Yep, we can't have that. I have seen most of your pictures on the MB album, and you all look GREAT to me. You will do fine without your wives, but let's hope you can recover your marriages.

Geez, where are all the experts?

gray et al -

Of course you are men, and think like men do. But hoping you can hold out and hold on. Having an affair yourselves won't help.

Believer

Don't you know, no good deed goes unpunished? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

hello from south georgia

Believer, the danger is there more than I would have imagined.

I may have mentioned this before - I'm walking around out there in the world, running into all kinds of strange women. I don't know if they sense my vulnerability, or if I just have a more friendly, easygoing, not-trying, nothing-to-lose attitude when I wind up chatting somebody up, but I'm getting more attention now than I ever did when I was married.

A freakishly beautiful girl who was canvassing for an environmental group asked me to have coffee with her a few weeks ago, and another young woman who was going door to door in my neighborhood invited herself to sit and hang out on my porch with me.

No danger though, I'm an ethical man.

GC

gray - Hahaha. An ethical man. Hope you will all stick to your ethics.

Where are the experts?

I'm ethical too, but getting tired of the nonsense..this is insanity. In my case the OM isn't even interested in a R or a Friendship w/ my W. SHe's chasing him to be her friend. I think my W needs serious help, or is it I'm a reject and she'd rather chase a guy who doesnt want her than be with me..sounds pathetic when you look at it.

As far as betrayed husbands who then have A's I think we can safely assume it has to do with ego and trying to regain self-esteem. The best compliment I've recvd from a woman in a month came from someone on this board <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> isn't that pathetic? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> But I talked to my teenage daughter for hours last night and I told her in no uncertain terms dad would hang in there and not disrespect his home or his children. Everyone is counting on me to fix this, of course my mom is on the fence, yesterdsy she said get over my W move on, today she thinks my W needs mental help and to hang in there. I thought mothers had all the answers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> She's as confused as me, at least I'm not going crazy, IT'S NORMAL.

Where are the other fellers? Clammed up I reckon.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Here is another question. You men are doing so well by trying to hold on to your marriages. Do any of you have a deadline?

Also how do you deal with the lack of SF?

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My sex life is "well in hand" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Why not, it's sex with someone I love.

Deadline? Yup. Won't post it though, ya never know who might be reading this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Next week WW and her sister and cousin leave for their big overseas trip with Grandma.

Granny was cheated on and divorced, and raised the sparrow's uncle and late father alone. She and the sparrow will be roommates for over a week.

I've written Granny a letter (posted it earlier this week). I'm going to try and get SIL to smuggle a small birthday gift along (sparrow's birthday will be during the trip). And I'm going to send a very tiny but way cool gift to the sparrow right before they leave.

Is this too much?

Dropping in myself.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I prefer Loyal Husband rather than BH.
Not Perfect, just loyal.

<small>[ August 05, 2004, 09:51 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

It's the start of my weekend, and I'm chilling on the porch and posting like a fr-zeak.

Tom, think we'll ever get trolled by Mrs. Joad?

Guys,

I am glad that you are all here. I am not sure how my sitch will turn out, but I can tell you that I am intent on still being high on marriage and men. You guys, help me to achieve that goal without bitterness. I read your postings and I realize how much we are all in this together. The hurting and the hope. It is not just a woman thing and a man thing--it is an everyone thing. Inspite of how you feel today, whatever happened to you recently, please know there are women like myself that get so much out of the contributions you make to this board.

WH has been in heavy contact this week and LB'd me big time today--he just left to probably contact OW. I remain hopeful that someday happiness will be mine again with him or some other lucky guy. Thanks for your stories and support. May we all get through this with our faith intact. Thanks, to all the BH's.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by graycloud:
<strong>
Is this too much? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Gray I'm beginning to believe that it matters what we do and it also doesnt matter what we do. You could write on a post it that you love her and it will be enough if she's in the state of mind that will allow her to feel love for you again. On the flipside, you could hire a pilot to write it in the sky, along with some synchronized swimmers to spell her name out in the Pacific and if she's not in a place in her head to feel your love she'll blow off all your hard work.

I think you should do whatever is true to you to do. In the end whether you are together or not she will recall those special sentimental advances you lent. I'm no expert, but hey she already knows you love her. If someone was to ask her today, does you husband still love you?
If you know she'd say YES...then I'm not sure what else you OR I can do. It's not about US, its about them and their own human frailties.

You a good guy though Gray and you deserve happiness friend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Tom Joad:
<strong> Dropping in myself.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I prefer Loyal Husband rather than BH.
Not Perfect, just loyal. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Way to go JOAD..right I'm not perfect...
*belch and scratches self
But I still love my foggyheaded W...if she keeps it up much longer I'll be cooking some other hot mamacita a meal, drinking a margarita and doin some dance I made up...problem is there will be challenges in any R/M might as well try and deal with the issues in the one I already have...just short of losing my friggin mind that is.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

GC, don't know that she's a troll... but certainly lurking. Worried about it initially, actually quite abit. But, I don't worry anymore.

I feel bad even embarrassed by some of my old behaivors, but I've got nothing to be ashamed of now. Working at being a better Tom Joad and better Dad.

If she does post anything, I suspect it will be a brief visit. She'll probably get more from it a year from now. When it is too late for us and our family. Too much damage, and scars to recover.

Hey guys

Just saw this thread and thought I should drop in. Something just happened that made me smile. My 1 yr old son just came wobbling up to me(he walks like he is drunk sometimes) and he said his first words. Da-Da. Now he wont stop saying it. Thats My Boy!!

Lifes not all bad.

I am no expert and I am not a WW but I wanted to post. My marriage is in a state of perpetual recovery. I gain alot of insight and support from this forum. I also learn alot about men which I think is good because my experience with men is soooooooo limited.

I am truly amazed that you are all so courageous and loving for sticking to your vows and trying to do what is right. It is ironic that I have stayed with my husband through so many infidelities and I know he would never forgive me if I would have gone outside the marriage. He has said as much and I know him well enough to believe it. Not that I ever have thought about going that route, it is just amazing to me that there are men out there that are so loyal.

My husband has come along way. I hate to paint him in a negative light because he has changed completely.

I wanted to let you guys know that you have an impact on people outside your own circle. Being ethical, moral men is an example for others. You stand up for what is right like real men do. Real women appreciate that.


best wishes to you all,

ayslyne

O.K. boys. (and ladies) I'll ask for some specific input.

Plan B for 2 weeks now. Going pretty good and I am not the quivering mass of weeping flesh I was earlier in the year. Definitely feeling stronger and somewhat empowered.

My question is about boundaries. I have planned for the worst case scenario i.e. a separation agreement is in place and it will mirror a divorce settlement if that occurs, but I also want to have a best case scenario planned.

What if WW has an awakening? She comes to my door saying she wants to try again. Do I suddenly pull a list out of my back pocket and list all the "must dos" before I let her in? Or do I calmly invite her back into our life with a few requirements (NC letter etc.) before I tell her she must quit her job apologize to OMW, reconsider friendships etc.?

<small>[ August 05, 2004, 10:15 PM: Message edited by: Binder ]</small>

I think, Binder, you have to be tough as nails when that happens. It would be some challenge.

I don't really know if you have to ask for everything on your wish list. Seems to me if you can get her to commit to MC, NC (does that include quitting her job?), and some minimum time commitment, that's a good start.

Thanks for the good word FM, by the way. I'm going to do that gift-giving stuff for my own benefit. When I'm being plan-Bed (not to mention divorced), sending nice little things in the mail seems to be all I can get away with.