Dear BV,

I am so happy for you!

What an amazing thing your husband did. It sounds like he really put his heart into this.

You brought me to tears, and I can say I am truly happy for you.

I cannot hit you with any 2x4s though (or be of too much help probably), because I am having a very hard time right now.

Saturday is the HARDEST day for me. Many triggers.

H has been wonderful. He had to leave for work a few minutes ago, and I am coming apart.

Why do I have to be so weak sometimes?

I am not doing anything I shouldn't do. I am going to take the kids out.

They have had so much fun with a spend-the-night last night.

I am not even considering breaking NC.

Just missing time invested, and missing "usual" Saturday routine. (NOT SF like you might think)

Please forgive me. Anyway, I am really happy for you.

I think it is probably okay is you are on "overload" from today.

It will sink in and it will take time.

We really are blessed, aren't we BV?

God has been so merciful to both of us.

Love you tons,
Pam

PS. Am trying really really hard not to pull out the wine today. Hmmmm, it is only 2:00. Am a little ashamed. Love ya.

broken vessel -

Oh my gosh, you made me cry. A castle and a moat? Reaffirming your wedding vows. Oh my goodness, how romantic.

Did you ever see Camelot? That is my favorite. It was so sad, how Guinevere goes off to the nunnery at the end, even though she and Lancelot were done. But King Arthur loved her so much, and could not hurt her. I know, fairy tales.

<small>[ July 17, 2004, 01:10 PM: Message edited by: believer ]</small>

<small>[ July 27, 2004, 03:25 AM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

<small>[ July 27, 2004, 03:26 AM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

brokenvessel - Good to hear from you again. Shouldn't you be sleeping. I don't know where you live, but my sister and I are going to go to
England, Ireland, and Scotland in September.

We are planning our trip now.

<small>[ July 27, 2004, 03:26 AM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

BV,

Thank you for the encouragement. I am moving too slowly at the moment. You are my inspiration! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I just wanted to say "hi" before dinner.

I hope you are not posting because you are having a great weekend.

Will talk to you soon.

Hugs to you BV.

Thanks for being there and accepting me.

Keep 2x4ing me though. That is what I need.

Love to you tonight.

Pam

Dear BV,

I’ve just read what your H did for you on Saturday and I just want to say it’s wonderful and I’m so happy for you!

YOU SAID:
I must have followed a link or something without actually realising it, and came across MB’s. It was so NOT ACCIDENTAL in God’s eyes.

BV, I can so relate to this… After my friendship with OM became inappropriate and I became confused and doubtful about my involvement with OM, I started searching the web for information on opposite sex friendships. After a view days I accidentally discovered MB and these forums and it opened my eyes and made me realize that I was involved in an EA and could NEVER be friends with OM again - not even on platonic level because the emotional attachment I had for him was just too strong. I truly believe the discovering of this website was a blessing and protection from God. I also realize today how easily my EA could have developed to something more serious and even some physical involvements if the friendship wasn’t stopped by my H’s discovering of one of OM’s e-mails to me… This all happened just in time and I also believe this was not accidental and protection from God.

BV, I’ve noticed you have a tendency to take direct talk or criticism from some folks that is meant to help you, too personally and negatively very easily. I understand this since I struggle with the same thing. I understand how this can be very hard sometimes. In my case I know I have this tendency because I have a deep settled need to feel accepted and valued by those I respected, who are important to me and I’m looking up to. I have some self esteem and confidence problems – it is much, much better than it was in the past, but I still struggle with some things regarding this. In general I don’t give a damn what people who are not a part of my life thinks of me and I also don’t care because I know what and who I am, but still, with the people I really do care about and who matters to me, it’s exactly the opposite.

Blessings, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Suzet

<small>[ July 27, 2004, 03:27 AM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

Broken Vessel,

I hope you don't stay away TOO long...but sometimes a break is what you need....all of this input and insight you've been getting IS overwhelming and you need to give yourself time to absorb it all. I have felt that way MANY times on this board....sometimes, if you haven't noticed, I just "disappear" for a while. Even if I'm not actively thinking about the things I've read here, my subconscious is...and it helps me to move forward, inch by inch.

Just remember that change, whether good or bad, can be frightening! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
I was reading a book by Julia Cameron yesterday and she said that thinking about something like going back to school at our age (me, 41) can feel a lot like an axe murderer looming over us! Ain't that the truth! She also said that "breakthroughs" can feel like "breakdowns" but they really aren't....it is more a "breaking up" of old beliefs and ways of doing and thinking...like when a river is ice-jammed and starts to thaw, it is quite a mess for a while! You have big chunks here and there and nothing is flowing smoothly.
I have a feeling that is where you are at the moment...my favorite mantra is:

THIS TOO SHALL PASS! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Eventually all those big chunks that feel like they are keeping you blocked will all melt together into one big, flowing river of peace, and everything will make sense.

The author I mentioned also says that the "learning curve" always involves excitement, discouragement, dismay, misery, and, eventually, mastery.

You WILL get there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love,
Julie

Dear BV,

There is nothing wrong with the way you are! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> In fact, I think it is normal for a ‘feeling' and sensitive person like you to take things personally and negatively more easily than ‘hard skinned’ people and this make you special in you own unique way. As long as you are aware of these tendencies and as long as you can recognize it when it appears there will be no problem. Also, I don’t think JL haven’t post to you again because he is upset or anything. From his last response to you it’s clear that he is very understanding regarding this. Maybe he is just very busy at the moment and haven’t had time yet to post back to you. I’m sure you have made the wrong assumption and that he will post again soon! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Please update us now and then and don't stay away too long!

Love,
Suzet

<small>[ July 19, 2004, 07:39 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

I just want all you to know how much reading over the last 11 pages has helped me. I am brand new here (for my story see my Going Crazy post from Sunday the 17th) and although I have not felt a lot like writing, I have felt a lot like reading. It is so good to hear people echoing what I have been thinking over the past few days and to know that there is some support here for the WW too. Since right now it seems absolutely impossible that I will ever feel better, your stories have given me some goals to aim for. Thanks for being so candid and honest.

snowy-

Welcome to this thread. All of you ladies will make it, and there are brighter days ahead. That is the beauty of the MB program. If you do it, it will work.

Even though I am the BS, and WH is still gone, I have recovered.

I hope you will all keep posting, because that really helps. You need to write out your feelings and know that others care, and will comfort and advise you.

BV,

I will miss you while you are gone, but enjoy your visit.

I often read more than I post because I have to stand back and just take it in sometimes.

Thank you for being so open with your life.

It helps me so much, and I know it is helping many others.

Talk to you soon,
Pam

snowyday03,

Welcome. We are all at different stages in recovery, but it is great to have each other.

I hope you get comfortable enough to post more. No hurry. We all feel that way. It can be a little overwhelming.

Stick around. This site has been the biggest blessing.

Pam (FWW)

<small>[ July 27, 2004, 03:21 AM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

BV,

Remember that it's two steps forward, one step back....which equals....well, ONE STEP FORWARD!

Numbing your pain with drinking keeps you from believing that you CAN handle the pain. And anyway, it doesn't appear to be working, really...so why do it? It always comes back, doesn't it?

I wish you could see yourself as I see you...you HAVE reached out to others on this site even though you are in pain. You have allowed others to see your pain so that they might know they are not alone, and that in itself is a BIG step toward healing.

BV, I have also seen a little spark of light come to you which I had not seen up until last week. That DOES count for something! Hold on to that positive experience you had, and believe you will have more!

I posted this quote on another thread (to Snowday) and it might also help you to remember this during the down times:

"It's like driving a car at night. You never see further than your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way."

E.L. Doctorow

And this next quote makes me think of you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

"A clay pot sitting in the sun will always be a clay pot. It has to go through the white heat of the furnace to become porcelain.'

Mildred Witte Stouven

Hugs,

Julie

Hi BV,

I really thought what your H did was really good and I am sure quite a surprise. I don't know why but when you described the castle it sounded a bit like Warwick castle. I am sorry you were down on Sunday, but I hope with visitors you will get back up.

I have a thought/question and wanted to share it with you.

Has it ever occured to you that you are being tested?

I sit a puzzle over what you say and what you don't see. AFter that great Sat. you said </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> We know this is a small but positive step.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">SMALL????? I don't think so. You do your H an injustice and you are in fact assuming this is easy for him.

I read your posts and I see you struggling mightly with all of this, when standing by your side awaits a person with the help you seek. You really don't see this person, nor do you see where his strength is coming from. Yet, you pray for guidance and help. You look on the net and find some help. You look everywhere but where your main source of help is. He is standing beside you BV.

You feel finding this site was a gift from God. Perhaps your right. But, it seems clear to many of us you have been given another and greater gift, and your refuse to look at it/him. Instead you hide in your grief, you drink, your sleeping pills.

So I ask again, do you think this is a test to see if BV can FINALLY see what she has been given??

My answer is YES. I don't think you will find happiness until you acknowledge and accept the gifts you have been given. I think you have been given all you need, but you have to accept them, and use them use they were intended.

BV, to those given much, much is expected. And from my part of the world, you have been given far more than you realize.

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL

Hi BV, wow, what a romantic thing Mr. BV did. i know you are on a rollercoaster of feelings but try not to worry that you are not 100% recovered yet. focus on the up times. focus on how much Mr. BV is holding on to you. when other feelings start to invade your heart (about OM), acknowledge them and then LET THEM GO, don't fret so much about it. i think that just makes them stay around more. focus on the positive as much as you can.

i know i am not posting quite as much as i used to, i am always hear reading though.

i am doing ok. i am commited to posting here when i start to feel like i am falling too much apart. it's the best i can do right now. there is just so much healing that still needs to occur for both my H and me, it is very hard but i am hanging on. this site is a blessing. thanks for your thoughts/prayers.

love to you and Mr. BV.

<small>[ July 27, 2004, 03:22 AM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>