I really don't know where things are with my M. WH never really mentions "us" anymore when we talk. We talk about him, and we talk about me but never us. My IC tells me that she thinks the reason he calls everyday to say hi and see what I was up to is not because he really cares, but because he's afraid I'm going to show up without telling him and spy on him or something. She says he's just keeping track of me and that when I do go back up there that I shouldn't tell him and that I should just stop talking to him altogether. I don't know if that's the best advice. Also, I've been fighting the earge to tell him that I miss him. I should be getting back up there this weekend so I'm trying to stay away from that sort of thing until then. I guess I'm hoping that seeing me again will make this seperation harder on him so that he'll want me back. Wishful thinking but still, I don't want to ruin the chance by acting in ways that may make him distance himself even more.

The other thing that I really need help with is his situation with the OW. The problem I face is that I can't really call her a woman at all. She is still in high school and is a student in a class he runs (not in the school). I've heard that she's 16 from some people and 15 going on 16 from others. I don't think the EA ever became a PA. I do know that it involved kissing and holding each other. They met in a public building but would hide on the stage when he had a gap in his classes. I do know that in a previous R before I was around, is gf performed things on him while nobody was around but I don't know if that ever happened here. This is where my dilema is. I have the proof of their R. I know her parent's phone number and address. I still love my H and don't want him to get in trouble. He told a friend of his that he didn't know she was that young but I know he knew she was a high school student and I've met her and she looks her age. I don't know if they are still continuing the R. He says he was going to stop all contact outside of her class but he told that to me before and yet continued. He has no interest in repairing things between us right now but I don't want to completely remove all hope of that happening by getting him in trouble. I looked it up and in our state the things that happened could be a felony. I feel horrible knowing that I have this against him. Before I found this site I threatened to tell her parents if the phone calls continued which he said hurt our trust the most and is the reason he doesn't think things will ever be good between us again. Then he blocked my access to the records but told me that he had come to the conclusion that the calls had to stop already and had informed her as well. Now I have no way of knowing though. I hate being jealous of a 16 year old. I really don't know what I should do about this. I don't want the R between them to continue both for my sake and his sake. Not to mention the girl's (even though I find myself not caring what happens to her). Sure she's young but she knew who I was and that he was married. What should I do? It's possible that the R is over but I have no proof of that and I know she continues to be his student. I know her parents have been showing up to her practice two of the 3 days that she goes. It's the 3rd day that worries me. (That's why I hate Thursdays.) It's gotten to the point where I don't want to investigate anymore because I'm afraid of what I'll find and I don't want to hurt anymore. I saw her online the other day and I almost asked her if they were still in contact, but I didn't because I know it would get back to him and I know she wouldn't answer anyway. (I sent her a message when I threatened him telling her any contact on her side would also make me tell her parents) At the time I was very angry and I just wanted to try and spook them both. It was stupid but again it was before I found this site.

I'm afraid though, if I continue plan A like I have been, that they will contunue in an inappropiate R and things will get much worse for everyone. What should I do since I don't know if anything is still going on?

.

The other thing that I really need help with is his situation with the OW. The problem I face is that I can't really call her a woman at all. She is still in high school and is a student in a class he runs (not in the school). I've heard that she's 16 from some people and 15 going on 16 from others.

YIKES.....

this is BAD..........

Danger Danger Danger

I wonder.... if this were MY teenage daughter caught up in a romance with a married man .... I would beg you to do the morally correct thing and report him to the police....

I am sorry to say...

the adult male WH whose girlfriend is a minor child is a predator!

Your H is a predator! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

She is a child.

And .... you feel the need to protect him ...
and her mother doesn't know her daughter is in grave danger....

Have you even thought that he could get this kid pregnant?

Pep

I know I must sound harsh to you ...

but you are too close to your own pain to perhaps see the bigger picture.

Here is my advice:

Call her parents today. This hour.

This affair must be reported to her parents.

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't think the EA ever became a PA. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Um. Hello? He's STILL hurting her. It doesn't matter what kind of an A it is...were YOU emotionally capable of handling the emotional flotsam and jetsam of an ADULT relationship at 15 or 16?!?!?! I sure as heck wasn't!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sure she's young but she knew who I was and that he was married. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Knock, knock - reality calling....SHE'S FIFTEEN OR SIXTEEN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. At 15 kids take boyfriends away from each other all the time...SHE HAS NO IDEA WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF THE WORLD FOUND OUT...add to that the fact that most teenaged girls that find themselves in this kind of situation are usually suffering from low self esteem to start with...OMG! I can't believe this!

Maybe this is close to home because I've got an almost 15 year old...but sheesh! If the adults in his life can't be trusted....I'd have to really hurt someone if they did this to my son....I can only imagine what HER dad would do....and if they find out - then find out you KNEW and didn't do anything about it....you'd be toast (socially anyway, if not literally).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What should I do since I don't know if anything is still going on? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Call CPS. Seriously. Your dh NEEDS HELP! For a grown man to be fiddle-farting around with a young'un is not only a FELONY (even if it was hand holding and kissing), but is a sign of deeper issues.

I've a question: Picture yourself with a 15 year old daughter...she's only just 3 years ago put away her Barbie dolls, and has graduated to hanging out at the mall and passing notes and going to sleepovers on a regular basis. She digs lipgloss and faux jewelry. What the heck would you do if someone tainted that for her forever???? Your husband's doing that with this girl...really and truly.

- Kimmy

This affair must be reported to her parents ~because~ it is the morally responsible thing to do.

Pep

Oh mh gosh -

If that were my daughter and you did not tell me, I would hold you accountable as well as your husband. In my eyes you would be an enabler in child molestation.

I'm sorry but you must call her parents, you have to. And if they don't call the police then you must do that also.

This makes me almost sick, and I am so very sorry for you.

Bless you and please hang in there. You can do this.

Weaver

i know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

i guess i was just hoping that it really was just a mistake.

i have considered the pregnancy possibility, but i'm pretty sure it hasn't gotten that far.

part of me thinks that if that were to happen then they would both be stuck with that for the rest of their lives and that they deserve what that would bring but that's just the anger.

the truth is i care more for him and care nothing about her at all. i think that's why i've done nothing. i've told his parents and his friends. his parents didn't want to believe it and most of his friends were supportive and told me that someone was going to leak it somehow so to hold back for now so that i wouldn't feel like i was the one who ruined him.

i think i'll wait until i get all of my stuff out of his parent's house first. i can see them not allowing me to get any of my belongings after reporting him. Another problem, he has put us in $25,000. of credit debt. Wouldn't I be responsible for that if he is put in jail? Not to sound petty, but I'm still a student and don't even make enough to cover the monthly finance charges.

I just hate this position I've been put into! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

you all are right. i need to gather the courage to make the call. please pray for my courage. i'm so weak right now, this hurts so much to have to do.

Goodbye,

Not telling the authorities may make your position even worse. You may be held legally accountable for not reporting your husband.

DeNovo

You are way too close to this. I feel so bad for you. You do know that if you call CPS instead of her parents you can do so anonymously? CPS is obligated to check it out whether you leave your name or not. If you go that route, then your ils won't know you called. Even if they don't let you get your things, you can report them as being stolen, and the cops would help you collect them.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You may be held legally accountable for not reporting your husband.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's true.

(hugs and prayers) If you need anything, let me know...I'm here for you!

- Kimmy

Hi,

I feel bad for you too. You can call Social Services Anonymously. Let them check it out. I understand you love husband but you cannot stand by him if he is committing a crime. I know that does not minimize the fact that you are hurting. A man who does this type of thing has a problem and he will never love you properly. Yes you will be responsible for his debt, but you could file chapter 7 I think. I hope you find answers, so sorry for your pain. It is normal that you do not care about the girl but you need to do the right thing since she is a minor.

GBM - How are you this morning? I thought/prayed about you and your situation last night.

I hope you don't mind, but I told dh - he's in law enforcement - he did confirm that you could be held accountable for not reporting this (and any other adult that knows and doesn't tell). He also confirmed that you can tell without giving your name.

I know you feel little for the young'un, but please understand that she is someone's baby still. No matter how she comes across, she does not have enough world experience yet to cope with this mess.

Furthermore, you need to do this for your husband. There is a word for this kind of person: pedophile. It's harsh, but harsher still is the reality of what he is doing - preying on youngsters who aren't emotionally capable of defending themselves against his charm. He needs help and prayers - but HELP first, then pray - or better yet pray WHILE you're getting him help!

If you need anything, or have any questions you can email me ots. I'm so sorry - and I hope you know that you have a flotilla of angels praying for you and that you can lean on!

- Kimmy

GoodbyeMe, I hope you're doing well. I pray you won't let your H make a criminal of you. The person your H is messing with is not OW, she's the other little girl. She may have reached puberty a couple of years ago, but emotionally she's still a child. Your H is robbing her of her childhood. You may not care about her and you may think she's awful, but she is a victim here as well.

Wishing for you to have the strength to do what's right. Please keep us posted.

GC

how are you doing today. my prayers are with you.