Dan,
You said...
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> When she gets a job, we have discussed the fact that we will try a
trial separation, where she moves into an apartment. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is a mistake. Do not seperate. Now that everything is out in the open, it's time to work on the marriage.
MrsC,
Your last e-mail makes it sound as though you are remorseful. Are you willing to do whatever it takes to work on the marriage? If so you need to start practicing Radical Honesty and POJA.
I went back and reread your initial posts and my response. It seemed as though you were almost gloating over the lies that you had told Dan.
I posted...
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What would I do if I were in your shoes? I'd start being completely honest with my husband. Harley calls it the Radical Honesty. Most spouses lie to each other everyday. It's stupid. Be honest. Don't hide behind the selfish vail of "I don't want to hurt his feelings"
quote:
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On the phone he asked if I had talked to him. I said no, but I have.
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You can also practice the POJA Policy of Joint Agreement, which basically says that neither spouse should do anything that the other spouse isn't behind 100%. You said...
quote:
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He is on a business trip this week and told me NOT to go to the Dad’s house—and I did anyway
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BTW, most spouses involved in affairs rationalize their behavior. They say to themselves," well it's OK that I sneak around behind my H's back to see OM because of this reason or that reason"
This is just plain wrong behavior. It is selfish behavior.
Did you expect someone at MB to tell you that everything is OK?
Work on your M. tell your H the truth. Tell OM that you need to end the relationship before it crosses more boundaries. Tell him in the form ofa NC letter sent by your H.
That is what you should do.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are you going to send the OM a NC letter? Is all the truth on the table? If not get it all out now. Don't keep it inside bc eventually it'll come out. If in three, six or nine months more truth comes out, Dan will be brough right back to DDay and all of the recovery time that has passed will have been a "false recovery."
Keep coming here. It'll save your sanity.
Mac
<small>[ July 25, 2004, 01:45 AM: Message edited by: cwmac ]</small>
