The Ishmael thing was an inside joke, sort of.

She's called car4love. If you're reading, car4love, listen to everybody here. There is little disagreement among them. You have to require certain things, but anything you require, you have to share with him respectfully and lovingly. If you make him too much the bad guy and throw too many disrepectful judgements in his face, he will never join you in recovery. He might deserve those judgements, but you should let him arrive at them on his own. In the end he will if you give him the chance.

GC

I believe Star is right in saying that she can't make demands. She can set boundries but that does up the risk. She can say that until he is serious about it, he can stay away - and he might stay away. I think in most cases it is better to get them home and meet needs than to prolong the separation, but unless boundries are agreed upon and kept, it can turn out really bad.

I think this is one case where actions show intent better than words. OM's actions are kind of like a bank robber saying he intends to go straight but he has already scheduled a robery for next Wed, and he intends to go ahead with it so the rest of the gang won't be angry with him. It doesn't agree at all with what he is saying.

I also agree with Star that she needs professional help, and I encourage her to call the Harleys, or Penny. This is the time where you do EVERYTHING you possibly can, and I believe getting a professional to help would be in her best interrest.

We hope this works for both of you, will pray that it will turn out for the best.

SS