Well, I'm back in my house, but it is all very weird. I can't tell if it my WW's guard is way up or if she has decided the OM is who she wants to be with and she is just riding out the time until he can get a plan together. We are still on for a date tonight, so we'll see how that goes.

Something else strange though was the following, and I'd appreaciate some feedback on it. We were trying to work out where I would sleep in the house, and of the many options she discussed was our bed, but that I wouldn't be under the sheets with her, I would sleep under a blanket on top of the bedding she was sleeping in. She also invited me into the bedroom after kids were down to talk. The discussion started to take a turn for the worse so I cut it off and started to leave. She asked what was the matter and I said it was difficult to sit and talk about something that was unreal when I would rather just be holding her close. With that she sat up and moved closer and we hugged for awhile. Then I said good night and left.

I don't understand, when we talk she seems ready to walk, but then she turns around and gives me a long hug. I know this is mt first day home since D-Day, but it ended up being weirder than I thought it would be. I think I avoided any love busters, but I didn't fully understand how difficult it would be to make any love deposits that would stick until tonight.

As always, feedback welcome

Zoomie...you are doing soooooooooo well. You see it was easy for your wife to think she didnt want you when u werent there, but now u r there u have so much more the advantage (as u found out <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ).

All I can say is that it will feel wierd. My husband got back today after 10 days away and it feels wierd to me. The problem in this situation is that you never know where you are. You just have to take each minute as it comes and remember your PlanA principles and apply them.

You did brilliantly in the bedroom. You turned around what could have been a LBing situation into a tender moment. Excellently done <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> keep it up!

Well I can tell my WW is reeling now. We have had a very pleasant and affectionate two days together. We had a short heart to heart last night while we were on a date, and what apparently is the main issue for my WW choosing to stay with me verses moving on with our kids to marry the OM is that my "track record" for the last ten years hasn't been that great. At the same time she keeps saying I have a lot of great qualities. She does recognize that we both have a genuine desire to change and grow. I'll just keep plugging away with the great suggestions everyone has given me so far and avoid LBs at all costs. It is all still very much up in the air, but I will say she has been more affectionate with me in the last 48 hours than she has been in years.

As far as the OM, he is apparently pressuring her to give me the final boot. My spouse is trying to take her time to make the best decision possible. I haven't been crowding her in this regard and she has noticed and said thank you. She is obviously not quite ready to let the OM go yet, he is her safety net as far as I see it. Should I just keep mum and hope that he will stick his foot in his mouth eventually or become so overbearing that she'll see him for what he really is?

My thinking is that its too early for you to start making any demands , reasonable or unreasonable. It might be nice to start reading HNHN together, she sounds like she might be ready to do the EN questionnaire.

She is being affectinate with you. That is fantastic. She doesnt seem hardened at all in her attitude towards you. Give her some time in PlanA, showing her what a funa nd great pertner u can be. When you have finished HNHN then go onto surviving an affair. Only then begin to discuss how important NC is.

Your wife first needs to realise what a wonderful husband and father you are.

Just keep doing what you are doing. It sounds really great!

Zoomie...how was the weekend? Whats going on?

Debbra, I have mostly good news, but I'm by no means in the clear. The first date on Thursday night and everyday through saturday went very well. better than expected. Yesterday the topic of the OM came up by my WW. Too many details to go into, but the rose colored glasses were definitely off. She got out in front of me a bit though and wrote an email to him while I was out for awhile yesterday saying she wanted to break it off for good, but then she spent the evening in torment that she crushed him and of course logged in this morning to see what his response was. Maybe fortunate for me his responses weren't too kind. I can tell she was hurt by what he said.

Anyway, I think we are going to make it past the OM here shortly and then we have to work on what got us to this position in the first place. Still several issues out there to clear up. More good news is she knew I bought Surviving an Affair. I didn't leave it out in the open because I wasn't sure she was ready for it, but she went looking for it and has been reading it on her own.

Thanks for checking in. Keep us in your prayers...we're not there yet, but so, so close. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Congrats!!!!!!!!!
You are on the right track, she is giving you signals (steps) that shows that she wants to be with you. I am sure she is insecure and confused now about all the situation but if you continue the way you are doing so far, you will help her to get more and more confidence on herself. Therefore, it will be easier for herself to convince herself that she is doing the right decission to stay with you. Sometimes it will be frustrating for you since the insecurity will come back. But be strong, you are on the right path.

Wonderful news. The fact that shes reading SAA is fabulous. It will really help to open her eyes.

keep posting. We are rooting for you!

She's really grieving today. I guess this is where it gets hard for awhile. I know it means we're on the right track though.

She had appointment with counselor yesterday. I was terrified. Counselor wwanted her to identify the attributes she wanted in a husband. I thought for sure they would mirror who the OM was. Too my delight and very much to my WW surprise, the attributes actually described me. She commented without my prodding what an eye opener it was and how it gave her new appreciation for us.

Thanks to all, once more, who have been supporting me thus far.

She's really grieving today. I guess this is where it gets hard for awhile. I know it means we're on the right track though.

She had appointment with counselor yesterday. I was terrified. Counselor wwanted her to identify the attributes she wanted in a husband. I thought for sure they would mirror who the OM was. Too my delight and very much to my WW surprise, the attributes actually described me. She commented without my prodding what an eye opener it was and how it gave her new appreciation for us.

Thanks to all, once more, who have been supporting me thus far.

She's really grieving today. I guess this is where it gets hard for awhile. I know it means we're on the right track though.

She had appointment with counselor yesterday. I was terrified. Counselor wwanted her to identify the attributes she wanted in a husband. I thought for sure they would mirror who the OM was. Too my delight and very much to my WW surprise, the attributes actually described me. She commented without my prodding what an eye opener it was and how it gave her new appreciation for us.

Thanks to all, once more, who have been supporting me thus far.

Still at home slogging it out. I return to work tomorrow. Wife is still trying to break away from now long distance lover. She has tried some half-baked efforts that have only sent mixed messages. I finally let her know that there would be a limit and she looked crestfallen. she pleaded with me not to give up on her and not to leave. She says her whole thought process is whacked based on the past year. I'm holding up okay, keeping love busters to a minimum, praying for the best. I believe we'll work it out yet.
She is going to try again tomorrow to break contact with OM. Prayers requested!!!!!!

Zoomie

Zoomie....shes in withdrawal and keeps going back to the OM to get a fix. This will not get her over her addiction <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> She is simply prolonging the pain.

Apart from reading SAA, which should help to open her eyes to the situation, i would suggest you refer her here to MB. I think that here she would get the support to help her to establish NC. here she can share her pain and worries with others who have been through the same.

You seem to be doing a fabulous job at home. Please remain patient and loving. Your wife obviously really DOES want to work on your marriage and this is such a positive thing. Right now she just needs some help over the hump of NC. Please get her to come talk to us, so we can help her out!