What did your letter look like? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

TR would it be to forward of me to ask you for a hug? I am in the same shoes you are (almost). WW fog lifted then dropeed again last week and now she is asking for a separation.

sounds like your pillows need a break and you need a hug...i know i do....

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

My Plan B letter:

Dear WH,
I feel that we need to seperate at this time. I ask you to respect my decision. I cannot go on like this with the OW in the picture. Until she is out of the picture I feel we cannot rebuild our marriage. I want to rebuild our life together and will be here when you are ready to do so. I loved you the day I married you and still do to this day. Our marriage is importnant to me and hope that it is to you. I will be working on myself and being strong for our son.
With all my love,
BS

This isn't the exact letter but it's pretty much what I said in a nutshell!
Did I do it right?????

So, did I do the letter right?

TR,

I think it sounds fine. You addressed the important points.

That you were working on yourself.
That you wanted to work on Marriage.
That contact with OW would have to stop.

You maybe should have added why you needed to separate at this time. Mainly because his behaivor was hurting you and driving all of the love you have for him out of you. You treasured that love and were trying to shelter it from his behaivor.

Also, since there is a DS involved. Maybe a go between to arrange things. To keep him away from you, from hurting you. From telling you how much you deserve to be happy while at the same time putting another knife in your back.

TR, I'm no expert. Haven't even done a plan B. Went straight to plan DV. Lucky me.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Chin up.

Just a husband...
I could use a hug. I'm sure you could too. My poor pillows!!! This is the hardest thing I've ever gone through but I am strong and I know I will be ok in the end...either with my H or with someone else.

Tom Joad.... I guess I probably should have added more but didn't want to make it too long. He would have just disregarded it if I went on too much.
I hope that he gets the point and will respect my wishes.

TR,

You like me. Make it short and sweet. Did I say sweet Ughhhhh!

Short and to the point anyway.

Do you work? Is he supporting you during B.?

Actually I had left my job in May so that I could spend the summer with my son. I am now doing a cleaning business with my firend. I have one big job and a few small ones for now. My H is paying most bills but I have to take care of my own stuff. Nice of him huh??? My cell phone will be cut off in a few days until I can pay it again. I should be able to take care of that next week. I would think that he would want me to have my cell so he can get a hold of our son. Who knows!!!! I will make it though. I am strong!!!
I am starting to hate my H...is this normal for this stage?

im open for hugs of any kind right now....


The letter sounds good to me. I think i will steal it.....

here is a funny one....

she just went to the drug store to pick up a script. a 5 min trip and she was gone an hour. When she came in i didnt say anything. she right away started saying that i drected her to the wrong store. She even spoke to the drugist before she left and asked him which store. I asked what he said and she told me the correct store. Then i said, why would you go to the wrong store then. her answer:cause i didnt hear him......i walked away....

then she comes to me again (unprovoked) and says: "im not going to lie to you" (beware of any sentence that starts with that casue you know its a lie). She says she was talking to the drugest about the xanax that im taking and that she doesnt like what it is doing to me. lol....Waht she dosnt like is that it calms me down and lets me think rationaly and not fight.....she needs me to fight to justify her own A.....The fog is a funny thing....i wish i could sell it....make millions.

Good for you for not jumping down her throat!!! It's better for me that I'm in plan B because I have a hard time controling my anger in front of my H right now. I think my blood pressure is up!
When they are in the fog they so many stupid things. My H is trying to make me feel like it is my fault that he had an A. He says that if I would have supported him that he wouldn't have done what he did. Shifting the blame!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> It just amazes me!!!!
He even had the nerve to tell me the other night that if the four(me,our son, him and OW) of us could live together that he would come home. Can you believe that one??? That is totally disrespectful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hang in there. I'm right there with ya!!!
(((((Hugs)))))))

Hey there, just checking in on you, sounds like your're doing great, as I knew you would be. You have your moments, but for the most part you are a very together lady.

BTW...I took a run over the the photo board. I must say.... with all due respect of course...your H is blind. You are so beautiful.

Don't let all his FOG let you forget that.

And those eyes your DS got...straight from you huh ?

Have a good weekend visiting. Family is always a hoot...just remind them... no A talk...this is a visit with YOU, not your M.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Thank you! Yes, my son does look just like me!
I plan on having a great weekend. My mom said they will not talk about my H at all. She wants me to laugh and enjoy them being here. I can't wait. They should get here around 10:00 tonight! Yeah!!!! My neice will be here too. That will definitely help my son get his mind off things.

I am trying hard to be strong but I do have my moments. I'm so glad I can come here to get advice and help through this mess!!!

I was cleaning my house and happen to come accross a picture of my H and I laughing together....I broke down. God.....I hate that!!! I'm trying to get rid of anything in my house that reminds me of him. It's so hard.
I start to question myself.....why doesn't he love me? What does she(OW) have that I don't? Why is he doing this?
I guess right now I just need somebody to pick me up!!!!

TR

yeah i get alot of its all your fault. "you made me do this" "you dont listen." if you dont talk i cant listen!!!

im almost having fun sitting back and laughing at the deception. does she actually think im that stupid.

Maybe i am for marrying her?

<<<<<<<<HUGSsss>>>>>>>>>> back at yah....

ps. if i hug u online are we having an online EA?

Just a husband......
no, I think it's safe to hug me online <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
(((((HUG)))))) back at ya!
I am starting to feel low tonight. I wish my family would hurry and get here. I need a pick me up! I guess I really miss being touched and just knowing that my H is here. I wish he was bask to normal and was here for me to give him a kiss and just hug him. I miss that so much!!!!!

TR, I know what your feeling. And yes, I think it is normal. I've stopped looking at the pictures. I know WW wants nothing to do with them either. I think they remind her that everything was not as crappy as she wants to believe.

Hang in there. Have a great weekend and recharge those batteries.

BTW you and your DS are a great looking family.

I'm posted under 1Flaman. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Dear TR,

Waiting for Chris' response to your short plan B letter. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

As for the WS' e-mail, it seems like the OW is attempting to control both you and your child.

I got a similar letter back in Feb 2000 from the WS. Later I found out that the OW was planting these thoughts into the WS' and he began to even talk like her. Imagine that, I had never met the OW but talked to her on the phone a couple of times. Between her cussing, I managed to see her talking style and the WS actually started talking and e-mailing like her (I also read some of their e-mails). It was spooky.

Why do I say the OW had a hand in his e-mail? Because NO parent in their right mind would ever, ever say that separated parents are better than a united family. Never would a real parent say that the child will adjust. That is just fog babble. Unless the parent is a lunatic, abusive, etc..... there is NO reason why a parent is better off away from their family. NO WAY.

So for him to babble such nonsense just shows how stupid that once intelligent H has become.

You have the chance NOT to get sucked into his fog babble.

Should you respond? Not yet. I would work on a response and hold it for a while. Let him stew and wonder whether you bought his babble. He may try to call you into a confrontation. Don't give him that satisfaction. Let your support group know of his e-mail. Watch their reaction. That will help you stay stronger.

Keep posting.

Hugz,
L.

Orchid is right! I never would have expected or guessed my own WW would say those exact same things.

I can't imagine a man being satisfied becoming a visitor to his children. Or that he thinks they'll get over it. Or that they will be better off in a "happy" home. Well I agree, they would be better in a happy home with both parents.

So Mr. TR should get busy on making his M to Mrs TR happy. DS deserves it.

TR I can't believe how far you have come in a month.

I am SO proud of you !

{{{TR}}}