Believer-

Yes, I try to do things I enjoy (or used to enjoy...).
I'm exercising.
This afternoon I went shopping. But it's depressing. I really miss my wife, we always enjoyed shopping together. So I'm tempted to think it makes me even more depressed when I do fun stuff we used to do together by myself. I rushed back home because I was about to break into tears on the street.

About anti-D's: I live in Holland. Over here the "regular" doctor just cannot prescribe AD's like in the US. Only when a psychiatrist has diagnosed you with emotional depression, then you get AD's. I went to my doctor a while ago and I got 10 pills of Oxepam (valium-type?). He could only prescribe 10 pills a month.

We posted at the same time. Gee, is it true you can smoke pot there, but not get Anti-D's? Strange. The anti-D's really work.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> Does she give you any clues about what was wrong with the marriage?
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes: she does not feel sexually attracted to me.
Loves me, but not like husband. I became more of a brother/friend to her. Don't know if it was all "fogtalk".

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> Does she have "issues" from childhood?
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not that I know of.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> Does she work? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, she has a good job. But it's not the job she would like to do for the rest of her working live.
She makes more money than me. She has a masters degree. It's at her job where she began the EA with the first guy.

Okay, so the marriagebuilders plan is 6 months in Plan A for husbands. After that, time for Plan B.

But it worries me that she tells you that she is going to sleep with BF. What do you tell her?

She does not know that I know about ex-BF.
I saw an e-mail where they were describing what they were about to do with each other... yuck.
It was very explicit. I have not confronted her with it, because she moved back out thursday (same day when e-mail was sent/received)

Okay, if you have done a good Plan A, might be time for Plan B. Where is she living?

She stays with her sister.
She stayed with her sister for about 8 weeks( since mid June).
During this period we went on dates together. Things kept getting better. Then we went on holiday together for a week (Aug 2-7). Just before the holiday she told me she wanted to move back with me. She did after our holiday. But it lasted only 3 days (she left again on thursday).
Because she's doing these things (flirting with other men, planning to have sex with ex-BF), she gets confused and tells herself: "if I loved my husband enough, I wouldn't do these things". ?????

I think it is time for Plan B. Women don't like a weak man. Time for you to stand up for yourself.

Hey Dutchboy,

If you’ve been reading the concepts in this forum, you know that part of plan A is exposing the affair. I hope there is some way to tell her you know about the BF and how much that relationship hurts you. Also expose her affair to your family and mutual friends while telling them you want to save the marriage. You don’t want to come across as hateful and vindictive.

Have you already done these things?

Hi Believer and loyals. I got home tonight - many many miles behind me.

Getting away was not always fun. Out of my routine, I often felt lonely, and spent lots of time reliving some of the more painful moments of the last few months, feeling many of the same sensations of panic and grief. Tonguing the toothache. But some of it seems more expelled now, and I do feel I may carry a lighter load tonight.

And tonight my funky bungalow looks beautiful to me, and I feel something good, not sure what it is.

I have lots of bad thoughts about the sparrow. It's venting again - I see her as low-rent trash in an expensive dress with a good haircut who pretends to have an aristocrat's accent, sniffs wine and nods like a pro. Like I said earlier, this should be an eventful week.

Believer - I have a question about whether, and how, you're documenting how "not living together" WH and OW are. OM and car4love are going to be comparing affadavits in court this week. Hers says he lives with the sparrow, his says he lives alone. Now - has anybody talked to a lawyer about photographic evidence for cases like this? We know the sparrow stays over with some regularity, we're just not sure how often. If her car is there at 6:30 every morning, doesn't that pretty much mean she lives there? How about her permanent mailing address. Hm, think I'll look that up too.

GC

Thanks for the site believer,

I'm going through hell at the moment. W is having an affair with a work colleague and we work for same company. I have just posted a longish message on my topic " how much more pain?" under General Questions II and I am wiped out. I just need your prayers and support. I'm falling off the cliff. Help!

Hey Dan,

I'm not an expert. As a matter of fact I could use an expert (like believer). I've been in pretty much the same situation as you are.
Luckily for me, the OM/coworker is not working with my WW anymore. She wrote the NC-letter etc and I've been in plan A ever since. Well it's hard for me to give you advice. My situation seems to be getting worse, so I don't know if I've been doing all the right things.
All I can say is try to be patient, just hang in there. Come over here to vent or ask for help, the people here are really supportive. You're not alone. Yes I know: it doesn't take away the pain, but at least you know there are people over here who sympathize with you and your situation.
I'll pray for you.

Dutchboy

<small>[ August 22, 2004, 07:50 AM: Message edited by: spinning the drain ]</small>

Dan, I'm shooting all kinda positive stuff atchya.

I know exactly what you're going through. I'm a little behind on your situation, because I've been away, but you must avoid glomming onto your W right now.

In general, WWs don't sit on the fence and carry on with divided loyalties the way WHs do. That means that when Ws become wayward, they find that to keep functioning they must choose loyalties immediately. When that happens, and they shift loyalty to OM, no matter how attractive or appealing you may be, you become a repulsive nuisance.

It happened to me, and it seems to be pretty common here at MB.

So know what you're dealing with. You have very little power right now, except over you. Expose the affair, become a lighthouse, and start learning to improvise.

GC

Dan -

It is really bad when you all work for the same place. I guess the MB principles say to expose the A at work, but that won't be much fun.

Dutchboy - Have you figured out something to do to keep from being bored? Hope you are doing some things to take care of yourself.

Graycloud - Welcome back. About the "not living together" thing - I know that they are living together, and have been for a year. Yet he still denies it. OW's husband and I talk a couple of times a week. She is not living at home. Her car is at HW's house overnight and I have lots of pictures.

It doesn't even matter in California, but it just bothers me that he continues to lie. Oh well. WH is coming over today and we are going to try to hammer out a financial agreement.

Thanks believer. For my D it doesn't matter either. My wife could be servicing city workers in my house during her lunch break and it would still not matter.

But car4love is preparing to contradict things in OM's court affadavit. It's a custody battle. Hopefully her lawyer has given her some good advice. The sparrow lives with him, if not officially, then at least practicallly. car4love said that OM returned their DD, and her ponytail was secured by one of the sparrow's hair ties. That really got to her.

Good luck with WH, believer. What a tool.

GC

Tell car4love to hang in there, and get as much as she can from this guy. Hopefully she will go to court pregnant. What in the world can the sparrow be thinking?

Graycloud - finally saw your picture, and you are very good looking. If the sparrow continues to the divorce, the ladies will be all over you. I hope you won't fall in love in the first week. That happens to lots of men here.

You are doing very well by keeping busy and having your own life.

Believer looking back I did Plan A for 6 months but there were LBs aplenty, marriage conferences, counseling. We have been seperated a month, she came over for sons birthday party yesterday and we both cried, went back to her sisters had a talk on phone, said she would call back and she didnt. Called her last nite and said I was tired of playing games does she want to work on us and she said yes, also said funny how we only talk on Saturdays because your checking up on me to see what Im doing, said she was leaving to pick up her sister at work and would call me back never did. Ive been dealing with lies for 5 years and Im tired of it, custody hearing tommorrow.

It's just a good picture believer. I'm much uglier in person. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

car4love is just starting to show a little. The judge in their case is a woman, and car4love's lawyer likes this judge quite a bit. I'll probably hear from her after their hearing on Tuesday, and she's going to start working on a plan to get photo evidence of a shack-up, if her lawyer advises it.

I'm going to a dog show today, to try and find my breeder and possibly meet the new puppy. I hope I find her - very exciting. I need something fun to happen before this week begins. It's going to be kind of a sh*t storm. I'm ready though. Lay it on me.

GC

<small>[ August 22, 2004, 01:07 PM: Message edited by: graycloud ]</small>

Good Article that had a positive affect on my own personal case. You might check it out.

http://www.troubledwith.com/Web/gro...amp;sssct=Other%20Things%20to%20Consider