H sent my attorney petition for divorce papers today, I can't seem to stop crying. I've never felt so much pain, it's one thing to hear it but to see in writing that the marriage is "irretrievably broken" is the most heart wrenching pain I've ever felt.

Do I quit now, or keep hope?? it seems pointless at this point.

Help. . .

I am so sorry!!! Hang in there! It ain't over til it's over!
I do feel your pain....I've cried myself to sleep for a month.
You will survive no matter what happens! God bless you!

At this point you look after yourself!
You can't control what he does but, you can control your reaction to it.

Are you plan B?? If not, give it some consideration. You need to protect yourself! Have you seen a lawyer? You need to protect yourself!

Notice a theme?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Protect yourself!!!

What is the hurry? I still smell an OW.

You might want to see a doctor for some anti-D's. The next few months is not going to be fun, but you CAN survive and thrive.

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I made arrangements for him to pick up the kids in the morning at a friends house, because I just can't bear to see him this soon.

I left a message on his work phone for him to call them and tell him what time.

How does he give up all our years together?? I really don't think I'm that bad of a person.

mama- You are NOT a bad person. This is all about him. The best thing you can do is take good care of yourself, and get firmly into Plan A. It is hard at first, but does get better.

So are you saying that I should stick with my plan of having him pick up the kids somewhere else, or switching back to Plan A and be nice to him? I don't think I can do that.

We have a mandaatory 90 day wait here, unless there are arguments or whatnot.

I've never felt such pain

How long have you done Plan A?

He told me he didn't love me in January. I did not start reading this site until about a montha go, after he had already moved out. I sort of did a plan A on my own, and have fixed TONS with mysefl, but I also did a lot of trying to talk to him about fixing the marriage and all that, which I think just drove him away.

The MB program is Plan A for at least 4 months. So that is where you should be. I know you are miserable right now (we all have been thru THAT), but things will get better.

You might need to get anti-D's from your doctor.

But haven't I been doing Plan A? And how do I do that when he's already filed for divorce? Aren't I setting my self up?

cm

No, my dear, you are fighting for your marriage.It will be extremely difficult at first, but does get better.

Read all about Plan A, and make the only changes you can, in yourself.

I guess I still feel like I have done that, and I feel good about my ability to make it without him; I don't doublt that.

I grieve for my children adn the fact that I still love him, but he doesn't love me anymore. I dont' understand how we can go from having a baby 18 months ago to divorce papers.

Is there hope at this point? Anybody out there get this far and still get back together?

cm

I need to go to feed my kids (they need to eat, I guess) but I'll be back

cm

I would say if you don't want the divorce and wish to save your marriage, then continue in Plan A.
IF you cannot handle seeing him presently to pick up the kids, then don't. When you can get the strength to do a good Plan A, then you deal with him face to face about the kids or whatever might come up.
I would even go as far as to say if you don't want the divorce, ask your lawyer to drag this out however he/she can.

Personally I don't think divorce is something that should be entered into quickly. Someone said you shouldn't make divorce a one step process. You should take thousand's of baby steps toward a divorce.
What have you got to loose by giving it everything you've got to save your marriage (this is assuming you want to keep the marriage)

As far as husband telling you he didn't love you in January. Please keep in mind that WS's say ALOT of things that they don't mean. He has to justify what he has done and one tactic is to negate his love for you . . . otherwise the A would be wrong. A WS can rewrite history, to accomodate the A. Strange things are said while OP is still in picture.

So? if you don't want a divorce don't throw in the towel. You might have thoughts like I have that I'm only fooling myself, that it really is over. Don't let someone else make that decision for you. YOU decide when you want to quit the marriage.

Best to you!

I still don't have proof of an affair. And his friends (who are on my side) don't really suspect one either, but of course there very possibly could be.

Still looking for people who get back together after papers are filed- any of you exist and are out there????

cm

Also, I plan on sending him a letter in the kids' bag tomottow that says that I love him and want to repair our broken marriage. Is that a stupid idea?

cm

Nope, it's not a stupid idea if you really want to save your M.

Decide what your truly want then come up with a plan to get it. You may succeed or you may not but, don't spend your life wondering what could have been if only...

I have had several people ( including H) tell me that he doesn't really think that I love him. NOw that he's filed, is there any way to show him?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by country mama:
<strong> I have had several people ( including H) tell me that he doesn't really think that I love him. NOw that he's filed, is there any way to show him? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">CM,

Listen for a minute..... any person who leaves a M w/o the other spouse knowing the full details as to why is hiding something..... something major.

Provide the distiniction between WS vs H/father. Let your H know you love your H (but not as he is - WS actions are hurtful and confusing). Tell him you are not sure why he thinks you don't love him (don't tell him you love him as is - WS' can't bear to hear that). Leave that as an open ended type of statement. He will have to think of a response. His gray cells need to move, the A has a way of sucking the life out of the WS.

Let him know the children love their 'father'. Again don't elaborate.

Get to a doctor for ADs. See a lawyer about your family's rights. Secure your finances. Get with an MC or call Steve Harley @ MB for phone counseltation.

Read Love must be tough by Dr James Dobson.

Identify your boundaries and implement them.

You have a lot on your plate right now.

Step back and take 4 deep cleansing breathes.... do this each time you feel an anxiety attack coming on.

Secure your personal support group. Reasusre your children of your love. Make their love in return part of your support group.

<small>[ August 21, 2004, 12:40 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>