Oh pleeze, of course she will have the baby. That is part of her trap. Now she is in your poor WH's life for the long term. You will have to put up with her for years and years.

And I am not a proponent for abortion. But dad was stupid, stupid, stupid. He had the world by the tail, and didn't realize it.

So buck up, but please, let dad deal with the consequences of his poor choices.

OMG.

PAF,

I too am so sorry that the situation has played out like this.I haven't felt like throwing up in a long time but reading what happened to you did.It's a deep seeded disgusted feeling reading that that OW/homewrecker involved with your WH has now become pregnant.It's sickening.That woman deserves to get ZERO from your family.ZERO.It may not be what the court says but it would be her price to pay for getting involved with a married man.Of course your WH should be punished too for his bad behavior but now your family is going to be financially hit by her destructive,selfish behavior,let alone your WH's.UGH.Now you have to live with that woman inextricably linked to your family by a child.

I really hope that you can get plenty of support on the Pregnancy board.Fight for your rights and that of your children.In my opinion,your WH takes a backseat to you and your kids.I would be so mad and hurt that it's gone this far that I would really consider letting him go.But that's my opinion.It is just going to be much harder to get into a marriage recovery with that OW linked eternally to your family.I hope that you can find the strength and support you need.Sorry if this sounds depressing.I didn't mean it to be.It's just me thinking of what I would do in your situation.Boy it's tough.Hang in there.{{{HUGS}}}

O

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 03:54 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

PAF~

Is the CS amount the atty. quoted, the amount after taking your children into consideration?

I'm glad your H is saying he wants you and his family. If she is indeed P, again I want to remind you, there is still absolutely NO reason for him to be in contact with her. NC is still the name of the game. P does NOT change that. Don't let him or her tell you anything other than that!

Prepare for and plan what you should do if and when you find out your H is the bio, but other than that, proceed with recovery as per usual.

The M comes first, and it does not and should not take a backseat to this possible P.

There are so many what-ifs and unknowns right now, but be assured, your M can still recover, EVEN if she's P, and even if your H is the bio.

P/C board is slower right now than usual, but Lynn and other BW's will answer as soon as they see your post.

Keep the faith! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I also wanted to add a little glimmer of hope and good news, if there is such a thing when faced with this latest dilemma...butttt...I've read and heard how more M's tend to recover when an OC is involved than when not. Nothing like an OC to break the trance and appeal of the fantasy.

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 04:17 PM: Message edited by: autumnday ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by committedandlovingit:
<strong> PAF,

You are eventually going to have to start listening to people that can help you...or at least set you on the path where you need to be.

I feel that you have not followed one bit of advice that people have offered to you, here or on the other board either.

You are continuously shooting yourself in the foot with your "loose cannon" behavior.

I know that some people might post and tell me that now is not the time to bring that up...but I happen to think that now IS the time to bring it up. Get yourself together and listen to the wise words of the people trying to help you.

Do not get into your typical "winging it" mentality. It has NOT served you well so far.

JMHO
committed </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am so sorry you feel that I have not followed ONE BIT of advice given to me...I must disagree with you in that I have followed many peoples advice given to me. I went into Plan B when told to, I did my Plan A at first well, I dont LB my H and on and on.

I am sorry I do not know your story, but Ido feel like I have a lot on my plate right now. Doing a stellar Plan B is really not an issue for me at the moment. I have 1 child with ADHD, one child with Bipolar who needs both a mother and a father to tend to him and go to his Psychological evals. I also have a terminally ill Father.

I think that I have done remarkedly well considering all my WH has put me thru. I am essentially raising my boys myself, throw in 3 ADHD kids and a bipolar child and you have a small war on your hands.
Have you ever dealt with a Bipolar child? Or an ADHD child? Well, they are not what you would calll "normal". A small temper tantrum for a normal child is a 3 or 4 our RAGE for a bipolar child...5 or 6 times a DAY. EVERYDAY! It is not easy.

Aside from that...I can come on here and ask for advice..but it is essentially MY decision of what to do wtih that advice. I might take bits and pieces of what I have heard and use it.

I am sorry that some of you may get upset when I dont take what you say and put it to use. I may not agree with it or someone else may give me complete opposite advice and I may use it instead. But please do not come to my thread when I am as distraught as I am and tell me I am shooting myself in the foot here.

I really dont need that nor do I want that. This is one reason why I stopped posting here is because I would get negative posts which I dont think anyone deserves. I and everyone else needs caring people and advice on what we are going thru. Not advice that will hurt us or make us feel worse.

I could have...I should have...I would have....You didn't do that...or this...I am dealing with a whole new ballgame now. I would welcome any advice, but please do not tell me that I should have, could have or didn't do...Dont want that or need that. Thank you!

Hi PAF,

As you may know, I've been thru the OC thing TWICE, with two different OW, two OCs.

I want you to know that although your lawyer is telling you that you only have to worry about child support, financially he may be accurate. But there is a whole emotional side to this that has yet to be played out, and it's a rollercoaster of it's own that can last for years upon years.

First thing is first, and that would be establishing paternity via DNA which cannot happen until the child is 6 mos of age.

We hired an attorney that specialized in paternity, and I would STRONGLY advise you do the same.

To give you an example of how this whole thing can spin out of control .... at one point in this mess, after my husband left me for one of the OW, our attorney advised me that because I was an active step-mom to the OCs, that I could be liable for child support of them. I'm a engineer at a fairly large chip maker, with all sorts of benneys that the OW (who was at the helm) could sink her teeth into.

Luckily my attorney was aggressive and took care of everything and I came out nearly unscathed, if you don't count the emotional toll this all took on me.

You really should be posting on the Pregnancy/OC board. Several wise and caring women and men there that have been thru it all. Learn from their experience hon.

Love,
Jo

"He called me back and told me to calm down that everything will be fine. He said HE WAS NOT leaving me"

He has said that before. How long is he going to continue the abuse (yes it's abuse) He is playing games with many lives, even the OW's. As he goes back and forth he is emotionally abusing you. Your emotional/mental health is at stake here. When the 2 of you arrived here at MB I thought he was your typical foggy MM, now I'm starting to think he just doesn't care what he does to other people. Maybe he is the only one who matters to him.

Hopefully she is just a desperate woman trying to hold on to something that isn't hers. She wouldn't be the first to fake a pregnancy. If she's telling the truth just do whatever you need to do to protect what rightfully belongs to your 3 boys.

I just spoke to WH...He was very apologetic. Saying he couldn't believe he did this to me, etc, etc...I told him things will work out...they always do....he is very confused right now, as I am too. NO, I am not MAD at him as I should be. Yes, a child is involved now. But we will deal with it.

With or without my H, I will get on with my life. Right now, he must first find out IF indeed she is pregnant. And IF the baby is his. THEN he will have to decide whether he wants to be apart of the OW"s life along with the child's life. If he is apart of OW's life then I will not be in the picture. that is HIS choice and I have made that clearn.

A child does not change the fact that we CAN reconcile. He can still see this child if he wants to, but he does not have to see that OW!

ouch! you have a LOT on your plate! I think that he should spend a week taking care of the kids by himself, and you should go relax at some resort somewhere.

I did post on the pregnancy board, but no one replied to me! Dad really made an effort this time to end the contact. He ended it and she paged him over and over again...and he called her...then he said to her again it was over 3 days after that and she called him over and over again but I had his cell phone. Then she comes out pregnant. She is always the one chasing him. She is always the one calling him, trapping him.

Resilient~

It may vary from state to state, but I don't think so...A DNA test can be done from the 10th to about the 20th week of gestation by a qualified physician. Of course, this isn't the recommended way, as it puts the baby at undue risk. However, DNA can safely be done the DAY the baby is born. Maybe you are talking about your specific case, and a judge wouldn't allow DNA till child was 6 months old? I don't know...but I do know it can be done in the manner I stated.

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 07:08 PM: Message edited by: autumnday ]</small>

Hi Autumn ...

These were the laws in the State of Washington and we followed them to the letter TWICE.

They would NOT do any DNA testing of the unborns for fear of placing the pregnancies at risk. And as I said, we hired a very expensive Paternity Attorney.

Believe me, I was pushing very hard to have the DNA results as soon as possible. BOTH TIMES.

Just stating the facts as I DID live them, again TWICE.

lol

Jo

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 07:22 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

PAF,

My heart is simply breaking. I am with Octobergirl, it just sickens me. And I know that you have a LONG road ahead of you, lawyers, tests, proof of pregnancy, paternity, if it is a real deal, support, etc. etc.

And this comment is putting the horse WAY ahead of the court, but you've gotta know that there is no way Dad can be part of OC's life without being part of OW's life. Come on, how can that possibly happen. Just like Dad would have to see and deal with you for eternity if your marriage failed, because of your precious 3 boys, and there would not be much you could do about that, if this is the real deal, she will always have something to do with foolish foolish stupid dear old Dad.

IF there is a baby, that poor poor poor child. And your sweet sweet boys. What the hell was Dad thinking? He is a freaking doctor for God sakes. UGGHHH!!! It is called FREAKIN birth control people. Or here you go, TRY NOT HAVING SEX OUTSIDE OF YOUR MARRIAGE!!!!!!!

PAF, my heart is simply breaking for you. BREAKING. I really just want to cry right now. What a complicated mess.

The good news is, God can take our human DISASTERS, and make something beautiful out of it. He really is that amazing! I will pray that you receive blessings from this. Dad will have to pay for his own sins... but you and your boys, I pray for massive blessings on you all!

Let me start by saying that I really have followed your story from the beginning and my heart broke for you when I read the latest news...you really are being much stronger than I could ever hope to be..but...

<<She is always the one chasing him. She is always the one calling him, trapping him.>>
Hun, Dad is a big boy....just like all WS's make the choice to cheat, he made his...he was/is perfectly capable of not being 'trapped'..he chose his actions...please don't fall into the trap of feeling sorry for him because of the evil OW who 'trapped' him, I don't think it will do either of you any good if he doesn't own the fact that he made this mess by his own choosing..and he can clean it up if he chooses.

PAF, I think it is wonderful that you have such a big heart. Know that whatever you decide I will be there supporting you. I just encourage you to take some time and think about what you want. Your H has been a royal pain in the A$$. SORRY! He has acted like he is the only person existing on this earth. Not only has he put you through hell with this A, you have had to deal with so many difficult life circumstances on your own. Please, take some time to get the support you need, and to decide what is best for you. Is this man what you deserve? Maybe he will end up being that man. But YOU choose this time. Great big, enormous hugs to you and your boys! CV

PAF, I am so very sorry you are having to go through this. What an absolute nightmare. I so hope that the OW is lying about all this. I will say a prayer for you all.

Longtime lurker here, just wanted to say how sorry I am--I followed your story from beginning until, well, now.

Dad got what he deserved. What a total fool. You, on the other hand, you didn't deserve ANY of this. Crud, life is unfair. Hopefully Mr. Dad will get a vasectomy (I made my H get one, even though I'd had a tubal--just BECAUSE he was STUPID enough to not use protection, no OC thank god). The idea of an OC makes me *crazy* so I can't even imagine how ticked off you must be.

I have nothing constructive to add. Just wanted to share some righteous indignation at the audacity of this situation. I hope you've been tested for STD's since protection clearly wasn't high on Dad's priority list.

PAF, just wanted to let you know that I feel for you right now. It broke my heart to read the news.

IMHO, right now you need to assume that OW is lying. She is working on the basis that this P will exert control over your H. If you and H deny that she is telling the truth, she has no ammunition.

Having said that, still take steps to protect your family legally.

Sending you lots of love

I"m not one to wish bad things on people.. but sheesh..
hope she falls off a flight of stairs.. (that can fix everything) lol

Yes I am evil and shouldn't be laughing, but some women are PATHETIC! I saw a couple of posts about acting like a team with your H...its best thing to do. Show OW (No matter what she says, no matter what she does) you guys are a TEAM. And to stop her from having contact with your H (I know its hard, YOU DO IT) YOu'll feel more in control. Tell your husband that YOU wish to deal with the OW. I agree .. someone else posted, but I wanted to recap for you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

anyways keep your head up!

PAF
Bless your heart. Are you really surprised that she's pulled this trick? I'm not. And I seriously doubt she's really pregnant and will conveniently have a miscarriage when this plan no longer works for her. She won't have an "abortion" as she'll want to ever be in his memory that she "carried" his child-not be in his memory of one who "killed" his child.

My advice to your is to not let this run your lives. Let's assume that this is the truth, you've got many months before you have to deal with it. Don't let it dominate your conversation or focus. Let the topic of your conversation be the repair of your marriage. She's laid a trap for you-don't let her succeed! Your H needs to end his employment with the NH today!

When she calls his cell phone, you should answer. Remain calm and detached-it'll drive her crazy. Get him a new number but keep the old number. It'll be the only one she knows to call and if only you answer, she'll eventually give up. It'll not occur to her to look for another cell phone number if the only one is still entact. Don't play her games-she thinks she can jerk you all around because it's worked in the past!

Get a lawyer today! Let him deal with it and the two of your forge onto recovery.