Sounds like you handled it well. Hope I can do the same when time comes. Did you resolve any issues about DV?

DipiT,

Sounds like you have a peace about it.

My pastor made an interesting comment once. He said most people WANT life to go:

Tell me why, God, and I will do whatever you ask

but what God is looking for is

Do what I ask and I may tell you why.

Obedience to Him. Better than sacrifice. He does NOT want you to be stuck. Just remember where the real treasure lies. And stick to the fruits.

Miracles come from the strangest places sometimes.

NCWalker

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, I too can share that. I came out of Plan B to initiate contact several times, and it so deeply, deeply, deeply hurt me, I can not even articulate it. Hurt me worse than D-day. He said the most hurtful, poisonous, evil things, that it may have just done some irreparable damage to our marriage. To me, because it hurt me on a level that I had never ever been hurt. Honesly, at this point, I do not know if I can take him back and survive a recovery. (from an April post of yours) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There is no reconciliation sought in our situation, and I know it, and I am at peace with it. I know that I did a lot unto my WH as unto God, like during Plan A. It was a six month torture session, but I would keep saying to Christ, "I am doing this unto You, in honor of You." (Man, can you believe it? Six months and didn't get that the resentment of God for "requiring" this of you that you were "holding onto" as an excuse? "One foot in, and one foot out...an appearance of 'holiness', but without the substance of surrender...)

I wanted to have a different outcome at one time (when was that?), wanted to show God that I had a spirit of reconciliation and repair like He wants me to. But, last night, overwhelmingly, I had a sense that He knew how long I had tried, how badly I had wanted it, how committed I was to being committed to my vows, but that WH has free will. ((God hates divorce, but someone else that I can think of loves divorce and getting you to thing that God didn't REALLY mean what He said) And the decisions that WH is making do not include me. And, you know, I am OK. And I need to move on. I don't believe that God wants me to be stuck.(Of course not, that's why God DIDN'T say, Wait on the Lord. Be patient. God's timing is NOT your timing. Etc.) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Christy, what God wants is a spirit of, and willingness to, surrender to Him. Not "your wants," not your "showing God what you are capable of," just simply your surrender to His will, not yours. Letting God control the outcome so that it will bring honor and glory to Him, not you for "showing God." Turning over the "reins" does not mean that you also keep "one foot on the brake" and a handhold on the "ejection seat." To use a trite phrase borrowed from Greyhound, "Sit back and leave the drive to us" (the Triune God in this case).

I'm sorry, but right now what I am hearing in the two quotes above is your attempt to justify in your mind ending your divorce. But it seems to me that you "made up your mind" on that a long time ago and "went through the 'God motions'" for what YOU considered was "long enough" and are now excusing your decision to throw in the towel because God has not acted the way you want or in the timeframe that you want. Christy, the AVERAGE recovery time is 2 years...AFTER both of you have decided to attempt to recover your marriage. So both exiting an affair and recovering a marriage CAN, and usually does, take a lot more time than you seem to be willing to "invest" or to trust God for.

But let's go back to your husband for a minute. What IS his relationship, now and/or in the past with Jesus Christ? This, too, has a bearing on both the "stuck" issue and the "divorce" issue.

Perhaps I have it all wrong, perhaps what I said offends you, perhaps I "just don't understand." If so, please accept my abject apology. But on or off target, please think about this and your "decision" a bit more. Is it "of God" or is it "of Satan?" "A house divided cannot stand...you cannot serve two masters....", I'm sure you are familiar with God's admonition to examine ourselves, especially when faced with life-changing decisions.

God bless.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, I too can share that. I came out of Plan B to initiate contact several times, and it so deeply, deeply, deeply hurt me, I can not even articulate it. Hurt me worse than D-day. He said the most hurtful, poisonous, evil things, that it may have just done some irreparable damage to our marriage. To me, because it hurt me on a level that I had never ever been hurt. Honesly, at this point, I do not know if I can take him back and survive a recovery. (from an April post of yours) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There is no reconciliation sought in our situation, and I know it, and I am at peace with it. I know that I did a lot unto my WH as unto God, like during Plan A. It was a six month torture session, but I would keep saying to Christ, "I am doing this unto You, in honor of You." (Man, can you believe it? Six months and didn't get that the resentment of God for "requiring" this of you that you were "holding onto" as an excuse? "One foot in, and one foot out...an appearance of 'holiness', but without the substance of surrender...)

I wanted to have a different outcome at one time (when was that?), wanted to show God that I had a spirit of reconciliation and repair like He wants me to. But, last night, overwhelmingly, I had a sense that He knew how long I had tried, how badly I had wanted it, how committed I was to being committed to my vows, but that WH has free will. ((God hates divorce, but someone else that I can think of loves divorce and getting you to thing that God didn't REALLY mean what He said) And the decisions that WH is making do not include me. And, you know, I am OK. And I need to move on. I don't believe that God wants me to be stuck.(Of course not, that's why God DIDN'T say, Wait on the Lord. Be patient. God's timing is NOT your timing. Etc.) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Christy, what God wants is a spirit of, and willingness to, surrender to Him. Not "your wants," not your "showing God what you are capable of," just simply your surrender to His will, not yours. Letting God control the outcome so that it will bring honor and glory to Him, not you for "showing God." Turning over the "reins" does not mean that you also keep "one foot on the brake" and a handhold on the "ejection seat." To use a trite phrase borrowed from Greyhound, "Sit back and leave the drive to us" (the Triune God in this case).

I'm sorry, but right now what I am hearing in the two quotes above is your attempt to justify in your mind ending your divorce. But it seems to me that you "made up your mind" on that a long time ago and "went through the 'God motions'" for what YOU considered was "long enough" and are now excusing your decision to throw in the towel because God has not acted the way you want or in the timeframe that you want. Christy, the AVERAGE recovery time is 2 years...AFTER both of you have decided to attempt to recover your marriage. So both exiting an affair and recovering a marriage CAN, and usually does, take a lot more time than you seem to be willing to "invest" or to trust God for.

But let's go back to your husband for a minute. What IS his relationship, now and/or in the past with Jesus Christ? This, too, has a bearing on both the "stuck" issue and the "divorce" issue.

Perhaps I have it all wrong, perhaps what I said offends you, perhaps I "just don't understand." If so, please accept my abject apology. But on or off target, please think about this and your "decision" a bit more. Is it "of God" or is it "of Satan?" "A house divided cannot stand...you cannot serve two masters....", I'm sure you are familiar with God's admonition to examine ourselves, especially when faced with life-changing decisions.

God bless.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, I too can share that. I came out of Plan B to initiate contact several times, and it so deeply, deeply, deeply hurt me, I can not even articulate it. Hurt me worse than D-day. He said the most hurtful, poisonous, evil things, that it may have just done some irreparable damage to our marriage. To me, because it hurt me on a level that I had never ever been hurt. Honesly, at this point, I do not know if I can take him back and survive a recovery. (from an April post of yours) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There is no reconciliation sought in our situation, and I know it, and I am at peace with it. I know that I did a lot unto my WH as unto God, like during Plan A. It was a six month torture session, but I would keep saying to Christ, "I am doing this unto You, in honor of You." (Man, can you believe it? Six months and didn't get that the resentment of God for "requiring" this of you that you were "holding onto" as an excuse? "One foot in, and one foot out...an appearance of 'holiness', but without the substance of surrender...)

I wanted to have a different outcome at one time (when was that?), wanted to show God that I had a spirit of reconciliation and repair like He wants me to. But, last night, overwhelmingly, I had a sense that He knew how long I had tried, how badly I had wanted it, how committed I was to being committed to my vows, but that WH has free will. ((God hates divorce, but someone else that I can think of loves divorce and getting you to thing that God didn't REALLY mean what He said) And the decisions that WH is making do not include me. And, you know, I am OK. And I need to move on. I don't believe that God wants me to be stuck.(Of course not, that's why God DIDN'T say, Wait on the Lord. Be patient. God's timing is NOT your timing. Etc.) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Christy, what God wants is a spirit of, and willingness to, surrender to Him. Not "your wants," not your "showing God what you are capable of," just simply your surrender to His will, not yours. Letting God control the outcome so that it will bring honor and glory to Him, not you for "showing God." Turning over the "reins" does not mean that you also keep "one foot on the brake" and a handhold on the "ejection seat." To use a trite phrase borrowed from Greyhound, "Sit back and leave the drive to us" (the Triune God in this case).

I'm sorry, but right now what I am hearing in the two quotes above is your attempt to justify in your mind ending your divorce. But it seems to me that you "made up your mind" on that a long time ago and "went through the 'God motions'" for what YOU considered was "long enough" and are now excusing your decision to throw in the towel because God has not acted the way you want or in the timeframe that you want. Christy, the AVERAGE recovery time is 2 years...AFTER both of you have decided to attempt to recover your marriage. So both exiting an affair and recovering a marriage CAN, and usually does, take a lot more time than you seem to be willing to "invest" or to trust God for.

But let's go back to your husband for a minute. What IS his relationship, now and/or in the past with Jesus Christ? This, too, has a bearing on both the "stuck" issue and the "divorce" issue.

Perhaps I have it all wrong, perhaps what I said offends you, perhaps I "just don't understand." If so, please accept my abject apology. But on or off target, please think about this and your "decision" a bit more. Is it "of God" or is it "of Satan?" "A house divided cannot stand...you cannot serve two masters....", I'm sure you are familiar with God's admonition to examine ourselves, especially when faced with life-changing decisions.

God bless.

Wow. No, FH, you did not offend me. Gave me some stuff to think about. Took my breath away, really.

How am I supposed to do any differently? I can either be at peace with it, or not be at peace with it, because, either way, it is happening. I have no control to stop it. I cannot make my WH do, feel, say or commit to anything. And he wants a D. He wants it. So, how does my wanting or not wanting it too, really change my situation. I am only 1 in this partnership of 2.

And that post from April, while I felt all those things that I posted, I still loved him dearly. I wanted WH to come home so badly, to mend our family, all of it. I wanted it still, or why else would it have hurted.

I gave so much of myself...and it is not there anymore. I feel as if I have nothing left to give him, nor the desire to give it to him.

One question: If God did not acquiese to the acceptable option of divorcing in adultery, why would Christ himself have shared that exception to the rule? I want to believe it is because He knew the cruelty, powerlessness, and desire/need to move on that BS would feel. He knew there would be examples when WS would NOT come back. That they would REBEL from what God wished of them. And I like to believe it is because God wants peace for us.

I will think about what you have said, FH. No anger or offense is intended in my response. Just frustration. I will re-read, ponder, and pray on what you have shared.