My WW met the OM on an adult website called F*******e. The site has had problems in the past with underage users because of the fact it is basically an adult site and XXX pictures can be accessed (albeit you have to pay for that privelage.) On the OM's profile two of his buddies are 13 year old girls. He is 34, 35 this year. His 13 year old buddies are described by the site as *****es.

My Wife and OM moved to a similar site called F*******y when the first site experienced hacking problems and could'nt be accessed for a while. During this time OM posted semi-explicit photos of his penis. I showed several friends these pictures.

A couple of weeks ago I found out that the OM was sleeping in the same room as my Wife and Son at my In-laws. My wife was also letting the OM take my son out unchaperoned. When I told my wife I wasn't happy with these developements and that she didn't know the OM and was risking our son she was very defensive. I told her that for all she knew the OM could turn out to be 'unsavoury.' The next day both of their profiles had been emptied but not deleted from the F*******y site. The penis photos were gone.

Should I tell all of this to my solicitor. I've printed out their profiles on the first site but didn't have the opportunity to print out their profiles from the second site and as a result have no evidence of the penis photos apart from several witnesses.

Also is there any way of recovering the profiles and photos from my PC? I saved them to favourites(Ha!!) but only get the changed profiles now when I click on the links. Is there any chance that the pages I originally viewed might be stored as cookies???

Thanks.

Tell/show everything to your solicitor. Including print outs of your posts here.

WAT

No child should be left in the company of anyone who gets their kicks from exposure.
Get your child away from him immediately.
Primary role now PROTECT YOUR CHILD. Your wife is seems incapable of thinking rationally as a mother.

WAT is right, give everything to your solicitor asap.
Tell your in laws with proof. Tell the police also.

This is not about betrayal to you anymore, this is a very real potential danger to your child & other children this "man" encounters.

Recovery of files - sometimes stored in 'temp' folder, go Programme files, Windows, Temp

Good Luck Man, Get Your Child to Safety Fast.

Struggling, I have read your other posts and appreciate your resolve.

You are to be admired in how you are handling yourself. You are lucky that son feels confident and comfortable to confide in you, well done for the positive stuff to him re mum.

I know the above post came with Alarm Bells Blazing and I mean it, RED FLAG, big one, this other man is a Flasher now, what will he be in 2 years or more time.

Is there anyway you can make your in Laws aware of what he does for recreation, without making it seem as if you were making up a story to discredit him?

They may have been unfaithful adults but that does not make them reckless towards children, there must be a feeling of love & protection towards your child from his grandparents, appeal to that, in his best interest.

Rgds K

Do what is advised NOW...this is no longer about you or your wife......this about protecting YOUR child. Get a protection order right now!!!!
In fact I would have your child examined if your lawyer says this is ok...but you need your lawyer now.

As for recovering the files take your PC to a local PC repair shop and have their techs do it, they are the experts and could give evidence if required.

How could you NOT have taken action on this????

What does it take to sink he is a CHILD PORNOGRAPHER
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My WW met the OM on an adult website called F*******e. The site has had problems in the past with underage users because of the fact it is basically an adult site and XXX pictures can be accessed (albeit you have to pay for that privelage.) On the OM's profile two of his buddies are 13 year old girls. He is 34, 35 this year. His 13 year old buddies are described by the site as *****es.
My Wife and OM moved to a similar site called F*******y when the first site experienced hacking problems and could'nt be accessed for a while. During this time OM posted semi-explicit photos of his penis . I showed several friends these pictures.

A couple of weeks ago I found out that the OM was sleeping in the same room as my Wife and Son at my In-laws. My wife was also letting the OM take my son out unchaperoned. When I told my wife I wasn't happy with these developements and that she didn't know the OM and was risking our son she was very defensive. I told her that for all she knew the OM could turn out to be 'unsavoury.' The next day both of their profiles had been emptied but not deleted from the F*******y site. The penis photos were gone.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Stop what you are thinking about/doing, if you wish forget about your in laws it may be too much time & grief right now.

Take your PC to the nearest Police Station now this minute, Let the Police do the file search.

Bring your son with you if you have him today - tell him you have something to sort out for work.

Do not tell anyone what your doing just do it.

There is a specialist Police unit tracking sick [censored] like him. This is way out of the ordinary persons league, hand it over, the sicko will be behind bars, his works etc raided, & life as he thinks he knows it destroyed, do it NOW.

Think of the Soham Cop, this is a sick, psycho Get on with it, Get your pc into the hands of the specialist police unit now.

I am shaking as I type, stop wasting time, other children are at risk too.
Just DO IT!!!! Go to the Police Now!!!!

Struggling, if your son does get molested, who will be to blame? The molestor or the parent who put him in the hands of the molestor? It's all on YOUR HEAD, my friend.

You tell us you told your W he isn't to be alone with the pervert and that is supposed to be enough. Are you kidding?

Struggling, I fear that if you are so far gone that you would even allow your boy in the same house with a pervert, that there is nothing we can possibly say that would knock some sense in your head.

I feel sorry for your son that he doesn't have a MAN for a dad. This boy is going to end up molested and he will have YOU to thank for it.

Does anyone wonder why his son CRIES all night when he comes home from his little sleep in's with this pervert?

Listen to Ktulu,

Take PC to police station immediately! "two of OM buddies are 13 year old girls" are you serious, and you haven't gone to the police yet?

Then go see your attorney about an order being put in place to keep him away from your son.

Weaver

Sorry for not replying earlier but I've been out with Son to friends.

Please don't even think I'm a bad father because I'm not. I would take a bullet for my child without thinking twice.

I arrived back home and read the replies to my post and started shaking like a leaf.

I have given my son the all important talk on what to do if somebody touches him in a place that makes him feel uncomfortable.

Melodylane, bless you. My son has indeed cried himself to sleep on a couple of occasions since my wife left. I have my sons full trust, I am his friend and confidante and I know that the reason he has done this is simply due to the shock of his parents splitting up. We have talked and talked and talked. I pity my wifes decision to leave me but I still trust her implicitly to protect my son. She has always been present when the OM has slept in the same room as my son.

I need to give you more details before I decide what to do.

I'm not sure if you are allowed to post links to other sites, if you're not then I apologise.

The facts.

The first site is www.facewhore.com

It is basically a dating/meeting friends/community site for adults. I classify it as an adult site because you are allowed to post explicit pictures on it. You may have to pay to see them but they are there. My wifes profile has a couple. The two thirteen year old girls in his buddy list are legitimate members of facewhore. I do find it very strange that 13 year old girls are allowed to become members of the site when it does carry adult content. They may not have access to see it but it is there. There is a possibility that they have lied about their age though. A lot of other members have. Some list their age as 0 or 99.

The second site is called www.faceparty.com. It is basically a sister site to facewhore, Same type of content, different owners. Again adult pictures are allowed but not accessible unless you pay to see them. Again I qualify that as an adult site. When facewhore was down for a couple of weeks the OM followed my wife to faceparty. My wife already had a profile on their with my knowledge for the past year. She has met good buddies in the past that she has kept in contact with. The OM created a profile on this site using the same username as he used on facewhore. At first he used pictures from his profile on facewhore on this new profile. Later he changed the main picture to a webcam photo of his penis. There was one other photo of his penis which was accessible when you clicked on his other pictures link. I say the picture was explicit because you could clearly make out what it was. You didn't see all of his penis, only his pubic bush and shaft. (sorry to be so descriptive.) Now faceparty will not allow obscene images to be viewed on their site unless you pay to see them. This picture was never censored so I guess they didn't consider it obscene.

I did confront my wife about this. I never mentioned that I had seen the pics, my main concern at that time was that she was allowing a complete stranger to sleep in the same room as my son and take him out to BurgerKing without another trusted adult present. I did tell her that for all we know this man could be a pervert or a peadophile. The next day both their profiles had been emptied but not closed. I don't know if it was a coincidence or not. Since the OM moved in with my in-laws they have no need to liase on the internet. He's got what he wanted.

I was concerned enough to ask my sister to contact her social worker and explain the sistuation. The social worker advised me to express my concerns to my in-laws, as my son was currently living under their roof. I did this through a very neutral but friendly letter. I did not list my concerns, only that it involved my son and I wished to meet face-to-face. I also told them I would not have a problem with my wife being present during the meeting. I recieved no reply.

I do understand all your concerns. My sons safety and protection is paramount. To call this man a child pornographer is a bit strong I feel. The explicit pictures were on a different site to the one where the 13 year old girls were on. Yes they could have followed him to the other site and it would have been easy for them to view the pictures, especially as the OM used exactly the same username on both sites.

I am devastated at losing my wife but I do not want to jump to conclusions and ruin another mans life. For all I know these pics could have been taken in all innocence and without foresight. IMO they are having a very lustfull affair and I'm sure they COULD have been taken to impress my wife.

I will take official advice on this though.

I will visit the local police station and ask them if they believe I have cause for concern. At the very least I have legitimate cause to get them to do a police check on the OM.

I will mention all of the facts to my solicitor and see what she recommends.

I have searched my computer and cannot find a trace of the pics but I do have 4 witnesses, all mutual friends of my wife including one of her best friends who can testify that the pics existed.

As for making my in-laws aware of this, I'm sure they would only think that I'm being bitter and out to destroy their daughters new found happiness with her soulmate. I will persist and make sure they know all the facts though.

Also some of you may be wondering why my wife had profiles on these sites with my knowledge. My wife is an individual and I have always trusted her. I have never contolled or told my wife what to do. I have treated her as my equal and she of me. She has made some good friends in the past of both sexes and has never given me reason not to trust her. Unfortunately for us, she had never come across a man who set out to seduce her.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by StrugglingToMakeSense:
<strong>
Melodylane, bless you. My son has indeed cried himself to sleep on a couple of occasions since my wife left. I have my sons full trust, I am his friend and confidante and I know that the reason he has done this is simply due to the shock of his parents splitting up. We have talked and talked and talked. I pity my wifes decision to leave me but I still trust her implicitly to protect my son. She has always been present when the OM has slept in the same room as my son.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not Melodylane, but just wanted to offer another viewpoint on what your son might be feeling.

Yes, he’s going through a lot seeing his parent’s marriage in turmoil. And yes, he trusts you, his dad, implicitly.

But there is also a level of protection that a child feels towards their parent. Kids think to themselves, “Dad is going through so much – I can’t put this on him too!”

There may be no way of knowing for sure what this OM’s sexual inclinations truly are. But anyone who’d connect pics of young girls with nude pics of themselves on a site geared toward “adult connection” – well, my caution flags are up…way up.

It is not unheard of for pedophiles to prey on women with young children. From what I understand its usually single women but still…

Hi DadsD and thanks for replying.

Throughout all of this I have been totally honest with my son and I believe he has been totally honest with me. He knows how much I'm hurting and I've told him how much I know he is hurting. He has only seen me crying once and that was at the confrontation stage when I spent a night at my in-laws. I have not cried in his presence since. When we argue and he deliberately tries to upset me I tell him not to even go down that route. I will not cry in front of him like mummy does. I will be strong for him no matter what happens. Trust me, he knows this. He may only be 7 (and a half) years old but he is very, very perceptive. When I gave him the 'bad people are out there' talk he said 'yeah...so what. Why are you telling me this?' When my sister talked to her social worker she told her to tell me to keep an eye on my sons behaviour. Watch what he draws, what he says, how he acts etc... I have been very vigilant.

I will carry through everything I mentioned I would do in my previous post.

I am a responsible parent even though my wife may not be at the moment.

Most children do not tell their parents when they are being molested. They are very ashamed and often they are told NOT TO TELL. And most often they DO COMPLY.

Struggling, you don't need a "professional" to tell you that your son should not be around OM. He is an unfit person and that is an unfit environment. If you do need a professional to tell you that, then it is YOU who needs the professional help.

*YOU* are the one who is held ultimately accountable for the welfare of your son. You can't blame the "professionals" or the "law;" the buck stops with you.

There is nothing responsible about allowing your child to be exposed to this sleazy character your W met on an internet sex site. That is irresponsible.

You realize that you’re expecting a 7 year old child to react with the emotional maturity of an adult. To trust you, to speak up when something is bothering him, to be able to thrash through these very adult and mature issues and handle them. That’s a lot for a 7 year old.

So what that he’s only seen you crying at certain times. For a child going through this – tears mean very little in the overall scheme. He knows – he knows more about what’s going on than you realize. And he’s feeling a different level/type of trauma and stress. You don’t cry in front of him like mummy does. Great. But what does that teach him? Remember he’s learning just as much from you as he is from her. Not crying just to not cry is not the lesson you want to teach. Its ok to teach your child that expressing sincere emotions is ok. Healthy even. If you’re in pain – so is he – and maybe you need to cry together. Maybe he needs to do that with you. Maybe he needs his dad to show him that there are strength and healing in tears - not just weakness and insanity. By not crying “like mummy does” you’re teaching him that there is only one meaning and purpose behind tears. Be careful with that.

I believe that you are a responsible parent. I have no doubt about that. But even the most responsible parents make mis-steps in relation to what they think their children are seeing and understanding.

Struggling -

Just the fact that your young son is sleeping in the same room with Mom & internet sex boyfriend is enough for me to cry child abuse. And I'm not even talking about the sex part of it. And the fact that inlaws are allowing this type of hurtful, sinful disgusting living arrangement is deplorable.

Do what you need to do to keep your son out of that unhealthy, unsafe, unstable environment. Your wife is unfit right now.

I don't know what you can do, I just hope for your sons sake, that there are options out there for you.

Start with a visit to the police like you said. If something turns up, than you have what you need to get DS away from him.

I'm sorry if I sound hateful , but I can't bare the thought of young children being hurt by irresponsible parenting. (I'm talking about your wife, not you)

Struggling - I have read through this thread and others. I truly feel for what you are going through and hope that you DO go to the police with what you know and do whatever you can now to keep your son from this man.

Take this advise from one with experience -

*NO MATTER HOW CLOSE YOU AND YOUR SON ARE*

*NO MATTER HOW MANY OF THE "TOUCHING" TALKS YOU HAVE*

*NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU BELIEVE HE WILL COME TO YOU IF SOMETHING IS WRONG*

THE CHANCES ARE HE WILL NOT TELL YOU!!

This little boy is grieving the loss of his parents, is undergoing a huge change in living circumstances and no matter how much you hide it from him he KNOWS you are hurting. Children are egocentric and assume that everything is caused by or because of them. They also believe that they can change things that are totally out of their control. If he believes for ONE SECOND that what he tells you, your wife, a friend, a teacher - anyone - will upset people in his life more and cause more change or strife, he will probably not do it.

You are the only one who can make sure he is safe. He DOES NOT need to be put in a situation to even NEED to make a decision to tell or not.

My opinion, again, from experience......

GET HIM OUT OF THE SITUATION!

Struggling, hang in there for your son. You are his lifeline.

Focus on your child's needs. You may feel many powerful emotions, ranging from anger to bitterness to betrayal; you may even feel vengeful towards OM. But your prime concern must be your child, who, with your help, will have the opportunity to recover.

Vent your feelings to a good friend,a clergyman or a mental health professional. Never direct them to your child, whomay already be afraid and confused. Your child's response may be shaped by your reaction, especially in sexual abuse cases, in which some children tell only part of what happened, holding back the rest to see how you react; if you react too strongly, you may not learn the whole story.

Begin by supporting your child. Commend him for telling you about the 'bad' things that happen. One of a child's worst fears is that he is somehow to blame. Alleviating this guilt is of utmost importance. A child needs to know that it is alright to talk about the 'bad stuff'. Tell your child that youare glad he told you about the situation, so you could help. Be direct. Say, "I'm glad you told me," or "I'll do my best to protect you."

Be sure not to make this promise, however, unless you can keep it. The loss of trust is a major consequence of abuse, and the child needs to regainthe ability to rely on adults. Empty promises cannot do that.

Address your child's other questions and concerns. Try to allay any fears about threats he may have been told, such as he may be sent to prision, make sure he knows this would never happen.

Respect your child's privacy. Do not share the details with many people. To do somay stigmatise him, with the effects long after the crises. Tell your son you will only tell people who need to know - the people who are going to help.

Verify facts as best you can

If your son tells you of an incident, question him very carefully. You could ask, for example, "Is someone touching you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable?" Do not pressure your child and absolutely do not ask leading questions. While leading questions can help a child open up and talk about an uncomfortable situation, they can also implant your worst fears into the mind of an impressionable you child. Making an untrue allegation of sexual behaviour is neither common nor normal for a child.

A lot to digest dear stalwert father, get your head in gear please. Did you drop off that PC to the Detectives yet - they are a 24 hour service you know.

I do hope this is a case of early warning system, all the better if it is.

Rgds K

Use this site: & please give your innocent 7 year old a chance to know how to accept & reject things.

childline text kids too, in the UK 0800 1111
give your son the number & the web childline.org.uk

http://www.childline.org.uk/Whathappensifachildtellssomeoneaboutbeingabused.asp

Thanks from the kids you may save by your actions. Be brave.

Rgds K

Sorry for not replying earlier. The site was inaccessable and I had to go to work.

Thankyou for all the advice and concern. I may have been slow in digesting everything but my life has been turned upside down recently. I am scared.

But I am more scared for my little boy. The true innocent in all of this.

Wednesday morning the ball starts rolling.

I'm spending tomorrow gathering all my solid evidence (little that it is) to give to the solicitor and the social services. I'm decided against going to the police just yet. social services seem to be more experienced in this type of scenario and once involved, if they have concerns they will involve the police.

I take no joy in doing what I'm going to do. The OM has destroyed the life that I have worked so hard to build up. He has wiped out my future dreams and I am not doing this to get revenge on him.

If I'm to continue being a good father to my son then I have to protect him. Simple as that. If I'm proved wrong then I will hold my hands up and take the flack but at least my sleep will be a little more peaceful knowing I have acted in the best interests of my child.

Thank you all for your support. Despite how irrisponsible I believe my wife has acted I still love her deeply and want her back. I only hope that if things get messy one day she will see that this was never about her, only our son.

The same applies to my in-laws.

Make sure you keep us updated.
I think we can all learn from this.