Dear All, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Good morning! (well I think I am awake, as I finally peeled my heiny off this computer chair about 1am this morning and woke up not long ago)

Dear PAL,

I love how you do your posts. Full of encouragement and hope for each of us. You are a real encouragement in your posts. Please keep sending them.

Dear Believer,

I haven’t heard of your ‘sleeping potion’ over here. The one I use (zopiclone) seems to work well with me.Doc not happy I have been on these for so long though, but it means the difference of getting sleep at all or not.

Glad you have a week off, and hope you will be able to get some things done.

Am jelous of both you and Lisa where you live! I love HOT HOT HOT weather, and I love the SEA.

Well, here I am at the start of a new day….(and my 3 item survival list again) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I have read bible just now
I am still maintaining NC (though still thinking of OM)
I never drank AT ALL yesterday! (my first breakthrough) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Only the second day of my new ‘compiled’ list, so I know am in early days.

Guess you are all ‘asleep’ now.. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Wish I could zap you all into my time zone!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Guess will have to wait till you wake up… <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

TIME TO GET UP
TIME TO GET UP
TIME TO GET UP

Kas misses you all!!
<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Broken Vessel -

I am still up - on vacation now, and I love to stay up late, late, late.

Don't worry about thinking about OM, your brain chemicals are off right now, but will soon be back to normal.

My WH's OW's BH came by today and talked to me. He is doing okay. He has moved on and seems to have a good attitude. It has been hard for him because his wife moved out and left him with a 12 year old daughter.

Hi Believer,

You must be very tired now!

Thanks for your post.

Sometimes I wake up with a good positive feeling and others (like today) I seem to wake up with that dreaded 'sinking' feeling of the situation I am involved with.

Can I be honest?

I am struggling because I actually miss working with OM. I enjoyed the secretarial side and his joking personality and on my bad days I wish it could all go back to how it was before I got involved with A.

I really am struggling with what Susan was saying to Lisa on her 'new job thread'... I want to go poking back into that hornets nest.

The hornets nest hurt so much but I miss it. It filled and consumed me for 16 months. It is truly hard to break from.

Hurts he has moved on. I know if I could get another job I enjoy things may improve for me.

I have given up all my ministry in the church because of what I have done.

I am empty with nothing now.

Each day I Feel I have no purpose any more.

I enjoyed my work.

Sorry am getting a bit tearful.

Pain of withdrawal feels bad today.

Maybe it is because I am also suffering withdrawl symptoms from the drink now too.

At this point I would start to drink when I feel like this.

I wish I could just contact him and get an answer.

Sorry I know I am a bit crazy today.

Will have to come off pc now. Am quite upset about things.

Dont worry.

Will post again later.

Kas <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Dear RAP,

Incase you come to this thread, I just have to say HELLO.

Please keep hanging in there.

What did you think of JL' list last night? You said you were going to print it off too.

It has helped me see things from H point of view in a way which I didn't before.

However, today I am in a bit of a mess emotionally again and have put out a call for JL to 'talk to me straight'.

I am feeling the withdrawal from OM bad today.

I am feeling I have no purpose. Really miss my work in church.

I know I have to overcome this.

I am still reading in the morning, and haven't bought any drink into house, and haven't made C although I always struggle coming up to weekend.

Confess I miss working with him.

Am going to read some more of my book 'torn assunder' which came yesterday.

Please hang in there too.

Thinking of you.

Praying for you.

Kas <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Broken Vessel -

My girl, you can do ministry again. See if you can look around and find a similar job. When you get through this you will be an expert in marriage building, and we sure need more people in that area.

Are you doing any nice things for yourself?

RAP - Are you around?

Whew. Anyone here? I am really having a hard time with RAP not posting her. NC Walker says she does not want to post because of all the flak she got.

Hmmm. I do want them to reconcile, but feel like something is missing.

Or should I just get on with painting my porch room and forget it?

I think she just needs some time to sort everything out.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Gee, I hope so. I hope she is just getting it togehter to post here.

But the red flags go up for me. WC went home to take care of RAP. It was a surprise. Since then,we have not heard from RAP.

I just hope that they are doing fine. I know consistently, NC says the anger is not that bad. But RAP says differently.

Dear Believer, Just answered you on my other thread. Thanks for that intimat advice too.

Hope you get your porch painting done. There is so much decorating going on here it frustrating.

I hope after some 'quality time together'RAP be posting here.

My tblet are mking me drowsy. Have to go now, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Love you all loads, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Loveyo2 RAP.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Comeon...This Provrbslady is struggling. The competition is getting higher... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

BV....I'm so sorry that you are having a bad day. You stay away from the hornet's nest!! We forget sometimes that is what has caused us the pain that we are enduring. BV...I also believe that God is preparing you for something beyond anything that you can imagine. I love your name on here....It reminds me of the potter's clay. Let God take the brokenness of your heart and spirit and mold it into something that he can use.

When you get through this valley that you're going through right now you will understand why this was necessary for you to go through. It's been a year for me since d-day and by the grace of God and this web site, I can see where God has done a remarkable work in my heart and my life.

God will use you to minister to others in a way that you could never have before. Sometimes he has to break us in order to mold us into what he wants us to be.

I'm praying for you daily!!

Lisa -

Thanks for posting the beautiful prayer. The Lord will pull us all through, and one day we may even be closer to proverbsladies.

I didn't get the porch done, just the first coat. So there is stuff all over my house. Tomorrow I will finish it. If I stayed off line more, I would probably get more done, but oh well, I'm on vacation.

Brokenvessel-

Hang in there. I am praying for everyone on this thread, and healing for all of us. We can make it through. We will make it through.

Good morning all,

Thanks Lisa for your post. It was a real encouragement to wake up to this morning. Have just logged on and posting before kids get ready for school.

I chose my name 'Broken Vessell' taken from the scene of the potters house in Jeremiah, because that was how I felt when I joined, yet at the same time I wanted something to signify 'hope' that I can be put together and moulded into something new again.

My accountability friend gave me a Christian card recently during my worst early struggles of the scene in the potters house of a pot being re-fashioned by God's mighty handsss.

It says on the card

"as the clay is in the potter's hand, so are you in mine" - Jer 18:6"
Yhe verse inside reads:

"The pieces of my heart,
like shards of fragile clay,
I bring to You, the Potter,
in whose image I am made.

With tenderness and knowing,
You touch my wounded soul,
reshaping shattered dreams,
making broken places whole.

In your gently Potter's hands,
I am molded, made anew,
a work of mercy and compassion,
fashioned in love,
beloved of you"

May the Lord hold you in His hands, gently restoring, powerfully healing...

I have now got this card out again in front of the pc. I needed this reminded Lisa. I believe God gave you those words to remind me today.

You see, I had 'hidden' the card away thinking I was beyond help. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

You have reminded me that God is saying YOU ARE NOT... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hope all goes well on your last day.

Please let us know.

Thanks again Lisa,

Kas

Dear Believer,

Thank you as always for being there and your encouragment.

Hope you can get your porch finished today. I will be thinking of you as I am trying to finish some painting in the boys room today too. (It is raining which I am glad of in a way, as I can never stay inside when it is sunny!)

Dear RAP (missn' you!)

I am going to post to you everyday incase you are reading the posts here.

I was debating whether to start my MANTRA up again ie.

please post rap
please post rap
please post rap
please post rap

But I don't want to put you off with my 'wining'.

Hope things are going ok. I guess you guys will need to talk quite a bit which is good.

Hope you have a good time when you go back to FIL and see your DS.

Please know you are a special and caring person, and let's hang on to the 'Potters Wheel' for all our might... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Now there's a man (The Potter) who will help us on our quest to be the Proverbs 31 gals.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Perhaps we could turn our quest into a Christian version of the Wizard of Oz...

Me - I would be the Scarecrow (look like one this morning too) with the 'glued hiney'..You wouldn't miss me in crowd. Especially when the sun came out and melted it...(the glue I mean not my hiney) couldn't do without my hiney...

Sorry I am rambling again, and not even sure if I spelt hiney right?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Darn it, where can I get an American phrase book from??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


Well, You know what? I didn't stock up on chocolate yesterday... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

O well back on my secret mission to try and find the kids chocs.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Take care,

Love you all,

Kas <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

ps all of you,

going back to this American Phrase Book thing, if someone calls me a Winer, does that mean I am a 'hot dog'?????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Don't you have some sort of a funny name for a hot dog like that??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Also when JL told me (when trying to help me restore passion with H) to:

"run around the house with 'no pants' on, did he mean:

a. Trousers
b. Undergarments

Just a thought .....
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Carry on!!

Looking forward to hearing from you guys later
when you get your 'hiney's out of bed... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Kas (in a wierd and crazy mood today)!

BV -

Oh great. I just logged on here and it said there are no users on. What's up with that? I'm here, or maybe I am dreaming.

Didn't get the painting finished, and the whole place is a mess. Too much time on the computer. I will finish it tomorrow.

Hope you have a great day. Sounds like you are more hopeful. Hang in there.

Dear All,

Good morning. Is anyone there??

Kas

Dear all,

Sorry. Everything has become 'too intense' for me at the moment. I need to take a break for a while.

I guess I thought I was doing quite well and working through my feelings and moving forward.

This thread was an important part in my life.

Perhaps some may think that it wasn't 'helpful' to me & RAP but in my opinion it was..

I never viewed it as a 'pity party'. I viewed it as a place to come and start my healing by sharing how I felt.

I then would go over to my other thread and get straight talk from JL & Pep which was an input I really needed.

I feel though that 'this thread' is being discouraged, and I feel it isn't somewhere I can share 'myself' in now.

Sorry if I have ever said anything to hurt any of you in any way or frustrated you by trying to work out my feelings.

Thanks Believer and all of you on here. I want you to know how much I have appeciated you.

Take care.

Still love you all loads <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Kas <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Hi all. I finally got my painting done (at 1:30 in the morning). It feels great to have it finished. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hope you are all doing fine, and feeling good. I had a nice break today fishing (I really did go). My son came with me. We caught a bunch of fish, but threw them all back cuz they were too little.

Anyone else doing anything to move forward?

Love you all.

Well, I found this old thread.

I decided to post here because it was the best place I could think of...without taking BV's thread over completely. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am having a hard day today. I was really hoping I would bring some strength back from Florida. Being in this neighborhood is just getting to me today.

My IC (who is Christian) talked to me a lot about setting my mind on Christ and what He thinks of me, etc. It takes an act of your will to do, not that you will feel like it. I know this, but for the first time, I don't feel capable. Ugh, that feel word again. I am practicing it though, however slowly.

Seems so silly. That is great advice, and I should be able to do it.

I don't have to see OM to feel like cr@p. I don't even understand why. He is not doing anything to me to make me feel bad. I am not seeing him drive by as much (thanks to H and his confrontation).

Just the fact that he is going on and I have days I struggle makes me feel like the biggest loser. At this moment, my thoughts are actually screaming that this guy is a much better, happier, etc. person than me.

Well, enough of that. I have learned from this A that I really have to change my thinking.

I guess I have really always defined myself by what other people think of me.

I have struggled with this before, and now I realize it has to change. I have to change how I feel about myself. I had no idea how poorly I actually felt. Why can't I just change it?

I think my main problem is here is this OM who has chosen to keep this lifestyle, but he seems so da** happy. He seems to just float around in life.

I want to make right choices now, and I am this miserable person. No fun today. Maybe just a down day.

Just needed to vent. I am beginning to see how God can turn this for good. There are things that needed to change in me, and this has just caused me to deal with it.


Blessings to you all today,

Just one day, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Pam

RAP you said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I guess I have really always defined myself by what other people think of me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In an effort to help you through this (and until you learn to value yourself differently), let me give you a few observations that may help you feel good about yourself.

I think that you are a very strong person.

I think that you are determined and willful and will recover your marriage.

Why do I think these things? I have "watched" and read your posts for these last few weeks. You have a dogged determination to understand why you felt the way you did. You wanted to know why. That I believe is a positive quality. Now the way you went about it was a little backwards, but I won't go there.

We all have our up days and down days. Today was one that was a bit down. Look to tomorrow and have faith that it will be better. I think I saw in one of NCW's posts that his roller coaster didn't seem to be riding as high and low lately. How is it for you?

God's blessing to you!
RH