|
|
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842 |
O, yup, I think we are all sea sick from my horrible life right now! That made me chuckle! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I am making the appt on Monday, not sure when i will get in though....any online paperwork I can file for now???
He SAYS he does want to stay married, but because of the circumstances he wants to be in touch with OW...yea right! That is why he was with her all night, and probably with her at the conference!
I believe him that he wants to work on the marriage, but I have given him MY boundries and if he cannot stand by them, then so be it...
I have gone round and round with this OC...I can probably accept this OC but with that comes OW, THAT I cannot accept! I also do not want to expose my children to this situation...
Well, I started this post over an hour ago..got a phone call from a friend...forgot what I was going to say now....
Thank you so much for al your support!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 2,956
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 2,956 |
How about some hard questions for you... How many times have you "kicked him out" now? How many times have you "attempted" Plan B? How many times have you just taken him back in with a "this time is different...I can feel it"? How long is this Plan B gonna last before the next "he's serious this time"? You are spinning your wheels and running on emotions and drama. Yes...I am a thorn in your side. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Do something to stop these cycles...only YOU can. JMHO committed
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 3,342
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 3,342 |
Mom, you wrote "I believe him that he wants to work on the marriage." Please look at that statement YOU made! Mom, you talked to him on the phone yesterday and he was with her. Your pain and anger came through that phone line directly to his ear. If he wanted to work at the M, at the very least, he would have run his sorry butt home to be with you. At least to give you more pathetic lies to keep you strung along. What did he do? He spent the night with her.
Mom, I really want to hug you here. What makes you even think he wants to work on the M? Words are so cheap.
I'm going to tell you a real story now. About 19 yrs. ago, when my cousin was 42, her H had an A. She was totally committed to saving her M. She has 4 kids. At the time they ranged in age from gradeschool to HS. She took him back at least once, but he ended up leaving her and Ming the OW. She was devastated.
Her H was a real scumbucket. He totally screwed her financially. She was able to keep the house. She had always been a stay at home mom so didn't have a career. It was tough. Fast forward about 3 yrs. She went to a support group at a church, I think a grief group, and met this man. He had lost his W to cancer and had 2 kids. About 3 yrs. later they married. He is the sweetest, most genuine, kind man. A thousand times better than the H she had.
And what about the scumbag exH? Well he and OW are still married. Three of his adult children have no contact with him because he is still such an A%%hole. He used one child as a pawn. That child works for him and is totally screwed up and unhappy. What do all of the children think of cousin's new H? They consider him their father. New H's kids have children. They consider my cousin their grandma. She has been married to new H for about 15 yrs. I look at her and I know there are happy endings.
Have hope mom, but don't waste another second in the fantasy that your H will get out of the fog anytime soon. CV
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842 |
Ok, everyone! I hear you all! I have to take this one step at a time! Please! First step, I got a new phone today and he will not have the number! I was in and out of the store in 20 minutes. After I give out my new number to the necessary people, I will turn my land line number OFF and just have it for messages for people who do not have my cell number! I am contacting my lawyer on Monday to make an appt to set up all the paperwork. That way he HAS to have his kids for visitation...no if, and or buts! I am trying to get back to as normal life as I can for my boys! I took them to see Yu Gi Oh today <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Now I am REALLY confuse! What the heck is this stuff my kids are watching <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I am going to make out a menu and try to cook for them every night. Anything to get them in a routine! I am going to keep going to see my MC even if he does not show up! that is his choice...not mine! I would rather he didn't personally, then I dont have to see the SOB!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
He does need a phone # to reach you in case of an emergency or pickup info, etc.
You can leave msgs for each other but with 3 little ones some convo is inevitable.
L.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842 |
Orchid, I didnt 'change the home number or my "other" cell number...I just turned it to silent...so if he needs me he knows to leave a message...but he wont call me...I know his pattern now...he is too chicken for one thing...he is so fogged out, he can live his life the way he wants to...I am out of it now!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
Thought you had a back up plan. You are just an organized lady and now you are on a mission!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Hugz,
L.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842 |
Orchid, You are the queen of reverse babble! What if he calls and leaves a message saying "I have really ended it with her, can we work this out" What do I say then?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083 |
"I have ended it with her."
My response would be, "Have you prepared a resume, so that we can move to Seattle, or Indiana, or some other area and have a fresh start for our marriage? As soon as you have developed a new practice far far away from here, we can talk about our future."
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842 |
oooh, I like that one! I think I'll use that one! I was thinking also "oh really, call someone who cares"...but I think that is an LB <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> But really I am not planning on talking to him anytime soon, unless he shows up at the MC session on Tuesday morning, which I am not counting on it...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 378
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 378 |
Hi momto3boys....i was thinking about you today when i woke up. Just wanted to say try to have a good day, I know this all sucks.
A/C0810
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842 |
Thanks A/C...I was just reading your latest thread! yes, this all does suck!
something has happened to my husband! On Thursday morning he was so nice to me on the phone! He was friendly, loving, caring..he even said when he hung up the phone..call me if you need anything! I will be there for you! he also said that he was going to take care of things once and for all (meaning end it with her)
then Friday night he was so distant (she was with him if you recall).
I know what you all are going to say....he is telling me one thing and her another! I know, I know! But I just keep playing it over and over again in my head...She is threatening him with this...
Well, what he doesn't realize is that paying child support to ONE child isn't anything compared to child support to THREE children! HA!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 378
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 378 |
hi mt3b....yes it sucks. At least your one step ahead of me, My h says he is happy with ow and has no intentions of coming back.
Right now i am going nuts, i am trying to plan b, and he keeps emailing me, saying we need to talk and gets things organized (bills and such).
My head wants to explode.
thanks
A/C0810
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by momto3boys: <strong> Orchid, You are the queen of reverse babble! What if he calls and leaves a message saying "I have really ended it with her, can we work this out" What do I say then? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Aawwwhh mom, I would love that status but then I'd have to wear a crown of LBs. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Ok, well when he calls and leaves a message, this will allow you time to compose a good responnse or no response. 1. You could just not respond and let him stew a bit. He does hold the $$ over your head but you can secure that end if you need. 2. .... or you choose you can respond that you have heard those lines before and they are getting quite old. You have no idea what is means in actions and if you see justifiable actions you will 'think about it'. End it not on a sarcastic not but a light one. You may have to practice this a few times before you use it. Don't explain what you mean. You have done that enough already. Let him figure it out. The more he dwells on it the less hold the OW has on him. If you do this, be prepared the OW may then start digging in her claws. She probably feels she has him by his balls and now wants territorial rights. Play it cool, let her think that. Then at the right time you will have the opportunity to bury her as the OW once and for all. Well maybe not that quickly, though it c/b. This A stuff is sooo unstable. But you know the ropes. I am sure you will be fine. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Hugz, L.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842 |
Thanks...He did call, but not to say he ended it! Not expecting that one at all! he left a message... WH: "uh, yea, I need directions to the psycologist office cuz I dont remember how to get there and if you expect me to go then I need to know whrere it is..you can fax it over to me..ok, thanks, bye" EXPECT him to go <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I dont expect anything from him now! NOTHING! ARGH! I am not even sure I want him to go at this point! Why should he? Just to dig the knife in more! I was thinking of faxing the address and writing on it "I dont expect anything from you anymore WH, but if you want to show up that is up to you" What do you think? he was cold on the message...Just like the old him...surely he doesn't think I am to blame for his unhappiness and that his affair is blowing up and becoming a little reality show on his end...Oh how fun to be taking care of a brand new baby! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I w
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 478
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 478 |
Hi M23B, I was just reading your thread...have read a few others and I am appalled. You are one tough cookie! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> As far as the message on the machine about going to the counseling....I'd say tough sh*t if he doesn't know the address. Let him find it. If you call him and he goes it will be more crap from him that means nothing right now...if you don't give it to him he'll blame you for his not going (of course) but that's just his lame way of making it your responsibility. And it's not. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> You are in a tough spot girl. You sound mad enough to make it work this time...keep up the good work...and take care or yourself... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842 |
Thanks married...you know what...he says it is MY FAULT that he went back to her cuz I kicked him out on Sunday! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Well, and the REASON I kicked him out on Sunday??? Because he was still in contact with her! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> BUT, it is MY fault! he really does not believe that I will go to a lawyer thsi week! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> He has another thing coming! OK, all bets on! Who wants to bet Dr. WH calls me this week and says he has ended it??? Anyone? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 478
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 478 |
I ain't gonna bet against you on that one...I think you are 100% right. I'd like to be a fly on the wall when you say, "Don't need to hear it anymore, doesn't matter, same song second verse (or tenth verse), yada yada yada, blah blah blah, don't want to hear it, actions big boy cuz your words don't mean anything". Of course if you are in plan B, then I guess you don't need to say anything at all. He can talk to the machine. If it ain't about the kids, he doesn't get the pleasure of hearing your voice. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I'm mad at my H today so maybe it's easier to vent about yours...sorry if I'm too brutal...I know you're in a tough spot...and doing great I might add!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 605
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 605 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by momto3boys:
<strong>...you know what...he says it is MY FAULT that he went back to her cuz I kicked him out on Sunday! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Gosh, I must have missed something on the evening news. So God has taken back free will from humankind, huh?
Oops! Sorry, a wee bit of sarcasm slipped in there.
Now really! The man only has two choices? Either living with Mom or living with OW? Yeah, right! Grow up, Dad! You're a doctor, taking care of peoples' lives and you can't manage your own? Your wife is controlling your life?
<shaking my head in disbelief and disgust>
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ISGirl: <strong> Gosh, I must have missed something on the evening news. So God has taken back free will from humankind, huh? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dont worry ISGirl, I think I missed the evening news too! I know I should really accept the fact that he wants to be married to me and live in the same house as me AND be involved with OW...What is wrong with my way of thinking and my morals <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
413
guests, and
734
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,528
Members72,060
| |
Most Online8,273
Aug 17th, 2025
|
|
|
|
