New version of letter. I intend to give this after I make my stand at mediation (two weeks):
W:
If you are reading this letter then you have asked me to explain my recent actions. I’ve written this then, not as a love letter, hard sell or lecture, but as a simple clarification of my intentions. I do so with the deepest respect for your feelings and the fullest faith in your open and graceful spirit.
I understand that you desire to pursue a romantic, “authentic” life. I also acknowledge your long-time unhappiness with this marriage. I’m truly sorry that my behavior contributed to your discontent and in the current failure of our union. Although I have learned from my mistakes and am releasing neediness, manipulation, etc from my spirit, you’ve clearly chosen not to heal and continue our marriage relationship. Instead you choose to pursue the intoxicating feelings of chemistry, intimacy, and emotional closeness you feel with OM right now. You say feel at peace with your decision to live another life experience. So what else is there to consider?
This journey toward divorce started while I was broken, you were longing, and we both wanted to end our pain. Along the way we mistakenly addressed our needs and issues with biased or incompetent people. This unacceptable setup was self-sabotage and guaranteed bad feelings all around. Anger, Loneliness, Neediness, and Fear are not places from which to build a future. Besides, the familial cost of this action is prohibitively high. As long as alternatives to divorce remain unexplored, I cannot, in good conscience, cooperate with that course of action.
While improving myself in counseling, I’ve discovered the value of working through marital crisis. I’ve been educated on how ruinous marriages become passionate, fulfilling relationships. I’ve worked with people whose expertise and dedication have made it possible for many families. They have introduced me to practices and programs that save marriages (e.g. Marriage Builders, Retrovaille, etc.) Knowing better, I am compelled to do better. My spirit has been strengthened by these experiences and I have emerged enabled and empowered to stand for our family and our common happiness.
I will not actively participate in the destruction of our family. Principle, faith and positive example guide this decision. My actions don’t depend on our current feelings, situation or appearances. Others’ baseless opinions, myths or misconceptions won’t deter me. Though I am willing to risk much to pursue the ideal for our family, I won’t sacrifice my life just to be with you. Nor should you believe that I’d die without you. That’d be obsession--and the height of unfairness. I prefer this marriage because the greatest chance that we’d all be happy is here. God blessed us with this wonderful family and good life. I will honor those gifts by making the most of them.
This will no doubt be demanding. We can however, move forward with a clean slate. No judging and living in the past. No “H cries & W gets ignored” dramas. I take responsibility for my actions and leadership in this endeavor.
Other people’s choices often anger us when they interfere with our desires. My choice may seem restrictive, unrealistic or even spiteful to you. Regardless, I hope you explore the possibilities for an intact family as seriously as I evaluated the merits of your divorce plan. Who knows? You may look at our lives and needs from an angle unburdened by old habits and expectations and like what you see. The choice, of course, is yours.
Why try? Just six months ago you wrote: “I know one thing for sure: You & I have a dynamic energy unmatched. Let us use our power together and create the greatest gift for mankind--the reminder of the God-self.” What’s in this for us is a passionate, prosperous life where we’re free to be true, where our boys enjoy the fruits of love and forgiveness, and you’re cherished and accepted for who you really are. An authentic life, indeed (laundry and hyper kids thrown in, just to keep it real ). This is my promise and commitment to you and the children God submitted to our care.
God honors Faith and Faith honors God. I believe in Love. I believe in us. I have always, W, believed in you. Change and peace are a decision away. I’ve made my choice for better or worse, to live my joy right here, where acres of diamonds lie ready for me to behold and enjoy.
