Today was daughter's 15th birthday - and I have a fine new memory or two (NOT!!) from it...

My parents, DD's boyfriend, and for a while my sis and family were here.

WH came, too (my family still cares a great deal for him). Good because he hadn't seen his daughter in three months. Bad because I saw things I didn't need to see--ever!

See, WH has fancy new little camera phone that he was showing off to me.

The first vivid and totally unnecessary image: The screensaver is a bare shot of OW's chest with her arms over her head.

Okay, she has a nice set of ta-ta's. My eyes were drawn to it like flies to a buglite. Yep, she has a matching tattoo to WH's. Nope, there's no way that even a good saline job would make me look like her. I raise my arms over my head and I look like a skinny 10-year-old boy. (Yes, the "why am I built this way" pity party is going strong...)

But wait boys and girls...it gets better.

He was showing me how the camera worked and and how he can take movies with sound, etc, and on flashed a clip. I saw only a couple seconds before he said "Oops! not that one!" and changed it really quickly.

But it was a freakin' X-rated close up of the two of them (or certain parts of them anyway). UUUGGGHHHH!!! I know it goes on, but I didn't need to see it!!

(Fortunately, I am an old woman with bad eyes who needs bifocals but refuses to get them, so I didn't see it clearly. But I caught enough to know what it was...and there was sound to help me.)

Okay, remind me AGAIN why I'm trying to stand up for this marriage???

I lost a little ground tonight emotionally. I don't want to be alone all my life. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> And I do dwell on that fear. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I hate that the man I loved and have been married to for 19 years is sharing his love with another woman...a much younger woman...a much better-built woman. And it really hurts that I saw it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

He took me with him to go pick up DD's pizza. We didn't talk--just listened to the stereo. I'd look over at him and his hands and remember how I used to take his hand sometimes in the silence when we drove. His hands still look the same. He still looks the same. Riding in the car still looks the same.

But everything is NOT the same anymore... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

You'd all be proud though. I kept it together and didn't act shocked at what I saw--because I was out in the kitchen around other people. I just gave him the "oh well" shrug and did a stellar job of pulling off a birthday party.

LL

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 09:02 PM: Message edited by: lordslady ]</small>

LL, that's outrageous. And most impressive that you were unfazed by it.

WSs are jerks. I'm sick of them. I want to push them down.

GC

Yeah, what graycloud said!

LL, you handled that SO WELL.
GOSH! That had to be GUTWRENCHING!!!
You are stronger than me DEFINETLY!!!!!

God Bless you and I'm so sorry you had to witness that. What the heck is this world coming to?!?!?

I'm angry after reading your story. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

LL, I've seen your photo. You ain't no old woman.

GC

Please give me a good reason why you allow yourself to be exposed to that vulgar display of profane, adulterous, obscene, pornographic, soul destroying, home wrecking promiscuity. (I ran out of adjectives)

How much will your heart endure. Why not plan B this creature that formerly was your husband. Listening to OM and his messages on WW's voice mail was enough to but me into a psycho depression/rage for days. Heck, theres not a jury in the world that would convict you for reacting violently to that display. (Don't take that as a suggestion!!)

And further, I saw your photo too.

Your WH is nuts.

<small>[ August 05, 2004, 12:27 AM: Message edited by: Binder ]</small>

There's not much one can do in a situation like that when surrounded by family members except to play like it was just another picture of the kids he was showing me. (Where is my Oscar?!?)

Still have a sick feeling in my gut though. Fortunately the action shot was so quick I didn't get a chance to lock it in my brain. The ta-ta shot is a different story. I stared at it...analyzed it...couldn't help it.

It's one of those time when I find myself asking "Why is this happening??" I know in my mind there is a reason. But I don't see it yet...

LL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> And further, I saw your photo too.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wanna hear a funny?? (Something has to be funny out of all this...doesn't it??)

That was one of the few photos taken that day that turned out. Most were fuzzy. The professional photographer's lense was broken, but he didn't know it until the proofs came back.

I CAN break a camera!!!!!

(And they were taken right before I found out about WH's A, so we didn't ever go have them redone.)

LL

I'm a little "puncy". Can you tell? Not sure whether to laugh or cry right now, so am trying laughing.

LL

Me too. Up way too late, but just don't feel like conking yet.

FamilyMatters is punchy tonight too. Well, last night he was.

GC

LL,

Just gonna go in the opposite direction for a minute,(except for you looking good part).

I realize that this was your daughter's party and you didn't want to make a scene and detract from her fun but the disrespect that he showed you is huge. It almost seems on purpose, that he is flaunting all of this. I'd have flaunted his phone about 100 feet accross the yard into the street...."opps!!"

I think you should have let him know, not so quietly, that he didn't need to be showing naked pictures of his girfriend at his daughter;s birthday.

Put him in his place.....which should be far from you so you don't get any of his crud on you.

You showed excellent self-control...good on you!!!

God Bless
Doug

Puke.

LL,

I think if I were in your shoes I might have taken that phone and thrown it against a wall.OOOPS! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You know exactly where his selfish cheatin heart is by having a screen saver of the homewrecking trash not his daugther.GRRRRR.Don't look at anything your WH has to show you anymore.

I have totally cut off my WH from saying just about anything or showing me anything anymore because invariably,it leads to more pain for me.I don't give him a chnace at all to hurt me so he practically tip toes around the house when he's here because he knows I might flip out.

I am done with the no LB's and DJ's.He gets an earful if he screws up.We are done.

Hang in there lady.Big breasts aren't the only things in life!!! In that respect,men will never change though(sorry guys,personal opinion).

O

LL, not sure what to say. Just got on my computer and this was the 1st post I read. The jerkiness, the callousness, the $%^holiness, the utter lack of respect of this makes me also realize once again what friggin losers WSs become. OK, I kind of feel better!

Don't tell me your H had no idea those pictures could possibly show up. Let him have the big boobed BI***, and you open yourself up to finding a man who's interested in a real woman with real heart and soul. And doesn't give a SH&& about how big her boobs are and how great she is at flashing them. OK, not better yet!

You showed enormous constraint. Not only would I have flung the phone, it would have been flung at his pathetic, sorry head! And your keeping quiet in that car ride? Oh baby, my mouth would have been moving so fast, with so many choice words, and the pizza would have probably ended up on his head also, along with that wonderful new phone. Now I think I feel better!

LL, I don't really know your story, but I know what kind of person you are. You deserve and will get much better than THAT! After all my spewed out venom I'll just say God Bless You! CV

You have to know that he did this intending to get a reaction. The fact that you gave no reaction will probably only make him try harder.

This is by far the most cruel act I can ever imagine.

QUOTE: -> I think you should have let him know, not so quietly, that he didn't need to be showing naked pictures of his girfriend at his daughter;s birthday

LL,, What in the world was he thinking,,,, he is rubbing this in your face. Totally stupid and self centered. I give you props for your reaction, there is no way I could have controlled my emotions.

He clearly cares nothing about how you feel. It seems he is trying to see you degraded or something.
What kind of Man is he,,,,,,, I am sorry to bash him,,,,,Well,, NO I AM NOT! What a sorry S.O.B
Somebody has to say it! Move on.... Plan D his aZZ.
Man that just makes me sick!

LL,

I don't think that I've ever posted to you or that I even know your story, but when I read this, my heart was breaking for you. It literally made me sick to my stomach.

I don't think that I would have been able to take this the way you did. I probably would have had a nervous breakdown.

I understand that you may still love this man and that he is the father of your child, but you deserve so much better.

I personally could not stay with a man like that any longer and I think that I would immediately file for divorce.

Kati

As I sit here reading all the responses, I'm worried that my "shock alert" is gone, or at least malfunctioning right now. I am not shocked. I wasn't shocked. I was hurt, but not shocked.

And it happened so fast (the action shot did) that I didn't have a chance to react and send that fancy little gizmo sailing.

(Historical fact: I am, UNFORTUNATELY, a quite adept at sending small objects sailing. I used to be very quick-tempered and when things would get ugly, I've sent many a cordless phone toward a wall, or a glass dish to the floor. It's something I'm trying hard to get under control and have done a much better job as of late.)

Why didn't I say anything to him in the car? Disappointment...really just being at a lack of words and frankly, out of energy to fight.

I questioned whether he did it on purpose. Honestly, I don't think he even gives thought to or realizes how it hurts me. But then sometimes I almost feel like he says things that are meant to hurt me or punish me for some reason.

He's also made statements back a few months ago about how he likes that he can make her "scream and crawl across the floor" or somethinhg to that affect that really cut through my heart, and he didn't get why I took that so poorly either.

It's really hard to have the most special person in my life since I was 15 act like this alien. He's never been the world's most thoughtful person, but this is way weird.

I think I'm handling this incident calmly because it almost feels unreal, like a dream that will fade. It all feels like a dream sometimes.

Today, the action shot has faded a great deal in my brain (again, I'm VERY thankful that I only caught a quick glimpse). The screensaver has NOT faded.

And then the other picture that is really bothering me today is one that I did ask to see as he was flipping through them: It's a pic of OW's 18-mo-old daughter. He's lying on his stomach on the floor watching TV and she was playing on his back.

She's a cute baby--actually looks more like a little girl than a baby now. But I think back to our own kids' pasts and think about how little time he spent with them. I don't have a picture of either of them on his back.

He's in love with a new woman, and appears to be falling in love with her baby who he's watched grow from the time she was 6-months-old (even though he doesn't do well with kids).

It makes me feel like the kids and I weren't good enough. Like we were nothing...

Don't worry. I'm not sitting here all crying and non-functional. I just have that gnawing pain in my gut right now and it's giving me heartburn.

LL

Dear LL,

I gasped when I read your thread. I am sooo sorry you had to have this thrust in your face. He was bragging about his phone? I would have thrown it across the room and then have him explain why. You are truely a lady, waay better than me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I must tell you that I saw one of those pixs also. In fact, that was my introduction to what the OW looked like. The memory for me was the 'old gray mare'. Imagine not having a face to put together with parts where the sun don't shine. When I finally saw her for real the 1st tine in court, I had to laugh. She doesn't know I saw that pix. LOL!!!!

Sorry for your pain. As for your heartburn, this rememdy is just a rhyme but here goes: Take a tums and kick the bum out (out of your life). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

Hi LL,

My feeling is that he did do that on purpose. He would not have ‘accidentally’ shown that photo to his D or mother, right? It was horribly vicious. I think I would have had to had a (fake) gasp and shouted ‘You’re showing me pornography!?!?!’. Then I would have recovered myself and apologized to anyone listening (not him).

I could not imagine my life with someone that vicious, or at the very least, that stupid. It would kill me to someone like that around my children. That was terribly cruel and I am really sorry he got to do that to you.

I don’t know much of your story, but are you sure you want him back? Just because it’s possible, doesn’t mean it’s necessarily the right thing to do.

I just cannot get over that. That was just horrible. Please TRY not to let this man control your mind this way. I’m sure you have not put this out of your head since it happened; he hijacked your brain. You must have looked like you were doing well. Please take care - Dru