Hurt and confuzed,

First, sorry you are in this situation.

Next, I must state that this isn't fair to somehow "blame" the parents.

Its NO ONE else's choice to have an A.
I hope you've gotten at least that much from this site.

Saying the parents didn't raise her "right" is very close to claiming that YOU (as the W) didn't DO, SAY or BE enough for your H.
Therefore when he strayed, You are somehow to blame. NOT TRUE!!

Its no one else's fault when someone chooses to engage in an A.
That is always a personal choice.

OW parents may very well be "good Christian folk" who would be appalled that their daughter would be involved with a MM. So let them make their own decision about how they feel about their adultery.
Acutally, who knows " what " story they are being told.

WH & OW have a relationship built on lies and deception. YOU have the truth on your side. So stick to using it.
At this point you only "know" what your WH is telling you (not your best source for info. at the moment). Hope you can agree with that.

Exposer is to help YOU end the A.
If it was something that OW wasn't at least a little "embarrassed" about, don't you think she would be flaunting it in their faces?

As far as your H's threats, almost 100% of WS make these "outrageous" types of claims.
Its always a lot of hot air and bluster.
They use any and all weapons to control you. (some times anger, some times pity, and always your own feelings of "love" against you).
Don't buy into it or your just going to be prolonging your own suffering.

Tell the parents. It can only help.
If it doesn't end the A, then you've lost NOTHING (as the A is ongoing as we type anyway).
However, if it helps, then it did what it was intended.

Almost everyone is afraid of exposer (as it is neither a pleasant nor comfortable thing to have to do).
Yet, the overwhelming majority are satisfied once they do it.
The most often heard comment is " I only wish I'd have done it sooner".

Unfortunately, With that said, coming out to parents may not be as effective as coming out to a spouse (but in any case, expose to whomever doesn't know). That is unless your OK with the way things are now.
(And of course your NOT!)

Wishing you success

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Belonging to Nowhere:
<strong>

Anyway, just to tell you - it is not Me hurting you, it is not Me being your problem...

Hope you know this after all.

For your own sake. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BTN, what you are doing is harrassing and misleading very fragile, deeply despaired people in volatile situations with your contrary anti-MB suggestions. It's completely unneccessary and this is not the time or place for it. If you want to debate the Marriage Builders principles, come over to WAT's thread addressed to you and we can help you understand them. That would be preferable to targeting people whose lives are in the depths of despair.

<small>[ August 24, 2004, 08:03 AM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

you got a bigger picture to look at..
you got a bigger issue to consider...

your husband says...

My H is a very stubborn, hard headed man - even without the fog and if he says he's never talking to me again, he won't... even if he changes his mind. He won't because his pride won't let him.

what value is there being married to a person under whom you are always under the threat that if YOU do or SAY something that he doesn't like..
he threatens to never talk to you again...
AND more concerning and alarming than those silly childish words...

is the FACT that you go belly up on that one...
is an issue YOU need to work on..

cause exactly where does that end...

Ws can now say...
if you make me write a no contact letter..I'll never talk to you again

if you make me go to counseling I'll never talk to you again....

your ws plays the victim role to his advantage...
it is your choice on how much you accept his victim status...

all of this inspite of your; response, nonresponse, action, inaction...is all of his own creation...

the burden you take of it onto your back is YOUR issue....

ark

Heh..I would expose

Talk about an empty threat. He may as well threaten to hold his breath instead.

1) He has long abandoned the marraige

2) Is actively pursuing another woman

3) Willing and able to do it in your very presence.

You have nothing at all to lose by exposure. If these principles help him to come out of the fog..well done, you may be able to recover your marriage. If honesty drives him away for good..well done, you have forced a choice that has resulted in your freedom and peace of mind.

You have nothing to fear, disregard his threats as being as duplicitous as his affections. Exposure isn't meant to have an immediate and positive effect..it is meant to cast light into the fog..and cause it to slowly dissipate as the offenders must live with the pressures of being outed. No more sneaky fun..let them pursue this great love all out in the open.

I agree...MB isn't all about couples couseling...sometimes it's about strategy. Call!! Call for you!!

--Noodle

Clarifying...

You have indeed tipped your hand ..I would still expose, but at the right time. Please do call..you need the aid of a master strategist. It's time to get out the big guns.