I just got a call from the sparrow's best friend, and we talked for a long time.

She gave me one mysterious piece of advice. She said, "Whatever you do, don't write anything to her, and try to avoid email." I asked why, and she wouldn't tell me, all she would say was "Just trust me."

I will take her advice, and I'll try not to spend too much time figuring out what it means. But does anybody have any clue?

GC

P.S. H4F thanks for bumping the JR thread. I'm trying to read it when I have time. Work is busy and I'm MBing lots while my programs are in testing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

My guess would be that either Sparrow is *****ing about something having to do with that - or the OM is reading them. That would CERTAINLY explain the tone!

Of course! How did my head get so thick> I suspect it's not so much the tone, though that may be part of it. I think mainly she's sharing everything she gets from me with OM. In fact, OMW told me once that the sparrow copied him an email she sent me about money.

So she lets him observe all our correspondence, probably. That creeps me out.

GC

I agree with Hope4 - tho I might also add that she might be saving everything to give to her lawyer. Dunno why, tho. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

- Kimmy

So she's putting on a show for him in these emails, with this businesslike tone. I guess I can always tell, based on that, if a copy is destined for him.

I don't have anything to hide from any lawyer. Nothing to worry about there. She can give them anything she wants.

GC

Is she planning on getting a restraining order with them...
say they are harrassment.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

If I was a guy which to many surprise I am not...batt eyes...do the hair flip thingy...

I would be very afraid of the potential of that occuring...NOT on any real actions..but because they are easily obtained...

It is a shame..
those that really need them are subjected to the law not taking them very seriously...

and others use them inappropriately as a tool against a spouse willy nilly...that cause great damage...

ark

gc:

Geez. Like you NEED someone else 2 keep you guessing? Why not call this "friend" back and say something like "no, don't just expect me 2 trust you. Tell me straight out why you are advising this."

Games. I hate games.

-ol' 2long

2long, I think the sparrow's friend is trying to protect me or help me without violating the sparrow's confidence. It's part of avoiding getting "in the middle". She thinks the sparrow's behavior is rotten, but is doing her best to be a friend to her and help her through this.

Restraining order, scary. She told me several times the other day that she's being 100% open and honest. But I don't think it's entirely true. Still, I've been nothing but nice to her. My last LB was many weeks ago, but I've also backed off and given her all the room she wants, aside from having to put down a couple of boundaries (no staying at the house for her, and no OM in my house if she comes there when I'm not around).

GC

I'm not liking your WW very much right now. In fact this whole board is really getting to me. I don't think I could put up with what anyone here puts up with. I would do the Plan A for awhile if I felt I was not being nice throughout the relationship so they would remember me as I would have liked to have been, and then say bye-bye, if you ever get your act together and become human again you know where you can find me. Maybe I'll be available, maybe not. I'm talking about what I think I would do, not what you should do. I just don't know how everyone here takes all the crap from their "loved ones". I just couldn't do it.

I guess now I'm venting because this is all really starting to get to me. I mean love only goes so far, and vows that are not honored by both are meaningless in my opinion.

Well that's not really MB principals so I will stop now.

Gray - you are a stronger person than me and I'm still rooting for you.

Weaver, thanks. Last night I reviewed the diet of sh*t I've been fed since OM and the sparrow's first kiss on 4/24. Drew up a rough timeline and printed out all our email exchanges for when I talk to lawyers. It's just in case she's trying to build some dumb case against me.

It's a little staggering to see it all written out this way, with the gaps filled in with info I've gotten from OMW and SIL and MIL. Yech.

GC

You posting the date of their first kiss just reminded me of how quickly this has all come down...just amazing.

I take it the OM still hasn't broken up with her yet?

Weaver,

Dead, solid, perfect. I am at that stage also. Enough is enough.

Cymanca -

You are a good guy too, and when your wives come back, as they surely will, I just hope they have learned something valuable along the way and that it is not too late for them.

Life is way too short for this kind of pain!
And now I have to log out before I kicked off the board, because I am not in a very marriage building kind of mood tonight. More like a kick butt kind of mood.

Is their a full moon out?

The moon is just past new, the waxing crescent. I think. I've noticed it's been a pretty harsh week on MB myself. I think this is the phase of the moon when witches meet in the woods.

w/r/t whether the OM has broken up yet - he booted the sparrow out of his house last Monday, he told his W. The sparrow on Sunday told me the decision for her to leave was mutual because it was stupid to "play house" and jump from her M to cohabitation that fast. The sparrow's best pal told me today that from what the sparrow told her, OM booted her out. My WW is trying to make it sound like she's trying to approach this new R in a grownup and sensible way, but from what everybody else says it seems she's just rationalizing getting tossed out on her butt.

She's also not stayed at her apartment yet. Her pal said today that she's obviously trying to keep reality at bay.

But last night I'm pretty sure they went to a concert together. OM mentioned it to his W last week, and last night OMW tried to call OM and his phone was turned off. So the thing continues to play out.

Plan A - months and months of doodie scarfing.

GC

Too much drama, GC.

What's your Plan B strategy?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ark^^:
<strong> If I was a guy which to many surprise I am not...batt eyes...do the hair flip thingy...
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, er... it's the name. First time I read one of your (truly awesome) posts I pictured a wizened old fella with a salt and pepper beard. On a boat. A big boat. [ducks and runs]

On a more serious note;

Graycloud, I've been following your story pretty closely. I have a feeling that you are one of the ones that's gonna 'make it'. Keep hanging in there, keep your head on straight and have faith.

I also think you are bang on about the friend not wanting to get in the middle. Tough choice there. If you press her for information, it might scare her from future confidences. On the other hand, the curiosity must be killing you. This OM sounds like a real creep.

dewt

Hey Gray

Where is sparrow staying if not with OM? What does ishmael say, have you talked to her lately?

I thought that if he kicked her out, that would DO something already...I cannot believe they went to that concert anyway!

Weaver, you're not the only one who feels the board is whacko right now... so much pain... I've been in a particularly nasty anti-WS mindset this whole week. This helps me to detach from Fogman and be able to eat. It's a good thing!

WAT, my plan B date isn't set yet. It will be sometime between my 34th birthday at the end of August and Halloween. I can continue to plan A well for a long time I think. I'm the most patient and tenacious person I know. Of course I'm worried about losing track of my own feelings. JL warned me about that earlier this week and I'm thinking about it very seriously.

The sparrow is going to Ireland with her grandmother for 10 days in August, which is sort of a factor as well.

dewt - I was surprised to hear from sparrow's friend. At the end I thanked her for calling, and I said it was good to talk to her. She said she was glad she called, and I hope I hear from her again.

WAID - I don't know where sparrow stayed last week. This week her cousin is on vacation, and she's staying at that cousin's house. OMW and OM are talking very little again. When she said its gotta be NC, established as a couple with a letter or phone call, and you have to commit to working on the M, he couldn't do it, so she said forget it. She thinks he is having fun being on his own. Nobody knows what OM and sparrow are up to really. The commute for WW from his house to her job is pretty much impossible. It's an hour each way on a good day.

I hope to have a meeting with the sparrow this weekend, but it isn't decided yet. Next Thursday is my 10th anniversary, so I have to prepare somehow for that.

Went and got new bedding tonight - sheets, pillows, the works. Plan to get myself a whole new bed this weekend and finish packing up the sparrow's stuff.

GC

dewt - thank you for the vote of confidence. I still believe in the sparrow, despite everything. There is a wonderful, beautiful, brilliant woman in there, trapped behind a sticky mess of chaos and confusion. But if she clears the cobwebs by abandoning our M, she will sacrifice herself in the process. That will be a tragedy if it happens.

GC

M'man, I know exactly what you mean.

dewt