Hurting and Scared, get a grip on yourself.
If you cannot do that, then get to a doctor to get some help with it. You are in emotional meltdown. That's completely understandable. You are devastated and in great pain, and the person you have loved most is treating you badly.
So what's it going to be? She had an affair. You are now at a crossroads. You've GOT to get some space and figure this out.
Either you leave your wife, or you do not. Forget for a minute whether SHE will leave YOU. I want you to take a few weeks and focus on whether YOU want this marriage or not.
That's your first, and most important decision.
It is very, very important that you consider this carefully. This is a marriage building site and I personally will never recommend divorce to anyone.
However, your emotional state is not currently caused by your wife's actions. Not directly, anyway. Here's what happened:
Your wife had an affair
The affair was completely unexpected
The unexpected didn't fit with your worldview
Your worldview turned upside down
You are in shock
You are in pain
You are confused
Because the affair destroyed your view of the world
And you don't like it one bit.
Totally understandable.
It's going to take months for your worldview to settle back into something vaguely stable.
So while that's happening, where do you want to be?
Do you want to be anywhere near your wife?
Do you want to be in the same house as her?
Do you want to be working?
DO you want to be eating?
Do you want to be sleeping?
Do you want to be running or biking?
You're going to have to deal with the mess this has made of your life in baby steps.
The first is the physical level. You must plan for and implement a strategy that supports your physical survival. You may well find that you're unable to eat and sleep, that it's almost impossible to work. Those are direct threats to your physical wellbing.
So what are you going to do, on a purely physical level, to get through the next few weeks and months?
Then we can talk about what to do on a mental and emotional level.
<small>[ August 01, 2004, 10:54 AM: Message edited by: Just J ]</small>
