LNH,

I know, when I read that story about the restarting of the affair, I was sad, too. I don't know what will happen with my M and most of the time I don't care if we end up together. But then I get sad because I think of memories of days past and I think of how, if we don't get back together, there will never be any more, and then I get sad and depressed. Or I think of being alone, and it gets to me.

But if I stay busy I do much better. Right now I'm trying my very non-talented hand at painting (sort of) a picture to hang over my fireplace. It's not a real picture, but more a patchwork of squares with different colors and textures. It looks like something an elementary student would do, but for me, it's an accomplishment. I've almost finished it--been working on it since Saturday.

My point--stay busy with things you enjoy and you'll feel better. Leave the rest to God. You really have sounded great in several of your last posts. Don't let your thoughts and worries get you down now. You need to rest and relax and enjoy your kids and your family and friends!

LL

Believer, I am up here to talk to you and other friends. I can't sleep, but I have to now. Tomorrow I am going to meet one of my sister's friend who is a faithful believer. I hope that we have some good communcation spiritually.

LL, You are really a strong lady. Any painting is a good one. I brought my hymn book and played some songs in piano. The kids said I played like a kidergaten kid, but I enjoyed it.

THanks for your advice, I will try not to let the bad thought ruin my good days here. Because I feel so relax here, I gain a lot of weight. THe cloth I bought last week are alreay tight. I need WH to help me to lose weight.

Today, brother also talked to me about parents. We both agreed that my dad may have some thing wrong mentally but didn't know what to do with him. He is VERY controlling, and suspects and made up things. When he said those things, he sounded very normal.

Then he talked about my mom's preaching. My mom is a believer, she preaches everywhere and all the time. But the problem is that she made things very offensive. She would tell my brother and SIL that if they don't believe in GOD, they are going to be in hell and suffer and said that they are hopeless. SHe also told every single person who visited brother's home that they are sinner, they have to be saved. Even though everything she said is true, but it may not be the right way to preach. Brother told me that she made him stay away more from GOD. I just told him that I believe in GOD to seek peace and spiritual growth, and to get rid of sin. He said that sounds more reasonable.

So on top of my M, I need to take care of parents. They have their own problem. Today when I called my mom and told her that we will be going to the provicial park for the weekend. Guess what she said? She said that you have better be careful to avoid the lightening. You have better not go. I just don't know how to communicate with her. When I told her I will go to the cruise, she said that why do you have to go, it is very dangerous to be in the sea. I asked her why she is so negative about everything, that is not the way a christian should be, she said I care about you, that is the way I show that I care. Now when I tried to reflect myself, did I do that to WH and the kids? I hope not.

lost, i tried to start another thread for you but i guess it didn't work. i titled it lostnhurt's plans and support thread. oh well.........i'm starting to have trouble sleeping, i think it's a combination of a bunch of things but it's still annoying because then i'm so tired i don't want to do anything. but anyway, enough about me.

unless people have been where you are they won't understand or if they don't know or understand the MB concepts they can't or won't understand. the best thing i know you know you can do for your mom is to pray for her and that she will be able to understand what you are doing as well as how to witness to others about Christ. she is very brave though to talk to people the way she does but she doesn't realize that most of the time this turns people off rather than convict them of their need to be saved.

this is a little how it was in my M. i was not obeying God when i met my H and when we got M. he wasn't a believer but i just thought i would be able to get him to believe eventually. it was fine for the first couple of years but after that i realized that how is my H ever going to come to know the Lord if i continue to act and behave the way i am. so i did a complete 180 and basically beat things over his head, he did come to church w/me and did make a profession of faith and was baptized. only he and God knows whether that was for real or not. after a few years of that i realized that i had gone about things the wrong way and instead of pushing things w/my H the best thing i could have done was just let God work and try to lead by example instead of telling my H what and how to believe. the past few years i've just been backslidden and just not sure what i was supposed to do anymore.

of course God has turned things around for me and brought me hard down on my knees so that i could truly understand the way he wants me to live and what i am supposed to do w/my life. i know now the way i am supposed to be as a wife according to the Bible and just pray and hope that i will be able to have the opportunity to show that to my H some day. i've learned so much the past months and really truly believe if given another chance that i would be able to show my H and that we can rebuild our M.

well, i kind of took over your thread but i guess i wanted to say that i know how you feel about second guessing how you were as a wife and how that might have caused problems in your M. i know for a fact it did in mine and have asked for forgiveness for that from God and my H, i know God has forgiven me and forgotten my sins, my H has also said that he has forgiven me although i know he hasn't forgotten and that plays a big part in why he doesn't want to work on the M because he's afraid my changes aren't for real and that they wouldn't last more than a couple of years and that things will just go back to the way they were. i know i've been forgiven but it's also hard for me to forget and the heartache i'm experiencing because of my actions or lack of actions.

again, that's just when we have to bring things to the Lord and pray that w/his help we can rebuild our M, that it can be better then it was and that we would be the husband and wife that God wants us to be. Hang in there, and just be the best wife,mother,daughter,sister,IL,friend you can be. prayers to you, RR

RR, thank you for starting another thread for me. People are too busy here. I feel so bad to see so many new names, it means there are more broken hearts. I wish I can help, but the only thing I can do is to pray for them.

Today I got up early relatively. I called the house just to see whehter WH was there at about 7:50am. There was no answer. There is only two possiblities: He was not home and was with OW, or he was taking a shower. Why do I still care? I just feel a little down.

I had a lot of exercise now. We went swimming almost everyday, walk on the mall, and walk half an hour in the evenig. I hope that I can be strong enough to deal with the situation physically when I got home. Sis will come today to join us for the weekend trip. I am looking forward to that.

i actually think that part of my trouble sleeping is not exercising. i've only worked out a few times in the last few weeks. i've just had a lot of activities after work and then my trip and i just couldn't seem to squeeze the exercise thing in. i can't really "walk" where i live at now so i'm kind of stuck w/going to the gym and it's further away then it used to be. but starting tomorrow i'm going to get back into the "groove." i still have a long way to go w/losing weight but it would be nice to start sleeping better again.

keep up the good work lost, i hear what you are saying and agree w/all you said in your last post about new members and the WH's. continued prayers to you.

RR, it is good that you are keeping yourself busy. I've been doing house work since morning, taking care of 4 kids, feed them and have them do home work, of course need to seperate them once a while when they get tangled.

I need to take a rest and pray.

just wanted to say i was thinking about you and hope you are still having a good time in canada. i think i was able to get some better sleep last night. that is until some kind of wild animals got into a fight right outside my house at about 330 this morning, ugh! i should be able to catch up on sleep this weekend though. gotta go, prayers to you.

Lostnhurt,
Reality hasn't hit your H yet. He thinks you're on a vacation. When you get home and boot him out of the house, then reality will hit.

I tape Harley's radio show because I never have one uninterrupted hour, and sometimes I type out some things that he says. Here's one that I think applies to you: "Why do people do things that hurt other people? And the answer is that part of it is we don’t care about other people. We only care about ourselves, and when we are only caring about ourselves and we’re not caring about other people, people should run for cover. And the question is: What is it we can do to make ourselves safe in relationships with other people and that is to create environmental factors – environmental rules, regulations – to live by that consciously and purposely protect other people from our own selfish instincts."

You "ran for cover", and doesn't it feel so much better that you are with people who treat you with consideration and care? Let us know how your daughter is doing.
Cherished

It's been few days I haven't posted here. We went out for the weekend in BOB ECHO park for canoeing, hiking and fishing. We all had so much fun and every one was tired. Brother's family and sister we together. I felt so much love and respect and care, just like CHrieshed said, I was surounded with loving people. DD was doing really well, she forgot to take her medicine, but still ok.

THe kids were having too much fun, they go swimming almost everyday, then go shopping, playing and doing homework together. We forgot to call WH again. We didn't talk to him since Friday, finally I called him this morning. He said where have you been? I kapr calling, no body answered, bother had no answer machine. I told him that we had fun and what we were doing. He was suggesting me to spend more time here(guess he didn't want to see me). Then he talked to the kids.

I had 2 dreams involved him: first one was someone came to the house to look for WH at 10pm, but he was not home. He said that how come your WH is not home even 10pm? I said you can come 2am, eh still won't be here. I rememberd that I was very calm in my dream and just like stating a fact. Then last night, I dreamed that in laws were in the house, but WH still want to go out and din't want to come home overnight. His father told me that if you want him back then just let go of him. I don't think of him at all day time, but I still missed him at dream and those bad memories kept coming back to be.

I miss all of you here.

LNH,

About those dreams--just keep telling yourself they're not real. They're dreams.

I've had some very vivid dreams both about WH being really unfeeling--usually about him and OW being intimate, and about him coming back. Both types, because they seemed so real, leave me feeling "creepy" or down, sometimes for more than a day.

Other than the dreams, it sounds like you and the kids really are doing great up there. I've been watching for updates to your thread and hoping that your not posting meant you were staying busy and having fun.

How long are you planning on staying in Toronto?

LL

lostnhurt - So glad you are having a nice time. Just enjoy yourself and don't worry about WH.