dreid - now on prayer list - NCW

d,
I'm glad you sent the letter. I think it was the right touch. The one thing I appreciated was you used mostly "I" statements.

It sounds like things are turning for the better. Don't push right now, stay right where you are. The letter, and the time away with your S will be GREAT.

If I had read the post BEFORE you sent the letter I would have said to add the words in one of your posts :
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> We really were best friends once. I want that back </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That spoke volumes to me. Listen to what NCW is telling you about the patience thing. The waiting is the worst, but you seem to know not to react on those emotions.

You're doing great. Hang in there.

Thanks for all the input. It helps.

This is completely off topic, but then again it's my thread. I just got home from my usual Sunday morning A.A. meeting. One of the other members asked me if I would speak at an open meeting this Tuesday night. I almost said no. I've only spoken once before. But then I thought maybe this is God asking me. How can I say no?

I said yes and so now I have something else to occupy my mind for a few days.

Should I tell my W I'm speaking? Hmmmmmmmm!

Thanks again for listening. The strength I get from you and your posts helps me stay calm and find the patience I need to get through some of the dark hours.

dreid,

Didn't catch in your post why you would be speaking.

Why would you be speaking? (Spell it out for me).

NCW

I take it from your post that you have never been to an open A. A. meeting.
Things are done differently in different regions, but around here an open meeting always has a speaker. Usually someone from the home group or a nearby group. The topic is always the same. ES and H, Experience, Strength and Hope. The speaker talks about what their life was like while they were drinking, what happened to change things and what their life is like now. Its a way for us to identify with each other as alcoholics and share what our experience has done for us.
This is NOT directly about my marriage problems. The separation from my wife will undoubtedly come up but only as part of my story as an alcoholic. No, I do not intend to say anything about an affair. I will be talking about me not anyone else.
Hope that clarifies things for you. The tone of your post makes me think you have concerns about this. What are you thinking?

d,
I have never been to an A. A. meeting, so I do not know what goes on. My prompting had to do with possible LBs with your WS. Plan A talks EXPOSURE to end the A, but being military I have a healthy respect for proper and appropriate application of force.

Was worried that open discussion in your town might subject your spouse to unnecessary scorn. The issue is between you and her at this point, but that is only how I see it.

You sound like you have a good handle on everything. I would ask her if she felt that forum was OK to broach the subject.

I don't think I would have the courage to discuss my A experience with my peers.

NCW

I wouldn't discuss the A with anyone I didn't trust to keep their mouths shut about it and certainly not in an open forum like an open A.A. meeting. I have shared some general info about it at a closed meeting with 5 or 6 other men who do NOT know W. I only shared it there in terms of the effect on me and my sobriety.
I refuse to betray her in that way. When I did share it I explained that I held back as long as I did because I didn't want to damage W in any way. These men understand this. One of the strictest "rules" is "What is said at the table stays at the table."

I would NOT embarass W for any reason.

It's officially been a year now since W moved out.
I still can't get used to it. Sleeping alone. No kiss Hello, Goodbye, Goodnight. No holding hands. No listening to her breathe while she sleeps. No hugs.

Let me ask a question of the women in this forum. This will sound strange but its something W still does sometimes and I don't know if it means anything. In fact she just did this on Monday. She comes over to the house and while she is here she has to use the washroom. She went in there dropped her pants and sat down. All the while leaving the door wide open with me standing right there, in full view, chatting away the whole time. What does that say? I like that she feels that comfortable with me, but is there an unconscious message there?

bump