You really don't need to clarify anything for people that have already been through all of this mess. We've heard it all. Everything you are saying in your posts.....my H said it too.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I realize marriages take some work. But I don't think they need the help of counselors. That's my first clue that I married the wrong person. I know that couples will fight and disagree over issues, but if the love is there, it's easy to work through anything. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is kind of like saying just because I have a First Aid kit in my kithcen drawer I shouldn't take anyone to the hospital if they get badly hurt. I'll just put a bandaid on it and forget about it and it will go away.
If you believe that love will conquer everything.....then you do need counseling. It takes alot more than love to make a relationship work.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> But we don't regret what we did, and we both still want to be together. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How selfish of you to not regret the situation you've just put your H in. You know nothing of the pain that a BS feels when they find out....and he will find out. All A's ending up coming out....eventually. It's usually the person you least expect letting the cat out of the bag too.
Whether you love him or not. You owe it to him to tell him the truth. That's is the least you could do.
His self esteem will be shot. The pain he will have will be like someone shooting him in the gut. He will wonder why HE wasn't good enough. He will wonder what HE did wrong. He will go through unimaginable pain and torment. Unless you've been a BS....you'll never know what that feels like.
Your only thinking of yourself. Trying to justify everything you've done.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He is going to counseling with his wife b/c he feels it's the right thing to do, and to appease her. But he does not feel that it will change his feelings or change his marriage at all. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Please....you don't really believe that do you?
With an affair come lies.....lies....and more lies.
If he truly wanted out....he wouldn't do ANYTHING to try to appease his wife. Believe me...he wouldn't. If he wanted out....he'd find a way come hell or high water.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> People don't change. Their actions might temporarily change, but their personality does not. So the arguing may stop for awhile, but eventually it will return. It's like the honeymoon all over. The spouse will be super sweet and accommadating to ensure that we stay married, but after a few months or so, I know it will go right back to where it was before. The courtesy wears off quick.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This part of your post really pissed me off.
You come to a MARRIAGE BUILDING site and say that?
PEOPLE DO CHANGE!
You just don't want to. You want to keep everything YOU want. You want everything YOU want. YOU don't WANT to change. Have you ever thought that the problem might lie in you?
My H and I are almost 3 years into recovering from his A....and I can most assuredly tell you that we have both changed.
I did not accomodate him just so he would come home and stay married to me. He had to fight to get me back.
None of what you say makes sense. You just want what you want and you don't want to think about anyone else getting hurt on the way to getting what you want.
You can't tell me anything new about your situation....I've been on both sides of the fence. I was the WS first....then my H. We both lived through it.....and we made it out of it together.....better than ever.
