Hi girls,

Lisa, nice to see your job is going well, or at least keeping you busy.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> BV...all my favorite MB buddies are right here on your thread!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I felt I needed to reply after I saw this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Rap, hello. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> So glad you had a nice weekend. Yes, you are blessed, but I'm thinking NcW feels the same way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

OnlyWords, did I hear somebody say you are opening some kind of basket shop??? How cool is that??? I would love to do that.

Believer, what a blessing you are. Sorry for your current pain. WS suck!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Suzet, hi to you too.

BV, What's up, I see your keeping the drama to a minimum on your threads. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Makes for good reading. Disappointing, but yet entertaining. I would have hid in a corner for weeks.

I'm impressed. It was awesome to see you stand up for your H and your M. Hmmm, maybe that is what Pep was trying to get you to do.......

I'm glad you seen my hug. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Love to you all - KY

<small>[ July 26, 2004, 07:29 AM: Message edited by: kyellow4 ]</small>

<small>[ July 26, 2004, 06:48 PM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

My day is okay, but just starting. I'm glad your off for chocolate. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I have some Swoops, have you heard of those??? They are like Pringles, but chocolate. YUM!!!

You sound so much better these days.

KY

Hi everyone. Well I have sent some new ladies to this thread, (and one is a Brit), so I hope we can continue and move forward.

I think that the feelings posted here, and JL, NC, and RH, and others replies will help others, especially new WS's who may not feel safe to post.

I do wish we could get NC's post about how men look at sex over here.

Also the one about joining the concert in the glass building.

Those two are classic.

I do wish we could get NC's post about how men look at sex over here.

I knew I liked you Believer. Yeah, get the sex post over here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Great post it was.

KY

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by runawaypot:
Pep said:

Self, I betcha she said those exact words to MM... "God sent you to me MM".

BV, why in the WORLD would you listen to this? Why does it deserve a response anyway? Do you see what I mean? She doesn’t get it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">RAP

I did not make this up!

In "Torn Assunder" ... it is discussed that in a co-church-member affair, it is often shared between lovers, "God brought us together for a reason".... in an attempt to quell the conscience of a Christian breaking her own vows.

If BV says she never spoke these words or words like them, then I believe her.

But, it is NOT an unusual thing that happends between co-Christian adulterors.

Not my original idea... but found in Torn Assunder.

Pep

Originally posted by runawaypot:
What Pep said over July 4th week crushed me.

You previously posted that my words during your crisis did not effect you much .... but that the horrible encounter with MM over that weekend was your tipping point...

Yes, Pep can be wrong. We all can be. She knows it even if others here don’t.

That's for sure!

She has been terribly hurt (yes by someone like us), but there was never a response given about the manipulation factor. Did that mean we were weak that we were successfully manipulated? I think so.



I have not been terribly hurt by infidelity for years and years. We are recovered. I know how hard recovery is..

I will discuss "manipulation factor" if you think that would be useful to your recovery process... but, I am of the opinion it is not useful to the marriage.... I think the "responsibility factor" is much more useful.

One of the hardest things to recover after infidelity is

TRUST

and if the "I was manipulated" card is played, it downgrades the person's trustworthiness quite a bit.

Pep

I was reading some past posts from Lisa in London. And I ran into SKM2's thread For Sarie is quite good. One of her ways to help "Break away" from the emotional withdrawal of OM was to look at the OM and her H and try to imagine what her life would be like if they were dead. She saw herself moving on with OM dead and her life over without H. Take a look, it's very interesting reading.

I also wanted to add a few comments about a previous post by Pep. First, when she stated she was betting on Onlywords, this was her impression about where we were in our recovery. Pep could see onlywords out of the fog, so to speak, she could see the efforts of her work towards recovery. (Pep, if I'm correct, chime in here with what you saw that made you say what you did.)

At the time, I don't think there was anything derogatory meant towards RAP or BV. You must remember that we are/were further along in our recovery timeline. Just because that's where she would have placed her 'betting money' try not to take it personally. Another thing regarding this statement, this not a race, we can all recover and enjoy the fruits of our recovery work with our mates. Just remember that we're all different and nobody has the same pace. I think that as things regressed this weekend, you guys have figured that out for yourselves. (Sometimes its good to get mad as it helps to focus your thoughts and efforts.)

Also, there was another poster who said that BV had an inappropriate call to JL. I'm not going to try and clarify what they might mean by that. But there were times when I felt that BV used the board more as a social forum than for help. I'm not saying that was wrong, only my impression of what I saw her call out for. I think there may have been a few people who didn't think that was an appropriate use of the board. I looked at that as part of who BV is and learned to accept it for that. (I know there were times where BV wrote "Please post RAP, Please post RAP, Please post RAP, etc. to the point where it was very iritating, but I just learned to overlook it.)

love to you RAP and BV,
RH

<small>[ July 26, 2004, 12:14 PM: Message edited by: Recovering H ]</small>

<small>[ July 26, 2004, 06:56 PM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

<small>[ July 26, 2004, 06:55 PM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

<small>[ July 26, 2004, 06:53 PM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

<small>[ July 26, 2004, 06:51 PM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

BV,

If you feel you have to "leave" this discussion board, then please do it only if that is what is best for YOU and MR. BV! Don't leave on account of anyone else or because you don't feel that you are helping anyone....I look at it as though we are "taking turns" here....I got help when I needed it, now it's your turn. Do not feel bad about that! You don't have to help anyone here, especially if doing so would interfere with your progress towards recovery in you marriage. This is the time to be "selfish" for your marriage.

You don't owe any of us anything. There were times that I had to "back off" from this board because I thought I was spending too much time here and it was actually hindering me from going forward. I always appreciated it when you asked how we were doing...it made me feel "special"!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

BV, I hope you didn't take offense to what RH said....I am absolutely SURE he didn't mean it that way. Hey, I know I can be irritating to him, too! And here's something...he irritates the begeebies out of me from time to time! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I think what he was trying to say is that all of your "personality" that comes across on this forum is actually what endears you to him...and me too!

We have really become very FOND of you, BV. One thing I have learned through all of the aftermath of my affair is to accept people as they are, warts and all....because that is what I want...to be accepted by others, warts and all. That doesn't mean I won't change or get rid of the warts if I possibly can. But I also know now that RH will accept me regardless of whether those warts are right on my nose or on my "[censored]"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I have also felt very useless at times on this board....but I guess that's to be expected. You just can't help everyone. But you can help yourself and your marriage, and that is the WHOLE POINT! So do what you need to do and I will totally understand....but also know I will miss you! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
If at this point you feel that you just can't take it, then that is ok. I think I've told you before that I see determination and persistance in you, so I believe you will come through this just fine! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sometimes all it takes is a little vote of confidence to keep you going in the right direction....and you have my vote! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I really love you, BV!

Julie

KY,

Also wanted to respond to you...

Yes, I opened a "sort of" basket shop. It's actually a sort of antique and craft mall that used to be an old shirt factory. You can rent spaces and you are charged rent according to the size of the space. I have a space that is 5x9 and it's just about right. I have baskets on a table and a few shelves and the rest hang on a pegboard...I think I have about 50 baskets displayed right now. This is the first month I have been at it, and so far it's a little slow going, but at this point I think I'll at least make enough to cover the rent! It'd be nice to make more than that, but I'll give it a few months and see what happens!

BV had asked me a week or two ago to see pics of the "shop"....but I'm not much of a computer geek, so I haven't done that. If I can get Recovering H to help, and I get them posted, I'll give you a heads up!

I was very flattered that you and BV showed an interest in this little "business" venture of mine! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

BV has a way of reaching out to people in a world where it seems most people don't have the time of day to give you.

I love her for that.

Have a great day!

Julie

BV, For the love of God, toots, I help nobody, and I'm still here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I've even been edited, more than once, and froze, and edited some more, and openly reprimanded, by the Mods.

OMG, why am I still here??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

We will all be here waiting for you to post, and be more than willing to reply.

Onlywords, your basket shop sounds wonderful. Now I would love to take your baskets, fill them with, let's say, um..... chocolates, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and wrap them with cellophane (plug for my dear friend) and put a beautiful bow on them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

KY

BV: Onlywords has it correct. My statements were not meant to belittle or discourage you, only how I perceived some here to see you.

God knows that I can't call the kettle black because I am one of the most irritating people I know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Onlywords said: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I think what he was trying to say is that all of your "personality" that comes across on this forum is actually what endears you to him...and me too! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, yes, this is what I mean. I also agree that you should be here for you and Mr. BV.

love and blessings to you BV,
Rich

KY,


I think I'd sell a lot more baskets with chococlates in them! Or maybe...I wouldn't sell any at all...because...I'd eat all the chocolate myself, and get fat, and then not be able to get off my butt and make any more baskets....

I'll have to seriously think about that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Julie

Hi all!

It was good to read all the posts from onlywords and RH. It is really nice to see a H and W team that is willing to reach out as you two are.

Thanks for reaching out to me too. Can't say it enough.

BV.,

Don't really know what to say. Just know I don't want you to leave. You are sweet, generous, smart, and generally a great Brit to have around. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

There have been many times I would have tucked tail and run if it had not been for you. So don't go(unless you just need that much understood break). There is still a crazy redhead over here praying for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Pep,

I don't remember my posts stating what you said did not bother me. But that is quite possible.

Some of your judgments about me during that time did hurt me, but that is my problem, not yours. I did not need to let it hurt me. I am a little sensitive that way.

I realize also about your comment about church affairs being in Torn Asunder. I just felt the delivery was not intended to be helpful. I also felt (my own observation only) that BV probably did not say that.

I am not really good at conflict. I don't care for it much. I would rather just forfeit!

But anyway, I do apologize Pep if any comments I made were rude in any way.

I am getting to the point where I really just want to focus on recovery and not worry about opinions that I do not feel are helpful. Now, please understand. You would have to know me. NCW would be standing with mouth agape right now.


Not very often in my life have I not cared about what people think of me. To my own detriment. So my feelings concerning people and their stances on this board are really a huge step forward for me! Not explaining it well, but I will strive for balance. I don't want to not listen because I don't want to hear. But I will filter what I feel to be just emotional responses.

Big step forward for an emotionally charged, strong-willed, stubborn, girl like myself. Thankfully, God has blessed me with a man who balances me very well. He happens to be as forgiving as a saint, too.

Pep, I am sorry if I said anything that came across wrong.

Blessings,

RAP

HI RAP!!

You know, what you just said about filtering out certain responses, and learning not to care so much what others think, I too made great strides in that area just from being on this board! I am hoping it carries over into the "real" world, so when the next person "looks" at me wrong or whatever, I won't be crushed. I know there were so many times that I misunderstood or misread RH....I've learned to try to clarify things instead of jumping to conclusions. It feels really, really, really really great!

I started a new thread for BV....I hope she sees it.

Thanks for the kind words! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love,
Julie

onlywords,

I hope too it carries over into the "real" world.

I have been learning so much from this A thing. I don't mean to say I am glad about it. I am just glad that it has forced me to deal with some really negative things in me.

Great response on the manipulation factor. I feel bad for NCW. He is not trying to okay what I did. I accept my part fully. I really do. But he knows all about this OM and about me. I hate to admit how weak I truly was. I too was one of those that judged those having affairs EXTREMELY harshly. Not even a choice was what I felt.


After I felt attatched, if OM even looked at me wrong, I wanted to fix it. I often misinterpret H's moods too. Or I tend to take a bad mood as something I must have done wrong. I feel like I am learning a lot. Too bad I did this to get there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I hope BV sees your post.

RAP