Well folks, here is the latest letter left by WH.

Believer-

I don't like contacting you this way, I'd rather be talking to you face to face. (believer: Your OW won't let you come by to talk to me.) My letters haven't met that much to you.

You know I don't like talking on the phone. (Me: Hmmmmmmm. You spent $200. a month talking on phone to OW) I wish we could have a peaceful conversation about what is going on. You don't seem to want to initiate any contact with me.

Out of respect (me: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR) I'm giving you a heads up about what is happening with me. I have to move from where I am staying by July 30.

I'm looking for a place to stay, but a lot of places won't take dogs. I might have to move back home with you. Call me and leave a message.

Take care, Mr. believer

I almost flipped out - this man has known for 16 months that he had to have no contact with OW to move back in.

Now he has decided to pull this. So I guess I will have to file for divorce and even then I can't keep him out until it goes to court.

So what kind of message should I leave him? I am in Plan B, trying to hold on until he gets his senses back.

Are you sure there's no other way to keep him out? I presume you have no separation agreement, or your jurisdiction doesn't have such a thing?

You own your home and you're both on the deed?

Maybe a simple "no" would work?

WAT

WAT -

We had a separation agreement that WH wrote up, and after I paid the lawyer, refused to sign. I could pay for another one, but that does not guarantee that I would get the house. The worst I could get is half.

I am thinking of filing for divorce. I've spent over $1,000. so far in lawyers fees, and WH remains uncooperative. I am tempted to pull out the big guns.

believer,

I'm with WAT. Tell him, "Sorry, that won't work for me."

But...didn't you say you owned more than one property? Why can't he move into one of the others - oh, and not the one across the street where he could conveniently install OW.

Think, believer. There have to be other options to Dv. Unless that is the option you truly, truly want to pursue.

That ought to work. Maybe you'll want to see it through.

Perhaps the filing can specify that your real intentions are to reconcile the marriage, but you cannot do this until the affair is ended, and given the presence of a continuing affair, you will hold the prospect of a divorce over his head until such time as he's ready to reconcile.

Your attorney is the one to ask about this.

WAT

IS girl - The place across the street is mine solely. My kids who are going to college live there. And we have 2 cats there that WH's dog would kill.

Plus my kids have a roommate. For that matter, I have a roommate.

I could move in with kids, and sleep on the couch, but then WH would be here with OW.

And saying no does not work with WH. He almost succeeded in moving in here right before Christmas. In fact he was moving stuff in while I went to court to get a restraining order. I did not get it, but waved the paper in front of his face and told him to leave, and he did.

I would tell him NO again. Well actually I don't know if I would or not. But I would want to and try to.

Why does he have to move out? Where is OW going. Suggest he to go with her.

Tom - I don't know why he has to move. OW is living with a friend, but spends her days and most nights with WH. WH is retired, and I work. So I would go to work, and I imagine OW would come to my home during the day.

Then when I got home WH would probably disappear to be with OW.

I'm thinking of calling WH and telling him that I am going to file for D. Should I?

If that is your plan and you are really going to do it, then I would do it first then tell him that you have done it.

If your not going to do it, but just trying to solicit a response from him, I think it is a bad idea. It may not be the response you want and could cause you more pain.

I filed, it was very hard to do. The whole time I was half hoping I'd get served to take that burden from me.

Hi believer

Let me get this straight...

Your WH wants to come home, because he doesn't have any other place to go "apparently", you are in plan B, but still he has not ended contact with OW and he knows this is one of your boundaries, but still wants to be happy at home while he is with OW and you are away working but in the same house????

And he and OW are ok with this?

I would call that MORE than a deep fog! Is he crazy or something?

And I don't know what others are advicing, but I would go and write just a NO on a letter or email, and also seek for legal advice on what to do without file for D [if that is not what you want now], do not file, until you are 100% sure you will do it all the way.

Keep us posted

Believer,

Where do you live? Since he moved out and carried on an affair, most courts usually will give you the right to occupy the house until a settlement has been reached. In otherwards, divorce is not needed right now if you dont want to do it yet. And I would advise you not to right now.

First off, go see your lawyer and make sure about this. Each state is different. He should be able to draft something to go before the court in the area of desertion or something like that (I am not a lawyer, but went thru this when my wife moved out and then threatened to move back in). Then you can bar him from coming in until the divorce is settled...or reconciliation happens.

The second things is that I believe he wants to cake eat. He wants you to provide a home for him, and to be there to meet some of his needs...all the while seeing the OW. Now is NOT the time to break Plan B!!! He is wanting what you can provide. DO NOT GIVE IT TO HIM!!! Force the OW to do it (of course, she is incapable of doing that!!!). If he goes homeless, so what? Everytime he calls and tries to sweet talk you into letting him home, send the Plan B letter and stay quiet!!! Once he meets ALL of the criteria for coming home, then and only then do you open up the door for him.

I think you actually got him where you want him. Now either his world will fall apart, or he will come out of the fog. Either way, this will force your issue one way or another.

Your life is now going to start taking off again.

In His arms.

believer

mortarman makes a lot of sense in his post. And as this relates back to a few of your last posts, you have said you are pretty much done.

Take care of believer first, from now on! Your way or the highway.

Wishing you the best

SD

matilde - Yep. WH wants to move in with me because he has nowhere else to go. And I do think he is crazy.

mortarman - Just talked to OW's husband. She apparently has been living with my husband. She does not have her own place. Last night she spent the night with her husband (and was warming up to him).

So I can only assume that my WH would like to move here, and OW would stay with her husband at night, but they would be here boinking all day.

Soooooooo.....the answer to the question is????

Yours is one of the easiest I have seen on here. Go to the lawyer, bar him from coming in until he meets the criteria...or he is no longer your hubby.

In His arms.

Gosh mortarman - I need your help. I want to have the Plan B battle plan. When do you think you will have it posted here?

I wont be able to post it here....no way to download it. I am thinking of setting up my own website. Working on that now.

This website would have the battleplan to download, some instructions on how to use it (of course, without the Harley principles, and reading SAA, Love Busters, etc, then it wont be much help to anyone).

Since I am retired now from the Army and have time on my hands, I then might offer a service where I can personally help set up battle plans for those that want the individual help in setting up, modifying, etc their battleplan.

In His arms.

Believer,

You might phrase it like this,

"You are welcome to come back... just as soon as you have ended it with OW and are ready to be married."

Do I understand correctly that he moved out before you had a chance to do a plan A?

Is it possible that he is under the mistaken impression that you don't want him back under any circumstances?

shul - no there has never been a doubt. I have always wanted to get back with WH. On the other the hand, WH does not want to get back with me.

Believer

What is with him??? He must be off his rocker!

This is just a shot in the dark , but think about just IGNORING him! There is no way he can move back in, no way in hel*. You're in Plan B. This is not an emergency (for you). He needs to actually take care of himself for once.

Don't read into the stuff you hear from OWH. I don't think you are ready to go to Plan A yet. It may be tempting, but stick to your guns... no coming home with the OW in your pocket. That would be a big mistake, and we don't want you to hurt any more than you already are hurting.

Try to find out how to keep him out.

Seems like this is indeed a ripple in the lake.