if you want clever answers to these things....ask Pendragon.

PEACE OUT

I like that last one 2.

And it's not my M, so I don't get honorable mention (even though I'm an otherwise GREAT guy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ).

"You can call me anything, so long as it's not 'late for lunch'" - my Father.

-ol' 2long

It's sent. Done and DONE. It's weird knowing I won't get email from her. It's like a warmup for when I go to plan B, if that ever should happen. It's a little sad, but it's mostly a relief.

Tomorrow - anniversary dinner by myself. Remember in The Sixth Sense when Bruce Willis meets his wife for their anniversary dinner?

(spoiler ahead)

Maybe I should get a table for two, since I'll be dining with a ghost myself.

GC

Oh, about the pup.

The breeder called me today, and I told her to give the puppy to somebody else. I can't afford him right now, and I can barely take care of myself. She was relieved. She talked to her IC about me, and he told her, "This guy couldn't take care of a hamster right now." She said if I'd insisted she'd have done it. But her partner has a two-week-old female that's mine in a few months if I want her.

I'll finally have a loyal female in my house, and I can tell the sparrow a new b*tch is going to be living with me, rent-free. How ya like that, 2long?

GC

Graycloud,

From what you have said about how she reacts when she is with you, I wonder if maybe she is getting pressure from a friend , co-workers?

Your one liner was perfect, GC! It will leave her guessing as to how you're feeling about all of this - which will cause her to HAVE to think about you. And it most certainly is an appropriate boundry. Good job!

I don't think so, Shul. I think the worst she's gotten from a friend is "D GC if you must, but this A stinks to high heaven" - some people believe her when she says the M is a train wreck and the A is incidental to that.

I'm thinking of sending "Private Lies" to this friend of the sparrow's, just for fun. I think she'd find it interesting.

GC

Two different Harleys have independently advised me to stay in plan A, and I can do it. The only trouble is the email. It is utterly impersonal and the communication between us that happens with it has no value to either of us. All it accomplishes for us is it gives my wife a way of distancing herself.

Okay, warning, I'm going to rant now.

If you are in pain and unable to read her e-mails without it, then YOU are a danger to your marriage. Whether the Harleys agree or not, YOU must evaluate your emotional state. If you are in a place where it causes you this much pain, then by gum, find out what a REAL plan A looks like. Complete with focused exposure of the affair.

Flowers for your anniversary are great.

Plan B would be good the next week.

(rant finished)

The rest of your message, regarding what is and is not okay with you, was right on the money.

Thanks, JJ. A big motive of the email block is to take away a tool that my WW uses to communicate with me in a cold, businesslike manner that she is unable to maintain in my presence.

This affair is pretty much completely exposed. I don't know what my WW's employer knows (OM no longer works with the sparrow), but all four families and everybody's friends know. Exposure isn't killing it. OM's family supports the A and his D, but nobody else does. Hard to believe, I know, they just think "whatever makes OM happy".

I am still considering going against the advice of the Harleys and heading into plan B soon. It's sooner than they suggest, and since the sparrow left I've had only three significant conversations with her, all of which I handled almost perfectly. The small amount of contact gives me doubts. But she does keep hurting me, pretty badly. She's going as fast as she can. This may make it necessary to move a little more quickly. I might have to call JH one more time to get it figured out.

GC

All righto! I like it when affairs are shown to the light of day.

So, what exactly would the point of staying in Plan A be? She has separated from you, filed for divorce, and is being a poop.

It sounds to me like the best thing that could possibly happen is that you continue to work on yourself, BY YOURSELF, in safety and insulated from her world. Then she's got to deal with her OM, the OM's wife, the fact that she's sleeping with a man whose wife is pregnant (ACK), and all the yuckiness associated with the entire mess.

Doesn't sound like much fun for her.

Sounds like a much better time for you if you go the mediation route (slows things down a ton) and get into Plan B. And get an attorney who understands and practices tactics of delay.

She's got a lot of facing-her-choices to do. Lots.

Oh, and you said you're in Minnesota. Close to the Harleys and to Penny Tupy. (Penny's the other professional who uses these principles. She started out on this very forum, though now does her professional stuff elsewhere.) I went to school in Minnesota, though I live inside the Beltway these days.

Just J, the Harleys are close to me, out in the burbs. But JH didn't say anything about counseling in person.

The only point of staying in plan A is to more firmly establish myself as a positive, loving force. I have done that, but I'm greedy for more opportunities. And I still miss seeing her, believe it or not.

The sparrow is more or less plan-B-ing me. You could argue that I might as well make it official. And she is being a poop all right. But I still feel competitive. OM is a wimp and a tool. I am loving, strong, and smart. I don't think the sparrow cares right now, she just trusts feelings.

I have a lawyer I like very much. She's a two-time BS herself and is in the middle of her own D. She knows exactly what I'm going through, and she appreciates my wish that my M will be saved. She did it once herself, but she didn't hesitate to ditch her H after she caught him the 2nd time. Now he doesn't want the D and is stalling.

Sparrow sure has choices to face. If she winds up with OM he'll probably be bankrupt because his D is headed for litigation over custody. And he's going to lose. The two of them will always have OMW to deal with, and she is not going to give them an inch, trust me. His children will get in the way. Sparrow's family and her few remaining friends will be polite at best toward OM, if they are willing to associate with him at all. She did say to me, "Even if I don't wind up with OM, it's very unlikely I'll want to get back together with you." JH dismissed this as pure fogtalk. I kind of believe it though. I do think the A is doomed, it just might take a while. OM isn't really sure he wants to do this, he just thinks he made a decision and now needs to "stick to it", despite his doubts. What a stupid boy.

I'm still completely shocked that this is my life.

GC