Dear Lisa,

I have been sitting here and reflecting on your post and latest situation, and give my thoughts… Just my personal opinion though…

“He pretends to be a friend and next thing I know he is trying to kiss me. He hasn't talked to me since I turned him down.

This co-worker tried to manipulate and deceive you before..That is how OM worked on you. That is how I got myself into my personal situation with OM. Friendship (on false pretenses of getting something in return at your most vulnerable time)
Who knows what he is ‘holding’ in his heart??

You say that he hasn’t talked to you since you ‘turned him down’… Why should he want to talk now?? If he had simply wanted to ‘agree’ on no hard feelings from the past, he could have done so in his email. Why should he want to go into more detail? You have worked with him for a number of years BUT that doesn’t mean anything..

LEAVE IT AS IT IS. Don’t take this any further…


"He wants to talk to me away from the office. I told him that I would be glad to talk to him here and that I had talked to others here already about it. He wrote me a note back asking if I would at least talk to him over the phone.

DON’T GO THERE LISA. There is no need to. If he emails again, politely say NO, you don’t think there is anything else to say. He may pursue you on this but IMHO I wouldn’t go down this route. You could end up with ‘complications’…

Kas

thanks BV...that is my opinion too. I am so ready to leave this office. The next two weeks are going to be soooooooooooo long!!

his response to me when I told him that I couldn't correspond with him away from the office was and I quote.

you know tomorrow will probably be the last time ever that I'll ever be able to call you since you are leaving and how do you honor my request-NO!! You have demonstrated to me the past year where I rank, but I did not think it was at the bottom of the barrel. I do hope you do well in your new career.

uuuggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Lisa,

i am just reading today for the first time. I have had a hard week but I have read a bit, there was a lot of good news this week, your job, Loy's baby, Eric's progress (i have not looked today, i hope there is still good progress going on there!!). anyway i just wanted to add to BV's vote. Turn your back on this person and don't give it another thought!!!!!! When he tried to kiss you he showed his true colors, he is NO friend. Have you confided in your husband about any of this? does he know this person once tried to kiss you? if not i guess it would be harder to explain the current issue but if you are struggling with what to do i think talking to H about it all is the best thing. what do you think he would say? this person tried to kiss you lisa and you are married... won't your H have a hard time understanding why you care to even give it another thought? aren't you wondering why you are giving it any of your energy????

let it go lisa and if you are struggling to do so talk to your H about it!!!!!

Ps Dear Lisa,

“he wants to talk to me on the phone...away from the office. My gut instinct tells me NO, but i know I'm leaving and I don't won't to leave with him thinking that I dislike him.

Obey your gut instinct Lisa..It is right.Don't talk to him. Remember the OM mantra as I have been told, “He is no longer your concern”.. Your co-worker I know isn’t your OM, but the POTENTIAL is there on his side…

It doesn’t matter if he thinks you dislike him. Your rejection of him hurt a part of his pride in the past. He may want to ‘right’ that. You sound a bit like how I am…you want to give everyone a chance, and believe the best of them…

Don’t take this any further.

If he ‘pretended’ with you in the past, he will almost certainly do this again, co-worker or not and end up making your ‘notice period’ even harder.

Please don’t go there. I feel concerned for you in this.

Kas

pps Lisa!

Just saw your last post before I have to log off soon... His response confirms to you what you have to do. He may try to talk you round by playing on your emotions again as he has tried in his response to you.

Stay firm in it, and don't be 'sweet talked' by him, EVEN if he should buy you a gift or card. I know you will have to cross that bridge if it comes re a leaving thing, but if they do something for you, stay AWAY from him, and if he did buy you something, IMVHO don't accept it..

He will probably be offended (as his response already shows) but stay firm...

Take care,

Love and blessings to you all

Kas

"his response to me when I told him that I couldn't correspond with him away from the office was and I quote.

you know tomorrow will probably be the last time ever that I'll ever be able to call you since you are leaving and how do you honor my request-NO!! You have demonstrated to me the past year where I rank, but I did not think it was at the bottom of the barrel. I do hope you do well in your new career." "his response to me when I told him that I couldn't correspond with him away from the office was and I quote.

I appreciate all the replys. I think that sometimes I feel like I'm paranoid about things now but I don't think that I need to talk to him. If he's mad, that's not my problem.

Lisa,

The Fun just never seems to end, Huh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Well in 2 weeks it will be, so concentrate on that light at the End of that long tunnel you've been running down for so long.

As far as this guy goes, you did the appropriate thing.
Why in the world would you feel a need to talk with him now that you are leaving, since he has been ignoring you while working there? Sounds fishy.

My thought's go back to that kiss he tried to lay on you.
I can only imagine what stories and spin the OM was feeding to this other male coworker, for him to think he could Ever try something like that. MEN!!


As far as feeling hurt by all this, it is understandable. No one likes to think of others thinking poorly of them.
Even though this is a very emotional time, do your best to try not to dwell on this unfortunate incident.
Instead concentrate on the next stage of your life. That's what's important NOW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

thanks top rope so much for the reply. I tell you the truth, I don't know that I will ever trust another man again. Thankfully the partnership that I will be working for with my new job is a group that used to work where I'm at now. I won't have to worry about any drama there, thank God <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I swear my life is like one of those horrid soap operas and I'm ready for this show to end!!

Lisa103,

I am sorry I missed this. It seems you got all the best advice anyway! Isn't it nice to know there is help for these "wonderful" situations?

I am proud of you. It is hard (at least for me) to have someone mad at me. Even a guy like you are talking about. But you did it and saw what he was really all about. It was great to bring the issue here, and you made the right choices!

I hope it feels good!

Pam

<small>[ June 26, 2004, 01:16 AM: Message edited by: runawaypot ]</small>

Dear Lisa

“I feel like I'm paranoid about things now but I don't think that I need to talk to him. If he's mad, that's not my problem.”

It doesn’t hurt to be paranoid in this situation. That will protect you! It’s like warning bells (loud ones) that are telling you something isn’t right here so you feel cautious in following it up. Remember your ‘gut’ instinct..

I too had a ‘gut instinct’ and ‘warning bells’ before I started EA then PA with OM. How I wish I could turn back the clock and listen to them again. They were there.

But, I simply couldn’t believe (especially not in my situation) that OM was wanting a relationship with me.. Naivety won the day in me and I let my guard down…

You will be stronger and have accomplished another hurdle in this race of lessons to be learned and hurdles to be overcome by standing firm in this. (I preach to myself so much with regard to NC when I say this)…

Take care Lisa,

A new chapter of your life is starting,

We care and look forward to going through these last couple of weeks notice with you, so vent it if needs be!

Kas

Dear Lisa,

How are you getting on? Are you going to church today?

You really encouraged me before when you shared about how the preacher spoke to you as if he knew what was going on in your life...

"You have to let go of this"

These are the words going through my mind as you shared about what was said.

Am just getting ready to go but wanted to do a quick post to say hello, and please post soon!

Take care

Thanks for your help to me,

Kas

pps really praying for you and your last 2 weeks notice coming up.

Perhaps you could do a daily progress report on how you are feeling to us all on 'Moving on?"

love and blessings to you,

Kas

hi BV...sorry I'm late responding to you. It's been a really busy weekend. My niece got married yesterday. The wedding was beautiful, more tears!!! This has been a very exciting/emotional summer. My daughter graduated from high school and now my niece getting married. Yes, we did go to church this morning. I live in a town that has an Air Force Base so we always have an outstanding military appreciation day. More tears!!

I'm glad that you're thinking about the "letting it go" message to me. Sounds so simple but we tend to make it hard. If you are like me, it was hard letting go of the way the OM made me feel. I've reached the conclusion that as much as I hung on the fact that I was used, I also used him to help fill a void that was in my life at the time. My need was more emotional and his was physical. You will reach the point BV when you realize that you don't need him to complete you. Trust me, if I could get to that point, anyone can!!

Dear Lisa,

Great to read your post. You sound as though you had a lovely weekend, with the wedding of your niece, and also the recent graduation of your daughter from high school.

The Military Appreciation Day sounds a great thing to be at. I can understand how there would be tears at that too.

Yesterday morning I went to church, and the speaker spoke on :

Moving on from disappointments to your destiny..

I too hope that I can soon get to that place like you as you said:

“If you are like me, it was hard letting go of the way the OM made me feel. I've reached the conclusion that as much as I hung on the fact that I was used, I also used him to help fill a void that was in my life at the time. My need was more emotional and his was physical. You will reach the point BV when you realize that you don't need him to complete you. Trust me, if I could get to that point, anyone can!!”

I want to get to that place. I really do.

Thanks Lisa,

Take care

Kas

please keep praying....Today has been a very emotional week. I had to cover the phone while everyone else went into a meeting for about an hour so I decided to go through my desk and "clean house". After 17 years, I have accumulated quite a bit of junk!! Two of the women here I believe are actually glad that I'm leaving. They've shown very little emotion compared to most of the others. These next 7 days are going to go by really slow!! I had a dream last night that woke me up about work. I can't remember what it was even about now, but I got up went outside and smoked a cigarette and cried like a baby.

God, I hate this working a two week notice. If I didn't like my branch manager so much I would have worked my last day last Friday!!

correction...my head is not all here obviously. **Today has been an emotional day, not week!! Sorry.

Been there...done that...got the T-shirt...and the Tote bag. I know all of the feelings you are experiencing.

Remember, what they think is not your concern.

On my last week, they called a meeting in the conference room with a few key people. To go over what my responsibilities had been and make sure who was going to do what.

The first person to walk into the room...guess who? Yep...OM

It reaffirmed me that I had made the best choice.

Hang in there. You will feel so much better once the two weeks is over.

Are you taking a little break (time off) before you start your other job?

Sandra

Susan...I'll have the weekend before I start on the 12th. These two women used to be really good friends until the A. They are both former BS's so I guess my presence is painful to them.

Lisa103,

Just a note to say I think you are doing great. Hang in there, and it will be over before you know it.

When you figure out how not to let those "other" people bother you, let me know. I am sure you will be greatly missed after 17 years to most of the other employees.

Your post to BV about if you can do it anyone can, helped a lot. The OM completing me is definitely part of the problem. We all know the truth, it's those dang feelings they gave us that get in the way.

Thanks for your constant encouragement. I will keep reading to see how your new job goes.

Pam

Lisa, Big fat hug to you. Sorry you are having a bad week, it will be done before you know it.

Hey, did you know smoking causes cancer??? Just checking. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You will be flying high in your new job in no time. You will make all kinds of new friends, you don't need those two nasty woman, who obviously haven't had chocolate in a very long time.

Take care my friend, it will soon be better. I will pray for you. I wish they had a kiss graemlin. I always want to send a kiss, how about a lick <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .

KY