Hey, I specifically singled you out as a special friend, not a lurker...come on, Robby.

We have history. We have facials. We have bloating.

Doesn't it all mean something to you?

Now DipiT,

We both know you edited your message...

from "other lurkers" to "some"...

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

JK! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

You KNOW I'm you're bud! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I purposely did that...could not give you the wrong idea.

We had BETTER still be buddies!!

So, how is the future linebacker????

Perfect!

How did you know I was a linebacker? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Feeling angst today...was at the gym this morning, listening to my ipod, and selected an OLD mix that I had put together years ago, and it fed my angst even more:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Legend of a Cowgirl

I'm gonna drink my whiskey
I'm gonna have my man
I know you got nothing to say
I'm gonna have my man
Gonna steal their hearts
and save them for another day
Ain't gonna hang my hat
Ain't gonna take off my boots
Ain't nothing gonna stop me in my pursuit
My stage, time to rehearse
Gonna see all the wonders of the universe

CH: Pack my bags and mount my horse
I'm gonna ride on into the next town
Spend all my money on absolutely nothing
Need no man to pay for anything
Ain't got no shame, nobody knows my name
I'm gonna ride on into the next town
Pecos Bill, couldn't hang for long
A female legend with a song

Such a beautiful day, Such a beautiful day
I think I'll wear my brand new negligee
I'll probably change my mind
It happens every time
Just speak to my ex-fiance
I'm gonna hunt the hunter, gonna serve'em well done
Nowhere to hide, nowhere to run
Up goes the moon, down goes the sun
"Cook my dinner while I shine my gun"

CH: Pack my bags and mount my horse
I'm gonna ride on into the next town
Spend all my money on absolutely nothing
Cause there ain't no thing like chickenwing
Ain't got no shame, nobody knows my name
I'm gonna ride on into the next town
Pecos Bill, couldn't hang for long
A female legend with a song

Bridge:
I'd give my life to be her
I'd give my live just to be her
I'd give my sight to see her
I'd give my sight just to see her

So here's the way I'm gonna break it down
Speak my mind any time 'cause I got the master plan
Power in my soul, strength from my hand
I'm going up north to claim my land
Won't settle by river, might make me shiver
So look out and hide your fans
I'm a woman on fire with huge desire
To be as good as any man

CH: Pack my bags and mount my horse
I'm gonna ride on into the next town
Spend all my money on absolutely nothing
Need no man to pay for anything
Ain't got no shame, nobody knows my name
I'm gonna ride on into the next town
Pecos Bill, couldn't hang for long
A female legend with a song....... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe because it is Monday. My whole workout, I was envisioning just opening up a can of KICK YOUR *** on STBXBFLWH.

Ten year old is hurting. Last night, he called WH, and tried to voice his hurt, etc. WH is such an amazing bone head, that he does not get that his actions impact anyone past himself. A1A IDIOT!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

So, my son was upset, wanting to know why it won't stop hurting inside. I told him, it is like when someone dies. Even though we miss that person, wish they had not died, wish we could bring them back, hurt, maybe even sometimes are mad, it does not change a thing. It does not change that they are gone. So, it just takes time. And maybe, the hurt never goes completely away, but eventually, it becomes part of who we are, and we use that pain to remind us of how NOT to be, how we must love and respect our loved ones, how our choices pour out and touch the ones around us, how we are responsible for our actions, and there are consequences that ripple out from those actions.

I told him he needed to let the pain out. And that I loved him. And that I wished we would use all of this to make us closer, stronger, better people.

THEN I WENT TO BED AND DREAMED OF A CERTAIN KICKBOXING MATCH WITH A CERTAIN, BRAINLESS, FOG LADENED, IDIOT MAN, THAT I USED TO TRUST WITH MY HEART, AND MY CHILDREN'S WELL BEING. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

<small>[ July 26, 2004, 08:54 AM: Message edited by: SerendipiT ]</small>

The more I think about this....the madder I get.

My run this morning did NOTHING for me...apparently need to turn right around and hop back on the treadmill. Would have to be like Forest Gump, running for 15 years, across the country, to get all the anger out, to really come to terms with the cruel, selfish, ugly, evil, nature of what has happened, and more than that, the ONGOING nature of it.

One thing to make a mistake, realize it, learn from it, and fix it. Not one of here on planet earth cannot say they have made a serious mistake in their life that they have had to face after the fact.

It is another thing all together to sit in the middle of all the muck and stink, covered in filth, and just sit there with a smirk on your face. With an arrogant attitude. With a sense of entitlement, like somehow you have the right to punish everyone else around you, as long as YOU are happy. Meanwhile, everyone around you is getting dirty too, and smelling your stench.

MAD! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

{{{{{ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> }}}}}

Robby, **** the facial, you up for a boxing match. I warn you to consider before answering, because I honestly think I could take you.

DipiT-

How ‘bout we just postpone the facials? I was really looking forward to that…

I’m sorry you’re having a bad morning.

I truly wish there were something I could do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Sure, I’ll box ya! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Won’t hit back though… <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I’ll make you the same offer I made to Tom!

I can take a punch!

LOL, picking fights on a forum site?!? We’re going to have to start putting our height and weight in our sig lines!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Me –
Height: 6’3”
Weight: 230

A woman never tells those kinda stats, Robby, like a man would. So, no cigar baby!

I will share that I am 5'6", so you definitely have a height advantage.

And no punching back??? That would not be a fair fight. And I cannot allow you to LET me win...that would make me want to whoop up on you even worse.

Thanks for the sentiments...all part of the healing process, I guess. It sucks to see the kid hurting. He is a good kid!

Ok, then how about this:

Me-
Height: 3'6"
Weight: 320

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I cringed when I read your post about your son's hurt.

I'm so sorry...

First off... DipiT:

Know how you feel. That smug look, the smirk. That deep satisfaction with the thought of possibly causing some pain to her husband. WW gave me the same look several times this morning. First when I asked her about dinner, second when she saw me typing on this posting board. Then says to me "you're not well" <<<smirk>>>

The pain in the kids. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> My S came in the house last week, angry, cranky. I asked what was wrong but he didn't want to talk about it. I told I was here if he did, or he could even call me at the firehouse the next day if he wanted. Well he came out of his room and laid down on the couch next to me. There was a single tear roll down his cheek and he looks at me and says, "you know Dad, sometimes life really sucks"

Normally I don't allow the "sucks" word. But I let it go. I listened. It was painful for me to listen. I wanted to take it all away from him. But it isn't in my power. He wants two parents. He doesn't want to be like the other half who have divorced parents. He was proud to have an intact family. He is scared of being taken away. If his Dad is disposable/replacable, is he replacable too? My kids shouldn't have to be in this place.

My DD, won't talk. She gets very angry, just tells everyone not to talk to her. Says don't touch me, don't look at me, don't think about me. She is angry at both of us because of this. She wants a MOM and DAD. She doesn't understand, or want to understand why Mom and Dad won't be together anymore.

Found some more interesting reading material. Let me get new insight on WW, and myself. Explains alot of WW actions and identified alot of her family life experiences and how they affect her. Explains why her sisters are the way they are.

Second Off .... Robby-

A midget huh? Well I saw a movie once, about 20 years ago... Your knickname isn't Donkey is it?

Oh yeah. 5'8" 165lb (normal weight) hoovering 150 now.

<small>[ July 26, 2004, 03:00 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

4 year old daughter is mad at me. Keeps asking me "Why did you make Daddy go away?" Or things like "What did you do to make Daddy stop loving you?" Or she will say "I wish Daddy lived here with us, and you lived away at the apartment."

That stings a little bit. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

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Then, Beavis, or STBXBFLWH called me today to see if I had registered yet for the coparenting for divorced families class that Florida requires before a D can be filed yet? What I am realizing is, that even though I did not want this, did not ask or deserve his treatment, did everything I could to try and salvage our family, spare our kids pain, etc, that I will basically be doing EVERYTHING that needs to be done to bring this D to fruition. Because, basically, if I don't do it, he won't. Not he won't because he doesn't want to, but, he won't because he is a A1A slacker, and NEVER does anything, NEVER brings anything to fruition. I am shocked as hell that he even had the balls/wherewithall to have a **** affair. our whole lives it has been WH having all the grand plans, the "big picture thinker" he liked to call it, and it was me, facilitating everything, bringing it to fruition, picking up the pieces, cleaning up the messes from his half baked ideas, etc.

So, just like everything else, I will have to actually do the D dirty work...or remain married to this man who wants to cheat on me, hurt his family, and be the most selfish, narcissistic person I know, for the rest of my life, with no ability to move on, etc.

DipiT, my WW wanted me to pay for her class. I told her I had. She gets money from me every week and gets a small paycheck, and has the $7,000 she took from our joint account.

WTF <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> She can pay the $35 out of the money she already confiscated.

Dip-i-T-doo-dah, dip-i-T-aye
My, oh my what a wonderful day!
Plenty of sunshine heading my way
Dip-i-T-doo-dah, dip-i-T-aye

Mister Bluebird on my shoulder
It's the truth, it's actch'll
Ev'rything is satisfactch'll
Dip-i-T-doo-dah, dip-i-T-aye
Wonderful feeling, wonderful day!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

DipiT - are things better today? So sorry about what they little one said to you - kids are great, aren't they, we don't put their parent down in front of them, and we come out looking like the bad guy. If it helps, I said something similar to my mom when my parents were going through their D - something to the effect of "why did Dad have to leave -he and I were friends - you don't even like to do stuff" - yes, Mom and I are GREAT friends today, and from the minute it left my lips, I knew I'd regret it (BUT I was older than your little one, so I actually knew what I was saying) Anyway, I'm sure she didn't mean it, she just doesn't know how to deal with the crazy emotions that she forced to face.

I really hope you're better today - praying for you (and the kids!!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Oh where, oh where has my little dipi gone?
Oh where, oh where can she be?
With her temper cut short and her hair cut long.
Oh where, oh where can she be?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hey...do I have a short temper, Robby?????

Anyhoo, hanging in there. Don't feel so great...trying to come down with something.

Went to the co-parenting for divorced parents class. Heard all these heartbreaking stories about what these children from broken homes have suffered, and it literally was killing me. I felt myself choking down tears the whole class. I just hate that my kids have to hurt like this. None of us signed up for this.

So, at the end of the class, I got my certificate for the courts, and say my polite good byes to idiot, I mean, WH, and leave him sitting at the table finishing up his evaluation.

He calls me about 5 minutes later.

WH:What did you think of the class?
Me: I thought it was heartbreaking. It really stinks that so many children have to suffer this. What did you learn?
WH: (Pause) I learned that I am doing a lot of things right?
Me: ::silence::

In my mind, not aloud, I am thinking "WHAT THE F ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?????? YOU ARE DOING A LOT OF THINGS RIGHT????? THAT IS WHAT YOU GOT FROM IT???? YOU DID NOT GET ONE OUNCE OF GUILT, CUZ I DID, AND I AM NOT BREAKING UP THIS FAMILY? AND YOU CANNOT SEE HOW YOUR SELFISH BEHAVIOR IS HURTING THESE INNOCENT KIDS. AND YOU LEARNED NOTHING ABOUT ALL THE STATS OF THE EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS, SEXUALITY PROBLEMS, PROBLEMS FORMING THEIR OWN HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS???? YOU GOT NOTHING FROM THIS CLASS!!!!!"

WH: I realized that I am handling things right. Not talking about their mother rudely, providing the right type of answers.

Me: Well, if anything, WH, I learned that there is a lot of things that I am NOT doing so well. Or, there are a lot of things that I want to do much better."

WH: Well, me too, me too, but, it was a relief to see that many of the things we were doing are the right things.

I just sat there, silent, almost crashing my car while I drove home, listening to this bull****, having the biggest piece of proof ever before seen by another human being that I am ready to be divorced from this selfish, idiotic, narcissistic man.

That was Tuesday pm.

The rest of the week, I have had some MAJOR career demands. And not feeling that well.

Hope you are all doing well.