Broken Vessel -

Good to see that you are gardening and working around the house. I think that will help you. When I first found out about the A, I started cleaning and organizing like crazy, completely rearrange the house, etc. I even planted a garden and some fruit trees. I think it made me feel like I was in control of something in my life.

As your anti-D's kick in, you will have more satisfaction in doing things. But I think it will help you to do them anyway.

It's a little after 4:00 in the morning here (California). I woke up and am now wide awake. I hate that.

Hopefully you haven't gotten the drink out yet. Even though it helps numb you, in the long run it won't help. Sheesh, I should listen to my own advice.

By the way, do you still have the list that you made? Have you been checking things off?

RAP - Hope you are doing well too. I won't ask anymore about the SF thing, afraid NC might tell me, (or send transcripts <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ). You know how those engineers are. I work with all male engineers, and they are quite strange.

I'm proud of you ladies. It takes a lot of strength to be the FWS and post here. I'm glad you are hanging in here.

JL...a little thread jack here.

Would you be so kind to take a little time and read 'noodle's' messages in her thread?

I believe you could give her some sage words of wisdom...which she really needs.

Thanks a million...Julie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

.

<small>[ July 26, 2004, 07:34 PM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

BV’s obs on NC… (girls you may have got some more to add!!!)

1. Kind hearted and caring (have to start off with this one, to avoid him being too cross with me!!) Anyway, you are. You care about people on here & post.
Can be caring. I have little patience with those who do not want to help themselves. I have no where near the compassion of believer. But am patient with those who want to try.

2. Late 30’s(ish)??
37

3. Originally thick black locks(?) but now swapped (by force of nature & aging) them for the cool close cropped look. Would love to see the photos of the previous ‘hairstyles’ you mentioned..ie the mowhawk!! (photo thread??)
You would not want to see an old picture. Too incriminating. If you want to see me in a mowhawk, I could do it now and send you a picture. If RAP would let me.

4. His temper is really not that bad…..
Thank you. Only with RAP. She drives me nuts in a good way and also in a bad way.

5. He is fulfilled because not only does he have RAP & God, he has all of us here!! (Would he consider us as an ‘enrichment on his life’??
Wrong. I am fulfilled because I try to look to the positive and choose to be fulfilled. Don’t always do so. I am Spirit filled, have a great wife, great kids, and good health. All I need (in that order). I do consider this board and all of you an enriching experience. But like all great experiences, it is also maddening. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

6. He has a talent for writing, and a ‘wicked’ sense of humour!!
My mom named me after a writer. That is what she wanted me to do. More of a knack than a talent. My talents lie in other areas, though now I am not so sure. You have all told me how well I write. I just don’t see it. You would have to ask RAP about the humor, or make your own opinions. I am not afraid to appear foolish in front of a crowd, much to the chagrin of RAP.

7. He is open and honest and will share anything (even on the SF) to help others in their recovery with their H’s (much to the embarrassment of RAP though!)
Honest to a fault. Has gotten me in trouble. I hold honesty and integrity in the highest regard. Fastest way to lose my approval is dishonesty and ulterior motives. No time or patience for that.

8. He is very very very wise (he is correct in what the Bible says about grey hair & wisdom)… Therefore if he has ‘lots’ he must be wise…oooooooo…..Maybe RAP can count the ‘strands’? That could be a cool and different SF thing to do….. mmmm interesting followed by a massage?
I am on the smart side. Thought I knew everything when I was younger and no one older could tell me anything. Wisest thing I did was realize I was wrong. Still have trouble with it sometimes. My wisdom comes from the fact that I try to listen to those who are wiser than I and retain what THEY say. Seems to be working if you all think I am wise. Standing on the shoulders of giants, really. One of my biggest life lessons was to realize that wisdom can come from many sources, so I am a decent listener. RAP is VERY aware of how many grey hairs I have, as she makes SURE that I am aware of each and every new one. They have started making appearances in other places – eyebrows, whiskers, arm hair.

9 and if you all feel you need to make me the butt of a hair joke, go ahead. Me and my hair can TAKE it.

The BUTT of a HAIR joke??? Maybe you shouldn’t have phrased it like this NC!!....... I take no responsibility for what happens next!!
BV - A word of warning. Do NOT go there. I have never backed down from a dare and if you have any compassion for RAP at all, you should not point me to a path such as this.

As you are ‘open’ to questions NC, I am not clear on your height or build??!!! So couldn’t add them to my list!!

I am 70 in tall and weigh about 165 lbs. Slender build, but broad shouldered. Black, graying hair. Brown eyes. Angular features. Roman nose, decent chin. Am told I have nice legs, but I am not in as good a shape as I need to be. Don’t smile very much. Don’t dress well, don’t have time for it. Friendly and wont to strike up a conversation with strangers. Poor posture, tend to slouch. Not very skilled at reading people, so I would probably bore you if you met me. You know the strangers that come up and talk to you when you wish they wouldn’t? Probably me. Tend to be intense. Have a commanding, tenacious, intimidating presence when I latch on to something I want to do. VERY focused and one track. Will get terse and barky to accomplish the mission because of how I was raised. Most people think I am bigger than I really am because of this. Prefer chaotic situations over order and peace, again, how I was raised. Always willing to help and don’t know how to say no even when I should. Tend to over-explain things. You ask me the time, I tell you how to build a watch. Have a lot of friends, none of them close. (RAP and one other). Not afraid or ashamed to be who I am, even when I probably should be. You would not want me over to a fancy dinner, wouldn’t know how to act. I guess uncouth, but a real person. Not much to care about outward appearances, focus on the inward. But to a fault, so my first impression is usually poor. Pretty decent about realizing my own faults, but don’t YOU dare tell me one. Pride thing. One of my struggles.

How is that?

NCWalker

BV -

Actually my situation is not as painful as yours. Yes, WH is with OW, and I do still love him, but also have a nice life of my own.

My kids are all doing well, and are on their own. (Well, almost on their own). I have a job that I love. Mostly I am at peace, with a little bit of backsliding along the way.

You, on the other hand, are not at peace. You are a good woman, but do not see it. You go to church, but stress about it before, and feel miserable while there.

Sometimes I just want to give you a cyberslap (although I care about you very much).

Whatever was OM's motivation, he was not good for you. Now you have to go through the withdrawal and more pain.

The Lord loves you, your husband loves you, your children love you, and we love you. But you do not love yourself.

What are we gonna do about that?

<small>[ July 26, 2004, 07:37 PM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

BV you said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Dear onlywords & RH,

Hello both of you. Hope you are ok and are having a good weekend. What sort of church do you both go to? Are you going tomorrow. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We are doing well. The son got sunburned at football camp today and is very tired. The youngest daughter won two trophies at cheerleading camp. Onlywords and I are doing well too. I got a pasture opened up at the farm, so now the cattle can go graze tomorrow. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

We used to belong to a Methodist Church. We went every week. It's very small about 35 people with only about 15-20 who attended regularly. After my grandmother passed away in 2000, I had a run in with the preacher (a 58 year old woman). I got tired of how she kept treating onlywords. She kept dumping more work on her and then would chastise her for not doing it correctly, or whatever. I told her three times to stop it. She didn't so we stopped going. Then the preacher came over to our house to find out why. Long story short, she couldn't grasp what we were saying so we just blamed our leaving on my grandmother passing and she accepted that.

So,no, we will not be going to church tomorrow. We did try a praise and worship church a couple months back (you know the "weird" christians), well, we just felt out of place and haven't gone back.

One of our former preachers just recently started his own church. About 50-80 people go there. We've thought of going there to check it out, but just haven't felt like the time was right.

Make you a deal. If you start showing love to your husband, we'll start going to church again?

<small>[ July 26, 2004, 07:35 PM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

Why is it MY weird Christian list all of a sudden?

Seem to be getting blamed for a lot around here.

NCW

HI BV. Haven't had a chance to read all the posts, but I wanted to say hi before you went to bed.

I am glad you and Mr. BV had a good day. Like JL says...baby steps. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am okay. I will tell you more later. My eyes won't stop leaking today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Doing plenty with my family, but my eyes have a mind of their own.

Hope this stops soon.

Love to you,
RAP

PS. Hi believer, onlywords, kiwij, ky, RH. HOpe everyone is having a great Saturday.

Blessings!

I am going to read your post on the other thread now.

JL,

By the way, your posts have been incredibly encouraging. I need to take the time to respond, but please know how you have helped both NCW and myself. Thanks!

RAP

RH - Cattle? We don't have any of those around here. Thanks for all of your hopeful posts. Hope BV starts hugging her husband and you and onlywords start going back to church.

RAP - NC is our main source of entertainment. I hope you don't mind. I know that you are still hurting, but please take heart. You will get through this.

I pray constantly for you and BV and your families.

it's...... the .........
N - C - WALKER show!
Ba-da ba-da ba-da ba dum duh dah


| ======
| --------
| / * * /
| / ~~ /
| _____
| ___&#0124;&#0124;___
| / | | \
| / /| | &#0124;&#0124;\ \ _
| \ \| | &#0124;&#0124; \ \ / \
| \ \ | &#0124;&#0124; \ \ /
| ~~====| ~~~/
| $$ | $$
| $$ | /
| \ \ | /
| \ \|
| \ \ __
| |\ / /
| |_\/_/

HOW DID YOU KNOW?!?

I have always wanted to trade in the stiff neck shirt for the stipes, straw boater and cane!!

Glad to be entertaining, believer.

NCW

AIEEE! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL MY SPACES!!

That WAS supposed to be a fairly striking rendition of a man doing a soft shoe with a cane and straw boater!

Band-width police stripped out all my extra spaces. Poop.

NCW

NC-

You are still entertaining. I had a great day today - went fishing with my sons - and by the way- I REALLY did go fishing.

It was a beautiful day, and there was a band by the pier playing and singing Christian music. They were having some kind of outreach program.

We caught 8 fish, but released them all. Usually we do, unless we catch a halibut.

Hope you and RAP are doing well. Still praying for her and BV and your families.

Blessed Time,

Thank you for the "heads up". I went and read the thread. I really don't have anything to offer. Neither she nor Anyname really want advice. They just want to feel angry and in the case of Anyname, punish her H. It is not clear where Noodle is in this case.

Until either of them are ready to do something other than eloquently express their feelings and their pain, there is little to do.

In this regard BS's and WS's are very similar. If they want help, they can heal and make the marriage better, if they don't there is little one can do.

Hi! BV,

I am glad to hear you have not "wigged out" yet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> So what other "quaint" Americanisms can we help you with. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> There always seems to be new ones coming along. My daughters two roommates in college are from southern California (LA and burbs actually) and I am constantly hearing new ones. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I am glad you are getting the concept of "baby steps". All it takes is just one little itty bitty act of love a toward Mr. BV and you will be amazed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Must go just avoiding some late night work.

God Bless,

JL

<small>[ July 26, 2004, 07:25 PM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

JL, I did use part of something you said in my reply in 'noodle's' thread. ( sex and intimacy and price and rant )
In between Pepper and Broken Vessel's debate!)

I cannot 'coddle' 'noodle' as many have been doing...her rage against her husband's one-time sexual betrayal is going on far too long. I would like for you to read my reply...if I was in error or too sharp, I trust your judgement and will go back and change it immediately...Just reply here.

Broken Vessel, your final comments left me so sad:
I HATE MYSELF
I HATE WHAT I HAVE DONE
I DON’T DESERVE MY H
I DON’T DESERVE FRIENDS
I CAN’T COPE WITH GOING TO CHURCH
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF.

Honey, it is time for you to make a u-turn in your mind....
1. Love yourself. (You need to forgive yourself for past sins and love yourself in order to love others.)
2. At the time you had the affair you felt driven and it would have been almost beyond your control not to have desired this OM.
3. You do deserve your husband (he has made mistakes and sinned also)
4. Of course you deserve friends, silly girl!
5. Church, my dear,is FOR sinners (that is what all of us are) and you will be welcomed with open arms.
Love, Julie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ July 25, 2004, 07:03 AM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

Blessedtime -

I have never "talked" to you before but I wanted to say I agree wholeheartedly with your reply to the other thread, it was my thoughts exactly but shyed away from getting involved in it. Anger is a terrible thing and I believe it is often used unknowingly to mask other internal issues.

Kas - have a good day today, okay?

Thanks Weaver...We are getting around for church and then going to our daughter's for the afternoon.

I admit, I know not much about anything; especially when trying to give relationship advice...lol
I only can go by my own life's experiences.

And I believe everyone...BS and WS, all need more GRACE, MERCY AND FORGIVING SPIRITS.
Love, Julie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />