I’ll be honest. This is really sad. Not you BV. Just all the unnecessary comments being made.
BV, I guess everyone is free to say what they want. But you don’t need to stop doing exactly what you have been doing. Let it just be background noise. Anything worth hearing will stick out. The rest is just pure noise. Don’t let it get to you.
NCW and I have been reading both threads together. I will not comment for him, as he is more than capable of posting what he thinks. I will say he is kind, gentle, to the point, but wise enough to respond to people with respect and mercy. I do love him for that! There is a difference BV, between honesty (whether difficult to hear or not) that is not filtered with mercy, and honesty that is. I think you are responding to opinions that are often written with a twist of bitterness still in them. Do not let it get you.
Do you remember some of the posts I received when I “lost it’” (an understatement) over July 4th week? Look back (some on NCW’s thread) and see how they were written. They were written much like the ones you are feeling hurt by. Even if the ones posting do not understand how favoring one couple to recover over others is hurtful, don’t let it get you! They want to see things the way they want to see them. And all in the name of “objectivity.”
I have kept quiet because I am supremely good at getting myself in trouble by putting both feet in my mouth. But you are not the only one that feels the way you do. The difference is we are being “sensitive.” It can be a very self-destructive thing as it has been in my life lately.
BUT, I would rather have a kind, loving, honest(yes honest), gentle person like you around any day. It can seem weak to some here, but you are just a deep feeling person. The reason I so understand you is because I see the same weaknesses and some of the same strengths in myself.
We are all very different people on this board. What Pep said over July 4th week crushed me. But you know what? I had NCW with all his wisdom (and forgiveness) there helping me see she was wrong about me. Yes, Pep can be wrong. We all can be. She knows it even if others here don’t. We all are fallible. Now I am rambling. NCW may not post about this situation, but do you know why? Because he is wiser than I am! He realizes the folly in it(not at you BV, but because here I am doing something that would probably make him cringe.) He balances me, and I am thankful for that.
But you know what BV? Your sensitivity and kindness bring balance too. Remember that.
Sometimes I think these wonderful posters (all of us) with this eloquence, use it to look so objective. The words are so “pretty.” Well, it is all JUST opinion. That is all it is.
We are recovering. I am thankful for madmax, pep, top rope, all the others that have hit me over the head. I do think their manner has sometimes been in question. Not because of it not being delivered gently, but because (read some old posts carefully) there have been digs, bitter comments, etc. Not always helpful and not always something to give any attention to. Just my opinion. But guess what? I can have my opinion all day long. So can you BV.
Pep said:
Self, I betcha she said those exact words to MM... "God sent you to me MM".BV, why in the WORLD would you listen to this? Why does it deserve a response anyway? Do you see what I mean? She doesn’t get it. She has been terribly hurt (yes by someone like us), but there was never a response given about the manipulation factor. Did that mean we were weak that we were successfully manipulated? I think so. NCW sees it differently. He would have to explain. But I see the difference. Did you dress up one day and say, “Hey, Baby! I want to cheat on my husband today. I am going to seduce the cr@p out of you now.” Was that you? Don’t listen.
Pep said:
BV...
These are my feelings!
Are you telling me I should not post my feelings?
Exactly why I have said just pick your battles. You know what I mean BV?
Instead of attacking her as a "jealous woman" why not address the content of her words and stick to the issue? Personal attacks do nothing but DIVERT from the issue at hand, and you wouldn't want that, would you?The difference is only in the eloquence of the attacks IMHO. Now, I do think this should all be considered just an adult discussion.
In the big scheme of things, none of this matters!
Our marriages, our children, our own recovery to becoming all we should be is all that matters.
We will all do it different ways. BV, the BS has been crushed by someone like us. They are going to judge us very differently depending on how they are doing themselves. It is all hard. Both sides.
I am not sure I have helped, but these are my thoughts. Here we go…..
Hugs, hugs, and more hugs BV.
You go girl. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
RAP <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
PS. I always felt believer’s presence on the Moving Forward thread was to encourage us, not condone obsessing. Just my opinion, and I should have given it earlier.
