DipiT??

Passed out? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Went to grocery, super walmart (somehow a Tampa Florida staple nowadays), came home and unloaded groceries, then headed to my parents house. We swam, lounged on the patio chairs, and then came inside. We ordered pizza, and then we all fell asleep on the couch (the sun and water takes a lot out of you). Finally loaded up the car and came home.

1FLAman: You said west of Tampa...so you are on the beachside of the bay...St. Pete, Clearwater, Largo, Port Richey, Tarpon, right? This is like a treasure hunt. HOW FUN!!!!

My kids are 10 (my Chris Rock comedian son) and 4 (beautiful daughter is more the physical comedy type). How did you get roped into 5 kids at Adventure Island? I have not been there in YEARS AND YEARS!!!

We went to buccaneer bay in Weeki Wachee last weekend, and my daughter had a wonderful time. We swam in the redneck beach at buccaneer bay, and tatooed countrified redneck men were talking to me and my friend about the weirdest brooksville things I could imagine. But it was fun. And the water was certainly refreshing.

Robby: What did you do today UNDER THE FL SUN??? Are you in Orlando?


In the beginning of the sun season, I burnt the HELLLLLL out of myself, because I got a new swimsuit that was lower cut than the old tan line. Needless to say, I burnt pale fleshy parts of my skin SOOO severely that I am paranoid when I am out now. Sunscreen 45 now! I seriously did a bad bad thing under this FL sun, so, alas, I did not allow myself to stay out there too long today. Besides, I do not want to look like a leather bag by the time I am 40. But I love the water. I am a water person. My daughter is a water person too!

CV: I am sure you look nothing at all like a salamander, and would I be different, under different motivations, well, all I am saying is, er, umm, well, I am sure you would not be alone for long. You got SPUNK. I like that about you!

Sitting in the living room on the computer while my son watches Nickelodeon. Sounds are like little drills entering into my brain, sucking away at any remnants of logic or adult brain activity. MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!

Hope you are all doing well and smiling this fine Saturday evening.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I figured out a little something to get mojo.

Listen to good, old Motown, R&B music.

I was listening to Barry White, and you gotta admit, it is really HARD not to feel some MOJO coursing through your veins when you are listening to Barry White.

W is in Orlando today.

I stayed home and went to the pool.

Just woke up from a little nap....

Captain induced nap! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

What's DipiT doing tonight?

Just called W. Wasn't too interested in hearing from me. BIL is here.

I think it's my turn to be miserable tonight! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Robby: I am sorry to hear about your situation. I can identify with the pain she is feeling, but then again, I cannot identify with the fact that her husband (you) is there wanting to work it out, since mine didn't.

Even though the woman is 10,000 miles away, in a different continent, in a different world, he still thinks the short lived romance and what he has with her is more valuable than what we had, which was a nice life, 13 years of history, 2 beautiful, witty, wonderful children, a deep, intimate love, a best friendship that was unparalelled and, we were finally within reach of all the hopes and dreams that we had collectively shared all these years.

I just wonder how she would feel if you were still knee deep in the A. If you were feeling like you did not want to be there, working on your marriage, being a father to your son. Would she grieve, and appreciate, and yearn, and hunger for a call to her while she was in Orlando?

I do not know all the details of your story. I do know that adultery hurts. And ain't no captain going to take that away long term. Hang in there. I truly believe God will use this to make you a better person.

Remember my little OW (ow as in ouch) exercise. One will never earn growth without the OWWW (grOWth). Change and progression and growth does hurt. But in the end, it is worth it!

Robby,

I went back and read your story. You do have some interesting perspectives, because you were the BS too. You have been on both sides of this fence, and so has she, so one would think there would be a certain element of at least empathy or understanding.

I admire that you are pursuing counseling, trying like hell to keep this together. I will pray that your wife gets on board.

How is your Plan A going?

You are in my thoughts tonight! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thank you DipiT!

I was just feeling sorry for myself for a second there...

We are both in ****ty situations...

Kinda opposites, in many, many ways.

We've got our own little twilight zone going on!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />


Serously though, I know you are a BW and, as a FWH, it makes me feel good that we can be friends here.

I'm glad you don't want to 2x4 me to a bloody pulp daily!

Or, maybe you do! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Anyway, thanks again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

No bloody pulps. Just a bunch of hurting people looking for ways not to hurt so much. I'd say we both qualify. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How is your Plan A going?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Plan A is going well…

But, I have to admit I believe that it’s WS job to plan A, not BS.

Right now, I think Plan Aing a WS is counterproductive, based on other’s stories on this board.

Stating this may also be a defense mechanism as I’m personally grateful my W isn’t Plan Aing me.

I may be a different sort of WS though, as I had a major event to change my perspective on everything.

I love my W and hate the pain I have caused her.

I hope she does come around but will definitely understand if she can’t.

As I’ve stated before, I’ve lost a ton of integrity and character in this whole ordeal.

I was not myself.

I was not a man,

Only a coward…

Someone I will never be again.

No matter if my W forgives me or not.

Morning, just getting ready to take the family to church, thought I'd drop by and <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Adventure Island was great, the kids had a blast. Had alot of other friends there too, kind of a company picnic event. Park was closed from 7-11 and only open for us. Er, I mean the organization.

I must have been on most of those rides 100 times but in the dark they were all like brand new rides.

WW had a message on the phone, when we got back. Told the kids she hoped they had fun, and she loved them. This is the same Mom that up and left for the weekend with no warning at 10:00 pm on Friday night. Was scheduled to work Saturday, and had to call out sick for the kids.

OK DipiT, I'm taking what you said as a compliment. Over the years I've often thought it would be a heck of a lot easier to be gay, given the Mars and venus phenomena. However, we know neither you or I are gay. So maybe in our next lives. Wow, this thread is getting more bizarre as the days go on.

Anyway, I saw Eric Clapton last night and thought about you. An awesome concert by the King! The last song he did there was a line that he and his band kept singing over and over again. I think the line was, "I've got my mojo back!" He'd sing it, then his band would sing it, while Clapton was jamming away on his guitar. Then he sings something like, "It's just not working on you!." I am convinced you are getting your mojo back. It ain't working on your dumber than dirt H, but honey, it will be working on some worthy man one day. Trust me! I've got The Faith! CV

DipiT-

Could you please translate this for me…?

W says

1. We have a crappy marriage.
2. She has not been happy for a long time.
3. She does not trust me & never will.
4. She does not want to work on the marriage.
5. She has not been happy since 3-6 mos. after we got M.
6. We have an awful marriage.

Yet

She wants to separate so she can think about what she wants???

If 1-6 are true, why doesn’t she just want a D?

Don’t get me wrong, I DO NOT WANT A DIVORCE!!!

But there doesn’t seem to be much consistency here…

If things have been so bad for so long shouldn’t her answer be crystal clear?

By the way, how's your day?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
W says

1. We have a crappy marriage.
2. She has not been happy for a long time.
3. She does not trust me & never will.
4. She does not want to work on the marriage.
5. She has not been happy since 3-6 mos. after we got M.
6. We have an awful marriage.

Yet...She wants to separate so she can think about what she wants???

If 1-6 are true, why doesn’t she just want a D?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Robby, this sounds crazy, but is your wife having an affair again? This all sounds like WS talk. I mean, my husband said ALL OF THIS (maybe with the exception of the trust comment) verbatim.

Or, better yet, is this her way of pushing you away, and venting her anger, and trying to hurt you back a little bit, to make you "pay" for the pain you have inflicted. I was that was pre-A. If my husband hurt me, rather than cry, and tell him how bad it hurt, and show that I had been violated, I would rage on him. Be an A1A BBBBEEEEEAOOOCH. I would make him pay. And since I knew him so well, I knew exactly what buttons to push that would hurt him back.

And, I think all of what she that may be a feeling is real for her, but she probably has other conflicting thoughts that refute each and every comment she made.

There is a book by John Gottman called "The 7 prinicples that make marriages work." And while I do not buy everything he says, there was this section where he talked about how we will rewrite history. WS's do it, so they can justify the A. And people who have been hurt will do it too, as a way to intellectualize distancing themselves from the other person, and insulate themselves from future pain.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Robby, this sounds crazy, but is your wife having an affair again? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, I don't think so.

And I guess I now have to explain a little more her WW role...

She fooled around, several times, drug induced with one of her GF's and kissed a OM once(she claims) drunk.

Dude...whatever on that front. It just struck me as funny because those were the EXACT things my WH said.

Maybe it is the rewriting history, so she can distance and PROTECT herself. And again. Go on actions. She may with every fiber of her being want to believe all those things about the marriage, about you, because pitching it is easier than facing the pain, and trying to forgive. But deep down, she may feel something else.

OK, it's official!

You now confuse me just as much as my W! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Translation. She is saying she hates you, wasn't happy, wants you to go crawl in a hole, because if she pretends she doesn't care, convinces HERSELF it has sucked since the beginning, she can have the control over the situation, and thus, contain the pain.

BUT, if you were to crawl into her soul, I would bet there is still a soft spot there for you. The question is whether she will show this again and take down the fort bragg she has erected around her heart tp protect herself.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BUT, if you were to crawl into her soul, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is what I want to do.

And what I need guidance, help, support to do.

The problem is that the more she says these things, the more I want to give up and let her go...

Not because I'm not up to it, but because I truely want HER to be happy...

DipiT,

I agree she is rewriting history. Your observations I think are pretty much right on. However, we have to remember, she is the BS. She has feelings as a result of being betrayed, misled, lied to, etc.

She may be rewriting history, but I do think it is a self-defense mechanism to avoid the cost of another betrayal to her emotional needs. Some BS cannot get over that betrayal.

In my own case, I think if it wasn't for the kids, I may not want to get over it either. I probably would want to separate/divorce. See if I really want to invest in keeping the R alive.

Robby hope you don't feel like this is a 2X4 but, you have to claim some ownership to this situation fellow. It's not like it is just going to go away for her.

Good point. But, that is why you stay the course Robby. You keep plan Aing you [censored] off. And if she can forgive and forget, than you will win. If not, than you will have to learn how to forgive yourself and move on.