1000 post wow thats either cool or very sad depending how you look at it LOL .

I at least hope I've helped someone . OK have the JAVA your way behind me women , I do not pass go with out that . LOL

3isa
WOW! I only popped back into your thread to say, You go GIRL! You are a go-getter! Noodle is the bomb and this thread is ever so helpful. It has me thinking of so many things and ways to acknowledge, deal with and act on the perpetual spinnings of my cereberal cylinders.

I make decisions while gathering info and then make other decisions all leading me back to the decisons I made when I first made decisions, which for lack of a better term; I identify as "best interest".
As I re-read your thread and analyze life with my W her A and the state of our M today, I wonder"

When does a WS become a FWS?
and do they ever?

Okay I'm out officially out of your thread and redesignate myself as a conscientious objecter to your frustration. I hope your H gets his head in his M pronto, you seem ....uhm...
Priceless. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Good day!

HI , FM , please frrl free drop in , stick the 2 cents any where you like I am open to all opoins , thats or just pop up to vent out your own I don't care LOL

THe great thing I get off here is anyone can say something and some times the simplest thing will strike the cord of what that persons looking for .

Also as I am trying to fanilarize myself with your thread and NOODLE and situations , every one gains wisdom from one another .

I may have been where you are already but you can see what may be ahead and what mistakes (if you call it that ) that I may have made or someone else so you can jump ahead and use it to your own recovery .

ok I am rambleing , I sometimes hate to start my own thread about myself situation , I often like topics so you get alot of different OPOINS on it and use that info .. (I am a gatherer so we have that in common )

I could just be in search of what I want to be when I grow up or wake up from the horriable nightmare of the events of the A LOL .

I got humor on my side LOL . thats a good thing , I have H to thank with that .

WHEN do they become FWS????? well the answer has been different around here on many threads.

JMO - I thought it was when they stioped contact, now more to the fact they need to really get , as much as any ws can LOL

THEY (jmo) will never ever never really truely get it no one does till they have lived it and felt it ... and that is something I wish on NO ONE ,,,,well except every OW/OM out there .

TO fall so in love and be WITH THE ONE and have them stab them in the heart as they helped to to another .

OK be back .

HI , FM , please frrl free drop in , stick the 2 cents any where you like I am open to all opoins , thats or just pop up to vent out your own I don't care LOL

THe great thing I get off here is anyone can say something and some times the simplest thing will strike the cord of what that persons looking for .

Also as I am trying to fanilarize myself with your thread and NOODLE and situations , every one gains wisdom from one another .

I may have been where you are already but you can see what may be ahead and what mistakes (if you call it that ) that I may have made or someone else so you can jump ahead and use it to your own recovery .

ok I am rambleing , I sometimes hate to start my own thread about myself situation , I often like topics so you get alot of different OPOINS on it and use that info .. (I am a gatherer so we have that in common )

I could just be in search of what I want to be when I grow up or wake up from the horriable nightmare of the events of the A LOL .

I got humor on my side LOL . thats a good thing , I have H to thank with that .

WHEN do they become FWS????? well the answer has been different around here on many threads.

JMO - I thought it was when they stioped contact, now more to the fact they need to really get , as much as any ws can LOL

THEY (jmo) will never ever never really truely get it no one does till they have lived it and felt it ... and that is something I wish on NO ONE ,,,,well except every OW/OM out there .

TO fall so in love and be WITH THE ONE and have them stab them in the heart as they helped to to another .

OK be back .

OK , guys heres the deal for anyone listening if no one is then I am just writing to get it out there out of my head . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I went out to a friends house for coffee also before I left I vented to a very close friend who knows mostly all except what I hid from everyone for 17 months back then ,,,any who.

I spoke with H brief on phone and well how ever knowns me I what ya call LB a bit ( I never stop that 100%)

I told him my puzzle thing ya know not having all the pieces to a 10,000 puzzle and getting to the end and your missing the center and couple of corners , he said, that would drive me crazy , I would hunt that puzzle down and get those peices .

WOW , then you get it now how and why I can't or am not "OVER IT YET " ,, he says over what ??? what does my puzzle have to with OW and what is so far in the past (ME)>>> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

So one thing in to another and he said, ya know make me a dam list of theings to do and ways you want me to act and I'll do just GET OVER THIS already ....

so I ask seriosly why do you think I should be OVER it what did you do to help me be OVER IT ?

Answer (hold on boys and girls) HE said, I did the N/C thing and have nothing to do with her .

WOW and thats honestly it for you ,,, well for the most part yep . YOU WANTED HONESTY !!!!

HE said , I did some other things also but for the most part that should mean A is history so it should be put to death ,, we know it happened , we know it hurt , we know it will never accure again , it was wrong , stupid and again hurtful now the DRAMA is over ...thats it OK !!!!

I said, didn't I tell ya part of the deal of you doing N/C your way was there was still WORK HARD work and questions that lied ahead for a very long time ??? rember me saying that and you saying I know we will get to it ???

His response , I rember we talked after n/c , you want more talkin about , you where serious ???

WOW where am I living venus, mars , pluto, HISANUS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
After that I went out , I saw a women that reminded me of OW I amost ran her down !

OK so for the next rabbit out of the hat I will attenpt to put a list together over the next couple of days ,,, 1) with still lingering questions (will probbly get no ware ) 2) some post I been printing from here.3) things I thought we agreed and ways I felt I should be treated (do ya think jumping through fire or walk on coal for me is to extreme LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )

Maybe I need to let this go , maybe I am exrta BIT%^& the past couple of days , maybe this to shall pass ??? sweep it ??? burry it ???

I don't know , I keep coming back to the issues with in 1) my body 2) ow not knowing 3) and drum roll its just me my problem my demands that I was willing to except thought I could except , maybe I ain't as strong as I thought.

JUST cause I sucked up so much lived through so much doesn't mean I am strong .

IT may mean I am a fool .

I was strong for him , helped him deal ect. was I just holding my own till it was my turn and is it fair after helping him heal that I ask for a turn ?? OK stupid YES ! I should get a turn , dam I am the victom ... I don't mean it like that , but hell I was violated ! I got rights .
JUst cause I took him back shouldn't mean I gave my rights away ,, I didn't say shore come home and I 'll forget everything honey , you poor baby must have been rough screwing OW leading double life having fun , spending money we don't have .

GOT TO GO

Hi 3! I dont have any advice, but if you go to this site you can find out her exact birthday

Anybirthday

oops double post

<small>[ July 29, 2004, 04:42 PM: Message edited by: momto3boys ]</small>

Sorry it's taken me so long to get back. I had a yucky day--felt like sh**, argued with H. Just one of those days.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Although he won't come out and say I was with OW for this very big reason , HE has come out with , theres a chance if ya lokkin for me to be that "MAN" again you need to have that BODY again . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
You know how I feel about that. Are you SURE that's the reason behind the less-than-spectacular SF, or is it possible that he's just using that to mask the "real" reason?

I really think you 2 could benefit greatly from counseling. Your H really needs to learn how to communicate.

I think it's normal for a WS to want to just put it in the past and move on as soon as the A is over. They know everything that went on--they were there. And I'm sure there's more than a little embarrassment involved also.

The list--have you talked with him about this? It sounds like something he may go for. Question is--after you have all the information you need, will you then be satisfied? I don't mean that in a bad way. All I'm saying is, make sure you put everything you need to in the list, and when you get your answers, let that be it where the past is concerned. Make sure you let H know this when you give it to him, and do your best to move forward.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> JUst cause I took him back shouldn't mean I gave my rights away ,, I didn't say shore come home and I 'll forget everything honey , you poor baby must have been rough screwing OW leading double life having fun , spending money we don't have . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds like something I would say--lol! I know what you're saying and I felt the same way. It was like, I'm the one that got screwed in this deal, but I've got to spend all my time and energy helping you get through it? Who's supposed to help me?! Personally, I feel like that's his job. If he wants the M, he should be willing to do what's necessary to help you move on also. Let him know that your objective is to get past it, that anything he does to help you is speeding up that process.

MOMto3- thanks for the sight , of corse the twat was not in there oh well . BUT I love it around here everyone kiking in with info LOL .

LUV - YOU know I am just I guess blowing off steam from keeping things bottled up .

I guess I hold it in so well for so long the cork blows ... YEP professioal help is probbly the ticket ,, but I know it won't happen . Maybe for me soon but US or HIM , ITS a dead issue .

When things get crazy they really go around here.

Another little fight (not yelling ) but I start off with communication and he runs to defenive .

HE just laid it out last night , hes over it and thats it . He stated I can basicly beat my head against the wall and ruin our M single handedly , but will not engage in any ANY ANY convo about OW or the A anymore at all what so ever . And any convo that leads to it will be cut off ..

Thats it the master has spoken , he will go back to shuting down and ignoring and just basicly toon me out if it comes up again ..

HE said , if she ever contacts me or I if I ever felt the need to contact her witch will never happen I will let ya be the first to know and then it can be up for discussion , unless that happens she is no part of our lives at all in any way , so there for she is never going to be part of our convos at all .

So thats it , now the only thing I can think of is to start from scrach .

I am going back to basics , start PLAN A (as if I am separating them ) work on me some more , I guess I can come up with some more things in me to fix maybe by time I am done I can just loose my hole IDENTIY and become a stepford wife ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

things in general are getting to over load around here witch useualy sends him in to OH RUN away stage .

JOB SUCKS
NO MOMEY
DEPT DEPT DEPT
kids crazy
HOUSE falling apart (my ceiling caved in from a leak last night OH JOY)
board life sucks attitude

THIS is his list , well my H is a one BOY at a time thing , when things start to pile up he just goes into his I can't handle this mood ,depressed and does nothing to help it in stead dwells ON how horrible and where can I put the blame and who do I take it out on !

NOW compile that with thew fact that I am always the doer and the strong one ,,, who now is so drained from doing and being strong and always leaned on hes shot!

I did all of it cause I really thought I was told I could lean on him after all the $hit he did to us , that he would be the wall for awile ,, but I guess he feels like I can take some more and scramble to fix his life some more .

LIKE now I have to do his resume and look for jobs ,,, I need to think of a way to aford to fix what broke around here. I need to keep the kids in line when hes home so he can feel less stress when he comes home .

And to top it off with a cherry or 2 ,, I have to start looking for a job myself and yes make sure I can still manage to be FUN FUN FUN and find fun for him not to be board .

OH I AM sorry do I sound like a whining B!TCH !
YEP !!!!!! sorry I can let all out here , its my outlet . ITS either that or hop a plane to anywhere through my cloths and walet in an ocean and frame a fake death to never be found agin ..

YOU got it RUN RUN RUN <<<<<< the same way he ran , got to breath , have some fun , find a good old screw some where and get a fantasy going on .

YEP thats the ticket , be so the oppiste of responsiable , moral, values , get up and go through life to the wind !

ok I am done ! for now ! OK I know some may think I am just pitying out but he!! like my advice to others here a good pity party helps every now and again !

3, did you even bring up the idea of the list? As in, "Honey, I know you don't understand my need for information, but it is a legitimate need that is holding me back from being able to move on. I want to put this to rest as much as you do, and I feel that if I have all the information I am seeking, I will finally be able to do so." Basically letting him know that if he does this one little thing, it can be put to rest.

My H has the same complaints re: job, money, etc. I understand because, well HELLO I'm living the same life! He lets it get him really down, and I don't. I have the attitude of "this too shall pass", ya know? Things might be bad now but they always get better. Although, I do admit it gets on my nerves when I have to hear it day in and day out.

Girl, don't worry about whining, venting, and coming up with crazy fantasies here. It's a whole lot better to do it here than IRL!

I insist that all who read this JUMP to FAMILYMATTERS post INFEDLITY short story !