2B, No. I will approach OMW with her pastor.
NCW

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ncwalker:
<strong> Today NCWalker has:
- Drafted exposure letters to be given to our neighbors and their neighbors as well as the
elementary school and gyms. So that the "village" can help with the "addicts." They can easily meet during the day, now that there are no children home. Will review these with MC
before issuing to make sure they are not vengeful. May post them here for your input.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">NC, How could sending out letters to your neighbors, OM's neighbors, the elementary schools and gyms NOT be considered vengeful no matter HOW they are worded?

You know, putting up posters on telephone poles would get more people to "help" you watch your wife. Maybe you could take her to a tattoo parlor instead and have a big, giant scarlett "A" tatooed on her forehead. An electronic bracelet would work too when you stop and think about it. What you are thinking of doing is on the par the above. Geeze.

For God's sake are you trying to rebuild this marriage or destroy it once and for all? Humiliating your wife publicly is not going to bring healing, what are you thinking???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

First, it's all kinds of excuses as to how you need to "protect" your wife and now that she's flubbed up again partially due to YOUR lack of common sense action, you are doing the most vindictive sounding thing I have ever heard on this board. Unbelievable.

Reconsider this NC, it is not a wise move if you want to regain RAP's love. I think I originally used the "village" term to you but it was meant as a word picture only not a literal suggestion!KB

2B: Do not worry. I would not do a step as important as this in haste. I will not have my wife with me when I tell OMW, it will be her pastor with me. RAP would be a slap in the face. I faced OM to "hide" this for RAP and that was hard enough. Got me nowhere. I would hope RAP would be willing to talk to her if she wanted, but not without me there.

ML: Suppose that the OMW "doesn't want to hear" this information. School is now in. OM works evening shift. My house with RAP in it. No kids. OM off work. I was already burned by that situation. Not again. Perhaps if this recent betrayal had not occurred, I would not feel so strongly that this was a risk. I would ask, is not RAP a grown woman who knew the risks she was taking? He will not be in my house again. RAP HAD the opportunity, several times, to end this with "minimal exposure." She opted to NOT take that route. If the neighbors know and she has to face them and it is because of me (though in truth, indirectly because of HER) is that something she cannot forgive? THIS MUST END. I would only inform the neighbors with RAPs consent, but in my current mindset that is going to be we inform, or you go. Her option to go live with my dad is STILL open. It makes her "uncomfortable" because he knows. Sorry. At this point, I have to protect my feelings. She has utterly disregarded them.

NCW

<small>[ August 15, 2004, 05:52 PM: Message edited by: 2B Us Again ]</small>

<small>[ September 30, 2004, 11:19 PM: Message edited by: ncwalker ]</small>

<small>[ August 15, 2004, 05:53 PM: Message edited by: 2B Us Again ]</small>

Yes, it's a BAD IDEA. I'm glad you recognise this. Gossip will do some of the work for you anyway because OMW may confide in her girlfriends or people at the gym may get wind if the guy ends up getting fired.

You are going to talk to management there, are you not? Coed gyms are NOTORIOUS as pickup places but they still generally don't like the help screwing the married ladies. Bad for business and all that. You could make a real stink about it since you have word he's already with another member, especially if she also turns out to be married.

Oops, did I get RAP confused with BV? I always get those two mixed up. If it wasn't the trainer skip the gym part. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

OK. I understand the sentiments about these letters, but I am getting the feeling that you all think I am talking about posting these things all over the neighborhood. I am not. And I am not saying I am running out right now to do this, I have just considered it and posted my thoughts here. It doesn’t even have to be a letter. It could be a conversation with me, OMW and some selected individuals. THAT’S what I mean. Not running around willy-nilly with a fistful of posters and a staple gun with a wanted poster saying “Have you seen these two…”

I am not talking about making 1000 leaflets at the copy center and distributing this like some psychological warfare operation. I am sorry if it came across that way. In more detail my plan is to…

Tell OMW. Find out what SHE wants to do. If the OMW and I feel that it is necessary to enlist more “eyes” to watch these two then we would…

Approach a few people at the gyms our WS attend. Like the managers. So that they could help us watch. My wife hooked up with this guy in a gym. He is a trainer. He has done this to other people and has moved on to ANOTHER woman from the gym. At the very least the gym managers need to know because of what the OM is doing in a professional capacity at these gyms.

Approach a few trusted people at the school. People I know. Our WS met at the school to go somewhere and have their fun. This last meeting occurred at the school and someone who cared about me saw and told. A set of eyes looking out at this location would be helpful. Not the whole school, people I would be comfortable telling.

Approach a few neighbors who would be home during the “danger time.” Ask them for help keeping an eye out. Not spy, but let us know if there were strange comings and goings.

Neither family has any family in the town we live. If the OMW and I can’t manage this ourselves, is it wrong to enlist the help of a few SELECTED individuals?

Sorry. I did not mean to get everyone in an uproar over this and should have posted more carefully. Now. With the rewrite, let’s try again. Good idea or bad?

NCWalker

ncwalker, can we start just one step at a time? For example, tell the OMW NOW and tell the gym now. Please just get that done ASAP without forewarning her.

Depending on the reaction, you could then consider going to a next level and telling some key friends. I really hope that telling folks out of your circle won't be necessary.

I agree with Melody. NC...I know you are the plan maker...but one step at a time buddy. Baby steps. No need to drop a nuke when much less will get the job done.

And you are underestimating the impact that OMW will make. That is a BIG disclosure.

Say a serious, serious prayer, and step into phase one with OMW, her preacher, and the OM's boss/the gym.

Does your preacher know? I would solicit their help and spiritual support as well.

I am praying hard for you.

Get in the spirit NC.....you know this....

See you in the concert hall.

ML

I am taking this one step at a time. First find pastor of OMW. The arrange meeting with pastor, OMW and me and I tell.

Give her some time to figure out what SHE wants to do. *IF* she and I feel it is necessary to add some "eyes" to this, then we would enlist people in our circles for help.

Yes. Staged. All I am saying is I have drafted some letters that I am taking to my MC for them to review to see if it makes sense.

Easy now, y'all. I haven't gone crazy. I just posted what I accomplished today. [B}Drafting[/B] a letter to REVIEW with my MC.

I guess my question of involving some others will be answered as the time comes. Sorry for the disturbance over all this, please, go back to your scheduled programming.

NCW

<small>[ August 15, 2004, 05:53 PM: Message edited by: 2B Us Again ]</small>

LJB,

Thanks. You did hit the nail on the head. These ARE drafts. I am running on feelings. In three days I will look at them again and say "Boy. Did I really write that?" (Don't you wish you had the ability to do THAT in an argument. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )

It will be one step at a time. But now I have boundaries. I am communicating them with RAP - one step at a time. This is the last inning, however. I won't suffer another betrayal. No matter how small. NO CONTACT is NO CONTACT.

NCW

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ncwalker:
<strong> LJB,

Thanks. You did hit the nail on the head. These ARE drafts. I am running on feelings. In three days I will look at them again and say "Boy. Did I really write that?" (Don't you wish you had the ability to do THAT in an argument. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">whew! ok, folks we can relax! The ship has landed! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Mel,

It never took off. I am just starting a flight plan. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I have been praying for you all night...have you felt the freaky, wacky (said in all reverence and respect) Spirit vibes???

Hang in there dude.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So you returned the favor?

Yes. I actually have felt it.

I am at work. I have been scared to go home. The demons were in control - the emotions.

I once had a migraine long ago. 12 years or so. Had to go to the hospital it hurt so bad, and my threshold for physical pain is pretty high. Never had one since.

All this stress brought the "memory" of that pain back. I still remember it after 12 years. I am on my own steam as far as stress because of a med I am taking. Been so caught up in the mix I have neglected praying. And this headache has been eating at the back of me wanting to get in.

It's gone now.

KNEW someone was praying. Just didn't know who.

NCW

STILL waiting for my brother in the concert hall to get back up to the stage.

You are a front row concert-goer, NC.

And that pisses satan off. Piss him off worse by calming down, knowing God has it under control, and getting all praised up.

You can do this. He will help you. He is showing you the next steps. Trust Him to have laid out a path before you. He has numbered your steps, NC.

That sure is a comforting thought, huh? :-D

NCW,

I think its great that you are finally setting boundaries that you can accept.
Yes, NO CONTACT means NO CONTACT.
THE END!!

However, I am concerned about you posting this strategy and letting RAP in on all of this BEFORE you actually implement it.
Its very possible that she will contact the OM and warn him (so he can lie and prepare his W to not believe you).
Just be ready to handle that betrayal should she do that. It really does happen quite often.
Just a warning.

Next, IMO a slight over reaction might be happening over whom you choose to tell.

Just as its your decision to tell or Not (in the first place), its your choice to decide whom to tell..... Now that you are finally Prepared for exposer.

Please just don't let this small backlash stop you from informing the OMW.

At the bare minimum she MUST be told.
(Guess the rest is up to your discretion).

Honestly I Don't think I'd go to all the people you have in mind, but I do understand and see your reasons for it.
Again a judgment call.
At this point I'd rather see more exposer then say.....NONE!

However, if I have your story straight (and I may not be 100% on all of it)
then you should go to the Human Resources Department of where this OM works.

That is IF: Your Wife is a "paying" member of this business.
If this OM is an employee of said business.
If the OM used this place of business to start and then continue an A, with
a known married "customer".

Remember that your $paying$ the bills there.
Businesses hate to have ANY bad publicity.
They also hate any thing that affects their pocket book.
In addition, the customer is always "right".
The owners and management Want to keep you happy.

If possible, Don't go to the manager or others "in house". (They are most likely buddies or at least close colleges).
The HR Dept. is paid and trained to first investigate and then handle these types of issues. Let them DO their JOB.

Simply tell them that an employee has acted "inappropriately" towards a mother who simply came to their establishment to improve her body image.
There she was mislead & seduced. (Hey play up the whole stay at home, shut in mother, low self esteem, ect,.)

Besides you don't know if he's had any complaints against him before or not.
If he has, maybe all that's needed is your story as further corroboration to get something done.
One accuser may not be enough, but a second or third strike....
If not, at least your "facts" are out there so HE now knows that he can't just strut around with impunity and Do as he pleases.

If some of the other H's whom he's done this too had come forth, perhaps YOU wouldn't be where you are Today?
All it takes for Evil to flourish is for Good Men to stand by and DO Nothing!
You are a good man. So.......


Bottom line: He " abused " his position, that they intrusted him with. Let him DEAL with the consequences. ( Instead of YOU ....For a change!)

After all, YOU did warn him Man to man(??) and face to face, DID YOU NOT?
Then he "F'd" up didn't he?

He's also most likely doing this to other unsuspecting Mothers.
Leave him there...knowing this... and then get a good nights sleep? hhmmm

Boils down to this:
You gave him a chance.
You gave her a chance.
YOU don't owe this A any MORE Chances.

Lastly, Good move in changing your Plan. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> (That's why they call it experience).
later

<small>[ August 11, 2004, 06:02 AM: Message edited by: top rope ]</small>