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Joined: Jun 2004
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Thanks,
I'm trying my best to hang in here. Like I said, she kept telling me how much she wanted to come home, so I was really expecting her to reply quickly. I know it can take months. God knows there are many people on this site that have been in Plan B going on many months. I guess I thought this situation was different, with her constantly chasing after me. While I know Plan B is mostly for me, I had hoped it would have really scared her that she could end up losing me for good. I guess it's not that big a deal to her anymore.
My mind is really working overtime on all of this. Just to think that the woman I married would even consider staying there. So many times she would say how disgusted she was with people who would do things like this....

I have a pretty strong feeling that OM knows nothing about what has been going on. She may have even told him that we already got a divorce. I wonder what I should do with that...

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You can always send the OM a copy of the Plan B letter, with a brief note attached that say you're waiting to recover the marriage and he should butt out.

Even if the two of them giggle wildly over it---when the affair is falling apart, it will have the appropriate impact.

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Hmmm.. That may be a good idea.
One thing I was thinking about was to have a third party let him know what has really been going on, with evidence so he'd know for sure it wasn't some kind of lie or ploy..

I don't know. Could backfire.

Today has been a rough day. No new developments really, just one of those days where I just didn't feel like doing anything but cry.
I may not have been a perfect husband, but I didn't deserve this. I hope she wakes up soon.
And I wish I knew what she really was thinking right now.

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For me anyway, Plan B seems to be harder on me than her. I know it's supposed to help me and my emotional well-being, but so far it's been agony. I know its only been a week, hopefully it will get easier. I have to keep fighting the urge to break no-contact.

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TTSi,

When I went into Plan B, I found it very difficult for the first couple weeks. You need good support around you, and a plan to do other stuff (not with available women) to get your mind off the situation.

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Definitely trying to stay busy. No women. Mostly work.
I'm curious as to what people's thoughts are on one-way communication during plan B?
Some people who are familiar with the marriage builders principles suggested that even though I am in NC with W, that I should send a card to her weekly. Reasons being, that W will not be able to feel any type of out of site, out of mind feelings, and that it would also help to create a rift between W and OM.
Some thoughts on this?
I had been sending her cards since I moved, but none so far since Plan B.

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I haven't been able to update or post the last few days. Been moving into my new place and unpacking everything has definitely been taking up all my spare time.
I finally did get the computer unpacked and setup though. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I haven't broken plan B, but W did call and leave a voicemail on my cell. All she said was,
"I know you don't want to talk to me, but I was thinking about you and I miss you and I love you. Talk to you soon."

I don't know what that's all about, I guess we'll see. The call was placed 1 1/2 weeks after I entered Plan B. Things are getting better for me emotionally a little bit. This definitely makes things easier to deal with. I still have her constantly on my mind, but a lot of the fear of what she'll do next, etc. is almost gone.

Anyone have any thoughts on my previous question on my last post about one-way communication?

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Well, I'm pretty much moved in over here.
I wish I had something worthwhile to update on, but I don't. Except for the voicemail she left me last Monday, (A week ago) I have not heard anything. I wish I could tell if that is good news or not.
I'm still having a real difficult time emotionally with things. The ADs aren't really helping much, except that they do help me sleep, which I am thankful for. I don't know why I still cry for her. Things aren't really improving for me emotionally. I'm starting to think that Plan B maybe wasn't such a good idea, as I think its doing more damage to me. Maybe things will improve. Heh, everyone that I work with tells me to get a girlfriend, even my Dad. My only reply to that is that I'm not ready for anything like that, I'm in no shape emotionally for it and even if I was extremely attracted to someone and likewise, it just wouldn't be fair to them considering the size of the bag of rocks that I have to drag behind me.
All I know is that I'm sad and its not ending, or getting better. I wish she were home. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

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TTSi,

Give this some time. Remember, no matter how bad you're feeling, it's more than likely that your wife is going through a huge swings in emotions. It's also a time where OM can be her sole support system---and that's not very likely to work out well.

Just stick with the plan. As bad as this is, I doubt very much that your being around her while she's waffling would make you feel better. If you need a counseling session to get refocused---now would be a good time.

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K,

Thank you for the uplift. I needed it.
I do hope during this period of not contacting
her she will realize how big a mistake this is.
I guess I'm in mourning for the death of the
woman I married. This person she has been, I don't even like. It's funny you know, she would always comment about how big POS people were who would do things like this, but yet now it's not a problem.
I don't understand why she is still there, her entire family (parents, brothers,sisters, spouses of brothers/sisters etc) will have nothing to do with her while she is in this relationship, and they have all told her that of their own. It's not something I pushed, and I actually had a moment of compassion I guess where I asked them to reconsider that path. But they were firm on it.
Putting myself in that situation, I don't understand why anyone would give up their family to continue an affair like that.

When you say that most likely she is going through emotional turmoil, do you mean just she can't decide what to do? I would suspect that if she really was considering coming home, that she would have at least panicked a bit and started pouring on the "miss yous and love yous" like she has in the past when she thought I was pulling away from her.

If you had asked me before I went Plan B, what I thought she would do about it, I would have told you that I thought she would ignore the request to not contact me, and that she would have stepped up the requests for communication.

At least I have work to keep me busy. If I want to work 80 hrs a week, I can. It doesn't take my mind off of her, but it does give me something to do.

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Hey bud, I saw your thread and decided to check it out. Were not in the exact same boat(I dont think wife is pregnant)but Im 29 and my WW is 28, weve known each other for 11 years, lived together for 10, and been married for almost 9. I just want you to know that I feel your pain, my wife was leaving to go to a "friends house" and wouldnt come back, the 5th time she did it I filed for seperation, shes gotten the freedom shes wanted, I have the kids(which she wants now cause shes broke and wants the CS)and have my custody hearing this coming Monday. The only good advice I can tell you is give it to God. Also if you would like some more support you can also sign up on the forum on www.familylife.com

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Joey,

I'm sorry as well that you have to go through this also. No one should have to be subjected to this. As I've said before, I may not have been a perfect husband, but I damn sure didn't deserve this..
I have tried all that I can to give it to God. I have never asked for help, and I have always prayed for him to help others. I have begged and pleaded with him, to no avail so far. I know he's listening. I have heard him through this, and I have done what he told me to do, but it hasn't made a difference... I'm trying though.
I just wish I really knew what was going on with her.

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Im there with you TT, I dont believe mine will ever come back, I too waited for God to speak to me and found that he spoke to me through other Christians. Remeber no matter what happens move closer to the Lord through this. I was impatient and wanted to know what was going on but look at the 2nd scripture verse in my signature, God wants us to stay married and you and I have tried everything in our power and turned it over to God, remeber no matter what happens he has a plan for us, I will keep you in my prayers

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Also here is a link to www.seperatedmen.com that a friend sent me, its a prayer to pray for your wife.
http://www.separatedmen.com/sm_frameset_hand.htm

The name of the prayer is the Hedge of Thorns prayer

<small>[ August 19, 2004, 09:56 PM: Message edited by: Joey791 ]</small>

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Thank you for the link to the prayer.
I have used it and will continue to use it.
I'm still having a difficult time.
I feel very lonely and isolated. I don't know
what to do about these feelings at all.
It like I'm just sitting here waiting for W to
either come home or drop another bomb on me.
I feel like I should be doing something, but I'm lost at to what. Still no contact from W in any shape.

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TT just keep on keeping on, you cant change her only you. She will do her thing and you have to do yours, keep heading on the right path, I know the pain and hurt you are talking about. Shes gonna do what she wants and you cant control that, continue to make yourself a better person and no matter how it comes out in the end you win

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Not much really going on with my situation, so I guess I'll count this as a bump...

I'm starting to have feelings like I need to go on the offensive.... Like I had posted before, I have a serious gut feeling that OM and OM's parents both think that W is already divorced.
My instincts have never led me wrong.
I have someone checking out as to where OM works now. I think I have a clue, and they'll verify it for me. In case I decide to write OM a letter, letting him know what really has been going on. I would need to send it to his work address so that I'd know for sure that W couldn't intercept it.
I'm also thinking of sending a copy of it to OM's parents house, as I do have their address.

Is it too late to do doing stuff like that, or not? I am worried about it backfiring...

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Oops, I guess I spoke too soon about nothing to update.
Tonite, W called my cellphone and left a message.
Same kind of stuff like before, "Miss you like crazy, etc." One other tidbit, she said because of her medical condition, that she probably would not be able to come home until after the baby is born.

I am really thinking that OM needs to hear that message, along with the other saved voicemails I have... I really need some advice on this, please. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

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Comments? Anyone?

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TTSI,

There really isn't anything to comment on. She is NOT coming home. Will she ever? Who knows she will have OM's baby, he will be there to comfort her, and you will be left with child support if you don't protect yourself once the child is born.

You have a limited time to do this. Frankly, TTSI you can believe NOTHING she says. Her actions are telling you where her priorities are: with the father of her child. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I am saying these very hard things to you because you keep asking the same questions and really nothing has changed. It is you that is going to have to make a decision sooner or later.

The really good news is that you are in plan B, so you are spared the daily ups and downs of this affair. You really have two choices now, stay in plan B or file. Ending Plan B and talking with her will NOT change a thing, and you know it did NOT change anything earlier.

The statement about her medical condition may or may NOT be true. I don't know how close she is to delivering, but it doesn't matter. She did not want to come home before the situation occured if it did indeed occur.

So sit back, work on getting a life, make new friends, enjoy your hobbies, your current friends, and just let it go.

Your updates are always welcome, and I wish I could offer you some advice as to doing something, but frankly you are doing all you can do to save this marriage. The only other thing you could do now is end the marriage.

As I mentioned to you much earlier, it is what Harley recommends for someone in your situation and I can see why. But, you would have to see why before you could end it. I am fine with it, as if My opinion counts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> So hang in there, work on making your life enjoyable, and realize she is where she wants to be, don't make any mistake about that. If she wasn't she would be elsewhere, perhaps even with you.

God Bless,

JL

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