I currently feel like I have a fairly good handle on the business end of this right now. OM is clearly feeling very guilty and is scared of me right now. To continue my golf analogy, consider OM like a Tiger Woods type and the partners of the local offices (like me) more like your local golf pro. I am in sales and we do get most of our high end clients with help from guys like the VP. The upper management guys don't really sell the product itself, but rather sell the brand and help each of up with individual projects/clients.

One of my clients (the OM helped me land originally) is starting a very large project in partnership with another person who is a client of our top competitor that is out of my area of expertise. So another sales guy needs to be pulled in to help make sure we get the business.

It is a touchy deal in our company when an existing client crosses product lines and their normal rep isn't necessarily the right guy for the project. However there is at least "finder's fee" sort of stuff like that. OM is in the middle of the negotiations with the others in management on how this will be handled. I've been copied on all the correspondence and OM is campaigning hard for me to get a big piece of this deal. Selling it as, we need to educate and give some of younger guys exposure to these deals for the future good of the company.

Anyway, right now he fears me and is working for me. I don't want to upset the power I have over him right now. That's part of why I am afraid to contact OMW. I'm not sure she can keep our contact quiet. Maybe it will help, but maybe it will backfire. If you push someone hard enough, eventually they will attack you back.

SO I think I have a good control over the work side of this. It's the home part that I don't seem to have control over right now.

I will see a lawyer though. I called a couple right after D-Day, but never met any. It all happened so fast from D-day to WW saying they were ending the A that I never got to it.

I do believe the A is over right now, but there is occassional contact right now which I understand makes it very possible for it to start again. WW tells me about some of the contact, but not all of it. But from what I can tell from emails I've seen is that the majority of the contact is from OM talking aobut how tough OMW has been around the house. While it may be lies, I can see OMW acting this way because I know her. I just want her to understand Plan A because right now she could be the anti-Plan A!

WAT,

Our sport is a small, though very expensive one. It's almost an everybody know everyone type of deal. The MB name would put you in a ballpark, but a very big one. I doubt you are a customer. Odds are against it given the size of our market.

There is water involved woth our sport, but I chose Nemo because it's my daughter's favorite movie and I've seen it about 1,000 times!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Nemo16:
<strong>OM is clearly feeling very guilty and is scared of me right now.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He ought to be scared of you. You can rock his world both at work and at home.

Have you looked him straight in the eye and told him to stay away from your wife? You do this with confidence and strength and then you will REALLY take control.

Have you brought up a no contact letter with your wife? This has to happen. If she resists, this means she's not serious about the affair being over. At most, it would just be a pause.

I still think you should contact OMW immediately for the reasons previously stated. If you're still reluctant to do this now, at the first indication of continued contact between OM and your wife, you HAVE to contact OMW to expose on that side as well as go after OM in the workplace. Doing nothing in this case results in nothing happening.

WAT

A simple yes or no will satisfy my curiosity: Will your company have a rep in Annapolis in October? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WAT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Nemo16:
[QB]

Anyway, right now he fears me and is working for me. I don't want to upset the power I have over him right now. That's part of why I am afraid to contact OMW. I'm not sure she can keep our contact quiet. Maybe it will help, but maybe it will backfire. If you push someone hard enough, eventually they will attack you back.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't believe he is scared at all. He is still in contact with your W and is rubbing your nose in it. You need to give him a little scare.

Now, if you stood up to him by contacting his W and giving him a nice little phone call that you will be staying in touch with his W and will notify her of any future contact, I betcha he WOULD be afraid of you and he would stop contacting your W.

You might also tell him that you plan on sending a copy of his emails to his W and the Pres of your company if you even FEEL he is thinking about your W, that might wake him up.

You have all the power here, Nemo, for some odd reason are not using it to save your marriage. Grab him by the short and curlies and PULL before he does it to you.

He has no honor and certainly no respect for you so you had better cover your back in a big way. This is the kind of guy who will take you out if given an opportunity, and you are giving him LOTS of opportunities by playing MR NiceGuy with a SNAKE.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by worthatry:
<strong> A simple yes or no will satisfy my curiosity: Will your company have a rep in Annapolis in October? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WAT </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">yes

So, all I have to do is figure out which company I suspect?

You know I'm on to it, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Please address Mel's post.

WAT

I agree with ML..

Screw him to the wall so tightly he can't wiggle out.

Too small for an HR dept? [lays head on desk in shock..small doesn't mean that it isn't a multi billion dollar buisiness..that's a lot to lose over a pesky legal issue] Seek out someone who specializes in buisiness law before you tip your hand. Make your decision to report, and how based on what will give you the greatest leverage. VP's who give the company bad press are indeed expendable unless his daddy owns the company. [winks] Remember..if it works as a viable threat..imagine what it can do when executed..if you have a leg to stand on, do it.

WAT, you are onto it for sure.

RE: Melodies take, she could be right, but I don't think so. I will reexamine the sitch though to be sure. I have had a private conversation with OM. Basicly told him "thank you" for his decision to stop seeing my wife. Made it plenty clear that I thought he was a total scumbag, but more because he did it to his family than mine. I blame my wife for going outside our marriage and his wife should blame him more. Here's one of my problems with OMW right now, I get the feeling that she blames WW mor than OM.

Anyway, in the conversation, I told him that I wanted to be able to work together and maybe even laugh about all this one day (OK, I know that won't happen), but that if it didn't stop I'd be forced to do something that we'd both regret. I hold some pretty strong cards against him right now, but once I play them, they are gone so I think patience is key.

Right now I'm in a "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" mode, but I do have him on a short leash. I'm a fairly non-confrontational guy, so the day-to-day plan A stuff isn't too hard for me, but I do have to watch out for letting stuff slide.

I'm just looking to have OMW get him to want to stay away rather than pushing toward WW, which I fear she may be doing.