Hi Chris,
I tried to take some of the stuff out about love. How is this. I tried to organize a little better. Do you see anything else wrong.

Dear husband,

It is with the greatest pain that I sit here and write this letter to you. I feel devastated that our love for each other has become so cold. The path that I must take now is not one of choice but one of self-preservation. Please let me explain.

I have made many mistakes in the last 3 years and I cannot change them or take any of them back. I have expressed over and over to you my deep sorrow and regret for cheating on you while you were in prison. I know you feel you cannot trust me but if we made an effort together we could at least be more open and honest with each other.

Since the day I discovered your affair, I have waited patiently for you to end your relationship with Other Woman. It has been the most horrible, difficult and painful experience I have ever been through. The pain and emptiness that I endure on a daily basis is almost too much to bear. I'm afraid that my emotional connection to you is lessening and my love for you is slipping away. The way things stand now, I feel being with you is too painful as you continue to call OW behind my back and to disrespect my feelings. In order to protect the love that I feel for you, I believe it would be best for us not to have contact. I cannot continue to see or talk with you while you talk to OW on an almost daily basis. I ask that you please respect my decision to separate in this way. This letter is an honest effort to keep a love you don't see nor accept at this time. In time, I hope you will see that love, but I also know that you may never accept my love again.

When you are willing to completely and permanently end your relationship with OW other than pickup and drop-off of your daughter, I will be ready and willing to discuss our future together. I do understand your desire for contact with your soon to be born daughter but I expect you to establish paternity and visitation legally through the court system. I would also require that you take a person with you whom you and I trust for pickup/dropoff. I feel that any other arrangement would leave you and I open to manipulation by the OW.

I would also like any communications between us to be handled through your step-mom or sister. We can then discuss a plan to renew the love you and I both know was once so strong.

I love you WS,
ME

<small>[ August 06, 2004, 03:12 PM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Anybody else,

Do you think this is a good letter.

Again, you don’t say much about loving him or wanting to work it out.

You have two BIG paragraphs about how everything hurts you and nothing really about love.

Use the six paragraphs as above.

It is too long and has too much description...you want a Plan B letter to be short, to the point, and not something where details will be picked apart.

Genia, here is a suggested edit:


Dear husband,

It is with the greatest pain that I sit here and write this letter to you.

I have made many mistakes in the last 3 years and while I cannot change them or take any of them back, I have learned from them. My deepest desire is for us to build a wonderful, lasting marriage together.

Since the day I discovered your affair, I have waited patiently for you to end your relationship with Other Woman. The pain and emptiness that I endure on a daily basis is almost too much to bear. I'm afraid that my emotional connection to you is lessening and my love for you is slipping away. In order to protect the love that I feel for you, I believe it would be best for us not to have contact. I cannot continue to see or talk with you while you talk to OW on an almost daily basis.

I ask that you please respect my decision to separate in this way. This letter is an honest effort to keep a love you don't see nor accept at this time.

I am willing to do whatever it takes to correct the mistakes that we have made in the past and make our marriage together stronger and closer than we ever thought possible. With all of my heart, I would like to build a new marriage with you, in which we both feel loved, safe, cherished, and honored. However, I cannot continue my efforts to rebuild our marriage while you are involved with OW. It has become too painful.

When you are willing to completely and permanently end your relationship with OW other than pickup and drop-off of your daughter, I will be ready and willing to discuss our future together. (This is not the place for an in-depth discussion of OC visitation...you guys can negotiate that later if he reconciles with you).

Until then, I would also like any communications between us to be handled through your step-mom or sister.

I love you WS,
ME [/QB][/QUOTE]

Hi Kam,

I can understand leaving demands as to OW/OC contact out. I took the liberty to discuss my demands with him this weekend. It resulted in a huge argument. I went to work. I came home. He had mellowed and told me he loved me. Nothing was resolved. He just was trying to reconcile with me without meeting my demands. I told him that he did not love me. That my demands were non-negotiable.

You think I should leave the part out about my indiscretion. Would that be fair to him?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am willing to do whatever it takes to correct the mistakes that we have made in the past and make our marriage together stronger and closer than we ever thought possible. With all of my heart, I would like to build a new marriage with you, in which we both feel loved, safe, cherished, and honored. However, I cannot continue my efforts to rebuild our marriage while you are involved with OW. It has become too painful.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I had taken this part out of an earlier version because it was repeticious and speaks of love too much. Something I think can be discussed if we reconcile.

I think I should mention him talking to OW behind my back because that is the thing that brought me to write this letter.

Any feedback appreciated.

Kam,

Answers to reason you included the part I deleted? I will rewrite keeping in mind your suggestions as well as suggestions of others. i just reread what Chris wrote. At first I thought he meant I should not say anything about love. Now I see he means I should say something about love. I was confused. I will try and rewrite. Husband is sensing my plans for departure and is showing me affection now. I do not know that this means he is ending contact with OW. I think that would be too good to be true. I will know soon his true loyalty. A person will not keep up a front but so long.

<small>[ August 10, 2004, 10:42 AM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Thanks Chris and Kam,

here is my rewrite. Very close to Kam's version. Just a couple sentences I couldn't part with.


Dear husband,

It is with the greatest pain that I sit here and write this letter to you. I feel devastated that our love for each other has become so cold. The path that I must take now is not one of choice but one of self-preservation. Please let me explain.

I have made many mistakes in the last 3 years and while I cannot change them or take any of them back, I have learned from them. My deepest desire is for us to build a wonderful, lasting marriage together.
Since the day I discovered your affair, I have waited patiently for you to end your relationship with Other Woman. The pain and emptiness that I endure on a daily basis is almost too much to bear. I'm afraid that my emotional connection to you is lessening and my love for you is slipping away. In order to protect the love that I feel for you, I believe it would be best for us not to have contact. I cannot continue to see or talk with you while you talk to OW on an almost daily basis.
I am willing to do whatever it takes to correct the mistakes that we have made in the past and make our marriage together stronger and closer than we ever thought possible. With all of my heart, I would like to build a new marriage with you, in which we both feel loved, safe, cherished, and honored. However, I cannot continue my efforts to rebuild our marriage while you are involved with OW. It has become too painful.

When you are willing to completely and permanently end your relationship with OW other than pickup and drop-off of your daughter, I will be ready and willing to discuss our future together.
I would also like any communications between us to be handled through your step-mom or sister. We can then discuss a plan to renew the love you and I both know was once so strong.
Until then, I would also like any communications between us to be handled through your step-mom or sister. We can then discuss a plan to renew the love you and I both know was once so strong.
I love you WS,
ME

I might come off as a bit anal about this, but this letter is one of the most important things you do in your life. I'm only suggesting what I think is best for YOU. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You tell him 7 times <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> at different places throughout the letter that you hurt and will not have contact with him. This letter should not emphasize the fact that he is a wank.
In fact, it should emphasize that you love him and want to work it out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Use it to simply point out what you want and what you must do.

As I wrote previously, use six paragraphs as follows. Expand upon each paragraph. Keep each paragraph to what it is. Don’t mix & match. The Plan B letter should flow nicely together and not just be a jumble of sentences.
It needs to express exactly what is and why you are doing it, without confusing him.

1 - I love you.
2 - I apologize for the past. I'm learning new relationship stuff.
3 - You affair hurts me. Because of this, I will end all contact until your affair is over.
4 - You can see the children by contacting mr. x.
5 - We can work it out and I'll wait for that chance.
6 - I love you.

I put the paragraph number in front of your sentences. Regroup them.

3 - I feel devastated that our love for each other has become so cold. The path that I must take now is not one of choice but one of self-preservation. Please let me explain.

2 - I have made many mistakes in the last 3 years and while I cannot change them or take any of them back, I have learned from them.

5 - My deepest desire is for us to build a wonderful, lasting marriage together.

3 - Since the day I discovered your affair, I have waited patiently for you to end your relationship with Other Woman. The pain and emptiness that I endure on a daily basis is almost too much to bear. I'm afraid that my emotional connection to you is lessening and my love for you is slipping away. In order to protect the love that I feel for you, I believe it would be best for us not to have contact. I cannot continue to see or talk with you while you talk to OW on an almost daily basis.

5 - I am willing to do whatever it takes to correct the mistakes that we have made in the past and make our marriage together stronger and closer than we ever thought possible. With all of my heart, I would like to build a new marriage with you, in which we both feel loved, safe, cherished, and honored.

3 - However, I cannot continue my efforts to rebuild our marriage while you are involved with OW. It has become too painful.

3 - When you are willing to completely and permanently end your relationship with OW other than pickup and drop-off of your daughter, I will be ready and willing to discuss our future together.

4 - I would also like any communications between us to be handled through your step-mom or sister.

5 - We can then discuss a plan to renew the love you and I both know was once so strong.

4 - Until then, I would also like any communications between us to be handled through your step-mom or sister.

5 - We can then discuss a plan to renew the love you and I both know was once so strong.