Dear Faith,

Is this the only place he can get a job? I mean even if he has an interview, at the risk of losing his family, is that what he is willing to risk?

Think about it. Your WS sounds like he is ready for a mouthful of cake. U @ home and GF ready and waiting. Don't mean to make you upset but he is playing you both right now. R U playing into his hand?

Let him know this interview does not make you feel safe. If he must go, you go with him. If he balks, you have your answer.

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by noodle:
<strong>I think being physically in her presence would send him straight back into a full blown affair in which his heart and mind belong to OW.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">....unless it doesn't.

He may have built her up to goddess level given faithinme's Plan A performance. She must be one hell of a woman to draw him away! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Could be, that after this "separation", up to his expectations she can't live, hmmmmmm?

Works in mysterious ways, the fog does.

Yoda

WAT..yeah, I see your point..

and I agree in the long term...but I think it would be plan B and not a weekend visit [see orchid mouthfull of cake] that would do it.

I think she is hoping to avoid plan B

He just barely..only began to withdraw little itty bitty pieces of his heart from OW and return them to their rightfull owner....even so much as to feel guilty about having SF with his wife because his mistress would be betrayed by it. This is a serious full blown EA/PA in which they plan to marry..and even after he changed his plans he still felt the need to contact OW...I'd say exposure to her is a risk, a big one. Especially if it is just a few days. Right back to square one is what it looks like from here. Just one hit from his drug and all her months of work *poof* and then having to plan B anyway....

I'd bypass that and go straight to plan B if he insists on going. Just my .02

nood - I agree completely.

My point was simply that predicting he'd get totally re-consumed is not certain. faith's Plan A should tend to make his expectations of OW greater than had she done a lesser Plan A. A rising tide lifts all boats.

And, I enjoy your writing.

WAT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Originally posted by noodle:

I'd bypass that and go straight to plan B if he insists on going. Just my .02

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">me too... (now we're up to 3 cents)

Airport ---> fly to TexASS equals ---> Plan B black-out in my little play book.

Pep

....but I don't think all her Plan A was for nought if this scenario plays out - to his move.

In that case, OW WOULD have to sustain being a goddess......

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 04:10 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

dern confusers

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 04:14 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

I'm not particularly trying to avoid PLAN B.

I am leaning STRONGLY towards it. Right now I'm trying to sit back and look at what strategy will work best with him. It is probably PLAN B'ing him as soon as he gets on the plane. I don't have a problem implementing that strategy. In fact, I'm interested to see what lengths he'll go to to get out of it.

There is a part of me right now wondering if I ought to wait to see what happens though. He's been home from the deployment for 15 days now. By his own admission, he only stopped fighting against trying with me this last Sunday. I think I've PLAN A'ed pretty good and am wondering how long he can hold out if I continue to in the weeks following his return now that he is cracking a bit. The likelyhood of being with her resulting in a renewal of feelings is very high (although I hadn't previously looked at it from Yoda's perspective. There may be a good point there). But if 15 days of being with me could crack him, he's wondering himself right now. Those doubts will still be there somewhere if I let him come back to me and the kids.

Again, I'm still leaning strongly towards PLAN B. I'm just trying to wrap my brain around the battle plan. Regardless, I'll be keeping on track until he does leave.

Orchid - I can't go with him because of my work. I work for a school and this is my busiest time and I have unfortunatly let too much slack in the last few months to ask my principal for a leave. He is choosing to pursue this job because he has not made the commitment to truly try to save our marriage. He feels that if it does work, he can transfer to their Phoenix office and if it doesn't then he's there with her. He's padding the ground under the fence so no matter where he falls, it's cushioned.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Originally posted by worthatry:
<strong>
In that case, she WOULD have to sustain being a goddess......
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Even the goddess gets diarrhea or hallitosis sometimes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Pep

faith - I think you have a good plan - or are considering a good range of plans.

YOU may go to Plan B as soon as he gets on the plane - but he won't know this. Plan B starts for him when he gets your letter. How will he get this in San Antonio? Can he retrieve e-mail there? I mean, it IS Texas, ya know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Pony express? You get my point. What you DON'T want is you thinking he got your letter, but him not getting it. He may change his mind on the plane south - changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes? - and turn around w/o ever seeing her.

As for exposure to her chain of command - I suggest you fire the nuke last month. Since that didn't happen, I suggest you fire it as soon as he gets on the plane. Have it waiting for his arrival. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

WAT

Lets re-visit Harley's methodology regarding Plan B.

Paraphrased: He says once in Plan B, the WS will have to look solely to the OP to meet all of their ENs.

FiM, you must know you are meeting IMPORTANT needs of Dork's that I seriously doubt OW can meet. Can you name them for me?

Harley also states that when the Afairee's contact occurs, the clock starts all over, back to square one .... so I lean toward the idea that your H will get sucked right back into the FOG - thick as pea soup, BUT I also think it won't last long, only because OW will not be able to meet all of his IMPORTANT ENs long term.

In addition, you have demonstrated to your H what is possible should you both decide to recover and rebuild your marriage. He'll think of you as a safe port to dock once the fog thins out.

Jo

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 04:54 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Faith -

I would let him go and tell him that you love him, but can't make him stay against his will. Then I would set up the financial arrangements of where to mail the check.

Let him know to be sure he arrange to have all of his things shipped there, and give him a Plan B letter. Don't let him go back and forth. Mine has been doing that for 19 months, and it gets very wearing.

Be sure to tell him to line up a ride to the airport too. I wouldn't assist him at all, even if he claims to be looking for a job. He needs to be looking for a job near his family.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I mean, it IS Texas, ya know </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">UM HELLO?!?!?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Sitting down here under the beautiful TX sun, and the mailman passed by at 10:30 this morning! Pony express (snort!)!

Faith! I totally agree about the exposure to her CO. I know you're afraid of it affecting his pay when he gets out, but he's signed the $4k/mo. CS papers already, right? Then he's obligated.

He needs to realize how this is going to affect both him and her TOOT SWEET! And she needs to have a little java to wake up, too. This kid's clueless...

- Kimmy

If he's so stupid that he gets on that plane, I'm going to start praying that ox/child starts her period and has cramps that rival any childbirth...and psycho PMS. I'll pray she has PMS and cramps so bad that she has to throw up and throws up so badly that it comes out her nose! I pray that something happens and she has an odor that would choke a moose. I'll pray that her face breaks out with a huge, pus pimple smack dab in the middle of her nose-the kind that gets all red and swollen. I'll pray that a front tooth falls out and she has a "bad hair day" to end all "bad hair days." But most importantly I pray that his eyes are opened and sees what he's losing-a fine woman.

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 05:31 PM: Message edited by: jph ]</small>

Ummm, my .02 here:

I believe Harley says NOT to "use" Plan B as punishment.

I am thinking Mr. Faith might see a Plan B letter (delivered while boarding the plane to go to SA) as punishment to him for going. This would push him further into OW's arms.

Granted, she won't be able to hold a candle to the Plan A Faith has been doing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

My point (I think!) is a vote for Faith waiting on the PBL till she sees if WH is going to fall full-blown back into the A - the odds are in favor of this happening once he's back in close proximity of OW, as we all know!

If so, and after a few phone calls prove this fact, then Faith can draft the PBL, and either deliver it to him when he returns and must find a place to live, OR mailed to him while in SA, and telling him NOT to return!! Since he's obviously chosen OW (his words and actions will show that to be true).

Any thoughts on this strategy?

Originally posted by lupolady:


If so, and after a few phone calls prove this fact, then Faith can draft the PBL, and either deliver it to him when he returns and must find a place to live, OR mailed to him while in SA, and telling him NOT to return!! Since he's obviously chosen OW (his words and actions will show that to be true).

Any thoughts on this strategy?

I like it.

Pep

I like this plan too.

Faith, you have been very wise about this process and have good intuition. You will have a better idea about the timing. There is a danger you have told him he will not be welcome back if he goes to SA, but if he comes back remorseful with the fantasy bubble popped, what's the point of Plan B?

You do what you think is best!!! But have the Plan B letter ready!

Yo lupe!! How ya doin' Hon?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lupolady:
<strong>I believe Harley says NOT to "use" Plan B as punishment.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree with that statement. I don't think the options being kicked around for faithinme were comtemplating Plan B as punishment, but rather as protection for faithinme and as a consequence for his decisions.

Nonetheless, your strategy seems sound.

Hope you're well.

WAT

Only one problem with the alternative strategy. He has no need to go to SA, unless he intends to continue the affair.

Faith needs to know that he is willing to commit to his marriage and stop waffling. Otherwise, this is a deal-breaker; her lovebank will be in foreclosure and the challenges SHE would face to forgive him and let him back in would be more than formidable.

I don't doubt that Faith's WH is going to see Plan B as punishment, no matter when it is administered. That doesn't negate the fact that it probably has far less to do with punishment, and more to do with Faith maintaining her self-respect and dignity, and isolate herself from her husband's crass selfishness.

FiM,

It's Friday, and if I have my dates correct, this is the day your WH is either going to SAT or not, for his job interview (aka affair addict fantasy-fix).

Can you update us please?

Lv,
Jo