RAP-

How are you doing now? Do you have any plans on how to help yourself, and your marriage? Or are you too upset to do anything?

We are here for you, and hoping that you will soon be able to get some closure and hope.

RAP -

I've been watching you post back and forth on NC's thread. Pep is one of the experts here and has really helped me. You might want to learn some information from her.

She is a "tell it like it is" type of person. You may not be ready for that. But her advice is usually very, very good.

Dear all.

Kids just left for school and all out. Have just logged on.

I realise a lot must have gone on last night after I had gone to bed. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I checked NC’s thread and then ‘Moving Forward’ thread. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Guess I just don’t know what to say…

Dear RAP,

Believer said :

“RAP - Let us pick you up, and dust you off. You can do this. You are a good woman and mother. And you can be a good wife again. Don't be so hard on yourself. We care for you.”

I second that.

You did right to confess what happened on Saturday. You could have kept it to yourself, but the fact you didn’t shows that you ‘needed to say’. If I put myself in that position as you, it would hurt and cut through, by having to now get the replies on it, BUT (and remember we are still hot on the path of that elusive Proverbs 31 lady)….
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Proverbs says “Better the wounds of a faithful friend, than the kiss of an enemy” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your friends are the ones who care about you on here. I thought to myself “wow” how is she taking all these strong words, but they are wounds of faithful friends. Friends who want to see you restored in God, in marriage Recovery with NC, and not letting the A with OM carry on.

You have strong words in love, gentle words in love, all given by people who care. I guess I find gentle words in love easier to take but sometimes I need strong words in love.

Both your and NC’s pain must be great at this time.

Time for us both to put definite plan to paper now. We have to RAP.. Mine is just a couple of things, but from today I am going to try my best.

Kas’s daily check list (in order to start moving forwards..)

At the end of each day I am going to check the box if I accomplished it..

1. Maintain NC. Vital. Start from today RAP. Really Vital you do it now

2. Read Bible and follow a daily reading plan (am using “Word for Today” by Bob Gass) This has been about finding your self worth back in God. As it says:

“In order to gain a true sense of self-worth, you must first understand how God feels about you” (How will we know unless we read His word) The enemy will do ALL he can to prevent us from doing this, because He knows the power in God’s word. He will keep you from it by telling you “It’s too late, you’ve gone too far, and there is no restoration for you…You cant make it” DON’T LISTEN TO HIM RAP..You can make it and there is restoration.

“Serving God, is the pathway to joy and fulfilment. It is through a ministry that we find meaning. As we serve God’s purposes, our lives take on eternal importance. We can make no excuses to God as to why we can’t serve him anymore…..

He goes on to say about King David’s A with Bathsheba. He repented. God restored and called him a ‘man after his own heart’…

This is where us proverbs 31 ladies start to make an input…David had A. David should have been with the kings in battle but chose to stay at home (nothing personal meant to hurt you here, because you already confessed staying at home made you more vulnerable and you wanted to see OM anyway).. We know the story after that.

David NEVER confessed immediately. God had to send Nathan the prophet to him.

What happened in the end of David’s life? God called him “a man after his own heart”.

We can be there too RAP.

We need to be. If we don’t we will sink in the mire and the devil will destroy us. He is using OM to destroy you. Don’t let the devil win you in this way.

3. Stop Drinking (exercise, garden, go out – but don’t drink)


These are the three things I need to do most in my life.


The ‘inner me’ needs to re-connect with God. Seek Ye First the kingdom of God and all these things will be added to you.

There is pain and hurt between you and NC.

There is frustration between me and my H.

I believe in getting the inner me sorted out with God and re-committing my life to Him, and asking him for strength and wisdom on how to get my ‘house’ back in order.

I read this morning:
“Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
who have set their hearts on seeking you,
As they pass through the valley of Baca (weeping),
They make it a place of springs,
The autumn rains also cover it with pools of blessings,
They go from strength to strength
Till each appears before God in Zion”


RAP you CAN turn this place of weeping (your valley of Baca) into a spring.

Work on a plan. A small plan of action.

First at the top start with NC as from TODAY.

Don’t make a big list to get discouraged. Just a small one.

I care about you and realize that we have both come to a decision point. We need to do this list and stick to it. We can do it RAP.

I am made a decision yesterday not to buy drink and bring it into this house again, because it will become my downward spiral and weakness in my situation, and the devil knows that.

I have done the second thing on my list (besides the first),

I am now going out to exercise. I started exercising last night, and I realise that it is the key in my situation to not drink. The more I drink, the more I will not be able to exercise.

I will be thinking of you all on this thread as I go about today, and will post again later.

Chackler… Hi. Glad you had a good weekend. Thinking of you too.


Dear KY4. You said

“BV, I read some where that we would all like a tropical vacation with our OP to say a "good" good bye. Isn't that so true.

“I believe saying good bye one last time, is just a way to keep hanging on. It is hard to think that for the rest of our lives NC with the OP needs to be for the better of our M and ourselves.”

Thanks for your honest post, BUT KNOCK IT OFF!!!

Don't give him the ball, then when contact is made you can say, he called me, don't do it, oh wait you all ready did. Change your #.”

You are right. I know I did the wrong thing. I put myself in a position where I now was ‘hoping’ for a txt. What a stupid thing to do.

Bye all for now,

Kas

Broken Vessel - Good to hear from you again. You live in a strange country - sending kids to school at 2:00 in the morning. We are all still supposed to be in bed here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Your exercise program will help you. I try to exercise everday, and really miss it when I don't.

I think you are right about moving on. I'm going to make up a checklist too. Good night.

RAP,

I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience? Yes, I'm full of myself- after all, I've spent a long time in sins' prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.
But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabatoging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can WILL it, but I can't DO it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me?

The answer, Thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and DOES. HE acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

The law always ended up being used as a band-aid on sin instead of a deep healing of it. And now what the law code asked for but we couldn't deliver is accomplished as we, INSTEAD OF REDOUBLING OUR OWN EFFORTS, simply embrace what the spirit is doing in us.
Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust GOd's action in them find that God's spirit is in them. Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life.

It's the Word of faith that welcomes God to go to work and set things right for us. Say the welcoming word to God -"Jesus is my Master"- embracing body and soul, God's work of doing in us what he did in raising Jesus from the dead. That's it. You're not "doing" anything; you're simply calling out to God, trusting him to do it for you.

**********

Who do you know that REALLY knows you, knows your heart? And even if they did, is there anything they would discover in you that you could take credit for? Isn't evrything you HAVE and everything your ARE sheer gifts from God? So what's the point of all this comparing and competing? You already have all you need.


Rap,
The above was not something I wrote. It could have been my thoughts and words...it could have been ANYONE'S thoughts and words. And it IS everyone's thoughts and words. Do you recognize it? The Apostle Paul, from Romans. This translation is from The Message .

The truth is, that no matter how hard we try not to do wrong and to do good, we fail. UNLESS....we stop trying....say "LOOK, GOD....I CANNOT DO THIS! I AM TIRED AND WEARY AND I AM ALWAYS MESSING UP! PLEASE DO IT FOR ME! TAKE OVER AND FIX THIS MESS I MADE!"

That's what I did. And it does work.
I don't know how, but it does.

Love you,
Julie

Rap,

Also wanted to apologize to you....I know that my words were harsh. I am not usually like that. See, whenever I try to "fix" things, I screw up - royally. The same thing happened as Recovering H and I tried to pick up the pieces. No matter what I decided to do, even when it made perfect sense to me, it didn't work...in fact, seemed to always make things worse. I gave up. I told God if He wanted this to work out, HE was going to have to fix it. I could not. I THOUGHT that what I was doing would help. I THOUGHT I was doing the right things. Boy, was I wrong!
You already are "right with God"...not because of your own efforts, though. Because of HIS. HE is the One who makes things right. HE is the one who makes you "right" with him.

As soon as I stopped trying to fix things, God was able to move in. That is it. Nothing more, nothing less. And it was enough. I cannot take any credit for doing what it took to get us to a turning point. I did NOTHING.

Rap, we are no better than you...not one of us.

Please forgive me.

Julie

RAP,

I know you're there. Thank God.

Julie

Dear RAP,

Have just got back. Came straight in to log on and see if you have posted.

Please please please please post..I am worrying about you, (and I have no chocolate or cookie dough in the house as a bandaid)..

I need to know you are ok? Please post.

We both went to pieces in a way over the weekend.

I just sat there Saturday night (after drinking), and cried and cried. I know where you are in your thoughts.

Yes I had the same ones. I could see no way out of feeling like I did. I drank and cried, and cried and drank and my thoughts were all over the place.

Sunday night I stayed at home and followed the same pattern.

I want to encourage you NOT TO GIVE UP ON YOURSELF. You are a special and caring person. I have seen the posts that you have sent to others on the board trying to encourage them too.

You have reached out to others, just like Believer is in her situation.

I have been there with the suicidal thoughts. Emotions everywhere, Feeling you are really going to crack up this time.

Please post.

I am staying in now, so will keep checking this thread.

Please post.

Kas (can't cope with the Proverbs 31 lady at the moment...need you to join forces with me!) We'll show her what modern day women can do too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Please post.

Please post.

Please post.

Please post.

Will keep checking.

Kas <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

BV,

RAP was a visitor to the "OM's two OW: Would you tell " within the past hour, so she's here. She may be trying to work up the nerve to post or even read this thread. I've been waiting and watching for three hours now.

Julie

Dear RAP,

Am still here checking for a reply. Please post.

Am waiting and worried.

Please post.

Kas <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Dear onlywords,

Thanks for letting me know.

Am glad.

RAP....

Am getting a 'numb' posteria (don't know the latin word for it) sitting on this computer chair....

Will keep NAGGING AND NAGGING AND NAGGING unitl you post...

please post.

please post.

It matters to us all that you post.

We want you to.

We need to hear from you.

My kids get home from school soon, so I may not have much computer time left, and I will be going frantic if haven't heard by the time I have to go out later.

Please say something.

Please.

Kas <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Rap I heard a rumor, is it true???

Are you really playing hard to get???

Come on your killing BV, post all ready
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!

Chocolate chip, my favorite! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

come on love, we want to hear you are okay, or that your not okay.

OMG your not with OM are you?? You better post before we all start thinking that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Just trying to smoke you out.

come on post, all BV's whining is hurting my ears. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

KY

Hi all again, <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

KY4 your post made me laugh... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

BUT... I ain't done with the whining yet... (and I don't mean the sort in a bottle) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

RAP please post
please post
please post

My derriere (don't know how to spell it) is getting glued to this computer chair... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I have no band aid at all in this house, only what I am cooking for tea...spicy bean burgers or quiche? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Really could do with some chocolate..I found the secret hiding place of my 18yr old boy's chocolate he had for his b.day...

Ha and he thought I wouldnt find it.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

But I am the SUPREME chocolate finding outer...It will not elude me if it is in this house...

All gone now, and I ain't got any here at all...

Please post RAP

please post RAP

please post RAP

I will get kicked off this thread soon and will have nowhere else to go to...

please post

Will be back again soon to say....

that's right you got it....

PLEASE POST

Kas <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

RAP -

Where are you sweetie? (I hope you are painting and fixing the house, I think you are)

onlywords -

That is my favorite bible verse, Romans 7 something, sorry can't remember exactly, but I practically have the whole thing memorized. It has helped me countless times, to know that even Paul struggled like I do.

BV - Well I stayed up late watching for RAP, but she was involved in a discussion with pep. Maybe she has forgotten how much we care about her. Think I will get the jug out - and it's early morning here!

Jelly - Tell cellophane that there are more people reading his thread than he thinks. I don't post because I get such a laugh out of the spontaneity there. You all move too fast for me.

Dear Believer,

Hello.

Am just on the pc inbetween cooking tea and reading my book which came today "Torn Asunder".

Glad you are there.

Have just done a post on the 'pity party' thread as RAP has been there today.

I hope she feels she can post here soon.

How are you doing today. Do you work?

Thanks for being around

Kas <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

BV- Yep, I work at a Naval Hospital - but I took the week off to do some work around the house. Making progress, but also glued to the computer waiting for Miss RAP, one of the proverbs 31 women, to check in with us.

Of course I don't blame her, because she has tried to be honest and taken a lot of flak for it. But don't worry, we will sniff her out like a bunch of old hound dogs.

sniff, sniff, sniff, where is she?

RAP,

You said </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why tell the truth? I am where I am at because of my actions. Yes , it is me!


Why did I tell my husband about it? Why did I come here and post about it on Saturday? Why did I not lie?

I thought because it was the right thing to do.

Too little too late I guess.

Lying does not seem so bad if telling the truth(because I am in trouble and do want to keep my H) gets where we are now.

I am not trying to be rude. But I did not choose to lie. I could have. I could have hidden my going back. I did not.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are right your truthfulness is a very positive thing. It is something you should be proud of.

However, (you knew this was coming <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) why are you having a hard time with honesty while clearly placing a high value on truthfulness??

The honesty I am talking about is the internal honesty. First and foremost you must be honest with yourself, THEN you must be honest with your H.

You are lying to yourself even to the extent that you don't believe your sons will be harmed. You know that this is not true. I would also like to ask you what sort of men would you like your Son's to grow up to be? What sort of an example are you setting for them? Would you like some woman to treat them as you have treated your H? Do you want them to grow up with the values of the OM?

You have decisions to make, and in my mind the most important one that you must make is how you are going to lead your life. Before anything else can be done, you must make that decision. You need decide what type of human being you are going to be, what sort of W you are going to be, what sort of mother you are going to be?

We know you want to do the best you can. But, knowing what you want, is not the same thing as doing it. You are setting an example for your children right now, and it is not pretty.

So I want to encourage you to stop, take some deep breaths, pray if that is your inclination,and settle yourself. Act, talk, plan not out of fear, or anger, but out of what is best for your children, yourself, and your H. You need to talk with him calmly. You need to realize he has tried and is trying to do his best, but he is having a hard time controlling his emotions and feelings.

Not withstanding what you have said all of your actions have indicated that you WANTED to send him off with the kids so you could get back together with OM, IN YOUR FAMILY HOME. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> You can say otherwise but your actions in discussing going with him before he left and after he left indicate a premeditated plan to betray him once again.

You need to address your actions, you need to make plans and act on them as discussed with your H. You need to not only to be truthful, you need to be honest with yourself and him from now on.

You may well have thrown away your family for OM, that is a fact, but I hope and the others here hope that is not the case.

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL

Yikes, no RAP. Did she go to a nunnery? Wish she would check in with us.

oops

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 04:53 PM: Message edited by: kyellow4 ]</small>