that time heals all wounds. Now I'm not saying sit around and wait for him, because only he knows how bad you have hurt him. But be ready, because you never know when the opportunity will arise to take back your marriage

You said you have hit rock bottom. Hurts like he!! doesn't it. Well, the good news is the only place is up from here.

I'd like to offer you a recommendation. Please take me up on it(preferably when your mind is a little clearer-like tomorrow). But go back and re-read this whole thread. See what you have gone through. See how you lied to yourself and everyone here with your words. But also see how you are growing. Learn from this. And keep a notebook handy while you are reading. Take notes, see if you can learn something then come tell us what you found.

Next, formulate that plan to recover your marriage. It will be tough, especially not knowing what NC wants to do. But write it down, do the best you can. Include in this plan, what you want from your marriage. If you haven't gone through the Emotional Needs questionaire on this site, do it. Be prepared if NC comes back.

One other thing, you've had a couple of comments that said about SF, just do it. Don't even worry about that until NC brings it up. Because, it's going to be a little while until he is even ready to consider that after how you've just betrayed him. (But all the same be ready, you'll know when it's right.)

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Rich

RAP you said in NC's thread...

Well, my decision for the last coulple days has been how do I end my life without hurting my 3DSs.


Feelings of suicide should be treated with same urgency of that of the onset of a cardiac arrest.

Call your regional suicide hotline and talk these feelings through.


People care.

Max

RH,

Just wanting to respond to your post. Again, thank you for helping NCW.

Please don’t take this wrong.


You need to CHOOSE to work on yourself AND your marriage. (I'm not talking about working out, I'm talking about reading books, the articles of this website, stuff like that to improve who you are.)

Believe it or not, I understand you mean studying up on marriage and what to do and not “working out.” SHeeesh. I am not as shallow as you may think. God this hurts. Am ready for all the 2x4s I will now get.

You also said:

But go back and re-read this whole thread. See what you have gone through. See how you lied to yourself and everyone here with your words.

Believe it or not, I have not intended to lie on this thread. I will look it over tomorrow with open eyes to see if I have lied to myself and others. As low as I have gotten, I have tried to tell the truth, even though it has often come out later instead of before.

Believe it or not, a lot of my struggles have come because the truth is so important to me.

I do not pretend to know Hs pain. I guess I have finally understood that.

But what OM has done since Saturday has definitely added to my pain. Yes, a pain of my own making. But pain all the same. It just shows me what worth I truly do have.

anyways, as I was saying, what kind of cookie dough????

Sorry, I need to know. I'm starving here.

KY

RAP -

Hope you are still around. Some people might bring out the 2x4's, but not me. I too have made many mistakes, and not followed the program.

I have done lots of LB'ing, threw the Christmas presents out in the street, etc. I did not mean to do it, but did anyway.

I think we all need to get on the "Woman of Excellence" program, and stay on it. We can help each other through this. Although we are on opposite sides of this thing, I'm sure the Lord is not pleased with either of us.

So let's all start MOVING FORWARD.

chocolate chip cookie dough! Is there any other kind?

Oh, the comfort of cookie dough. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I had better go. I am definitely not all with it tonight.

Time for another bowl...

Have fun on your twisted thread.

Thanks believer.

Not feeling quite as hopeful as you tonight.

I appreciate you though!

RAP - you know how to get your self worth back? Focus on your marriage, not yourself.

DO NOT have contact with OM again, ever - and tell his wife. Who cares what she thinks, if she believes you or not. Who cares what OM's reaction might be, TELL HER!!!!!

I know it's tough, I know it kills but you have to make a decision and now. Either you are in this marriage or you are out. Cut and dry, no gray area. If you choose to stay in then stop your current behavior, get some serious counseling, and CHANGE!

You have the power RAP to make this right, the question is do you really want to???

I love ya, I really do, but this hurts me so bad reading all the pain and suffering going on between you and your husband.

You can't change your hubby, but you can change yourself and be the best damned person you can be. You have it in you, I know you do.

Dammit, do I need to put on that cheerleading costume again? It was too tight!!! I will if need be but you have to as well!

chackler -

Yep, put on that cheerleader costume - it may be tight, but we need you!

How is your situation going?

Hey Believer!

You know, I was never into cheerleading, maybe that's why the costume is too tight! I was always one of the party people during high school.

I'm doing pretty good actually. Withdrawals are getting much better to deal with. I had a dream about OM last night and breaking contact but it was just a dream thank goodness.

Hubby and I have had 4 days together for the holiday. We kind of needed it because June was so busy we didn't really have a lot of time to ourselves and our wounds are still raw ya know? It was wonderful with it just being "us" this weekend.

I made brandy pecan sause and canned strawberry jam. Canning is easy but you have to follow the directions exactly or it won't set. I'm fairly new at it so it's still hit and miss. My plum jam set up perfect but the strawberry jam is kind of runny. I'm going to market it as a strawberry topping for ice cream though! At least it won't go to waste...

How was your weekend believer and everyone else?

Chackler - My weekend was very nice. We had a block party with all the neighbors, with plenty of food, beer and a pinata for the kids.

My sister called, we are planning a trip to Europe, so that is exciting.

I think I will take up canning. I like to stay busy. I have already painted the house, rearranged everything, organized, did the yard, etc.

I love to cook, so maybe canning would be fun.

Glad you and hubby are doing well. Too bad about the dream. Hopefully you will start having happy dreams soon.