</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> don't think she is in contact with OM. Certain thinks have not been happening like when she was in contact. I am not getting any of her foggy talk that she was giving me before. She not telling me she feels numb around me anymore. She is becoming more open to letting me be affectionate toward her,ex. cuddling, hugging, kissing, holding hands.
Cell phone hasn't been going off 2-3 times a night, hasn't been going off at all since she broke off relationship.
She is no longer on computer at weird hours or locking doors behind her, or minimizing screens when i walk into a room like she used to.
Again if she was still in with the OM, why bother with going through counseling or any of this, when i gave her the opportunity to leave without any repercussions.
I know the whole Hot Dog in suitcase seems strange, but why would she bring any of that stuff home if she wanted no evidence?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ALL of these things (okay, not hot dogs in the suitcase, but other things) my XH did at some point or another. We actually had very passionate SF initiated by him the day before he left me to go live with OW. At that point, I truly believed OW was out of the picture and we were recovering our marriage. Boy was I surprised the next day! We were in counseling for 2 years straight while XH was continuing contact with OW. Until the last counselor we saw in the last few months of our marriage, XH denied he was still in contact with OW.

All I am saying is, from my perspective (and I am a betrayed spouse) this sounds VERY fishy. I don't understand why they would bring their own food (particularly hotdogs) on a business trip. Employment related travel expenses are paid by the employer (unless she works for some small Mom & Pop operation)

Regards,

Brit's Brat

Regards,

Brit's Brat

Noodle, LO, OS,
Points all well taken. As i said before not planning on turning radar off. I am just not going to overreact to every blip that goes by. I know we are early out of DDay and hopefully i have made it clear to her that she is going to have to work with me on trust and be understanding. Hopefully this will be the case.
Thanks for the replies.
jets

Oz...

Are they being treated like pond scum necessarily? If they dislike being examined is that due to their behavior not warranting examination..or to an attitude that ..truthfully will need to change. Sorry to say it, but there is a difference between saying....

"Look what you did ..LOOK WHAT YOU DID! "

and saying

"I am feeling insecure and need you to be willing to go the extra mile to help me"...

...if the latter causes frustration..I would be very uncertain about attempting a recovery.

Also..we supposedly are talking about a recovery scenario..not a plan A.. acute withdrawl should have been in the past tense...lingering pain should be listenned to with empathy ..but not to the point of being dishonest. I do not see it as either cold hearted or disrespectfull to listen, and empathize, but also to share your own pain. It's a time for gentle honesty, I think. Why is telling someone how I feel beating them over the head with what they have done? Are they beating me over the head with their affair if they need me to listen to their pain as well? Sauce for the goose...

I guess I don't see unfair judgements etc as ever being acceptable or a good plan...I'm sure we, in our humanity, can not always avoid them..but we can apologise..we can admit err.

I don't see how the two are necessarily connected though. You can have one without the other. You can make the same request in an appropriate manner or an inappropriate one...that too is about respecting boundaries.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jets:
<strong> Noodle, LO, OS,
Points all well taken. As i said before not planning on turning radar off. I am just not going to overreact to every blip that goes by. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi, Jets.

I am very happy for your beginning recovery.

Since I am new here with little posting history, you would be well advised to take anything I say with a grain of salt.

Old heads, you are welcome to shut me up if I get out of line.

Having said all that, I couldn't in good conscience let your posts go by unchallenged.

I understand that you are still very tender and beat up from your ordeal, and that you are tired and just want things to be better.

From an outsiders perspective, hot dogs and condiments, wrapped in a blanket set all my flags to red. So, I just wanted to ask you a few questions. I know you don't want to open wounds that are already barely beginning to heal.

Here are the questions.

1) Was the blanket yours?
2) Where did the blanket come from?
3) Was there any foliage or grass/straw on the blanket?
4) Does your wife routinely carry a blanket on business trips?
5) Does your wife routinely travel with a crowd?
6) Was she in contact with you during her trip in a way that placed you at ease with her situation?

Also consider that it is much harder to get the smell of cigarettes on clothes outdoors. You had mentioned smoke smell in one of your other posts. I don't recall if the OM smoked or if you were referring to smoky bars.

I have travelled a lot, and have been in a lot of weird situations, but hot dogs in a hotel room just doesn't seem right to me. Any time something weird happened on one of my trips, I couldn't wait to tell my wife about it. After all, it was weird/funny and I wanted to share the experience.

Jets, I don't want to cause you unnecessary worry or pain. Maybe there really is some logical explanation. If there is, then I think you will feel better if you get ALL the details. Hot dogs in a hotel room should at least have an entertaining story behind it.

I wish you and your wife all the best and a speedy recovery.
Gimble

Jets,

I read your last two posts, the one from yesterday and today's.

I don't want to unduly concern you, but I too think something is very fishy with this hot dogs, mayo and mustard wrapped in a blanket in her luggage post-trip away from home. I would love to be wrong.

I have seen hundreds of stories on here where the WS finds all sorts of ways to convince the BS they are infringing on their privacy when they "snoop".

If there is nothing to hide Jets, then she shouldn't care, no? If you are truly in recovery, she should be very willing to give you whatever you need to feel trustful of her, without making you feel guilty or like you are trespassing on her privacy.

I'm glad to see you know to keep your radar up. I'll pray this picnic in a suitcase is simply an anomaly and not fog-related.

Lv,
Jo

Here's my opinion. The FWW viewpoint. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jets, your w sounds very much like she's trying to do the right thing. It's hard not to be cynical because there is so much evidence on here of WS's changing their tactics so they don't get found out the next time.

But....I don't think that's what's happened here.

My H rang me at work one day and said I've just been looking at your cellphone bill and there are some odd numbers here. Have you been calling him again? I hadn't been, and was NOT intending to, so I asked him to phone the numbers. They were my voicemail.

It did set us back quite badly for a few days but I knew why he was still "investigating" and I accepted that completely as his right, but at the same time I was very hurt that he STILL didn't trust me when I was sticking very stringently to NC (and have continued to do so).

Of course, I came on here and everybody helped us sort it out. (JL & ML take another bow). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jen

<small>[ August 25, 2004, 06:41 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>

The WW in withdrawal is not a FWW yet. Things are still at the point where jets has to do most all the work. Being committed to the M and wanting to get through withdrawal may be the best she can do right now.

Mrs. Jets shouldn't complain about being watched carefully, but I have a feeling WWs pretty much always do.

Jets, be a good detective, but don't be an inquisitor. Try to find clever ways to get information without making a fuss. You don't always have to ask her directly for the truth (inquisitor style). But if you do, and you are pleased with your WW's openness, show your appreciation. She's repairing your trust when she's honest.

It is natural to be hypervigilant right now. It is right to feel that way. But you should try to experience some of that hypervigilance quietly and discreetly right now.

Read some books about affair recovery, I urge you.

GC