FNCJ I did not lie to my D. I just didn't tell her all the thr truth yet.

In truth my kids are facing a horrible time - their beloved grandmother is dying of cancer and their mom is having an affair and is behaving like a crazy person.

All they have is me right now.

My D said last night "people don't have to tell me when there is fighting because I always know".

She then asked " is it because Nanny is very ill?".

I told her about Nanny's illness and the fact that it was making Mommy worried and behaving strangely. We cried.

Then I said that one symptom of this is that Mommy and Daddy have had an argument over Karate and karate people.

I explained that I am trying to be sympathetic while Mommy is having a bad time, but that none of us can expect Mommy to behave like 'mommy' for a while at least.

She cried in my arms and thanked me for telling her the truth.

Then she was much happier, we read a book and I put her to bed with no crying.

I WILL NOT talk about the A in any detail until I am forced to. Enough is enough already. I will, as you suggest, make my WW sit in at that discussion. Right now my WW could care less about the kids it seems.

I hate her for that. HATE her. I can love the woman dearly but HATE that manifestation of her fog.

<small>[ August 17, 2004, 02:22 AM: Message edited by: Bob Pure ]</small>

Bob,

I understand what you're saying about hating her for that manifestation of the fog. In a way, a WS can be forgiven for the harm that they do to their spouse--after all there were two at the dance and not just one--but the harm that they do to their children is so much more unforgivable.

I can not for the life of me even come CLOSE to understanding how a parent could leave their children for MONTHS at a time, not care one hoot if they are clothed or fed, and then just one day breeze back into their life as if nothing happened. I can not for the life of me even come CLOSE to understanding how a parent could say in front of their children, "I will not pay a dime in child support for them until a judge forces me." I can not for the life of me even come close to understanding a parent whose actions cause their child to cry themself to sleep night after night, and yet they refuse to see the damage they are doing. Yes DEVASTATION.

I can understand if my spouse doesn't love me anymore. I CAN NOT and WILL NOT understand how a parent can act as if they don't love their own child.

(stepping down off my soapbox)

Is your D fairly articulate about her feelings? Does she have vocabulary to tell you if she is feeling sad, overwhelmed, confused, suspicious, ashamed, etc.? If so, since she is dealing with SO MUCH right now (poor little thing), you might want to give her the opportunity to talk to you about it. Sometimes just being able to tell someone that she is afraid of granny dying or she is overwhelmed thinking about losing mommy AND granny--just being able to SAY IT OUT LOUD often helps so much.

BTW...speaking of feeling better if you tell someone...how are you?? Bob...YOU! heehee <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />


CJ

FNC I am doing better thanks. Everything is still unnecessarily crap because of two peoples' unbelievable selfishness, but I am coping right now. There, never thought I'd say THAT even a two weeks ago.

my D is highly emotionally literate. We began a dialog last night that will continue as often as she needs it.