Well it's 920 pm here and he still has not called. I feel at peace for some reason. All the anger I felt earlier today is gone. Thoughts still pop in and out of my head. I wonder if he really is with her. What they are doing together. If they feel any guilt at all.

I just finished watching a movie with my mom. Along came Polly. It was pretty funny. Of course it was a romantic comedy so made me miss him more. I really hope he is ok and the more I think about it the more I just want him to be happy. If I am not the person for him then he shouldn't waste my time no matter how much it will hurt me if he goes. I know we can work it out but I can't force him to want to try. All I can do is work on myself and make myself a better person. And hopefully one day I will find that person who loves me the way I love them.

You sound so much like me. I know what you mean about the peace the sort of washes over you. It doesn't happen often so enjoy it while you have it. Sleep well tonight.

I just woke up and still no call. Last night my mom and my WS sister talked to me till about 2am. I think they talked me out and I just fell right to sleep. Of course I had those weird dreams all night again.

I just keep wondering what he will say. Will he lie? Will he actually tell me the truth? If he did meet her and had sex for the first time will he now feel obligated to end it with me and tell me he is leaving? If he calls to say he is on the way home I may pick up just to see how he acts towards me. But I still feel like I should just take my son and stepson and spend the week at my mothers house.

If he did have sex with her I really don't know how I will get over it but there is so many here that has forgiven and made it through so I am sure I will find a way. I just don't understand how he could tell me all week he wasn't going to meet her and even before he left looked me in the eyes and told me again. How could he make love to me the night before he left and held me and hugged me before he walked out the door? If I was planning something that hurtful and telling lies I could not even look him in the face let alone make love to him.

Well I will be busy after bit so hopefully it will take my mind off him and her. I keep seeing them together in my head. I truly hope he is telling the truth and is out with his guy friend but everything does not look that way. I am still trying to be strong but last night I just broke down. I tried to be strong all day I didn't want my mom seeing me sad and depressed but I couldn't keep up the happy front anymore. Now I am all cried out like that song. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Thanks everyone for listening to me and your kind words of support.

My sister in law thinks I should stay but when he comes home act like nothing is bothering me. Don't ask questions just go my merry way. She told me he feels smothered because I always ask him when he is stopping contact with the OW and always talking about her. She feels if I just let him alone about it for a little while that he will start to realize what he is doing.

She said with me talking about it and pushing the issue sometimes it makes him do the opposite of what I want him to do. What do you think? Should I just not even talk to him about this weekend? Unless he brings it up. Even though I am sure inside it will eat me alive.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SadMarylandLady:
<strong> My sister in law thinks I should stay but when he comes home act like nothing is bothering me. Don't ask questions just go my merry way. She told me he feels smothered because I always ask him when he is stopping contact with the OW and always talking about her. She feels if I just let him alone about it for a little while that he will start to realize what he is doing.

She said with me talking about it and pushing the issue sometimes it makes him do the opposite of what I want him to do. What do you think? Should I just not even talk to him about this weekend? Unless he brings it up. Even though I am sure inside it will eat me alive. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your SIL means well ....

but I wonder....

are YOU capable of being non-combative right now?

I don't think you are.... but.... you know yourself best.

I think you'll cry and carry on .... BECAUSE you have pregnancy hormones flooding your brain and that is a very EMOTIONAL soup.

Pep

I'm not really sure. Sometimes I think about it and think if I put up a false front then maybe it will get to him more than me just leaving. I actually think he would like it if I go for a week or more. He would have all the time to himself to do whatever he wants. With no kids to frustrate him no wife to nag him and nobody around to see him calling or chatting with OW.

So the more I think about it the more I think that is what he wants me to do. I think if he did meet her he knew I would figure it out. Epecially when he didn't call me all week. I think he wants me to leave him because that would make him feel less guilt about leaving his pregnant wife. He can say well she left me. The more I think about it the more I feel like I need to stay and show him I am a strong woman. That if he wants to leave let him do it. And stop being a coward.

Do you have the strength?

What does your OB-GYN tell you?

Are you where she wants you to be with your weight?

Pep

Haven't really mentioned anything to my Doc. I have gained 1 pound so far but they say everything is pretty normal. Baby has a really strong heartbeat.

I think I have the strength if it gets to much I will go to my moms house.

It's REALLY important you tell DOC ~everything~ .... the whole enchalada.

Pep

Well here is a update on my whole ordeal. I called my WS friend that he was suppose to be helping move. I left a message on his answering machine. Seems that he got the machine and called WS mom and left a message saying where are you ... Your wife is looking for you. So I knew then he was with her.

I left the house. I packed my kids clothes and my stuff we were headed for the beach. I stopped by his sisters house because she is going through a similar situation and she helped me so much just by listening and giving good advice. I was 2 hours into my driving trip when WS finally calls my cellphone it was 630pm. He first acted like nothing was wrong.

Then I said I know everything. I know I probably shouldn't have but I called the OW's cellphone twice and left messages. I told her I was going to contact the dean of her college and parents if she continued what she was doing. I am sure this helped nothing but it made me feel so much stronger and more in control. Of course now I feel silly and think I just reacted to fast.

I asked him to be honest with me and told him I was so hurt. He said he met her because there was some things he had to tell her in person. I said then why did you lie and he said that I wouldn't have understood. He said he told her they had to end contact and that he wanted to see if our marriage can work. He said he owed it to himself to try. I have been telling him if he just gets her out of the picture eventually he will see she was alot of the problem.

I still don't agree with what he did. He still says he did not have sex with her. Feels he could not do that to her and just leave out of her life. But I know he did stay at her dorm and probably sleep in her bed. I am sure they kissed and he held her in bed. That is what kills me. If he wanted to say goodbye he could have met her for dinner or something. He did not have to stay with her and spend the whole weekend.

I told him I was leaving and left my rings behind. He sounded sad. He said I wanted to give it a try like you said. I said well that means you cannot have contact with her at all even if she emails with a problem. I said that involves us working together on the problems in our marriage to make things better. I said I cannot be a doormat any longer. I want respect and I deserve respect. He said yes you do.

He won't be here till around 1am. I really don't know how I will react. I am not going to be angry anymore. I do want to work it out if he is finally ready to. I just don't know how I can forgive him doing this a second time especially since he swore to me he wasn't meeting her. And he always promised his mom and sisters he wasn't. He didn't even care enough to call all weekend.

This time it will not be so easy to forgive. This time I need to see him trying to change or I cannot stay. I cannot go through another weekend like this especially pregnant.

What he is fighting now is the fact that all the times he met her and even this weekend he does not feel remorse or guilt. He feels that since that is the case that he doesn't love me. Is it normal not to feel guilt if you know you are doing something wrong? I told him with everything he is saying is wrong with our marriage he is trying to justify himself and make it seem ok and if it feels good to be with her maybe the guilt does not come right away. I am not sure since I haven't been in his shoes. I did tell him with no contact and working on our marriage that one day he will realize what he has done to me and will feel pain and remorse.

I am sitting her really hoping this is a small step towards recovery. He has never said goodbye to her or told me he was ending contact so I hope he really means it.