I'm hesitating about posting in the recovery forum until I KNOW we're in recovery. At this point I'm just dealing with the daily ride, and holding on for dear life, while keeping the contents of my stomach safely in my stomach.

Sending the sparrow another card today. A few bucks for health insurance costs to keep her from hassling me about that, a four-leaf clover, a little joke, and a short message to have a good trip.

I feel so damned sad. Not crippled with depression, just terribly disappointed. I'm offering her this great life, a huge improvement over one that was already happy and fulfilling, and by all indications, she'll be making herself history anyway. I miss the stupid girl.

Okay, okay. I'm good. Brief lapse.

GC

Loyal husband here, praying everyday, still wearing my ring and waiting for her to come around and decide to come back home.

Finally decided to join in the Loyal Husbands. Amazing how many are experiencing the same.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by RWukovich:
<strong> I'm hesitating about posting in the recovery forum until I KNOW we're in recovery. At this point I'm just dealing with the daily ride, and holding on for dear life, while keeping the contents of my stomach safely in my stomach. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know when I'll feel safe either. My W is still saying some seriously foggy things. I had to take away the damned XANAX and I'll be going with her THURSDAY to see this crappy DR. who gave a moderately - seriously depressed working woman with 2 kids friggin SEDATIVES!!! The last thing a depressed person NEEDS is MORE SLEEP!!

As far as recovery? My W is physically here, and mentally she has chosen our M and family, but emotionally she's in great turmoil. I have been an active listener and developed a very thick skin, you can fry an egg on my forehead <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> it's a rollercoaster allright. One minute she's moody, the next groggy as ever, then she's upbeat and optimistic then just when I'm going YAY! she falls back into the dumpster DUMPS.

My friend is struggling with her own demons right now it's hard to sit by. I feel helpless, but at least she's communicating her feelings. I've succeeded in making her feel safe enough to say things a week ago she wouldn't say. Keep the faith, be strong RWUK and all that jazz. I've got a feeling that at least for me, the ride is just getting started. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

oh no "thread jacking" in progress <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So sorry everybody ... I haven't read the whole *thread*

Hey FM,
I know LINY said to asked *ME* about A-D's. *I* chose Wellbrutrin SR at first. I had seen my sister on Prozak (she just didn't care about much .... it help her think and not react). I took Wellbrutrin to stop smoking originally (similar to Zyban). I could think clearly and I felt the effects in about 3 weeks. In the course of therapy (3 & 1/2 years now). I have gone on a combination of Wellbrutrin and Lexapro. I found I was having anxiety. I think that stared working in about 2 weeks. I wasn't on that combo too long (neither one of them is ADDICTIVE - I have addiction in my family - didn't want to set myself up for that too on top of depression <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ). My mom and MIL take Zoloft - that works well for them - it takes about 3 weeks (very mellow). I have known people who have taken Paxil (I don't think it would be for me - you aren't "depressed" - but your mood swings could hurt someone <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ). And the Wellbrutrin had alittle sexual side effects (as this was problem with depression - I didn't want it - After taking it a few weeks that wasn't a problem <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (I kind felt like a virgin again, except I "knew" what I was doing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) (that was a plus <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

Xanax I take "ever so often" - it's a chill pill. Life still goes on when you are in *RECOVERY* ..... it helps then.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by brown:
<strong> oh no "thread jacking" in progress <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So sorry everybody ... I haven't read the whole *thread*

Hey FM,
I know LINY said to asked *ME* about A-D's. *I* chose Wellbrutrin SR at first. I had seen my sister on Prozak (she just didn't care about much .... it help her think and not react). I took Wellbrutrin to stop smoking originally (similar to Zyban). I could think clearly and I felt the effects in about 3 weeks. In the course of therapy (3 & 1/2 years now). I have gone on a combination of Wellbrutrin and Lexapro. I found I was having anxiety. I think that stared working in about 2 weeks. I wasn't on that combo too long (neither one of them is ADDICTIVE - I have addiction in my family - didn't want to set myself up for that too on top of depression <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ). My mom and MIL take Zoloft - that works well for them - it takes about 3 weeks (very mellow). I have known people who have taken Paxil (I don't think it would be for me - you aren't "depressed" - but your mood swings could hurt someone <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ). And the Wellbrutrin had alittle sexual side effects (as this was problem with depression - I didn't want it - After taking it a few weeks that wasn't a problem <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (I kind felt like a virgin again, except I "knew" what I was doing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) (that was a plus <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

Xanax I take "ever so often" - it's a chill pill. Life still goes on when you are in *RECOVERY* ..... it helps then. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My W says she asked her DR. about Lexapro and Wellbutrin and he told her they were too strong. I don't understand he could've modified the dosage. XANAX may be a chill pill but it seems more like a sleeping aid not for depression and my W's do DEPRESSED shes abusing the XANAX taking way more than the prescribed amounts. She's zonked out 75% of the day. She wants to be out, but life must continue. If she could sleep for a month and wake up with everything as it was before the A she would do that. I can't wait until Thursday to see what the DR. explanation is. She is also having some morbid DREAMS, I'm not sure why but I know its not helping, especially when your sleeping 12 -16 hours a day.

Geez I didn't relize how long I've been out. So, you got another one B.

FM I *TOOK* 300 mg per day (once a day - time released). At first I took 75 mg 3x's a day, then 150 mg 2x's a day (Wellbrutrin SR). The Lexapro was only 10 mg (once a day). Xanax Is much stronger (and narcotic!!!!). Can you say QUACK! QUACK!?? There are so many A-D's on the market and they effect people differently .... a Psychiatrist or Licensed NP (versed in depression, therapy, MC and etc) should really help her. A regular Doc is just gonna give her this little pink pill and send on her way. The Psychiatrist will monitor and regualate her dosage ....

Better living through chemistry <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And great to hear she'd opening up ( <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) and you're doing better ...
in it for the long haul <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

God bless

Bob Pure:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I sometimes wish I wasn't a loyal husband. If I didn't care I wouldn't be hurting like this. Its bad enough to be betrayed, but to still love them is a great burden. I always thought I'd throw her out/kill the OM etc if there was ever an affair, yet now I am here sadness and disappointment rules over anger and revenge.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It hurts worse when you are the most loyal and when your marriage means the most to you. hang tough!

Double post...sorry

<small>[ August 10, 2004, 09:21 PM: Message edited by: TooSoonToBeComfortable ]</small>

Okay guys. Here's a question. How long has it been since D-day and how are you feeling? For me it has been 14 months since D-day, and I am feeling happy with my life. WH is still with OW.

DD was about 1/15/04 and I am still married to and live with FWW. I feel very insecure in my marriage and I am unsure if and/or when she will drop another bomb shell on me. She said she is staying with me and the kids and that her other relationship is over but I think she is very capable of living another double life, lying, and betraying me again.

I try to get her to talk to me more often and to reinforce her feelings for our marriage and for me to help me with my insecurities but she prefers to not talk about the affair very often. She is put out by my questions to her and she is bothered that I still read MB for therapy. I am not sure if I will be able to really trust her again and I know her past expressed love for the OM did serious damage to my heart for her. I now have trouble expressing my love for her verbally probably to protect myself from more future hurt.

I remain willing to keep working on the marriage but I don't know if it will ever come back fully.

Well, here's some interesting reading. I'll apologize in advance, as this may be a long post.

DDay initiated a lot of changes in my life. One of those things was WW complaining about me going to bed at 10pm every night. Well, when you have to get up at 5:30am you have to go to bed earlier. I work 7am to 3pm, and WW works 9am to 5pm. Well, I decided I could afford to stay up another hour, so for the last 5 months, I've been going to bed between 11pm and 11:30pm.

This last week I've been sleeping upstairs with WW. Well, I was staying up till my new times before going to bed, but I was doing this in the living room. There were a few nights where WW actually said, why don't you go to bed, which I did since it was about that time anyway.

In addition to this, at last counseling I asked if WW could compromise her being on the computer time, since she's on the computer most every night. She said she could compromise. Well, last night, WW was on the computer, and at 10:30pm I decided to go out for a smoke, then I was going to bed. Well, WW came out and asked why I had been staying up late. So I pointed out what I mentioned in the above paragraph about staying up later because she used to complain about me going to bed every night at 10pm. I asked why she was asking, and she said she felt like I was only staying up to keep tabs on her.

I then proceeded to talk to her about the things I intended to talk to her about in counseling today. Her telling her best friend that I won't let her go to the Literotica get-together this weekend, which I never said any such thing, her only hearing I had no intention of relocating anywhere, when in fact I said I had no intention of relocating anywhere without feeling better about our relationship, and us being low on money, and she felt the need to renew her monthly subscription to DeviantArt knowing we are short on money.

Of course, this all led into a great big can of worms, as she always gets mad when I have a problem with something that she's doing. She brought up my financial irresponsibility, which steps have been taken to curb forever. She further went on to express that her whole day belongs to someone else, and that "her" time starts when the kids go to bed.

She also mentioned she feels Counseling is a waste of time and that we're only treading water. I'm appearantly not allowed to want to spend more time with her than per our arrangement through counseling, which is Sunday family day, Monday lunch date, and date night.

I asked her if she loves me, and her reply was sometimes. About a month ago, I was prepared to begin Plan B, and told WW it was time for a physical seperation. She seemed happy about finally getting me to agree to that, and imagine my surprise a few days later when she says she doesn't want that anymore. Last night, I asked her why she changed her mind. Essentially, she couldn't bear the idea of not being with the girls every day, and money would be a problem. I translate this to mean, it's conveinent.

After this whole talk was over, I said I was going to bed, and she asked if I was sleeping downstairs, and I said if she wanted, and she said yes. So, I'm back downstairs....more sleepless nights and nightmares.

Counseling this afternoon, I wish I knew where this is going.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> How long has it been since D-day and how are you feeling? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The "final" D-Day was December 2000... Don't remember the exact day.

I miss my W and daughters..., but am VERY secure in the fact that we have dealt with all of the past and have truly started rebuilding our M together.

My wonderful W has told me so many times how thankful she is that I stuck by her all of these years... kindof makes it hard for me to remember all of the "pain" when she tells me that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'm saddened by all of the other BS that are dealing with the pain and anger, and hope that they too, can make it through all of this...

Semper Fi,
RIF90

I'm 3.5 months from D-Day, 2.5 months from my WW leaving me.

I'm lonely and sad, but not in despair. I'm slowly beginning to move forward. I've been kind of treading water up until now and faking it a little.

I'm often in a very good mood, and I sleep okay, though my dreams are filled with affair/divorce garbage.

I feel the changes in me are deep and real. I feel like more of a man than I did three months ago.

I'm no longer invested in the day-to-day drama. This is a recent change. I am, however, preoccupied with the idea that the sparrow might be pregnant and keeping that secret, or might have had an abortion. It's all wild imagination I guess. If she were pregnant, the D papers she filed would be useless, so it probably isn't true.

All in all, I'm strong but I feel cheated and frustrated. Still have a very "poor me" attitude.

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> Okay guys. Here's a question. How long has it been since D-day and how are you feeling? For me it has been 14 months since D-day, and I am feeling happy with my life. WH is still with OW. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">DDays #2 and 3 hit within a few days of each other in February. As a matter of fact, the 6-month mark is coming up sometime this week, I believe. 6 months.....that means the A#3 should be dying out....right?

Plan B began almost 4 months ago. It has been solid on my part and surprisingly, solid on hers. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever see or hear from her again. How likely is that?

How do I feel?

It depends on what it is we're discussing.....

I like my new place a lot, although sometimes I still get really pi$$ed about our house. We were in the process of closing on it this time last year, so some memories come back about that.

I'm doing well with (almost) all facets of life. My job is actually making a little $$$ for me lately, which is good.

I'm in ridiculously good physical condition. I can run a mile in about 7 minutes flat, and run 4-6 miles a week. I honestly can't believe I didn't do this for years. People have noticed, as well... I accompanied my best friend and his wife to a hot air balloon festival where his company had a VIP tent. Same company I used to work at (as well as WW, and OMs1,2&3). Almost everyone there (the only one of the bunch that still works there is OM2) is a big fan of TFM and not a big fan of the rest of the sordid bunch. Anyway, 3-4 people said that they barely recognized me. That felt pretty good.

I stay busy, and do all kinds of stuff with new friends, faces and places. That's fun.

In all actuality, I'm doing good. Really good.


But I do have my struggles, and they seem to be quite often these days.

The six month point (for a D) came and went. WW didn't file for D, which surprised me a little. She is still "dating", living next door to, and working directly with, OM3. I had the discussion with my friends this weekend about what could possibly be going on. What could be holding her up, essentially. The cost of filing is not that tremendous. Certainly between she and OM, they could generate the capital to take care of it, correct? I guess I'm waiting for that other shoe to drop.....

So, a couple of the things that are eating at me:

Just general being in limbo. I'm married, but haven't seen/heard from WW in months and my taker bellows for attention. Any attention. And I'm left to what I can and can't do, because I'm "married." Ugh........

Tied to that is the spiritual side of things. I had my brief interaction with "the curveball." Of course, nothing remotely close to P occurred between us, but I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried, to feel good about it. It almost felt like God was telling me to back down, and it just took me a while to listen....but I did. But during that, I felt like I told God that he couldn't fix my M, that it was done, but I didn't like the way that felt. The optimist, the believer in me wants to believe that my M can be salvaged. The realist in me looks at an ugly, ugly situation and prays for it to be over. However. Just over. I am meeting with my pastor Monday to discuss this stuff, and we'll see how that goes.

So believer, to answer your question.....

I think that MB has given me a great outlook on things, and the means to handle this in whichever way it turns out. I am stronger physically, emotionally, and spiritually than ever before in my life, and I am thankful for that.

But I am stuck in this huge, gray limbo, confined but free at the same time. And I can't figure out how to get out of it......

Ethan

EA D-day was May 27. PA D-day was like July 5 or 6 (hm, repressed that one didn't I). I am happy to announce that I am actually feeling great. Whether or not my ww comes back, I now know that I will be ok.

I have made some huge changes in myself and she is seeing them and has commented many times on them. She is afraid that they are only temporary so she is too nervous to come back to me yet. She is still with the om but hey, I can't do anything about that, only look at myself and how much life has to offer me.

Thanks MB'ers for helping me with my changes.

D-Day was 5-13-04, she first told me that she wanted a divorce and a few days later she told me about OM. I had wonderd for when ever she spoke of work she spoke heavily of him. Apparently the A started 1 month after she started there.
Found out today that she met with OM at her appartment at lunch today to tie up loose ends.(I have a birdy across the street) This is what she is telling me anyway. I don't care that they met just the fact that they met this way. Why not a phone call or letter? Shes telling me that there is a lot of unanswerd question here. What is unanswerd, he lied to her and to his W. What more does it take. I was just starting to feel like she was being trueful with me again and now this. DANG I was doing so well. Now I feel like I'm back were i was two months ago. I am putting all my heart into believing her with this, but I really don't know anymore. Am i reading to much into this or what?

Hey guys,
I haven't posted in days. Really down in the dumps most days. I'm happy to hear that some of you are working through this, and just as sad as the rest of you that aren't

D'day Jan. 5, WS moves out Jan.11, calls me to go to dinner beginning of June. June and July were wonderful months filled with intimacy and what I thought was recovery and bonding. We felt so close, or at least I did.

3 weeks ago on a sunday we woke up and made love (WS was spending weekends here in our hous with me, weekdays at her apartment with me occasinally). We then proceeded to look for properties to build our new home on. Did our everyday things, ate dinner and went to bed after wine and conversation.

Monday morning we left for work. Only spoke wuth her on phone monday and tuesday nights, the usual I love you and good night. Wednesday no call. Thursday 8 a.m. the call... I think we need to talk. She came over that night and said things like.... I really tried to get back the feelings but they're just not there/ I can't fight the feelings I have for OM/ I'm in love with OM/ there is no spark left between us/ I really, really tried, I'm sorry....

Just like that and she flew off the next day to be with OM. She spent 2 weeks of her vacation time with him. That was 3 weeks ago, she is back now and hasn't called me once. Not even for financial matters. Here's some things I heard from her mom (after 17 years, my mom too)...

- WS is happier than she's ever been
- OM is so wonderful
- WS is learning to golf with OM
- WS hopes her and I can stay friends
- this is the right thing for her
- WS doesn't like being alone in the apartment
- WS wants to have a child (we never had a child but were just discussing it this year, she thinks I'm against it but I want it just as badly as her) I don't know why she thinks what she does.

Then her mom asked me, " if this turns out to be a fling, are you going to be there for her when it's over?" Mom knows how much I love her daughter and the whole family. I told her that I'm trying to be strong and I will wait this out as long as I can. But I carry so much pain with me every day. Mom cried and said that she believes WS is in love with me and OM and is confused. Mom told WS she will support her in any decision if WS is happy. Thanks mom...

Joe