Hi there. This is the most interesting place on the board. Welcome. Hang in here with these fine people. They will really help you.

Try to check out the posts by broken vessel and chackler, lots of good questions and answers for both the WS and BS.

Yes, there are very good questions and answers here. I am finding it very comforting here. OM was out here where we live this morning. We live on his property and in his house, not with him, but a house he owns. Long story. The hardest thing for me to accept in all this is that I was just a game to him, something to be won cause I was "unavailable" as he put it. I fell in love with OM, but I am not sure what it was all about to him except a game. He was meeting the EN big time, and I fell for it. I was definitely in a fog. DH is being wonderful now, but he was content for a long, long time to just let OM meet my needs, he knew what was going on and just was silent about it. Now I find out the trust I put in OM was just an illusion. I was so stupid and hurt so many people who didn't deserve it. I want to love DH again, I want to respect him and I want the marraige God promises me we can have. There are just so many emotions that I seem incapable of managing right now. OM goes to the church I go to, I have to find a new church. I know we need to find a new place to live. THough OM would be content to let me live here forever, it is just to hard for me to do it. IT hurts.

totally - Yep, I know it hurts terribly. But we are going to get you back in shape to have a good marriage with your husband, and have a happy life.

Have you checked out Chackler's post here? NCWalker (RAP's husband) is trying to help her out.

So stick around, you will not always feel this bad.

totallybroken -

Good for you. You told your husband. You are doing very well. Now you can make your marriage better than it ever was. It will be hard, but can be done.

totallybroken - Are you around?

Trying to revive this thread, or has it flat-lined?

Dear believer and RAP, & onlywords

Are you around?

Just thought I would say good nite to you guys on this thread and ask how you are all doing?

How has things been for you today RAP?

Are you ok? Is NC ok?

Ok....so now I have the ok's out the way, please tell me ARE YOU REALLY OK!?

Thinking of you all in your different situations, Believer in her sad and painful situation, RAP & me in our similar situation, and
onlywords in her new business, and praying she will do well in it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Maybe you could post a photo of your little basket shop on the photo thread if poss? It would lovely to see something you had made personally. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Well, am falling asleep now so will leave you guys to chat later and I will log in the morning to see your posts! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Take care all of you,
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Kas

BrokenVessel - Hi. Glad someone finally posted on this thread. I would like to keep one thread for WS's. There are so many new ones here. It is nice to have one place to refer them to.

I had my job evalutation today, and got outstanding. So I am very happy. I am very thankful that my job is going well.

Hope you and RAP, and onlywords, Chackler, totally broken, KiwiJ (hope I didn't miss anyone) are doing well. I'm still working on the Proverbs31 woman thing, and seem to have more hope lately. I'm trying to make improvements in several areas at once.

Hi BV,

It has been a busy day here. I did well most of the day.

I had IC this morning. Painful to look at myself, but I do believe it will ultimately be extremely helpful.

Then the boys had soccer coaching with a friend of mine. She is an amazing soccer player, fun just to watch her!

The boys were exhausted. I wanted to go to the gym. It has been the only "healthy" thing that has helped so much when this depression hits.(meaning trying to not turn into an alcoholic <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> )

Not a good idea today. Not anything to do with breaking NC. (Although I really do think OM has sold his truck and is sort of in hiding b/c of H's manly;) confrontation)

OM went to the gym I am currently a member of for four years. He has not been there in over a year and has no plans of going back.

I have had my membership there before I even started to train with OM. I left temporarily when he started to train me at a different gym.

I do not think anyone knows about me and OM, but people do know I trained with him for a long time.

I am getting questions. People also want to ask about him or talk about him.

I have been getting (unsolicited) information on him. Some given in a "he's such a great guy, but he has an interesting side, doesn't he?" sort of way.

It just got to me today. I already know how dumb I was. I feel even more stupid for having feelings for him.

Now this gym is becoming a trigger because the only memory these people have of me is training with him. I just had to leave today.

It does seem like a rumor mill. I am nervous.

However, I met this really neat Christian girl and we have hit it off. She and her husband have a friend(who happens to know OM-this is getting unavoidable. It seems this bodybuilding thing is sort of a small world?) who is helping them in the same way I want to learn.

He is a very strong Christian and just kind of teaches them because he has done this all his life.

I mention this because I would love to turn around something I love and make it not always have all these triggers.

However, sorry so long, I just came home before even exercising.

I had to do that yesterday too. I just sat in the parking lot and cried. I have to get over this. He is not around. I think I have probably answered all the "where is OM and are you still training" questions.

But why do I feel like I am not safe anywhere in this town? It is silly. I am not making sense.


So this has been my state of mind.

The sad thing is the boys and I had a wonderful day. Saw two friends I am really coming to enjoy a lot. In the past, those thoughts would go along with me as the boys and I finished our day.

Instead, the minute I hop in the car, the pain in my stomach starts. Inevitably.

I fear seeing OM. I expect to on the road just because I always have. Fortunately I have not lately.

But coming home, into the neighborhood, all that, takes away my joy.

My Ic and I discussed taking back "my territory" and happiness today. I can't give him this much control.

Like I have said before, the A for me just unveiled things that have needed to be dealt with for a long time. It is just blown out of proportion because of the feelings I have for OM.

Sorry for babling. I feel more sane when I can get these things off my chest and out of my mind.

Blessings to all ofyou,

Pam

PS. Hope you have good sleep BV <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

runawaypot -

Your counselor is exactly right. You need to take back your territory. Just think what a great Proverbs31 woman you will be.

I had the same problem (from the other side). Everyone knew that my WH was with the OW - and I mean EVERYONE! People in my neighborhood, our friends, his family, everyone at work, and at church.

It was quite humiliating. But I have held my head up, and continue to try to lead a good life. I even went to WH's retirement party which I was dreading.

So you take back your territory too. Frankly it becomes old news quickly, and now everyone treats me just like they always have.

I am sorry to hear about that believer. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

It seems that we are forced to "grow" through situations like this.

I think God knows my stubborn streak maybe? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Well, I was wrong about OM's truck..I guess it was just a breather for me.

The phone rang so I went to the kitchen. The person on the other line just hung up. Right then OM drives by.

Probably a coincidence, but I saw because all my kitchen windows face the road.

H told him he must not drive by our house for at least a month.

H's truck is not here b/c he is working late. OM must not care too much about what H said or he just saw H wasn't home. Who knows?

H told him he would the OM's W if he drove by or did anything like that. He must not be worried.

All this needs to stop mattering to me!!!!!! Ugh.

I know it will eventually.

Blessings,
Pam

Glad I read this!
I am feeling the same things! the OMs wife does not know and we all work in the same profession. I have given up EVERYTHING to avoid seeing him but still constantly think about things- I am angry at myself, sad, and feel like I am NEVER going to get past this emotionally. Rumors are going around and more people know what happened and OMs wife has questioned him and he denies it. I feel (although I know it should not matter) that I will never be able to move past his because I am constantly waiting for the bomb to drop with OMs wife. If we did not work in the same profession I might not worry so much although part of me wants the truth out there. He does blame me for this getting out because I told my husband the truth. I have sent to NC letters and failed to stick to it. It is such a bad cycle to be in. On anothr post it was suggested my H call his W so it is out in the open.......
I do want my M to work- tomorrow is our 9 year anniv and I am trying so hard to focus on it. I hate myself right now......

Pam,

I understand what you mean. I work in the mortgage industry. It's a small world, even in a large city. The OM still works with one of my closest friends. I got her the job where I was working and he is there. Now they are tight. She doesn't know. She still talks about him sometimes, but it's now easy for me not to care. It used to drive me NUTS when he would tell her to say hi to me. He did it a lot and would say "Tell my girl I said hi and I miss her".

I moved away for a year and when I came back, my best friend, who also knows him had a welcome home party for me when I was here accepting a job. The other friend invited him. Best friend, who had never told him she knew (she also worked there at the time of the A), called him and told him he was not to come. That is how he found out she knew. I caused problems for so many people.

He is single and I know he was looking for love from me. I never had it for him. I know I hurt him, but I can't worry about that. He hurt my family by having a relationship with me. Does he hate me? Does he think of me? It so doesn't matter anymore and that is a wonderful feeling.

Don't know if any of this helps, but it will get better, I promise.

Michele

guilty,

I am glad you are here. We can help each other.

I am sorry to hear about your situation.

Affairs are real messes, aren't they?

(I have just had all 3 children come in at different times asking for pc <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

I have a lot to say , but have lost my "turn" on pc.

Michele,

thank you for posting. Thanks for sharing. It does help a lot.

Blessings,
Pam

michelle - Please keep posting here. We need more success stories. Hope you are feeling good.

Guilty - Hang in there. Everyone here is going through the same thing. I can see how awful it is at first.

I met a girlfriend for lunch today and she asked how I was doing. I said we were doing really well and that I couldn't believe the stuff I used to say.

She said: We knew you were pretty hopeless back then and it's so good to see you back to your old self again. You know he's probably done it before and he'll do it again with someone else whether his wife knows now or not. He was a jerk.

Now if she'd said all that to me 3 months ago I would have all sorts of excuses and justifications etc etc. I now remember that I was always unhappy during the A. Constantly unhappy. Miserably unhappy.

You're doing well all of you. Keep plugging away. It is a VERY long process and I think everyone here knows there are still elements of fog around me. But the little bits of fog don't mean I don't love Rob and don't want my marriage to work. I would never go down that path again. I see Rob as my one and only and I would never put myself in a position to jeopardise that. When I had the A I wasn't even seeing Rob - it was as though he didn't exist. Well now he does and I would never hurt him again. My whole mindset is different - I have learned so much.

Jenny

<small>[ July 27, 2004, 02:36 PM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

Hi girls.
BV, sorry your are having a hard time, health wise too. I'm guessing you need more chocolate.

Believer, I want you to know, how much i appreciate your full acceptance and your sincere willingness to help this group. I think you are truly a wonderful person. At a time when I really need acceptance this means so much. I think all of us FWS feel that way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

TotallyBroken, and Guilty, welcome to MB, stick with this. You will see you can make it out of this mess we have created for ourselves and our loved ones. It is a messed up thing the A, but we can recover, and we will all help each other. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Rap, I have the drive by thing going on as well. The OM drives by 6 times a day. I'm not sure what he gets out of this, but it is a major set back for my H and I's recovery.

It angers my H, and disturbes me. He doesn't need to drive by our house, he just chooses to for some reason. I'm not sure if he wants me to stop him, which I won't, or if he just wants to see a glimpse of me, or the boys, what is that about???? It is killing me!!!!!!!!!!!

We have decided we just won't look out at the road anymore. This has helped, or maybe he hasn't been driving by the past few days. I can only hope.

I'm so sorry for your pain, you are doing so well. I can tell you are making progress. I would have run for the hills, but you marched right in, good for you.

I'm such a chicken. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

((((hugs)))) to you all, this will all get better for us soon.

We are all on our way to recovery. It all comes in steps. I am no longer concerned about OM, at all. I no longer care for him, desire to see him at all. You can all get there too.

I know you can do this.
GO TEAM!!!!!

Jelly

Dear Suzet & RH,

Thanks for your posts. I am not really 'with it' at the moment. I seem to have 'gone back' in myself. I had to go to the doctors this morning and go back on some anti d.

Had a good long talk with the doctor this morning and finally told her why I needed them. Last year when I was on them I never told her the real reason 'why'.

She was very good and kind. She understands I am in withdrawal stage from OM, and has prescribed me some sedatives/anti d starting me off on a low dose.

These are a different type to what I was on before because I had serious side effects coming off them.

I don't know what to post or how to talk through things at the moment. I just want to 'retreat' into myself and forget everything.

I undrstand what you mean in your post Suzet, and truly it makes so much sense, but I can't let the feelings 'pass through me'. My defense to the pain and confusion is to totally block them out, and if it isn't the wine to do this, then it will have to be a sedative for the time being.

I feel I am totally hopeless and stupid at the moment.


but if you keep fighting against them, it will only get a stronger hold on you, depletes your emotional energy and prevents you from getting better to accept yourself and your emotions for what it is...

This is what is happening to me, I know it is. I can almost feel like my body is switching off because it simply can't cope with these feelings any more.

I don't think I am moving forward. I think I have now gone back. Just needing the anti d to me says this.

I am now going to take another tablet.

Am sorry guys.

Kas <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />