hi to anyone reading this <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

i just wanted to bump this back up to try to get the attention of rose or tryng or roman or 2kidsmom (are you there??)

how you guys doing?? are you reading and memorizing? I have NOT been putting as much time into this as I would like to be, push me along here guys!! (or am i pushing both myself and hopefully you guys?)

anyway, it is friday, i wont be posting over the weekend but i wanted to say HI. I continue to recite the 5 benefits (I do believe I have those memeorized quite well). And I continue to think about each obsitcle. I only have about 2 verses memeorized from the main passage we are supposed to memorize. I think I might want to move onto Part III shortly.

are any of you with me???

rose, hope all is continuing to go smoothly at home. check in sometime.

Hi FL!

Sorry I've been neglectful. I haven't read anymore or memorized anything. It's nothing personal - I also haven't read or done "homework" for another study I'm in at church (using the book _Lord Change Me_ written by Evelyn Christenson in the 70's).

I'm totally going to play hookey today and go "junking" at thrift stores. One of my favorite ways to relax. I'll get back into reading again real soon and hopefully have something to post next week.

Meanwhile, still on my job search. I found a position to apply for a couple days ago. Wish me WISDOM (I need wisdom way more than I need luck!).

Have a great weekend!

Sincerely,

Rose

hi rose, good to hear from you. i certainly am NOT taking it personally, no worries!!! i'm just doing some friendly nudging here, more for myself than anyone.

i know you already have the wisdom you need inside you so no need to use up any wishing for that!!! but, if you really want it, i will send it anyway... but saying "good wisdom" just doesn't sound the same as "good luck" see what i mean???

have fun junking. enjoy your weekend <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

I’ve just read Chapter 5. The theme of finding satisfaction in God reminds me of the verse: Matthew 6:33, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” A lot of the emphasis in that chapter in Matthew is on the satisfaction of physical needs, but Beth concentrates on spiritual needs.

Either way, I’ve often felt like that verse should be one I strive to live by. Beth writes, “A crucial part of fleshing out our liberation in Christ means allowing Him to fill the empty places in our lives.” I think if we could do that all the time, we really could be content, no matter what happens to us. I’ve only heard and read about people who were able to do it consistently, though, never really met anyone. LOL.

We always want to take our problems back and try to fix everything ourselves. I wish it wasn’t so hard to put God first. Beth writes that the way to be satisfied by Him is “by God’s love, His Word, and His presence” (40). It’s easy for me to understand that we get closer to God by spending time praying, studying scriptures, and worshipping, but I have trouble being disciplined about taking time to do those things.

Since I’m currently not working (outside the home, that is), it’s too easy to mope around and feel sorry for myself. I’m really going to make an effort to take better care of myself spiritually as well as physically. Daily morning walks, Bible time, and prayer time. I’ve made this commitment before, but here I go again!

How is everybody else doing?

i'm really struggling today rose. I don't understand why. OM is in my head and i can't get him out. strong urge to call him just to see how he is (and, as long as i am being honest here, to see if he is thinking/missing me). this has been happening more lately. so far i have been successful in getting my mind on something else when it does. how long will this happen? i hate to post this here, i hope no BSs are reading this. I know it is very unsettling.

it's been 2 months of total NC with the final message from me being very strong of "THIS HAS TO STOP" on 7/13. i've posted here that the times i have been in touch with OM does NOT impact me, does NOT put me back to square 1, but i think i was just fooling myself. for 3 yrs, this person was in my life. this is the longest stretch of time that we have had no contact and i am admitting this here and now, it DOES impact me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> i wish it didn't. i'm sad today.

FL -

So sorry to hear of your struggle, although I DO understand.

One time when I was fighting myself over thoughts about FOM, I kept praying "Why do I keep thinking about him? Why? Why? Why?!" Suddenly I heard the answer, "Because it feels good to think about him, whereas your marriage doesn't feel good right now."

Very simple answer, but it makes a lot of sense. We turned to FOM's in the first place because it felt good, as opposed to whatever was making us feel bad in our M's.

(I immediately realized that the good feelings from thinking about FOM were pure fog beginning to try to creep back in on me, however.)

Our M's are still a source of pain and problems (especially now, trying to recover), so it makes sense that our minds would turn toward thoughts that have the potential for making us feel good again. What doesn't make sense about it is that FOM's can be nothing except a source of further pain and problems, probably even worse than the first time.

Hang tough, FL. I know you know the drill...distract yourself with whatever works. Break all your fingers if you have to. Just kidding...choose only healthy options!

BS's would advise you to call your H instead. I wouldn't advise telling him you are thinking of FOM (although, again, BS's might), because that would just upset my H, which usually makes everything worse at my house.

Concentrate on the positives of your M. Pray for insight into yourself. Also ask for help seeing FOM as the person he really is, and your past R with him as it really was (and then be prepared for a very ugly picture).

God could zap us and change us in a second, but he chooses not to. Maybe it would kill us if He did that. Maybe it's a test, maybe it's just residual reaction from withdrawal to an addiction.

In any case, we have to shlog through this recovery the best way we can, and sometimes that means gritting our teeth and resisting temptation as an act of our will, and it won't always be easy.

On the other hand, I took a Yoga class this summer, and one thing the instructor told us to do was to let thoughts pass through if they came to us, but not to dwell on them, and to stay in the moment.

Take deep breaths, know that we are on a long road. Forget FOM, forgive yourself, and try to concentrate on the tasks at hand today.

Lots of hugs and prayers,

Rose

<small>[ September 14, 2004, 02:37 PM: Message edited by: Rose55 ]</small>

Rose,

THANK YOU!!! your post was wonderful. you are right, very simple answer. I know it makes no sense, I know further contact with OM would be nothing but additional pain. But knowing that in my head just does not seem to be enough.

my afternoon has been good. very busy. at lunch i went for a bike ride (brought my bike to work) it was excellent.

now i have to dash cuz i have a Dr appt.

thanks again for you post. it helped a great deal. I'm really glad I posted how i was doing.

FL -

You're welcome! I'm so glad my post helped. I thought about you and prayed for you throughout the day. Tomorrow I'll be away from my computer, but I'll check back in when I can.

Keep on keepin' on.

Later,

Rose

Hi Rose,

I am doing much better today. thanks.

I am really hoping tonight H and I will have time to relax together. He was up at 5:30am to golf though so he may not be in the mood to give any attention. I already told him last night I was needing some attention, even if it is just for us to just relax a bit with no kids, no tv and play a game of backgammon with music on.

Thurs night he is going to go out with a friend, friday he has a golf outing that will probably go late, sunday he will be gone all day (5am-11pm) to go watch a golf tournament in Detroit (we are in chicago). If I don't get some of his attention tonight I think it will be harder to deal with all his other activities. I don't think it is asking too much to want his time tonight.

thanks again for being around yesterday.

Hi FL

I'm editing this from what I had written yesterday. It was kind of a vent, and I'm worried about my H reading it and feeling worse, even if I agree with everything I wrote. LOL. Things are testy enough around here already. I didn't write anything he doesn't know, I just didn't want to rub it in. I think he doesn't read here, though, because being here emphasizes the bad memories.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking about looking up a Christian MC Center I've heard about. H has agreed that we need something more than what we've done already.

Later!

Rose

<small>[ September 16, 2004, 06:42 PM: Message edited by: Rose55 ]</small>

bumping up....

how you doing Rose?

Roman you around anymore?

anyone else out there reading this?

i have not been taking time to read. I have no good reason for that. first i get to thinking i will read right before bed but then once the kids are in bed, i like to just be with H. then i get to thinking, i should read first thing in the morning, but i don't seem to get out of bed early enough. I have to be out the door by 7:20am which includes getting daughter up, fed, lunch made and dropped off at school.

anyway, i am bumping this up to see if I can stir me and/or anyone else up again.