H.

I work out--a lot! I've lost 70 lbs. in the last year (245-175) and feel physically as strong as I have ever. My back, heart and stomach problems have disapeared as well. I reconnected with my friends, who are supportive though not entirely confident about the MB approach. And I pray. That's been the hardest since I have always tried to do it all myself, with God in some distant part of my mind. WRONG!! This experience continues to humble me.

You're right about the exposure. To tell the truth, I'm afraid. Afraid of my W's rejection, afraid of my family and friends judgement ('he's obsessed'). Afraid I'll simply be a bad person for ruining someone's life. An eye for an eye leaves everybody blind.

I realize though, that I must do what needs to be done. If my dog got rabies from wolves, I would care for it if it came home. Treatment would be painful and I would have to ignore it's violent behavior (it's the disease, not my best friend talking) I would isolate it from others b/c the disease is contagious. I would let everyone know of the condition.

As for the wolves? Well I definitely would keep them off my property. If they persisted to threaten me and mine, I'd put them down, without hesitation. I'd do this in love for my pet.

Do my wife and children deserve any less?

My children are fine, H. My older (5) S wonders why mommy and daddy don't sleep in the same room. This WILL negatively affect him. I cannot allow that to happen. I will, then, step outside my feelings, beyond my fear and STAND & FIGHT for my family. My W may do as she pleases but she must leave to do it. My commitment to her is to make our home worth returning to and to leave the door --and my heart open.

Keep me in your prayers

dlc

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<small>[ July 13, 2004, 03:37 PM: Message edited by: dleightonc ]</small>

I just talked to my L. We are working very hard to make sure that the focus of this process is the kids. I'm forcing trial b/c I don't think I or she may be able to look at the "big picture" as we are both in emtional states.

The fact that the OM is house hunting here speaks to the fact that our kids will be drawn into this. He needs then, to be deposed and evaluated by the courts as a potential caregiver to the boys. Can't agree to anything until that happens.

Bottom line: right now the courts have jurisdiction over our sons. THE COURTS. The only way to get it back is to reconcile and withdraw our D petitions. That is a reality that my W dosn't want to mess with. Nor do I...

Someone here once said - it is sometimes a good thing when the WS spouse moves in with the OP. and it is true - as painful as it is - you need for your WW to get the full dose of reality. If he does find a house, and she eventually moves in with him (which seems to be part of the script for these affairs) She will get to see how he really is - not the person he portrays him self to be over the phone but the real a$$ that he is - and we all knwo he is an a$$ because he has no respect for the value of marriage and family. he doesn't care enough about your kids to say to her "you need to go back home, and repair your relationship with the kids Dad." He is a jerk. She needs to find that out. And it may not happen unless/until she moves in with him.
Hang in there buddy

Painful, but true. My W is so proud that she would live the lie for YEARS, just to prove the world wrong. This dude, though, won't make it to town though, IMO. 1100 miles, leave the Federal job (and his OW) plus his kids from his M? Not while the pressure's on. If he does come. more pwer to him.

"Be not deceived, God is not mocked. Ye shall reap what you sow."

My W said something so ironic yesterday it made me laugh aloud. She said to her sister that one can be happy if one chooses to be and that she should be happy with her lot.

My SIL happens to work for my W. She resigned, but my w rejected the resignation because "I'm not happy." wasn't a 'strong enough reason for leaving a job'. But it's strong enough to destroy a family? ABSURD. It's amazing how her rather facile mind works for everyone else, but she's blind to her own actions and thoughts. This must be why it's called the fog...

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