Darn...no...not this month. But, if you want to extend your stay to FL, come on over gal. I live in sunny Tampa, Florida...home of the Tampa Bay Bucs, Stanley Cup winning Bolts, some of the most beautiful beaches in the world, and a small house with two kids, a black mutt dog, and little ole me. We could tear up the town, two betrayed women, on a rampage, making all men pay. Or, we could catch a movie or visit the mall. Or we could stay in and watch movies. You are my sister, a sister in pain, and I would welcome you to my very small, very humble home with arms open.

<small>[ July 05, 2004, 07:10 PM: Message edited by: SerendipiT ]</small>

S, I am so blessed to have another sister. I will sure visit you. Maybe in the winter months when we have thick snow here. We will tear up the town. But we still can connect here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> And I know I pissed off KY and Robby with what I thought was a funny Nascar joke... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not true!

Ok, let’s try this one.

You know you’re a redneck if………..

…you think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

…you lose your camouflage truck.

…your richest uncle calls you and says he bought a new house and he wants you to come over and take the wheels off.

…you have to climb to the top of a water tower with a can of spray paint to protect your sisters honor.


Chirp, chirp, chirp….

Ok,

What are the last words that a redneck usually says before he dies?

"Hey y’all. Watch this!"

Nothing?

What do you call 28 rednecks in the same room?

Answer: A full set of teeth!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

That is FUNNY. I am laughing out loud, almost lost my soy milk at my desk. My colleagues think I am crazy anyway!

I have been wanting a new MB friend to exchange jokes with. Thanks Robby!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You know you're a redneck when your stair master has an ashtray!

Dipi was that you that posted I was pissed at the Nascar joke.
Not true at all.

I never get pissed, it is a real problem for my therapist.

Hi Robby.

Yeah...I got the cricket brigade after my post about nascar on your thread...so I thought, oops, some hard core rednecks here, I better simmer down now!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hurting today.

Hurting. Hurting. Hurting. Need to rent titanic, saving private ryan, schlinder's list, and whatever other horrifying depressing movie I can find, and just cryyyyyyyy. I know, I will rent AI. I almost had a nervous breakdown when I saw that the first time. It brought back some horrifying adoption memories that damn near had me rocking in the fetal position, with a straight jacket, padded room in a looney bin, etc.

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

10 Ways to tell if a Redneck has been working on a Computer


10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM ports have truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Bubba".
4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. There's a Coors can in the cup holder(CD-ROM drive).
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.

AND the number 1 way to tell if a redneck has been working on a computer is...

1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hurting today. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">me too!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SerendipiT:
<strong> Hurting. Hurting. Hurting.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">(((((((((((((((((((Dipi))))))))))))))))))

Hard core rednecks, now I'm pi$$ed!!!!

I'll stand barefooted in my own front yard with a baby on my hip, I'm a redneck woman, I ain't no high class.........


I'm sorry your so down today DipiT, I have never seen AI. What about Armageddon? That is a tear jerker.

Sorry your down too Robby. You missed out on all the fun last night on the Jelly thread, CP and Dipi were out of control. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Robby...I am laughing, despite the pit in my stomach!

Thank you for that.

(((((((((((((((CP))))))))))))))

What's a Dipi do for a living anyhoo? </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">despite the pit in my stomach!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Perhaps you are just hungry?! Did you have lunch? Was it good?

DipiT, I like the ring of this new name! Anyway, I was out of town so I missed your new state of mind. Darn, I was soooo envious of your MOJO! Here you were, the WH out of your life, and you feeling GREAT! Then there was ME, with the H STILL pining away for the conniving B, and I'm thinking, "I want to be where DipiT is at." Bottom line, what I've said all along, the aftermath of an A sucks no matter what state we are in.

Huge HUGS to you soul sister. Can I come visit you in Fla? I'm ready to blow out of this recovery game and just force H to go be with OW, even though he claims he doesn't want to be. Anyway, you know my thoughts and prayers are with you. You're incredible strength and humor WILL get you through this. I need to start hangin out again at GQll. I'm missing out on all the sick humor that's flying around here. I've got to start getting to know some of the new MBers who are rattling off these jokes. They are too funny!
Love Ya Girl! CV

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Ok...trying to focus on the positive here....

Um:

* Kids are funny as hell. Especially my ten year old. He and I have a standing joke that as long as I give him a great childhood, he will set me up in a posh nursing home when I get old, with a beefy nurse named "Sven." Last night he was trying to tell me he would help set me up with dates contigent on whether I buy him a gamecube or not. He already had his eye on a counselor at his YMCA day camp. I advised him the YMCA counselors are a tad too young for me (statutory rape, anyone). He said "Mom, this guys gotta be, geez, at least 45." I told him I was not ready for a boyfriend, and when I was, I would not be seeking his matchmaker skills. He seemed dissappointed...it is all about the gamecube. I love this kid. He makes me laugh all the time. He always rip on each other. And when I have to crack down on the discipline, I usually end it with "Chew just got SERVED" from that cheesy teen movie. We just laugh and laugh.

* I lost 5 pounds this week. Hell ya! Coming off finally. I was working out an hour in the am, an hour at lunch, and doing power yoga, followed by regular end of day yoga in the pm EVERYDAY. Plus, I was eating less than 1200 calories a day (IF I would eat that much) and nothing was happening for 2 weeks. Pissed me off. I finally bumped my calorie intake to around 1400 calories, and voila, lost 5 lbs this week. YAHOO! Only 35 or so to go.

* I don't miss my husband at all anymore. I can see him, exchange the kids, talk money, even went to the damn spiderman movie with him and the kids yesterday, and I felt nothing. No pain. No anger. Nada. The bank is finally empty and closed for business.

I am mostly hurting because I do not want to be single, dating, eating thanksgiving day TV dinners by myself, not married, divorced Mom of two. I am hurting because my vision of myself is changing, and I am being forced into a game, a lifestyle, an identity I did not want. And I am all about control, and I do not have any in this. I do not want that identity. But what choice do I have. And it is beyond my comprehension how my eyechart would have chosen this life.

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I work in Advertising. I am the client relationship manager for a small branch in Tampa that is a part of an agency that has international offices.

A little Advertising humor is as follows:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You go to a party and see a sexy girl across the room. You go up to her and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed, what about it?"
That's Direct Marketing.

You go to a party and see a sexy girl across the room. You approach her to get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed, what about it?"
That's Telemarketing.

You go to a party and see a sexy girl across the room. Your friend goes to her and says, "Hi, my friend over there is fantastic in bed, what about it?"
That's Advertising.

You go to a party and see a sexy girl across the room. You get up, straighten your clothes, approach her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after it drops, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.

You go to a party and see a sexy girl across the room. She comes over and says, "Hi, I hear you're fantastic in bed, what about it?"
That's the power of Branding! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

CV:

Hi, sista! Yeah, well, I changed my screen name from Christy to dipi, well, because I did not want STBXBFLWH to know I was in full force on the board, telling all his sordid secrets, but I should have know that he would never be on a MARRIAGE BUILDERS site. He is spending all his time on marriage tear-downers.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Then there was ME, with the H STILL pining away for the conniving B, and I'm thinking, "I want to be where DipiT is at." Bottom line, what I've said all along, the aftermath of an A sucks no matter what state we are in. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Girl...true nuff! I cannot even fathom where you are at. I don't think I would have handled well my WH crying day after day after day after hellacious day for that cruel, heartless, careless, homewrecking....nifty pen pal that my husband now says she is!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Can I come visit you in Fla? I'm ready to blow out of this recovery game and just force H to go be with OW, even though he claims he doesn't want to be. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are more than welcome to come chill with me in Tampa. We got museums, great night spots, the aquarium, busch gardens, awesome beaches, and all I got to say is, tequilla sunrises are my signature drink! But you can only come if you DON'T tell your H to go blow it out his [censored]. And maybe he should come with you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm missing out on all the sick humor that's flying around here. I've got to start getting to know some of the new MBers who are rattling off these jokes. They are too funny! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sick horny humor. YIKES!!!

CV-

DipiT is right, but there are a few more things you should know about Florida before you book your trip...

Florida State Mottos

FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see us drive.

FLORIDA: We count more than you do.

FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we count then take I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.

FLORIDA: We've been Gored by the bull of politics and we're Bushed.

FLORIDA: Relax...Retire...ReVote.

FLORIDA: What comes after 17,311?

FLORIDA: Where your vote counts...and counts...and counts...

FLORIDA: We don't just cheat in football.

FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount!

Palm Beach County: So nice, we let you vote twice.

Palm Beach County: We put the "duh" in Florida.

FLORIDA: Home of electile dysfunction.

FLORIDA: This isn't good when Alabama counts faster than us!

FLORIDA: Once is never enough!

FLORIDA: We would do a recount but we've run out of fingers and toes!

FLORIDA: Don't blame me, I voted for Gore, I think.

FLORIDA: Don't blame me, my vote didn't count.

FLORIDA: We're retired --no wait-- we're retarded!

FLORIDA: Don't count on us!

FLORIDA: Home of the edible chad.

FLORIDA: Bumbling better than ever!


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

DipiT, there ain't no way H is coming to Fla if I come a visiting. That boy is staying home! Although he has stopped long ago crying and waking up with panic attacks, oh that was SUCH a fun time during this withdrawal, the little "B" is still in our M. Not physically, but still in H's mind. Yuck, Gag, and puke!!! Last night for the thousandth time I told him to just go be with her if she was so friggin wonderful. Gee, how many times have I reported that comment? Am I about the worst MBer you have ever seen? I want to force H out even when he doesn't want to go. My patience for the "at least 3 to 6 months" of withdrawal is not exactly great. So please, don't mention H again in regards to a trip. I think all of us MBers should go on a cruise. If some of us happen to still have their WSs around, they MUST stay home! I'm planning the DA*** cruise, and that's MY rule!

Now, as far as your life not being what you pictured, I totally get it. Granted at the moment our lives aren't mirrowing each other. My H is still in the M picture. But as I told my shrink this morning, I'm not even close to the acceptance stage. SH&&, it's only been how many months? I really didn't plan on being married to a man who decimated my life. I really wasn't planning on my H "F"ing another woman for around 6 or 7 months while I was totally sexually frustrated. Nope, didn't plan on that! I sure as hell never pictured myself going out to dinner with H and talking about his mistress. Yeh, this is definitely Twighlite Zone material here.

At some point we all have to get to that acceptance place. What is so incredibly hard for us BSs is that our lives took this turn and it had nothing to do with our choices. We were put into this hell because the person we loved chose to be an unconscious A%%. Gee, I'm not feeling angry today, am I?

Hang in their Girl! And Robby, thanks for the additional jokes. I got a good laugh is spite of my very black hearted mood. CV

Your welcome CV.

And THANK YOU, you've helped my self worth today... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Things Rednecks Will Never Say


I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
Duct tape won't fix that.
Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
We don't keep firearms in this house.
Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
You can't feed that to the dog.
I thought Graceland was tacky.
No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
Wrestling's fake.
Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
We're vegetarians.
Do you think my gut is too big?
I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
Honey, we don't need another dog.
Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?
Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
Spittin' is such a nasty habit.
I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
Checkmate.
She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
I don't have a favorite college team.
Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
You ALL.
Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight.

Thought it was time you had some international jokes...

We dont have rednecks in the UK, but we do have Scousers: ie from Liverpool.

What do you call a scouser in a suit? The accused.

What do you call a scouser in a white shellsuit? The bride.

We also tell a lot of football jokes.

You'll never guess what just landed in my back garden! David Beckham's penalty!

Anyway, apologies to all, Im off to the pub.