d:

While I agree that perhaps OM should be ratted on,

...why do I feel like you're just waiting for the other shoe 2 drop?

Is this good for you?

best,
-ol' 2long

I don't have to wait. If it's coming, it's coming. Indications are that something is in the works.

Is it it good for me? This bloody A and subsequent DV hasn't been good for me. This is just more fallout from the fogged out drama that my life currently is.

d:

And my point is, are you letting the drama define your life now that you're divorced?

She may never wake up. He may never be reprimanded.

Right now, you and your kids are what's important.

-ol' 2long

My drama today is a s follows: My supervisor and Asst. VP spent 2 hrs berating me for my attendance (out last week b/c son had Menengitis, also had DV Fianl DV hearing and house closing (I refinaced and had to get x off deed b4 Friday)) Even though they were in awe of the crap week I had, they did what most bosses do, they pushed the company line.
I am trying to NOT let this drama control my life. My health (hospitalized in April), job (reprimanded this year for fisrt time in 13) and relationships all have suffered b/c of their actively destructive actions of my x and the OM (calling me at work, spreading lies, revealing confidential info, sabotaging DV process, etc.)

I'm trying to beyond this chapter of the saga, but the calls and accusations and lies and blame continue. I am fighting on every level to BE level. All the while, my boys are in the middle, wondering why mommy and daddy aren't together. I may be done with the drama, my friend, but the drama, isn't done with me.


Soon enough, I'm told, soon enough....

<small>[ August 12, 2004, 10:29 AM: Message edited by: dleightonc ]</small>

There is so much that keeps (and will keep) us engaged-kids mutual friends (some still talk to both-her family (I'm close with them. Yet we don't really engage with each other anymore. I haven't spoken to her in a week and haven't seen her in almost 2. Stopped, cold turkey. Now this. I feel a weird in abstencia dynamic brewing, where I'm the faceless source of all ill that befalls her. I don't want this weird schism to affect our boys, but have no say or control of those matters anymore.

Thoughts?

d:

I think you're doing famously, considering all the crap you're dealing with. That's what I think.

There's an incredible strength that comes out in your posts.

I sure know how hard it is 2 get away from the pull of the drama. I found so many times that I wasn't even aware I was letting myself be driven by it. I still have 2 keep watch over my thoughts, particularly.

We all hear that we need 2 occupy our minds and bodies with activities 2 take our minds off what our WSs are doing, but it can be pretty hard 2 do. I go back and forth with my successes and failures 2 do these things. I think I'm finally becoming able 2 do what I need 2 do for me and my family, but it 2k more than 2.5 years 2 get 2 this point. And my W never left.

My hat is off 2 you,
-ol' 2long

Thanks 2long! I just got done doing a presentation in front of 75 college students, something I love to do. During my message, I mentioned 'my wife' twice. both times I had that pang, "not 'my wife' anymore". I left the ballroom short of breath, applause ringing in my ears, and missing the woman I've loved for 20 years. I constantly have to manage those emotions and some days, I'm not sure I"m going to make it. That's why the encouragement we give each other here is so valuable. I know it helps me in my determination not to let someone who rejected me control me from afar.

I'm only days into this Divorce and seperation, but I'm holding my ground: no contact with her until I'm ready, and until she can speak to me with respect. I'd rather my children not see us communicate than to see her resentment and my reaction to it. I find it's the hardest thing I've ever done, but I'm doing it.

Thanks again

<small>[ August 12, 2004, 01:38 PM: Message edited by: dleightonc ]</small>

.

I got more work drama yesterday about my absences. My behavior these last months is going to be hard to shake. I am looking forward, but the events of the A and DV continue to dog me. I'm sure it'll get better with time, but it seems to take so long sometimes.

Just a test of Faith.

<small>[ August 14, 2004, 01:19 PM: Message edited by: dleightonc ]</small>

Well, I got word back that OM got the letter as well a his dpartment. He shared the letter with WxW and she became afraid that OM would leave her b/c of it. She said that he said that if he lost his job, it would only hasten his move to our city.

"Nothing can or will keep us apart" she says. which is exactly the response I (and everyone here) expected. Their response encourages me in some stange way. it reminds me that this extreme behavior is not due to some fault in me, but rather a result of the situation. It also encourages me to stay away, as she is so gone right now that I risk losing both my respect for her and esteem for myself.

She spent a lot of time, I'm told, countering every point in the letter, which tells me every nerve the writer(s) wanted to hit were hit. And of course I get blamed for it all.

I pray for the strength to stay away from the fog bank that is her life.

Ok, dleightonc.

It's time to make your friends be part of your boundaries, instead of holes in that are letting in the tide.

They are to be absolutely applauded for their help in getting the message out. We want that, and more of it. Good on 'em.

NOW they've got to stop letting info get to you about your WW and the drama in her life.

It's time to heal, and grieve, and remember how to do your job and raise your kids and do fun things like mow the lawn and rant at the weed eater for working the way weed eaters do.

The very best things your friends can do now are to NOT TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS.

You'll bring it up plenty on your own (trust me on this one; I certainly did). Tell them that it's totally fine if they listen for the 15 seconds or 15 minutes that you need to talk.

And tell them to spend that time looking for ways to distract you and get your head focused on other things.

The weirdness in your WxW's life is not something that you should be looking at. All it'll do is make you feel strange and send you back into your own special brand of BS fog.


Now.... about this work drama. My work was unbelievably understanding about the horror that was my life last year. And eventually, they had to sit me down and explain that yes, I really do still have to do my job and they're not paying me to ignore the things I'm supposed to be managing.

It was the first "lecture" I'd gotten in nearly eight years with the company. I'm a corporate officer, among other things, and it wasn't easy on any of us to go through that.

During my lecture, I nodded and agreed that I hadn't paid as much attention to something as I should have and asked a few specific question. "Pay more attention? Focus more on work? Make sure I'm available when I'm not here and here as much as possible? Got it, thanks. I'll do my best. Anything else? Ok, thanks."

Afterwards, my boss was apparently convinced that I was already planning to leave because I took it so calmly.

But reeeeeeeeally, gents. I've been to hell and back -- what's a gentle work lecture in comparison to that? It's going to take a lot more than that to rattle my cage.

And you know, I've been open to the possibility of a new job for nearly two years now.

Whatever happens, dleightonc, you are in charge of it now. There is no direction to go but up, and even though there's still a lot of dirt falling on you from above, in the end it will hasten your climb out of your hole. Just tamp it down and use it for traction.

You are right, J. My thoughts are greatly affected by all of these news reports of my WxW exploits. The Drama can be crushing. I will work on ME and leave that other stuff alone...

.

So? What are you going to do for YOU?????

I am going to meet new friends, some that have nothing to do with this epic. I am going to learn a new skill, perhaps a martial art or new language. Something challenging. And...I am going to write a book! I've been toying with the idea for a whil and I think it's time to move forward. I will research and pray on a good topic (so many in my head) and get to writing.

I shall do this while continuely ficusing on improving my essential self and getting to know me (I've never lived alone before DV). Sounds like a full plate, no?

My attorney called today. Seems that the entire management of OM's Homeland Security department got the letter. Now, a full press investigation is underway. My WxW is accusing everyone of sending it, the OM may lose his job after all and my L wonders if OM will want to sue.

I'm surprised that a man who apparently defrauded the government would want to sue those who exposed his inappropriate behavior. Still, no accountability. I'm so tired of the drama. I hope he and she go on into their fantasy world or end it. Either way, leave me out of it. Don't create enemies and cry when they strike back at you. Don't expect to public rewarded for destructive behavior. Is this why they call it fog?

The epic saga continues.

What is a 'full press investigation'?

Your W is accusing everyone of sending it? If that's so, why the 'full press investigation'? Doesn't everyone know already. More babble. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

As for the OM, he wants to sue for....... defamation of character? He already did that to himself. Can't defame him more than he already has done to himself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

L.

The Department of Homeland Security is investigating the OM. THEY are the ones doing the 'full court press'. As I understand it, they are checking the veracity of the accusations (guess who may get called?) and reviewing his records, logs, etc.


As for the possibility of a suit, it's not libel/slander if it's true; besides I may think the guy is a @$^&*#@%!, but I didn't tell the whole U.S. government about it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Sure all that other talk? Babble, Babble, Babble. I now clearly see the value of Plan B. There's only so much of this stuff one acn take.

Still Dark.

d

d,

I've pondered this for a while but I thought I'd offer this up. I work in a "Command" that is involved in combating terrorism abroad but have a friend that is very involved in the management and personnel actions of Gov't employees that make up our Homeland Security. It wouldn't take much for me to query this with them. Keeps you "out of the loop" there.

Don't know if it would do any good but the offer is on the table.

God Bless

d_rose:

That would be great! I would like to know what's coming down the pike. How can we hook up?